My mum's tragic death scared me so much it made me lose half my body weight

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3 days ago

I still vividly remember the day my mum told me she had terminal leukaemia. It was an absolutely miserable Thursday. I'd just returned to work after giving birth to my second child at the age of 42, and was desperately trying to balance the challenges of early motherhood with my career. As I battled the London traffic, my phone started to ring. I pulled over and saw it was my mum who, in her matter-of-fact way, told me the devastating news – and everything changed.
My mum was the absolute epitome of health. She was slim and beautiful – as are my three sisters. In contrast, I struggled with my weight from a young age and often felt ashamed as the 'chubby child'.
During my teenage years, food became my source of comfort and the pounds piled on as I tried to cope with undiagnosed dyslexia and the instability of moving to new schools because of my dad's role in the army. Eating alone became an unhealthy habit – whether it was chocolate digestive biscuits, toast and jam, scones or a slice of my mum's chocolate cake.
In my early 20s, I spent 18 months in the United States as a nanny. My health and fitness in the US bounced between two extremes. There were periods where I was obsessed with the gym and became extremely lean. However, once again, food was my source of comfort and I turned to it whenever I struggled with loneliness and homesickness.
Savoury food has always been my go-to. I ate a lot of bread, cheese, crackers, chips, dips and mayonnaise with absolutely everything – plus fizzy drinks and booze. Often, I'd starve myself before drinking, then drink far too much and feed my hangover with salt, fat and carbohydrates.
By the time I returned to the UK after a year and a half, my weight had escalated to 18st 12lb. My parents' faces when I met them at the airport still haunt me. I think I was in denial about it until that very moment, but when I saw my father's frozen expression, and my mother's unfiltered horror, I could no longer hide from the truth.
Years of yo-yo dieting
After that, I became determined to lose weight – whatever it took. I couldn't shift the image of my mother's horrified expression and I was desperate to be thin and beautiful like her and my sisters. I embarked on a series of different diets. While I'd quickly lose a lot of weight, they weren't sustainable and I'd feel awful. Slowly and surely my bad habits would return and I'd once again turn to emotion-fuelled comfort eating and regain the lost pounds.
For the next 20 years, I bounced between every diet under the sun. Atkins, South Beach, cabbage soup, vegan, Slimming World – you name it, I've probably tried it. I managed to get down to 11st at various points but I often ended back up at 18st 12lb or somewhere in between. My friend recently told me that when she hadn't seen me in a while, she wondered if she'd be meeting the thin, fat, happy or sad Victoria. Food and dieting was the centre of my life – my happiness depended entirely on the number on the scale.
I met my husband, Nick, in 2008 and we were married two years later. He's always been incredibly supportive and has loved me at every size. Not once has he made me feel insecure and I love him even more for it. He had his own journey with his weight too – nothing as extreme, but I think, in some ways, that made it easier.
My turning point came in 2012, when I received that awful call from my mum on a rainy Thursday evening. By this point, in my early 40s, perimenopausal, and back at work after giving birth to my second child, I weighed around 17st 4lb. It's an estimate because once my weight tipped over 15st, I could no longer bear to weigh myself.
My rock bottom moment
When my mum shared her devastating diagnosis, all I could think about was how unfair life is. She was so fit and healthy. It didn't make any sense. She'd also waited so long to be a granny and just when we'd had our babies, this happened. It felt so unfair. At that moment, everything changed. This was my rock bottom.
I felt awful for her but also couldn't help thinking about how short and precious life really is. For the past 20 years, I'd obsessed over my weight and everything I ate – yet I was mentally and physically unhealthier than ever and totally confused.
I desperately tried to understand how my mum could have terminal cancer. She had done everything right. She loved playing tennis and golf. She ate very well while enjoying the occasional gin and tonic or whisky. If you knew her, you knew she made good choices for her health, which made the diagnosis even more sad.
My dad was eight years older than her so I think he always assumed he'd go first. They had a traditional relationship where mum looked after everything at home and dad didn't even have to know how to boil the kettle. They loved each other deeply and we knew that, after mum died, we needed to be there for dad as she'd asked us to be.
Looking into holistic health
Alongside the practicalities of mum's treatment, I began looking into how I could help her live well for as long as possible. That was my first real foray into the world of holistic health – and the more I read, the more I realised how ridiculous my years of yo-yo dieting had been.
I researched everything with mum in mind – the best diets for cancer, the everyday habits she should or shouldn't adopt. The more I read to support her, the more engrossed I became. I realised I'd spent so many years trying to hate myself into changing, when really I should have been caring for myself in the same way I care for my family and friends.
