I'm convinced my daily masturbation has given me a bad back and knees & I'm terrified my wife will find out
I am a 42-year-old man.
My wife is 39 and we have been married for almost 18 years.
My wife moved back to India three years ago with our two children, and I made the difficult decision to stay in the UK and work as a delivery driver.
I send as much money to my wife as I can.
It means I cannot afford to visit home very often and I feel lonely.
To relieve sexual tension, I pleasure myself at least once a day.
I am worried my wife will know the reason for the pain is because I masturbate.
As much as I enjoy it, I can't help feeling guilty. And I worry what my wife will say when I next see her.
I never mention the pain to her when we talk on the phone or FaceTime.
I just pretend everything is OK.
DEIDRE SAYS: Don't feel guilty.
It's normal to masturbate regularly.
Many people feel uncomfortable about self-pleasure because of conservative childhoods or cultural differences.
You won't cause any harm to your body.
Masturbating can actually help to prevent prostate problems and alleviate stress.
The pains are likely to be as a result of your sedentary job or the way you sit.
Do talk to your GP, rather than struggle on alone.
My support pack, Worried About Masturbation? will reassure you.
Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
Devastated he's not my real dad
DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out that the man I called Dad is, in fact, my stepdad came as a huge shock to me.
I only discovered the truth when I had to get a passport.
I'm an 18-year-old woman, I have a younger sister and an older brother.
Never did I think that my summer holiday plans would lead to this life-changing revelation.
When my best friend and her parents invited me to their holiday home in France later this year, I realised I'd need a passport for the first time.
When I asked Dad for my birth certificate, he went quiet then told me he needed to tell me something.
Taking a deep breath, he explained how he had split up with Mum when my brother was two years old.
During their time apart, my mum started seeing someone else.
She became pregnant but the man she was with insisted she had a termination.
Mum refused and they split up.
I was born a few months later and she ended up getting back with Dad.
They went on to have my sister a few years later.
My siblings don't look like me but I had never really thought about it.
Dad told me that he has brought me up as his own and treated me the same as my siblings, which is true.
But I am so upset about it all.
I've always been so close to my dad.
I keep bursting into tears and can't focus on anything.
I don't even want to go on holiday now. I just can't think straight.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have had a big shock that has turned your life upside down.
But please be assured, the man you call Dad is your dad in every way that matters.
That is not going to change.
You need to talk to your mum and dad about how finding out about this is making you feel.
Secrets in families can be very damaging and it is a shame that you had to find out about it this way.
It sounds as if your parents were trying to protect you.
But we know it's best for children to learn about complex family dynamics in an age-appropriate way when they are still young.
Your dad chose to make you his child.
He has loved and cared for you and looked after you too.
You can all find support at PAC-UK, which helps with the similar issue of adoption (0300 1800 090, pac-uk.org).
And stick to your holiday plans with your friend because you will come to terms with this news in time.
MY AGE-GAP LIE COULD FINISH US
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my girlfriend told me she was 33, I lied to her and told her I was 32. I'm actually 23.
She has no idea that I am much younger than her – she doesn't suspect a thing.
We met in a pub on a night out and I found her very easy to talk to.
Now we have been together for almost six months, have been on lots of dates, and have spent several weekends with each other.
As we are getting on so well, we have been talking about the future and have discussed marriage and children – the lot.
I am starting to feel guilty and worried about how she might react if I tell her the truth about my age.
I know I can't keep it a secret from her for ever.
She wants to meet my family, which is a concern, and I worry that my parents won't approve of her because she is older.
Should I tell her the truth?
Will the age gap be a problem for us?
DEIDRE SAYS: You've got to tell her but I can imagine how hard it will be to admit you weren't truthful.
Tell her you love her and explain why you lied in the first place.
If your love is strong enough, your age should not be a big problem.
It's the deceit and lying you have to explain.
My support pack, Age Gaps – Do They Matter? might be useful.
Your parents should accept your relationship if you're confident and serious about each other.
SHE BEAT ME UP BUT NOW WANTS US TO TRY AGAIN
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has left me with so many cuts and bruises that I look like I've been in a boxing match.
