Innocent school run turned into intense affair with my child's teacher – and I don't know how to escape it

Scottish Sun

3 days ago

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DEAR DEIDRE: AN innocent school run turned into the most intense affair of my life, and now I don't know how to escape it.
I never imagined I'd fall for my child's teacher, but here I am, living a double life.
I'm 38 and married with three children. My husband is 42 and we've been together for 15 years. Things between us have been strained for a long time.
We barely talk, let alone touch and I felt like I was fading into the background of my own life.
Then I met my youngest child's new teacher. He's 41, married with two kids of his own.
It started with friendly chats at pick-up time, then emails about homework. One day he asked if I wanted to grab a coffee. I knew it was crossing a line, but I said yes.
We began meeting in secret. Coffee turned into lunch, and eventually lunch turned into hotel rooms.
We've been seeing each other for nearly five months now. It's passionate and thrilling, and I've fallen head over heels. He says he's never felt this way before, and I believe him.
We've talked about a future together, but when it comes to leaving our families, neither of us has made a move.
I can't stop thinking about the fallout — our kids, our spouses, the school. But I also can't keep living a lie. I dread going home to a man who doesn't see me any more.
Do I end it and protect my family, or risk everything for a shot at real happiness?
DEIDRE SAYS: Understandably, you are torn. It sounds like you've been emotionally neglected for a long time.
Clearly, the attention from this man has reawakened something you'd lost. But acting on that pain hasn't given you clarity, only more confusion.
Before making any life-changing decisions, pause and reflect. Is it truly him you want, or the sense of being desired, seen and alive again?
If your marriage is deeply unfulfilling, that deserves attention in its own right, not as a comparison to someone else.
Think carefully about the long-term fallout, not just for you but for your children and his.
Even if this affair feels like love, it's unfolding in secrecy.
My support pack, Torn Between Two Men, will help you think through your next steps.
You may also find it useful to contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960) for confidential support and expert help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to [e-mail]
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I SPURN DAYS OUT BECAUSE MY WEIGHT IS SO SHAMEFUL
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR as long as I can remember, I have battled with my weight and now I'm terrified it might cost me everything.
I'm 39 and a single mum of three. My weight has yo-yoed since my teens.
I have tried every diet, joined countless gyms and even considered surgery.
When I start off, I have the best intentions, then something derails me – stress at work, looking after the kids, sheer exhaustion.
Lately, I've been getting out of breath just walking upstairs. I avoid days out with the family because I feel embarrassed.
The other day my youngest came home from school and said another child had called me 'the big mum'. I laughed it off, but inside I wanted to cry.
I feel overwhelmed yet I need to change. How do I break this cycle for good?
DEIDRE SAYS: You're not alone. So many people struggle with their weight, and it's clear you've been trying hard for a long time. It's not just about willpower – emotional factors, stress and daily pressures all play a role.
Please don't let shame stop you from getting the support you deserve.
Making small, manageable changes over time is more sustainable than drastic diets.
Speak to your GP, who might refer you to a nutritionist or a weight-management programme.
My support pack, Weight Worries, offers practical advice and guidance to help you take back control.
I'M LOSING HER TO INSTAGRAM
DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter where we are or what we're doing, my wife is constantly glued to her phone, and it's starting to ruin our marriage.
I feel like I'm competing with Instagram for her attention – and losing.
I'm 43, and she's 40. We've been married for 13 years and have two children aged ten and seven.
She used to be warm, funny and really present. Now I barely recognise her.
From the moment she wakes up, her phone is in her hand. She scrolls while brushing her teeth, while the kids eat breakfast, and during family outings – and is taking endless pictures, editing and uploading.
Mealtimes are silent unless she's showing us memes or checking comments. In bed, she turns away from me to look at her screen.
We haven't been intimate in nearly six months.
I try to talk to her about it, but she laughs it off and says I'm overreacting. The kids have started copying her and are now glued to screens too.
It breaks my heart. I feel like our real life is slipping away while she chases online validation.
I wonder whether there's still space for me in this marriage or if I've already been replaced by likes and followers.
DEIDRE SAYS: Her behaviour is driving a wedge between you and it sounds like your wife's digital life is drowning out your real one.
Constant phone use can become a habit, often without the person realising the damage it's doing.
Choose a calm moment to explain how her behaviour is affecting you and the kids.
Avoid blame, and focus on how disconnected you're feeling. Suggest setting tech-free times, like at meals or in bed, to help you reconnect.
Read my Relationship MOT support pack and consider couples counselling through relate.org.uk (0300 003 2972) if things don' look like improving.
NOW I'M TRANS I HAVE NO FRIENDS
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER spending years transitioning to become the man I was meant to be, I never imagined I'd feel so alone.
I'm a 27-year-old trans man, and I've never been in a relationship.
Transitioning helped me feel more at home in my body, but socially, it's been isolating. My friends drifted away, and making new ones feels impossible.
I go to work, come home, scroll on my phone and repeat. Weekends are the worst – long, empty hours where no one checks in.
Dating feels like a cruel joke. I've tried apps, but the moment I mention I'm trans, I'm ghosted. Or fetishised.
I want more than sex. I want someone to laugh with, to cuddle up on the sofa with, and to share life with.
I don't know how to meet people who'll see me for who I really am. I feel so alone.
DEIDRE SAYS: You've shown real courage in becoming your authentic self. Try not to let loneliness make you doubt your worth.
It's heartbreaking that others have made you feel invisible, but please know you are not alone. Many trans people face similar struggles, especially around dating and friendships.
Start by seeking out inclusive spaces – LGBTQ+ social groups, meet-ups or online communities such as The Beaumont Society (beaumontsociety.org.uk).
My support pack Feeling Lonely? can also help you rebuild confidence and expand your circle.