Dating apps are doomed because Gen Z is locked in on meet-cutes, former Hinge content lead says: They want to vibe their way through meeting people
Ilana Dunn didn't set out to become a dating coach. Like many of us, she endured years of trials and tribulations in relationships and relied on dating apps to help find her person.
Dunn, now the host of the Seeing Other People podcast with nearly 50,000 subscribed listeners, had worked for several years in the music industry creating behind-the-scenes content for artists and bands. But her dating life was a 'complete dumpster fire,' she told Fortune.
'I had this pattern that I couldn't break of only dating emotionally unavailable men who worked in the music business,' Dunn said. 'And so after my who-knows-what number bad breakup, I felt like I hit rock bottom and I couldn't listen to music. I need[ed] to get out of this industry, because it [was] causing me so much pain.'
With that, Dunn left the music industry to take a content lead position at Hinge in 2018.
'When this opportunity came up, I was like, 'Wow, what a cool way to use all of the pain and heartbreak that I've been through to help even just one person out there,'' she said. 'It would make it all worth it.'
Shortly after Dunn joined Hinge, dating-app popularity was starting to peak. Hinge was acquired by the Match Group in 2019, which gave it some juice, and COVID-19 ushered in a pandemic-lockdown era dating boom. Dunn even matched with her husband on a dating app—although she said their connection formed in person over a glass of wine.
Little did Dunn know at the time that several years later, dating apps would tank under new dating expectations and sentiment from younger generations.
Forbes found in a 2024 survey more than 75% of Gen Zers feel burnt out using dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble because they don't feel as if they can find a genuine connection with someone despite how much time they spend on the apps. And Match Group's financial results illustrate these changing attitudes: Its first-quarter profits came in at $117.6 million, compared to $123.2 million in 2024, and paid usership was down 5% from a year ago at 14.2 million users.
Even Match Group CEO Spencer Rascoff admitted in a letter posted on LinkedIn dating apps today feel like a numbers game that leaves 'people with the false impression that we prioritize metrics over experience.'
This has led several major dating-app brands including Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder to introduce new features and products to their lineup. One example is a feature allowing Tinder users to pair up with friends to encourage double dating.
'This is the way Gen Z wants to connect,' Rascoff said. 'They want to vibe their way through meeting people.'
While Dunn said she's glad the dating apps are trying to evolve— 'because they need to'—she said she doesn't think there's anything they can do to save the dating app industry altogether.
'They can try to come up with more ways to [allow] people to assess chemistry, but unless they are really pushing people to meet in real life by maybe creating more in-person activations and events where people can assess, 'Oh, is there a vibe here?' I don't know that they will make the comeback to being as big as they once were.'
Gen Zers and millennials have become increasingly interested in 'meet-cutes' or meeting a romantic partner in real life instead of on a dating app.
'I don't want to just be chatting people online,' Louise Mason, a millennial freelance marketing specialist from Doncaster, U.K., previously told Fortune. 'I don't want a penpal.'
That's led more people to start hosting in-real-life meetups like Max Gomez, a Gen Z communications professional, who hosted a 'Champagne and Shackles' party where they matched up partygoers. They posted fliers around their neighborhood and invited a bunch of strangers for some matchmaking 'in real time,' Gomez previously told Fortune.
Dunn also recently hosted a master class for the art of the meet-cute with 156-year-old wine brand Maison Louis Jadot. The idea was inspired by the classic concept of meeting a significant other: at a bar, sharing wine.
'If you're just sitting on your couch thinking, 'wow, the apps aren't working for me and no one's banging down my door trying to meet me. I'm going to be single forever,' you're not necessarily putting yourself in the best position,' Dunn said.
She said she predicts we'll start to see more in-person master classes, singles events, and other opportunities to meet romantic partners now that the sentiment about dating apps is changing. Still, Dunn said the fact dating apps are making an effort to evolve shows. Hinge has lessened the number of matches a user can chat with at once, which forces users to make decisions and prioritize matches they're genuinely interested in.
'I do think [dating apps have] come a long way in helping curate healthy dating behaviors,' Dunn said. 'But I also think there are just so many people who are using them so passively.'
Dunn spent about two years at Hinge as a content lead and started her podcast Seeing Other People in 2021, producing two episodes per week featuring dating experts.
As a dating coach, she said she always encourages people use the dating apps—but not only apps.
'It's so much easier for somebody to hide behind their phone and put thought into the message that they're crafting,' Dunn said. 'But it is possible to also learn how to connect in real life, and it might take practice. It might take figuring out what you can control, and going to a bar that you're familiar with, ordering a glass of Jadot wine, and striking up a conversation with somebody.'
She also said it's about saying 'yes' to things, like an invitation to get drinks with a coworker or seeing who else shows up or a random birthday party.
'Set a small goal for yourself and convince yourself that you can do it, and you'll be really pleasantly surprised at what comes out of it,' said Dunn, using the example of striking up just one conversation with someone you've never met before.
Another tip for dating app users: Turn conversations into dates as soon as possible, Dunn said.
