My nosy neighbour showed me pictures of my husband cheating with his colleague – but has she done me a favour?
She was almost gleeful as she knocked on my door last week. My husband was at a physio session.
This woman is elderly and a real curtain-twitcher.
She couldn't wait to inform me that my husband's colleague had been staying over whenever I was away. She showed me photos she'd taken of her leaving our house.
Now my head is spinning.
We've had a few incidents with this neighbour before. She knocks on the door with a parcel she has taken in, but always seems to know what the contents are.
Once I caught her reading a letter she had fished out of our bin. She said she was looking for space because her 'bin was full'.
But has she actually done me a favour?
My husband went back to work a year after a car accident.
His employer allowed him to make a phased return. He hasn't been up to driving yet, so after a week of getting the bus into town, a new colleague offered to pick him up.
He's 45 and he told me she was 25. I had no objections.
I thought it was kind of her to volunteer to give him a lift. I'm 42 and my job takes me all over the country so I'm often away overnight.
Cheating and can you get over it
Because of his injuries, we've not had sex for months — and now I find out he's giving it to someone else.
I don't know how to even tackle the conversation with him.
DEIDRE SAYS: I'm afraid you don't have a choice – you have to talk to him. Find a quiet moment to tell him what the neighbour showed you and listen carefully to his response.
If this woman has been staying over, he has a lot of explaining to do.
If he is remorseful, only you can decide if you are prepared to work on your relationship and forgive him.
He has hurt you so he will have to prove himself for any trust to return.
Please don't allow him to pull the wool over your eyes with some ridiculous explanation.
There really isn't any genuine innocent reason why this woman should have stayed overnight in your home, with your husband, without your prior knowledge.
Talking to a counsellor in a safe space can be beneficial.
My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, explains more.
SHOULD I END IT WITH LAZY OVERSEAS ONLINE GUY?
DEAR DEIDRE: ALL my energy is being sapped by my long-distance relationship. My boyfriend is rubbish.
I'm a woman of 27 and I met him online five years ago. I am American and I came to the UK to do a masters degree.
Before I left the States, I met a man of 30 online from a different state. We never actually met before I came away to study.
The relationship started out as chat and then it became sexual. He would ask me to send explicit photographs, which I did. We had video sex once too.
Since then the relationship hasn't progressed. He shows no sign of wanting to meet me. He doesn't support me financially or emotionally. He doesn't even answer or return my calls. It's all on his terms. Should I walk away?
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes. He is bringing nothing to the table and while you can't expect financial support from him, it would be good to know if he sees a future with you.
You could ask him, but don't hold your breath. It sounds as if you're an online booty call for him.
It is always better if you can find somebody local where there is a mutual interest but it's not always easy.
If you find someone new, really get to know them so you can be certain they want the same things as you do, and as a rule of thumb – don't send any photograph that you wouldn't be happy for your parents to see.
MY WIFE'S STOPPED ENJOYING SEX NOW
DEAR DEIDRE: I STILL have regular sex with my wife but it's a long time since she's had an orgasm.
In our younger years we used to be sex-mad.
We are both 61 now and my wife often seems to want physical intimacy when I do – she doesn't turn me down when I initiate it anyway.
But she doesn't seem to enjoy it as she used to. It's a case of her enduring it rather than liking it.
We still enjoy doing things together, going on nice holidays and watching films with each other. We cuddle and hold hands.
I've asked her about sex and whether she enjoys it but she says: 'It's OK.'
I want to make her feel like she did when we were in our twenties.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is good for you physically and mentally to have sex for as long as you can. You're both in your early 60s and there's no reason why this should stop.
Your wife may not feel physically the same and it may take her a little longer to get aroused because of her age and the menopause.
Kissing, caressing, and massage can all help her to feel good and it's important to not have sex until she's ready.
Use lubrication if that helps.
My support pack Love And The Mature Woman will offer advice, along with one called Helping Your Partner To Orgasm.
I'M ADDICTED TO BUYING THINGS
DEAR DEIDRE: MY online shopping habit is completely out of control even though I live off my pension.
I'm a man of 56 and I live alone. I've never had a relationship with anyone – ever.
When I went to my nephew's wedding, I wore a three-piece suit I'd had for years. I guess it would be considered 'vintage'. I was getting lots of compliments from men and women, saying I looked 'sharp' or 'cool'. It gave me such a buzz.
The attention felt so good. I'd never thought about my appearance or been interested in clothes so much, so I started shopping on my tablet.
It seemed so easy. I bought a few items and then I went to a barbers and had a haircut. They suggested I grow my facial hair into a 'trendy beard with a spaghetti moustache' – so I did it!
I went to my local social club and had such a nice time talking to people and feel I've reinvented myself. The attention just keeps on coming and I'm having the time of my life.
It all comes at a cost though and my credit card bill is now massive. I know that I have got to stop but I feel that I'm addicted to improving my image.
DEIDRE SAYS: You'll need to try to pay off some of your credit card but without an income, it might prove difficult.
To make a dent in your debts, make a concerted effort to sell some things you no longer need. There are lots of different auction sites.
Ask a friend or relative to help you if you're not sure how to go about it.
My support pack Solving Debt Problems will show you where to find free assistance to help you get this sorted out.
