Dear Richard Madeley: ‘I don't want to admit my bully of a big brother was right all along'

Telegraph

09-07-2025

Dear Richard,
I've always had an uneasy relationship with my brother. He is three years older than me and a bit of a bully. We are now in our 60s. About 20 years ago, he was given a nice Georgian desk by his godmother. At about the same time he moved abroad and left a lot of his stuff, including the desk, in our parents' attic, as did I with a number of my possessions.
When my parents had to sell their house two years ago, I moved my things from their attic to mine. But when my brother showed up to do the same, an almighty row erupted: he accused me of taking his desk and demanded it be returned. I was absolutely certain that I had not taken it; he was absolutely certain that I had. He went overseas again and we haven't spoken since.
My dilemma is this: I've just been up to the loft and what should I find but – you guessed it – his desk. Perhaps my son, who's not party to the saga, moved it – or perhaps it was a senior moment on my part.
My wife is proposing various elaborate scenarios in which we photograph the desk in the window of a charity shop or simply take it to the tip. I'm in no hurry to restore it to him, but I don't like to think of it up in the attic, silently throbbing with bad vibes.
I don't see an outcome where we use this to 'heal' our relationship; I just want a minimum of drama. What's your take on
'the affair of the escritoire'?
— P, via telegraph.co.uk
Dear P,
I'm afraid you're not going to like it. But however unpleasant and overbearing your brother may be, there is one simple fact here.
He was right. You did take his desk. It's not relevant whether you remember doing it, or if your son got it muddled with your other things – his desk is in your attic. He called it correctly – and no wonder he was angry when you flatly and repeatedly denied it.
I certainly don't think you should play silly games. And as for throwing it on to the nearest tip... I hope you're not even remotely serious, P.
No. Your course is clear. Write to him and make a clean breast of things. Tell him his godmother's gift did somehow find its way into your attic, you're extremely sorry, you apologise unreservedly, and ask him how he would like it returned.
He may remain the S-H-one-T you describe him as – but you're better than that, aren't you? And you'll have done the right thing.