'Once you're on the date, that's where you can decide, is there a vibe? Are we interested in each other? Do we feel that chemistry?' Dunn said.
This story was originally featured on Fortune.com
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He was sweet and very romantic, but he talked a lot and was incredibly impatient. And man, he had great taste in fancy restaurants. The other guy was getting kicked out of a bar for doing coke in the bathroom the last time I saw him. He had a pretty rough life, I think, and had some other issues going on. He also had a lot of beef with Owen Gray, which was weirdly a topic on a few of our dates. I also think this guy had ties with some organized crime; his apartment always had shipments of arms going in and out. Very strange." "I met a woman online years ago. At the time, I was extremely depressed and lonely. We would hang out as friends, eat pizza, and watch movies a few times a week. I found out she was an independent sex worker. She would ask to hang out whenever she didn't have clients, and we were both free. After a few weeks, she wanted to date, which surprised me. Then in the same conversation, she asked me to be her pimp. 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We talked for a while that night and ended up dating for a few months. She had a bad couple of years before and ended up doing several movies. Oral was 10/10. Sex was great at first — she was like a human sex doll. She would sell that she was loving everything. But there was no real intimacy if that makes sense. There was no real break up; she liked living the stripper/F&B lifestyle, which didn't fit my 8-5 work schedule." "I live in 'porn valley' aka the San Fernando Valley north of LA, which is known historically as the porn capital of the world. In the 1990s and 2000s, there were plenty of porn actresses around if you were in the right age bracket and sort of aware of the scene. I met many girls in the business back then. ... My best story would be about three girls who were living in a house together. The thing to remember is that if these ladies were mildly successful in the business (i.e., busy, shooting scenes every day or other day), they made a really nice income. Not a fortune, but they were balling for their age, and it was all FAST CASH. So they were independent women, feeling empowered by their success, and of course, young and wanting to have fun! It was an exciting time for them! And I got to go along for the ride for a while." "Not exactly a star, but he was a porn actor for a little while. I used to do sex work, too, so I didn't hold it against him. Plus, we both have really high libido and endurance (probably how we both ended up in sex work), so meeting our match in bed was a massive pleasant surprise. We were both pretty messed up people when we first met. It was supposed to be just a hookup. We ended up getting along really well, and we kept meeting, with hooking up as an excuse. Before we noticed, the romance aspect was already more prominent than the sexual one. We went on dates. He met my parents. He even went with me on a family trip. We're still together, saving up money to move in together and get married." "I dated a young woman who did a few XXX scenes with known producers, and when we were dating, it was her career. She told me on the first date, and I was a little taken aback but still game since she was so gorgeous and sexy. It was perfect for me at the time, coming off a long-term relationship and also feeling the last of my young-man oats as I turned 40. We dated on and off for almost a year. ... The sex was amazing and no-holds-barred, with her constantly saying things like, 'I want to practice this thing I might have to do for a scene. Are you game?'" "I dated a girl that did mainstream porn and OnlyFans. She had to travel to Vegas once a month to shoot scenes and was getting tested once a month. It's roughly similar to a regular job because most view it as work and then put on a specific personality for marketing purposes (interviews, etc). It's going to boil down to how you view porn. If you think it's competition, then you will be miserable. If you view it as just another job to pay the bills, then it's relatively normal." "It's fun and lively until it's not. I super encourage anyone to try it out and be open-minded, but just be cautious. ... Sometimes it's not her. She could be amazing. You could be okay with her work. But her social circle is fucked beyond belief: drugs, low-rent or high-rent criminals, mental health crises galore with her best friends or mom or whatever. She always has a wildly violent ex. She might not have credit, but she has lots of money. ... It's all cash business — so she uses pre-paid credit cards and can't sign a lease on an apartment ... I learned if I like her, then I just naturally fall into pseudo husband mode and that is a headache if you break up. I've never been ripped off or been taken advantage of. (I have, but not with a sex work girl; they have been surprisingly honest with me.)" "Right before I met the woman of my dreams, my now-wife, I met Brooke. She had just moved from Cali, and I met her on some random dating app. This girl was sickeningly hot. Like an absolute model. I was shook when she actually wanted to meet. I was pretty into party drugs (mostly, ex, acid, RC, and I did get into smoking meth for like a month — not my proudest times in life) at the time and figured it was worth the gamble to go meet her. I didn't give a fuck about anything." And finally..."To give a different perspective, I am a camgirl and sell content on OF. I'm in a serious relationship as well, but I started after meeting him. Our relationship is healthy— great communication and depth, and our sex life is great! He is actually more sexually experienced than I am, and he sees me as innocent despite what I do. I also have a Masters Degree and have held long-term jobs that paid well. I started in the industry as a temporary solution after a massive layoff at the company I worked for. I'm six months in and plan to find something else soon, but I might continue camming part-time to pay off some credit card debt and my student loans. As far as my personality goes, I consider myself kind, humble, intelligent, and funny." Now it's your turn — have you ever dated someone in any of these industries, or are you a sex worker, adult entertainment star, or OnlyFans creator who dates? Let us know in the comments below or via this anonymous form.
Miami Herald
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- Miami Herald
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