
Complimenting your partner could cause more harm than good, expert warns — here are two things you should never say
While you might think everyone loves a little flattery, one expert warns that some compliments may have unintended negative impacts on romantic relationships.
3 One expert is warning that some grateful compliments may have unintended negative impacts on your romantic relationships.
Adobe Stock
Advertisement
Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers explained in Psychology Today that sometimes what we say to thank our loved ones for their supportive behavior may be altering it.
'Compliments can be disarming. They make us feel chosen and understood in ways that other words rarely do,' the psychologist explained.
'But sometimes, the praise that feels the most flattering is also the praise that teaches us to edit ourselves.'
Advertisement
Over time, words intended to flatter someone can actually nudge a person to perform, conform, or shrink themselves to stay liked and continue to receive praise.
Consider the compliment: 'How are you always so calm?'
If your partner grew up playing the peacekeeper in chaotic situations, this compliment might feel like overdue recognition. Yet, it can also come across as a reward for their silence.
3 Be careful with the compliments you're giving your significant other.
Getty Images/iStockphoto
Advertisement
'When emotional suppression is praised in adult relationships, it reinforces the message that your worth lies in being agreeable and low-maintenance,' Travers said.
This specific type of praise given to your partner could cause them to feel that they must remain calm — even when they're not. They may feel encouraged to keep that mask on, even at the cost of their true feelings.
Another example is telling your partner: 'You're the only person I can talk to.'
Advertisement
This may sound like deep trust, but it could signal emotional dependency rather than intimacy.
People actually experience better mental health when they have multiple people they can turn to to process their emotional needs, each filling different roles—venting, calming or cheering.
'This diversity in emotional support leads to greater well-being, because no single relationship is overloaded with the task of holding it all,' Travers explained to the outlet.
While these two compliments should stay out of your relationship, there are a few key phrases Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of '13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, advises people to implement into their romantic vocabulary.
'If you and your partner regularly use these phrases, it's a sign that you're already a mentally strong couple,' Morin told CNBC Make It. 'And if you don't yet, you can start implementing them and find that you'll grow stronger both individually and as a unit.'
3 When someone pins all their emotional needs on one person, it can quickly turn from flattery to obligation.
kegfire – stock.adobe.com
Saying to your romantic partner, 'I'm going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear' is one of them.
'Acknowledging your mistakes and being honest about your needs can help you grow stronger together,' Morin said.
Advertisement
Another is, 'I'm sorry for the part I've played in this.'
'When you take responsibility for your share, you increase the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too,' Morin said. 'Then you can both put your energy into developing a solution, rather than getting stuck pointing fingers and arguing about who caused the problem.'
Lastly, 'Let's find a solution' is another important sentence to say when your partner is struggling with something.
'While some problems are ultimately in your partner's hands, like an issue they're having with their boss, offering to work together shows that you're invested in helping them make the best decision for themselves,' Morin explained.

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles


New York Post
5 hours ago
- New York Post
Locals buy ‘haunted' Venice island known for horrific experiments in plan to ban tourists
A group of more than 4,500 residents of Venice chipped in to buy a 'haunted' island that once housed an asylum and a hospital for quarantined plague victims — to keep tourists away. The local investors are now due to take over the 18.5-acre island of Poveglia on Aug. 1 with a 99-year lease that will turn it into an urban park for Venetians that is strictly off limits to foreigners visiting the historic city, according to a report by CNN. The spooky island sits on the southern end of the Venice lagoon. Advertisement 5 Poveglia island was once a Roman military outpost, and later housed an asylum and a hospital for plague victims. Getty Images 5 Once home to controversial experiments on the mentally ill, Venice's Poveglia Island is now believed to be haunted. Getty Images 'It wasn't just outrage, it was psychologically traumatic to realize that the city could be broken up and sold to the highest bidder, without a starting price, without even a plan,' Patrizia Veclani, who formed the group Poveglia per Tutti, or 'Poveglia for Everyone,' told the outlet. Advertisement 'It's as if Rome were to decide to sell the Trevi Fountain,' Veclani said. 'The island would never have been as popular as other places, but keeping this small space just for Venetians is a victory.' Poveglia's haunted history dates back to 421 AD, when it served as a Roman military base. It was later a farming and fishing community before it was used to house victims of the bubonic plague when it broke out in the 18th Century, the report said. 5 Over the years Poveglia was also a farming and fishing community before it became a hospital and asylum. De Agostini via Getty Images 5 A group of 4,500 Venetians chipped in to buy the island to keep it away from private developers and tourists. Getty Images Advertisement At least 160,000 plague victims are believed to be buried there. In the 19th Century, the island was converted into an asylum for the mentally ill — and experimental treatments and abusive conditions reportedly ran rampant, the outlet said. Poveglia has been uninhabited since the asylum shut down in 1968, and today it is heavily overgrown with brush and woods with a large rabbit population surrounding 15 abandoned hospital buildings. Ghost hunters have since dubbed the island haunted, and it was featured in TV's 'Ghost Adventures.' Advertisement However, the island was put up for auction in 2014, and recent rumors suggested a private developer would end up buying it and adding yet another tourist attraction in a city weary of tourists. 5 Poveglia's new owners said they will turn the haunted island into an urban park exclusively for Venetians. Getty Images Alarmed, Venice Mayor Luigi Brugnaro organized a group to buy the island for $600,000, but their effort failed to get approval from the state and Poveglia's fate remained in limbo. However, Veclani's group banded together and landed the lease for $539,000. 'The island was made famous by foreigners who were looking for something to exploit,' Massimo Pera, a member of the group, told CNN. 'The memories of the island are steeped in pain, but we will transform it into a place of joy.'


