Fear, beer, love and loathing in the Lake District
Cumbria's crown jewel is arguably the definitive place to escape the foibles of everyday life. A seemingly limitless landscape that promises possibility, adventure and, above all else, escapism.
Well, at least in England anyway.
In 2020, two friends and I cycled from Snowdon to Scafell Pike and then to Ben Nevis for charity (beepity, beep, beep). Owing to its storied past, I was arguably looking forward to the Lake District section of the journey the most.
The majestic home of Wordsworth, Coleridge, Ruskin, Potter, and even Pallet. I was practically drunk at the thought of passing through an area that fosters such a deep connection to nature.
Penrith (Image: Newsquest)
We passed through Cockermouth, Keswick, Kendal, Whitehaven, Maryport, and Carlisle, among other places, tackling fatigue, bickering, COVID restrictions, and, above all else, the elements.
On an average day, Hardknott Pass is described as 'England's steepest and toughest road'. During our visit amidst Storm Ellen, Hardknott Pass was poetically christened 'A hellish slog made worse by an unforgiving cow.'
The Lake District inspired Wordsworth to write. I was inspired to scream slurs at the Met Office. It wasn't the experience I had envisaged.
Fast forward five years, and I had a chance of a Lakes redemption, courtesy of Hoseasons, who had kindly booked myself, my girlfriend and our two friends into a lodge near Ullswater. Very fancy pants.
Ullswater (Image: Newsquest)
Fear
The lakes are an immensely popular destination for people in the north west, north east, Yorkshire and parts of the Midlands due to being in relatively close proximity.
As mentioned earlier, we're from north Wales, so the drive up to the Lake District - depending on where - should usually take just over two hours.
Did it hell. I always find it mind-boggling how Chester and Cumbria are part of the same region.
The M6 isn't exactly scenic, and it was made all the worse by delay after delay. After the third alert, I looked at Georgia and bellowed the first Withnail quote of the weekend: "WE'VE COME ON HOLIDAY BY MISTAKE!"
But it only got worse.
A gentleman in a Merc with a strong desire for death took it upon himself to try and cause several crashes by diving in and out of lanes to beat the traffic. You're not Jason Bourne, give it a rest.
But the lorries on the way up made Mr Bourne look like Brum. My god, I've never experienced anything like it. If you're knackered, kip!
We genuinely had about eight near misses from lorries presumably going to Scotland straying absent-mindedly into our lane. The sheer fear on that drive up made our Garmins practically self-immolate. If you're going to make the journey up, honestly, be careful.
But before long, we passed the border into Cumbria.
Flusco Wood is the place to be if you're looking to stay in the Lake District (Image: Newsquest)
Beer
As soon as we started seeing signs for Keswick, Penrith, etc, all those motorway woes completely disappeared. Traffic vanished, and all we could see was a picture-perfect backdrop made all the better by our soundtrack, The Who's 'I Can See for Miles'.
Our destination was Flusco Wood, in Ullswater. If you're looking to go, a 3-night stay for up to 4 people costs from £455 in June and from £539 in July. I could not recommend it more.
The lodge was beautifully furnished, and we even had our own hot tub. Seconds after arriving, myself, Georgia, Jord and Sophie were all in it, beers in hand.
Over the three days, we certainly had our fill. The local beers in Cumbria are just a different breed. I urge you to make the journey just for a local craft ale alone.
One of us - I won't dob you in, Georgia - couldn't walk properly due to a 'foot injury'. So we were a little restricted on what we could do during the day.
Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah (Image: Newsquest) Ullswater was the main attraction for the weekend, so instead of walking, we thought we'd row. A boat for four people over four hours will set you back £60 altogether.
It really is an excellent way to explore Ullswater if you don't fancy straining yourself too much. I've been to Wastwater, England's deepest lake, before, but felt like Ullswater had an unrivalled charm.
There were also several pubs nearby, so we were sold.
We stopped in at The Crown Inn, The George Hotel and The Pooley Bridge Inn, and I have to say, despite being busy, they were equally brilliant.
If you want a quick pint or a bite to eat, I certainly recommend the Crown. For the service and the views.
Next on our agenda was Penrith, where things got tasty. It isn't too far from the lodge, so taxis are pretty reasonable. If you're looking for a night out in the area, this will be the place to go; you just need to find the right place.
(Image: Newsquest)
The first pub we stopped at had a "Bacardi and Coke please", "We don't do cocktails", feel to it, but they're always the best ones.
We chatted with locals and had an unforgettable night free from the stresses of work, life and home; it was giddily refreshing.
Love
My favourite part of the weekend, though, was meeting an American lady called Priscilla from Michigan. She was on a personal pilgrimage following her late husband's favourite folk band, Briar and Bramble.
Despite being a widow and on a clearly emotional journey, she radiated a joyous energy that I had never witnessed before.
Although we were initially strangers, she became one with our group almost instinctively. Hours passed trading tales of love, tribulations and laughter, where we got a real insight into how people turn mourning into something memorable.
It was extremely sobering, and good god did we need that at this point in the night.
After swapping numbers with Priscilla - who wants us to visit at some point, I love that about Americans - we soon returned to the lodge for a well-earned rest.
What were you thinking? (Image: Newsquest)
Loathing
Our final day was spent cooking, watching Shrek, and visiting Penrith. How else do you spend a Sunday?
Penrith in the day is stunning, I have to admit. The quiet alleys remind me of a less busy Brighton Lanes, and the cobbled streets take you back in time.
But it couldn't be all good, could it? No, sir, I had to go and spoil it by sampling two of the most horrendous things your chip shops have to offer.
Deep-fried haggis and a deep-fried Mars Bar. I thought that was a Scottish thing? But when I saw it on the menu, I had to try each of them.
I'd rather not say anymore, other than whoever dreamt up those combinations needs a trial in the Hague.
Recommended reading:
I tried Gordon Ramsay's beef wellington at the Savoy - oh my
I visited the Grand Hotel in Birmingham and owe an apology
I went to Rhodes looking for love but ended up with a goose
Love, again
Overall, our visit to the Lake District completely made up for that horrendous 2020 trip in more ways than I could ever imagine.
It lives up to your expectations in every single way, and then throws magical moments at you when you're least expecting it.
Ok, holidays abroad are good, but I can think of no place better in the UK than the Lake District.
A must-visit for all. Truly.
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