My mum was amazing throughout her many years of treatment. She met six of her eight grandchildren, which gave her and my dad a huge amount of pleasure.
When she became much weaker, she began to lose interest in food and drink. But she would still try her best to join in whenever the family were together, because we meant absolutely everything to her. I remember her sitting there in her flowery dressing gown, hair neatly brushed and a little makeup on, simply happy to be part of it.
The night before she died, in August 2020, she sat at the dinner table with everyone and gave us strict instructions to look after each other. That night, she passed away in her bed at home with my sister lying next to her. It was deeply sad, but also a beautiful passing.
Focusing on the future
In the years since, my entire outlook on life and health has changed. I no longer jump onto every new trend or fixate on the number on the scale. Instead, I take a holistic approach – focusing on sleep, maintaining muscle mass, and eating simple foods my grandparents probably would've enjoyed. My weight-loss journey has been a by-product of this mindset, and I began losing weight slowly and sustainably.
It has taken years to get to where I am now. During that time, I've focused on slowing down and treating myself with kindness and compassion. Rather than pushing through extreme workouts like high-intensity interval training (HIIT) and CrossFit, I weight train and walk as much as I can – whether it's with my dog or walk-and-talk meetings at work. Sleep has also become incredibly important to me. Since 2018, I've worn an Oura ring to track my steps, sleep, resting heart rate and heart rate variability.
One of the biggest lightbulb moments for me was discovering the power of protein and a low-carb, high-protein, high-fat diet, like keto or carnivore. In almost every diet I'd tried over the years, I'd been told 'fat makes you fat', so it was refreshing to discover such a different approach to health. Food doesn't need to be confusing or complex. It's about eating whole, unprocessed nutrient-dense foods – you need to get healthy to lose weight, not the other way round.
Eating simply and giving up alcohol
While I don't rigorously follow a keto diet, my meals tend to closely resemble it. I swapped sugary breakfasts for protein-rich alternatives, and now eat two big meals each day, trying to have my last one at least four hours before bedtime.
Learning to nourish my body became my priority. I focused on finding joy in food, understanding the nutrients my body needs, getting outside daily, moving my body and being a good role model for my children.
Three years ago, I stopped drinking (almost) completely. In perimenopause and menopause, I found I couldn't metabolise sugar in the same way, and I remember even one glass of wine would cause my sleep scores to absolutely tank. Occasionally, I'll have a sip of my husband's wine, but I've never really gone back to alcohol – and I feel all the better for it.
It's been a bumpy journey over the years, but in 2021 I saw the scale reach 10st 3lb for the first time, and I've kept my weight around there ever since. A couple of years ago, my friend suggested I consider health coaching and I decided to give it a try.
I found the Health Coaches Academy, and its course felt like it was meant for me. I devoted my evenings and weekends to training alongside my full-time job, and learnt a lot over the 12 months – including the importance of good nutrition, movement, natural light and blood-sugar balancing. All skills that I can put into use at home, in the office and for whatever the future holds. I'm delighted to say that I graduated in May and am now a health coach.
I spent far too much of my life fixating on my weight and relying on food for comfort. My mum's diagnosis and our final years together taught me that life is far too short for that. Now, I feel free from the obsessive diet cycle – and I'm excited to help others do the same. Everyone deserves good health.
Three things Victoria has learnt
The importance of sleep
It's essential for recovery, overall health and wellbeing. Eating too much sugar and refined carbs, or drinking too much alcohol, can massively affect sleep quality. Once I cut those elements out of my diet – and became consistent with my sleep and wake times – my quality of sleep skyrocketed.
It's not about being thin, it's about being healthy
For years, I obsessed over my 'dream weight' and being thinner – but it only made me unhappier and unhealthier. Now I focus on my health holistically. Once you master the fundamentals, your body naturally becomes healthier too. You get healthy to lose weight, not the other way round.
Food shouldn't be complex
After nearly 20 years of bouncing between diets – from juice detoxes to meal replacement shakes to giving in to sugar cravings – food had become confusing and stressful. Now, I keep it simple with nourishing meals my grandparents might have eaten: good-quality meat, fish, low-sugar fruit and non-starchy vegetables are the cornerstones of my diet.
Victoria Boxall-Hunt, 54, lives in Rutland with her husband, Nick, and their two teenage children. She's chief people officer and group operations director for an investment company, and recently qualified as a health coach via Health Coaches Academy.
Victoria will be publishing a book about her journey titled: 'Weight Loss Reimagined: A New Era, A New World'.
As told to Ella Nunn
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