News24
a day ago
- News24
Grenade security breach sparks blame game between ACS and Airports Company South Africa
Waldo Swiegers/Bloomberg via Getty Images Be among those who shape the future with knowledge. Uncover exclusive stories that captivate your mind and heart with our FREE 14-day subscription trial. Dive into a world of inspiration, learning, and empowerment. You can only trial once. Show Comments ()


CNBC
2 days ago
- CNBC
This viral, women-only app lets you anonymously ‘spill tea' on men—it could actually make dating harder, relationship expert says
Women across social media are buzzing about Tea, an anonymous dating-safety app where they 'spill tea' — typically gossip, secrets and juicy information— on the men they're dating. But the app has gone viral for all the wrong reasons. Tea was founded in November 2022 by software engineer Sean Cook to help women feel more protected. He was inspired by his mom's bad experiences with online dating — connecting with a catfish and even a criminal, he wrote on LinkedIn. The women-only platform became available for download in 2023 with features like criminal background checks and reverse image search, and it's currently number one on the lifestyle app charts with four million users and a 4.7/5 star rating. But recently, users have shown less interest in helping and more in shaming. Some videos on TikTok, where the app is currently trending, show women giving men "red flag" and "green flag" reviews based on personal preferences like attractiveness, personality and style, even speculating about their sexuality, finances and how many partners they've had. Moreover, the app was designed to be private, as screenshots are impossible and women are vetted before being allowed access. Yet users have recorded posts for social media, opening the door for more potentially damaging, defamatory comments. That's why apps like these can backfire, says Jourdan Travers, a psychotherapist who's worked with over 100 couples. "Swiping, receiving rejections, and navigating online communication are stressful enough, and Tea sounds like the app that is trying to minimize or remove that discomfort," she tells CNBC Make It. "This initially sounds great, but it doesn't live up to the hype in practice because well-intentioned action can be harmful." Fifty-seven percent of women say that, in general, dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people, according to a 2022 survey from Pew Research Center. But in today's digital age, it's one of the easiest, and most popular, ways to meet people — so it's no surprise that the Tea app has garnered so many fans. "It's seductive, an app that I can use to gather information about someone I've never met," says Travers. "But in reality, it can kill curiosity and create a dating dynamic that's more about others than you. A representative for Tea declined CNBC Make It's request for comment. Travers, who is also the clinical director at telehealth company Awake Therapy, adds that using the platform in hopes of finding juicy gossip or learning every detail about a guy before your first date takes away the opportunity to use your discernment and personal intuition. It also spoils the excitement of making a first impression and building an authentic connection. "It sends a message to yourself not to trust your judgment and intuition. That you lack the capacity or capability to make decisions about your romantic life, so you need others to validate or affirm that decision instead," she says. "Once you've read something negative—whether factual or not—your brain is wired to start scanning for evidence that supports it. You're walking into the date with a script, not curiosity, and first dates shouldn't feel like a job interview." The Tea app has been a good source of information and community for lots of women, users say. One App Store review from "AnaNamle" says she was able to freely talk about a traumatic experience with a guy, and connected with another woman who had a similar, but "worse" encounter. A user called "Lala1922$" says she found out a man who was contacting her had domestic violence charges and was awaiting trial. To gain some knowledge of these kinds of red flags, some "light vetting can be protective," Travers says, like doing a quick google search or making sure that their social media profiles are legit. Other questions and concerns might be better addressed by trusted friends and family. It's also important to take a few precautionary measures before a date, like meeting in a public place for your first encounter, letting someone know where you're going and with whom beforehand and not sharing personal or sensitive information immediately. "Aside from that, let the rest unfold organically, and don't skip the part where you learn who they are," she says.