The 'fantasy date' trend Chinese women are embracing

RNZ News

3 days ago

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Twenty-three-year-old Jenny Zhang meets another woman for lunch in the central Auckland suburb of Ponsonby.
It ends with both going their separate ways but, in this case, one of the women hasn't revealed a single detail about herself.
She is someone else altogether.
Zhang is part of an increasing number of Chinese women who go on dates with other heterosexual women in a bid to satisfy their desire for intimacy.
However, Zhang doesn't turn up at the agreed location as herself - she appears as a male character from an otome game.
Otome games are narrative-based romance video games primarily designed for women, often featuring a female protagonist with male love interests.
The genre has grown in popularity in China following the 2017 release of
Mr. Love: Queen's Choice
, which has since been followed by
Light and Night
,
Tears of Themis
and
For All Time
.
Male characters from Mr. Love: Queen's Choice include (from left to right) Kiro, Shaw, Lucien, Gavin and Victor.
Photo:
Paper Games
According to a report by MobTech, China's female gaming market surpassed 390 million monthly active users by February 2020.
The market recorded a value of 95.8 billion yuan ($21.9 billion) in 2024, a year-on-year increase of more than 124 percent, according to Gamma Data.
A more recent trend is seeing some female fans increasingly taking things a step further, hiring cosplayers to bring their digital love interests to life.
This practice, which gaming enthusiasts in China call a "cosplay commission," involves paying a female performer to portray a virtual boyfriend in real-life settings.
Cosplay (short for "costume play") is a form of performance art in which people dress up as characters from anime, computer games and other pop culture.
A person seeking a cosplay commission is typically referred to as "the client".
A cosplayer portrays Zayne from Love and Deep Space on a "fantasy date" in Beijing.
Photo:
Supplied
Zhang says heterosexual women typically take on the role of portraying a female client's boyfriend.
Obviously, she says, cosplayers need to have a deep understanding of the otome characters they are portraying and very few men play such games.
Some clients also share concerns about safety when dating men, she says.
Zhang should know - she's a cosplayer who accepts such commissions herself.
According to latest data from the 2023 China Population and Employment Statistical Yearbook, China's single population is expected to surpass 300 million this year, with 73 percent of people over the age of 25 remaining unmarried.
"Short-term dating services focused on emotional connection, strictly excluding physical intimacy, have become more visible," says Hee-seung Irene Lee, Korea Foundation lecturer at the University of Auckland.
"These services reflect a growing desire for curated emotional experiences, especially among young people navigating economic precarity and shifting social norms around intimacy and relationships."
A "fantasy date" in Beijing.
Photo:
Supplied
In servicing a client's needs, a cosplayer who accepts a commission fully embraces the attributes of the character they are representing - acting as a boyfriend by holding hands, carrying bags, and giving flowers or small gifts.
A script for the "fantasy date" is co-created by the cosplayer and the client.
Before the date, a client fills out a questionnaire with prompts such as "What kind of physical interaction are you comfortable with?" and "What do you hope I'll do for you?"
Married in real life, Cindy hires commissioned cosplayers four to five times a month.
While romance exists in her everyday life, Cindy says the emotional intensity of a cosplay commission feels like "100 percent love".
That feeling, however, comes at a cost.
In Beijing, a full-day commission typically costs between 600 and 800 yuan ($138 and $183), with clients responsible for transportation costs and any additional expenses during the date.
At first glance, the arrangement appears transactional: A client pays for a cosplayer to provide emotional companionship.
Yet the precise nature of the exchange isn't so easily defined, with a new form of intimate relationship taking shape between the pair.
A "fantasy date" in Beijing.
Photo:
Supplied
Zhang works hard to create dream-like experiences on her fantasy dates, creating lasting memories for her clients.
To fully embody a fictional character, she prepares meticulously for each commission, from crafting costumes and accessories to writing handwritten letters while in character.
Zhang completed her first commission in Auckland in March.
A woman contacted Zhang via social media app Little Red Book and asked her to cosplay a character named Xavier from
Love and Deep Space
for her 18th birthday.
Released in 2024,
Love and Deep Space
is China's first three-dimensional otome game.
It has quickly become one of the most popular titles in the genre, attracting more than 50 million users worldwide within a year.
Male characters from Love and Deep Space include (from left to right) Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel, Sylus and Caleb.
Photo:
Paper Games
Departing from the stereotypical "bossy CEO" trope that often casts women in passive or self-sacrificing roles,
Love and Deep Space
features characters such as Xavier as equals.
As such, the player and Xavier fight side by side as "Hunters" against monsters called "Wanderers", forging bonds through shared challenges and emotional growth.
"The ubiquitous presence of visual media today continually reinforces this mode of imagining intimacy," Lee says.
"Many young women find that conventional relationships often demand unequal emotional labour or reinforce expectations that limit their autonomy.
"What people seek in relationships also appears to be changing, from mutual happiness grounded in care and reciprocity to the gratification of personal fantasy."
Jenny Zhang dresses as Xavier from Love and Deep Space.
Photo:
Supplied
Zhang tries to be as open as possible with her clients to create a meaningful connection between two people.
A recent commission in China left a deep impression on her.
"The client opened up to me," she recalls. "That allowed me to respond like a true partner, listening to her worries about work or school, receiving her emotions and offering comfort.
"That feeling of being trusted ... is a crucial part of experiencing intimacy."
Zhang is unsure whether the fantasy dating trend will take off in New Zealand.
"Local Kiwis are very friendly," she says. "Even if they don't know who I'm cosplaying, they'll still compliment my hair or outfit.
"But there just aren't as many date-style venues here compared to China, which has pet cafes, DIY cake shops or Nintendo Switch arcades."
Her thoughts are echoed by Yifan, a University of Auckland student who has been a client as well as a commissioned cosplayer.
Yifan sees cosplay commissions as a niche hobby in New Zealand, with only a small number of active cosplayers despite growing curiosity.
"One challenge is that casual part-time jobs often pay more per hour than a commission does," she says, noting that an average eight-hour cosplay commission typically pays around $200 in New Zealand.
Beyond practical constraints in New Zealand, Lee points to deeper cultural forces that help explain why the trend has flourished mainly in East Asian societies, where women face intense pressures around marriage, family roles and traditional ideals of femininity.
A "fantasy date" in Shanghai.
Photo:
Supplied
A 2024 survey by the Chinese Academy of Sciences' Institute of Psychology revealed shifting attitudes among young people toward marriage and family.
Covering 55,781 university students across 31 provinces, regions and municipalities, the survey found that 52 percent believed marriage was unimportant, while 59 percent believed the same about having children.
What's more, female respondents were less willing than males to pursue romantic relationships, marriage or parenthood, with the trend even more pronounced in major cities such as Shanghai and Beijing.
"In highly competitive and hierarchical societies, alternative forms of intimacy can offer young women a safer, more manageable space to experience connection without the emotional labour and time investment demanded by conventional relationships," Lee says.
While such experiences can feel empowering, Lee warns they also risk flattening intimacy.
Lee believes the experiences are more likely to co-exist alongside traditional relationships, offering alternative forms of connection that reflect different emotional and personal needs.
"Real relationships involve confronting the unknown depth of another person - something unpredictable, sometimes painful, but ultimately necessary for intimacy that's emotionally transformative and lasting," she says.