I am 25 and my girlfriend is 22.
We had been together for almost a year until she accused me of cheating and ended our relationship.
I was gutted because it simply isn't true.
We managed to sort things out and got back together again.
Everything seemed to be going well until we went to her house and she realised she'd left a bag of clothes at my flat.
She wanted me to go back to fetch them but I refused.
She went crazy and started punching and scratching my face and neck.
I left in a daze and thought that our relationship was over again but she texted me a couple of hours later telling me how sorry she was and admitting she was out of control.
She asked me if we could get back together.
I was surprised to hear from her so quickly because I was in shock at how violent she had been towards me and I told her I needed time.
I also told her that my face was a complete mess.
I do love her but I know deep down that the way she is treating me is not OK.
I really don't know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your health and wellbeing should never be at risk in any relationship.
Your girlfriend sounds unpredictable and violent.
She caused you bodily harm and is being abusive towards you.
Please don't stay with this woman a minute longer.
Abuse is usually repeated and tends to get worse.
You deserve to be with someone who will love and respect you, not treat you so badly and hurt you like this.
For confidential support, contact ManKind Initiative, which supports men who have experienced domestic abuse (0808 800 1170, mankind.org.uk).
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
BBC News
10 minutes ago
- BBC News
Nurses union to reject pay deal as strike vote looms
Nurses will overwhelmingly reject their pay award in England this week, raising the possibility of strikes later in the year, the BBC Royal College of Nursing (RCN) has been holding a consultative vote on their 3.6% pay rise, previously describing it as "grotesque" to award nurses a lower increase than doctors, teachers, prison officers and the armed decision on formal strike action would not be made until later in the government accepted in May the pay review body's recommendations of a 3.6% rise for nurses this year. The union will announce the results of its indicative vote later this week but the BBC understands it will show an "overwhelming" rejection of the turnout is expected to be well over the 50% threshold needed for industrial union will demand ministers negotiate over the summer to avoid a formal ballot for strike action in the RCN is understood to be open to talks on wider pay structures, not just headline pay.A union spokesman said: "The results will be announced to our members later this week. As the largest part of the NHS workforce, nursing staff do not feel valued and the government must urgently begin to turn that around."On Friday the GMB union representing thousands of health workers, including ambulance crews, rejected the government's pay deal in an initial consultative GMB said its members voted by 67% against the 3.6% pay award offered for 2025/26 in union has written to Health Secretary Wes Streeting calling for an urgent meeting to discuss pay and other national secretary Rachel Harrison said: "Our national NHS and ambulance committees met on 24 July to discuss the ballot results and determine what the next steps should be."Today, we have written to Secretary of State Wes Streeting, asking him to meet with us to discuss pay and other issues of significant importance to GMB members."We await his reply with interest."Thousands of resident doctors in England, previously known as junior doctors, began a five-day strike on Friday after the government and the British Medical Association failed to reach an agreement over health secretary said while it was not possible to eliminate disruption to the NHS, it was being kept to a minimum.
