Letting go of eldest child pressure
Working hard and getting good grades would earn me praise, but amid it all, I forgot that my life did not depend solely on others' recognition.
Receiving my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) results last year was nerve-wracking. My heart pounded as I searched my sister's face for any sign of a reaction. She didn't respond at first – then she ran off to tell our family and relatives: 'Nittila got straight As!'
Wait, I did? No matter how much effort I put in, it never felt like enough. I constantly believed I had to do more – more exercises, more reading.
Back then, that mindset only pushed me into a deeper slump, worsening my mental health. But like all difficult phases, it eventually passed.
That very experience helped me juggle my subsequent matriculation life better. I learnt to give myself space to make mistakes and not let the fear of judgement hold me back.
I also realised I needed to share how I felt with my parents. They, in return, offered guidance.
When I got sick a week before one of my semester exams, it felt like everything was weighing on me at once. But my parents made sure to check in and see how I was doing.
They made sure I never felt alone. They gave me home remedies to try, reminding me that even if they couldn't be there physically, they were always supporting me.
Looking back, I realised the pressure I had placed on myself was far heavier than the expectations of those around me.
I used to believe that being great at something made my loved ones love me more. In reality, that wasn't true – they also saw me for who I was, not just what I achieved.
Do I still feel the pressure of being the pride of my family as the eldest child? Yes, but not in the way I used to.
Before, I thought I had to be 'perfect' to earn their pride. Now, I understand that their pride doesn't come from perfect grades – it comes from effort, perseverance, and staying true to myself.
My family is proud of me, not just because of my results, but also because of the hard work I put in. And more importantly, I have learnt to be proud of myself.
Nittila, 19, a student in Perak, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star's Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team. For updates on the BRATs programme, go to facebook.com/niebrats.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The Star
a day ago
- The Star
Letting go of eldest child pressure
Growing up as the eldest child, I often wondered if I had ever made my family proud. Working hard and getting good grades would earn me praise, but amid it all, I forgot that my life did not depend solely on others' recognition. Receiving my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) results last year was nerve-wracking. My heart pounded as I searched my sister's face for any sign of a reaction. She didn't respond at first – then she ran off to tell our family and relatives: 'Nittila got straight As!' Wait, I did? No matter how much effort I put in, it never felt like enough. I constantly believed I had to do more – more exercises, more reading. Back then, that mindset only pushed me into a deeper slump, worsening my mental health. But like all difficult phases, it eventually passed. That very experience helped me juggle my subsequent matriculation life better. I learnt to give myself space to make mistakes and not let the fear of judgement hold me back. I also realised I needed to share how I felt with my parents. They, in return, offered guidance. When I got sick a week before one of my semester exams, it felt like everything was weighing on me at once. But my parents made sure to check in and see how I was doing. They made sure I never felt alone. They gave me home remedies to try, reminding me that even if they couldn't be there physically, they were always supporting me. Looking back, I realised the pressure I had placed on myself was far heavier than the expectations of those around me. I used to believe that being great at something made my loved ones love me more. In reality, that wasn't true – they also saw me for who I was, not just what I achieved. Do I still feel the pressure of being the pride of my family as the eldest child? Yes, but not in the way I used to. Before, I thought I had to be 'perfect' to earn their pride. Now, I understand that their pride doesn't come from perfect grades – it comes from effort, perseverance, and staying true to myself. My family is proud of me, not just because of my results, but also because of the hard work I put in. And more importantly, I have learnt to be proud of myself. Nittila, 19, a student in Perak, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star's Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team. For updates on the BRATs programme, go to
The Star
a day ago
- The Star
Stop this mass murder by starvation
Dying slowly: Displaced Palestinian mother Samah Matar holding her malnourished son Youssef at a school where they are sheltering amid a hunger crisis in Gaza City. — Reuters IT'S plain murder on a massive scale, starving the Palestinians to death in defiance of global opinion. What is happening in Gaza now is one of the world's worst hunger crises being deliberately carried out right before our eyes. Follow us on our official WhatsApp channel for breaking news alerts and key updates! Wong Chun Wai began his career as a journalist in Penang, and has served The Star for over 35 years in various capacities and roles. He is now group editorial and corporate affairs adviser to the group, after having served as group managing director/chief executive officer. On The Beat made its debut on Feb 23 1997 and Chun Wai has penned the column weekly without a break, except for the occasional press holiday when the paper was not published. In May 2011, a compilation of selected articles of On The Beat was published as a book and launched in conjunction with his 50th birthday. Chun Wai also comments on current issues in The Star.