You can find further support through Action On Addiction, who can advise you about shopping problems too and assist you in getting the right help (takingactiononaddiction.org.uk).
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mirror
34 minutes ago
- Daily Mirror
Student pilot dies after horror mid-air collision during training flight
Savanna May Royes was killed when two small training planes collided mid-air just hundreds of yards from the runway of Harv's Air Pilot Training School in Steinbach, Manitoba, Canada A young female trainee pilot tragically lost her life when two training planes collided mid-air in a horrifying crash. Savanna May Royes, 20, was killed following the chilling incident, which occurred just after 8.45am local time on Tuesday (2.45pm UK). The pair of small Cessna aircraft were practicing take-offs and landings near a rural runway in Steinbach, Manitoba, Canada. Both planes, belonging to Harv's Air Pilot Training School, crashed mere hundreds of yards from the airstrip in what officials are labelling a rare and tragic event. Both pilots – one a novice and the other nearing qualification for a commercial licence – were declared dead at the scene. Adam Penner, the flight school's president, confirmed to CBC that the aircraft were equipped with radios He stated: "It appears both pilots were trying to land at the same time and collided. We don't understand how they could get so close together. We'll have to wait for the investigation." Savanna May Royes will be remembered as "the essence of pure joy", her family said. They added: "Savanna's faith and laughter will forever touch everyone who was lucky enough to have known her during her short life," her heartbroken family shared in a statement. Local residents Lucille and Nathaniel Plett, who live near the airfield, recounted the eerie sounds of the collision. "We heard some kind of crackling, banging sound and then the engine turned off – I recognised that because sometimes they do stunts around here and they turn the engine off, but they turn it back on," Lucille recounted to Global News. "Next thing we heard is a big crash and a big bang... and we knew this isn't a stunt, this is something serious." Nathaniel recalled: "We saw a pillar of black smoke coming up and a little bit later [we] heard another bang and there was an even bigger pop of black smoke." The incident was out of the ordinary for the flight school, established by Penner's parents in the 1970s, which has been training international students for both recreational and professional aviation careers. "For more than 51 years, we have been offering the very best flight training the safest, most enjoyable way possible," boasts the school's website. The Transportation Safety Board of Canada has taken on the investigation of the crash, which occurred roughly 42 miles south of Winnipeg. Three people died after a light aircraft crashed in the French Alps this week. It came down close to Chambéry airport, a small international airport. Footage shows the small aircraft ploughing nose down into the ground, close to a building, with dirt and debris being thrown up into the air.
BBC News
6 hours ago
- BBC News
Wales' papers: Festival evacuated and mum-to be attacked woman at funeral
Copyright 2025 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.
The Independent
6 hours ago
- The Independent
Pine marten kits spotted in national park for first time in 100 years
Pine martens reintroduced to Dartmoor have successfully bred, with camera-trap footage confirming the presence of young kits scampering through the woodland. This marks a significant milestone for conservation efforts, as it is the first time the species has bred in the South West of England in over a century. Conservationists involved in the project said they were "ecstatic" to witness the reintroduced animals successfully reproduce. The breeding success follows the release of 15 pine martens – eight females and seven males – at undisclosed locations across Dartmoor in autumn 2024. This reintroduction is a key part of a broader initiative to restore the species to the region. Historically, pine martens were common across the South West, but their populations suffered drastically due to the destruction of their woodland habitats and human persecution. The Two Moors Pine Marten Project partnership, a collaborative effort, alongside its dedicated local volunteers, has invested hundreds of hours into tracking the cat-sized animals, establishing den boxes, and checking camera traps to monitor their progress and activities. Two films show young pine martens, known as kits, exploring their new Devon home, with one clip revealing three kits chasing each other through leaves and up a bank in a Dartmoor woodland. Another showed a mother and two kits running along a fallen tree close to a stream. Experts said female pine martens usually give birth to two or three kits in spring, with youngsters spending their first seven to eight weeks hidden in dens before emerging in early summer, and sticking with their mothers until the following spring. The conservationists behind the project said the population in the South West should now grow gradually over coming years, and the team is preparing for a further release of pine martens at secret locations in Exmoor this autumn. 'When our volunteers discovered the footage of pine marten kits on one of our trail cameras we were ecstatic,' Devon Wildlife Trust's Tracey Hamston, who leads the Two Moors Pine Marten Project, said. 'This is a historic moment for the return of a native animal and for the future of the South West's woodlands. 'To have breeding pine martens back after a century's absence signals a positive step in nature's recovery. 'It's also testament to the many hours work undertaken by the project partnership and dozens of local volunteers.' Jack Hunt, Woodland Trust assistant site manager for Devon, said staff and volunteers have been checking camera traps for several months, and over the past few weeks had been 'eagerly anticipating' spotting kits on the films. 'This sighting is wonderful news. 'The work over many years to restore and improve the condition of our woodlands, to support other landowners to do the same and work in partnership on this project has culminated in the return of the pine marten born in its natural environment in Dartmoor, the first of many and the beginning of the return of this missing species.' The partnership involves Dartmoor National Park Authority, Devon Wildlife Trust, Exmoor National Park Authority, Forestry England, National Trust, Somerset Wildlife Trust and Woodland Trust, backed by the National Lottery Heritage Fund and supported by the Vincent Wildlife Trust.