The Guardian
26 minutes ago
- The Guardian
Demand for weight loss drugs is becoming unsustainable, say pharmacists
Demand for weight loss drugs is becoming so 'unsustainable' that demand may soon outstrip supply, pharmacists have warned. The National Pharmacy Association (NPA) said supply problems could encourage people to turn to unregulated online sources, despite the risks involved. The number of people in the UK using drugs such as Wegovy and Mounjaro has soared to well above a million, with most patients paying to get them privately. During April, 1.6m packs of Mounjaro and Wegovy were bought in Britain, with the number thought to correlate closely with the number of people using them. 'Spiralling demand for weight loss medication risks going far beyond what is clinically deliverable', the NPA said. The drugs might need to be reserved for those in greatest need because they are so overweight instead of being given to the 'worried well', it added. New polling has found that 21% of Britons have tried to get hold of the medications over the past year, a figure that rises to 35% among 18- to 34-year-olds. The same survey found that 41% of all age groups would use them if they were free on the NHS. This figure rose to 64% among those aged 25-34. Savanta interviewed a representative sample of 2,002 adults aged 18 or over online from 20-23 June for the NPA, which represents 6,000 independent pharmacies. 'Weight loss jabs are one of the biggest drug innovations this century but growing demand for weight loss treatment highlights the need to make sure this is appropriate for those who want it,' said Olivier Picard, the NPA's chair. 'It's clear from this polling that more people are interested in getting weight loss jabs than can benefit from weight loss medication.' Supply of the medicines has been hit by shortages in some parts of the UK, including for higher doses of Mounjaro, the NPA said. Supply has been restricted to some pharmacies, which has stopped some new patients from going on to the drugs. The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency, the UK's drugs watchdog, has warned patients to obtain the drugs only with a doctor's prescription, and not from beauty parlours or websites. A Department of Health spokesperson said more people would be able to obtain 'revolutionary' weight loss jabs over the next few years. 'Weight loss drugs are a powerful tool in tackling the obesity crisis head-on as part of our 10-year health plan', they added. 'This government is committed to ensuring that more people have access to these revolutionary drugs when needed, and crucially that they are able to do so in a safe and controlled way. We will ensure that those most in need will receive treatment first.' About 220,000 people in England are due to be offered tirzepatide, a diabetes drug that promotes weight loss, over the next three years. Pharmacies already provide about 85% of all weight loss drugs and need to be closely involved in the expansion of access, Picard added. 'The government should use the massive untapped expertise and skills of pharmacists to help speed up the NHS's weight loss medication programme to millions of the most in need patients,' he said.
The Independent
39 minutes ago
- The Independent
Imported dogs could carry disease or behaviour risk, RSPCA warns
An animal charity has called for stricter regulations on animal rescues importing dogs into the UK, citing concerns about disease risks and behavioural issues Government statistics reveal that in 2023, 320,000 pets were brought into the UK under travel pet schemes and 44,000 entered as commercial imports. RSPCA spokesman David Bowles likened the process to ' Deliveroo for dogs' and called on the Government to tighten regulations on animal rescues. He told the BBC: 'The RSPCA's major concern is these dogs are essentially ticking time bombs – coming over, not being health tested. 'Diseases are now coming in through these dogs. They're affecting not just the dogs that are being imported, they could also affect the dogs already in this country and their owners. 'They've almost set up a Deliveroo for dogs and that is a real problem.' There is no requirement for rescue organisations to be licensed in England, Wales or Northern Ireland. It comes weeks after a bill that aims to stop animal smuggling and cruelty cleared the Commons with cross-party support. Legislation put forward by Liberal Democrat MP Dr Danny Chambers will reduce the number of animals for non-commercial entry into the UK, ban the import of puppies and kittens under six months old or heavily pregnant dogs and cats, and introduce a halt on the import of dogs and cats who have been 'mutilated', including having their ears docked. The MP for Winchester's Animal Welfare (Import of Dogs, Cats and Ferrets) Bill was supported by the Government, and will now proceed to the House of Lords on its passage to becoming law. Dr Chambers said: 'As a vet, I've seen the devastating consequences of puppy smuggling. It's unimaginably cruel to separate puppies and kittens from their mothers at a very young age, and then bring them across borders in substandard conditions where they're then sold for maximum profit by unscrupulous traders who prioritise profit over welfare.' He added: 'Careful consideration has been given to setting these limits, balancing the need to disrupt illegal trade with minimising impact on genuine pet owners. To underpin this, only an owner, not an authorised person, will be permitted to sign and declare that the movement of a dog or cat is non-commercial. He criticised the influence of social media on the increased demand for dogs with docked ears, and a party colleague hit out at the platforms' role in publishing animal abuse. He said: 'One reason that there is such an interest in dogs with cropped ears is that a lot of influencers on Instagram and other social media platforms pose with these dogs or show they have these new dogs with cropped ears. Many people aren't aware that this is a mutilation. 'They think it's how the dogs' ears normally look, and it drives a demand for dogs that look like this.'