The Star
3 days ago
- The Star
Former Malaysian Convent students have kept their friendship for over 60 years
Their laughter filled the living room just like it did more than six decades ago in the classrooms of Convent Peel Road, Kuala this day, a group of septuagenarians still call each other close friends. The bond they formed in secondary school has lasted well into retirement. Recently, pensioner Roseline Kuthariam, 71, hosted a potluck at her home in Templer's Park, Rawang, Selangor to welcome her former classmate, retiree Lorna Allen, 71, who was back in KL for a short holiday from the United States. Over a lunch spread of Malaysian delights like fried noodles, prawn sambal, chicken kurma and mutton peretal, seven former schoolmates from the school – now known as SMK Convent Jalan Peel – were happily reminiscing about their school days. From left: Kuthariam, Allen, and Rafidah - friends who have shared countless memories since primary school. Photo: The Star/Azlina Abdullah "Sometimes we'd get scolded for impersonating our teachers or chatting too much during lessons. We were naughty, but not in a bad way," says Roseline. "We were just mischievous Convent girls," shares training consultant Rafidah Abdul Jalil, 72, with a chuckle. "Chit-chatting in class and sneaking a book under the desk during lessons – those were some of our fondest school memories." The grandmother of one had driven from Kota Damansara in Petaling Jaya, Selangor, to catch up with her former classmates. The members of the '7 Sept Attendees' WhatsApp group have shared decades of friendship. Photo: The Star/Azlina Abdullah International Friendship Day, celebrated on July 30, honours the value and importance of friendship. It encourages individuals to appreciate their friends, strengthen bonds and promote peace, understanding, and unity across cultures and communities. A 2020 research titled "Friendships in Old Age: Daily Encounters and Emotional Well-Being" suggests that friends play a unique role in older adults' emotional well-being, and they do so by increasing levels of positive experiences encountered in daily life. The study found that older adults reported greater pleasantness during their encounters with friends, which may in turn, represent a positive change in daily activities. Allen (second from left) and her friends during a trip to China. Food for the soul While enjoying the sumptious spread, the women agreed that food had always been a common thread that brought them together since their school days. Roseline grew up in Jalan Cochrane, KL, which is a stone's throw away from her school. She recalled how she'd buy nasi lemak from the Pudu Market – also walking distance from her home – to share with her friends during recess. "Every Hari Raya, we'd go to Rafidah's house. For Christmas, it was my house or Lorna's. Back then, it was common to see children of all races visiting each other during festive seasons. We'd often share meals at friends' homes. Our parents knew the families in the neighbourhood well and trusted us to be in good hands," shares Roseline, a retired statistical officer who worked with the Department of Statistics Malaysia. Lorna, who has five grandkids, recalls: "We'd celebrate all festivities together. Most importantly, we respected each other and shared everything - from food to toys and books." Rafidah chips in: "I can't eat certain foods because of my faith, but everyone understood. It wasn't a big deal for us. We were raised to respect one another's boundaries." Convent Peel Road Class of 1971 gathered for a group photo at their reunion in a hotel in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. IFD is often marked by acts of kindness, gatherings and sharing joyful moments with friends. The recent get-together at Roseline's home certainly ticked all those boxes. These women have a WhatsApp group where they all have been keeping in touch in the last 11 group was renamed "The 7 Sept Attendees" after their 70th birthday gathering on Sept 7 last year. There are about 46 of them in that group now. Sisters at heart Most of the members began their journey together at Convent Peel Road primary school. In Year Two, some students were transferred to Kampung Pandan Girls School. International Friendship Day honours the value and importance of friendship. Photo: The Star/Azlina Abdullah Many reconnected in Form One at Convent Peel Road secondary school. Some friendships lasted through the years after secondary school, while others drifted apart due to family commitments and studies. But thanks to social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, they eventually found their way back to one another. "Some of our members live in Britain, Australia and New Zealand," says Roseline. "We try to meet up about four to six times a year. These get-togethers are important because it's a chance to catch up and be there for each other in good times and bad." Besides gathering during festive seasons, they have also travelled together to China, Vietnam, Indonesia and Thailand. They recently organised a pyjama sleepover at a hotel in the city too. Talk about girls having fun! "Not everyone can join each time, but those who can, will. Usually, there are about 10 of us who are regulars," says Rafidah. Lorna, a mother of two, has lived in the US for over 36 years. She returns to Malaysia at least once a year and always makes time to catch up with her friends. And whenever they're together, reminiscing about their youth is almost inevitable. "Our group consists of schoolmates we've known since kindergarten until now, even though some of us were transferred to different schools during our learning and developmental years. Whenever we meet up, it's like we've never left school. We were innocent kids growing up, showing up on a whim at anyone's home and dragging each other out to play and eat at our favorite hangouts. "Despite living in different countries now, we keep in touch, thanks to WhatsApp so we don't miss out on news in each other's lives and happenings in Malaysia." Lorna, who lived in Jalan Peel, remembers walking along the railway tracks near Jalan Pudu, plucking fresh tamarind fruits and moringa drumsticks and handing them over to her Indian neighbours. Roseline (second from left) and her ex-classmates went on a trip to Lake Toba in Medan, Indonesia after their 70th birthday celebration last year. "We were so close. We even exchanged comic books like (American magazine) MAD and (British comics) Beano .They agree that today's children are growing up in a very different world. "These days, it's all about devices. Parents are more protective. But back then, we had to be creative. Our parents were busy too, but we found ways to entertain ourselves; with simple things and with each other," says Roseline. Rafidah shares: "We played hopscotch, five stones, baling selipar (slippers throw), paper dolls – you name it. We even walked from Jalan Peel to Stadium Merdeka (which wqs more that 3km away). Back then, there was less traffic and we felt safer." The women believe in the values of patience, tolerance and humility. "When you come to your friend's house, leave your title at the door," says Rafidah. "We don't care who's a boss or what you've achieved in life. You're our friend, and that's all that matters." Wong Foong Lin (left) and Mally Antonia Arokiasamy are among the alumni members of Convert Peel Road. Photo: The Star/Azlina Abdullah Asked about their secret to a long-lasting friendship, Roseline says: "Patience and understanding are key in any friendship. You must care for each other too." Lorna adds: "Take Roseline, for example. She's known as a person with a generous heart – always remembering birthdays and making it a point to send wishes in our WhatsApp group. For any friendship to work, be open. Our friendship is solid because we are a family of sorts, we know where we came from and we never forget our friends."
