‘Utopia': huge Aus change no one saw coming

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'Dad, do you love the Tesla?'
That was the emotional question from my 10-year-old old son after we had spent a heartwarming hour-long bonding session together on the fourth day of the Year of Our Lord 2535.
That is, the fourth day we had had our new Tesla Model Y Juniper.
It has been a whirlwind courtship so far (in what seemed far, far into the future) and the big questions were already being asked.
It was only a year since we (I) had parted ways with the love of our lives – our V8 Commodore stationwagon. That was a relationship meant to last forever, or at least until the kids sent me off into a 'retirement' home, but it wasn't to be.
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2025 Tesla Model Y – do you love me?
And while that was a horrible farewell and the heartbreak was still raw, I had to be honest with myself and my son.
'I do mate, I love the Tesi,' I said.
'Me too dad, he replied,' tear-laden eyeballs deep into his third game of Stardew Valley (whatever that is) for the morning from the back seat.
At last we were a happy family. The circle of joy was complete. The Tesla had made it so.
At least until the next trip when the boys would prep for WWIII again over who got to the Tesla first, who was getting into the Tesla first, who was sitting where and who would get to play Stardew Valley first.
In reality, it was the infinity cycle of happiness and being on the verge of WWIII.
So it goes, with Tesla.
FROM V8 TO EV
It seems like eons ago now but back in 2013, I'd gotten married, the Roosters won the NRL premiership and I'd finally bought my dream car, a black Commodore SS Wagon with a glorious 6.2L V8 under the bonnet that sounded like the Gates of Heaven were opening just me for everytime I went close to the redline.
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The Commodore V8. Gone but not forgotten.
It was a three-way dead heat as to what was the greatest event that year for me.
They were all meant to last forever, or until death do us part.
12 years later:
+ Marriage – tick (I think)
+ The Roosters have added two more titles in that time – tick
+ The Commodore – RIP.
Give me a moment, it's tough writing about this.
Meat Loaf would say 'Two outta three ain't baaaad'. I wouldn't have agreed, until the Tesla came into my life and changed it forever.
It's even parlayed one and two above, the Tesla serves my wife up with a daily slice of contentment, the Commodore never could.
'Fancy', 'toasty' and 'ooh very nice' were three joyful utterances she never made (or perhaps they just weren't heard – probably not) as my beloved V8 roared through the suburbs rattling windows, exciting schoolboys and scaring grannies (sorry mum).
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Remember Buck Rogers from the 25th Century? He drives a Tesla there now.
LIVING IN THE 25TH CENTURY
But that was then and this is now.
And I probably wouldn't have believed you if you said it would end up like this.
Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one, they say, and thanks to the new and improved Model Y, I'm Buck Rogers living in the 25th Century.
It's not 2025 when I drive now, it's at least 2525. I'm still married. The Roosters have won 1000 more premierships, the Liberal Party is still in Opposition, we are still in the loop of WWIII-emphatic joy but it's still a great place to be.
The V8 Commodore hasn't yet been forgotten by me But it never resembled a near-light speed travelling couch complete with YouTube and the PS5, or had cameras they could twerk at, so it's D.E.A.D. to my boys.
Me? I still think about her curves and her purrs her when I hear a Mustang fang past. Although life inside the Tesla is so tranquil I hardly hear any other cars anymore. And the AC/DC soundtrack of the V8 has been replaced with some 80s synth pop that makes you feel like you're in an Elon Musk-certified future.
'Is this Utopia?' I figured that might be my son's next question, when he learns that this is what it feels like.
Is this driving Utopia? Picture: Mark Bean
It's not. I still have to get out of the Tesla and go to work, or do the shopping or walk in the house. But it's close.
Do you know, it even parks itself?
The Model Y doesn't have the rough and ready feel of the V8, nor the does demand corners move aside like the lowered 'Dore did. The Commodore was a real driving experience. It wanted to go fast, it wanted to roar, it wanted to drive.
The Tesi just wants to make you happy.
It's nauseatingly fast. So much so my wife has asked me not to plant the foot when she's in the car. The boys asked me to do it at every traffic light. The Model Y's weight is sometimes noticeable when turning corners and especially when going downhill However the considerate and attentive sensors are a lifetime away from the incessant anxiety-inducing beeps of Holden's Dark Age parking tech.
The V8's thirst for 98 unleaded never upset me, it was like feeding a wagyu tomahawk to a Golden Retriever – you always got back what you put in.
Still might go back to the old love one day. Ford Mustang V8 Dark Horse.
The EV charging issue is already slightly irking me. I don't have charging in my unit, so it's going to be an eternal search.
But it's a small price to pay for the love we have all found.
I gotta go now, I haven't been on the Tesla app for a few mins and I have to see how she's going.
I'm not completely sold on the whole EV thing though. I do miss that guttural roar.
When the kids are old enough to have the Tesi passed down to them, I'm gonna get that V8 Mustang.
Or I'll upgrade to the Cybertruck.
Originally published as 'Utopia': huge Aus change no one saw coming