‘I feel stuck': Man says girlfriend threatens self-harm whenever he tries to leave, turns to netizens for advice
SINGAPORE: A man took to NUSWhispers on Wednesday (Jun 25) to share that he feels stuck in a toxic and emotionally draining relationship with a girlfriend who threatens to harm herself whenever he tries to walk away.
In the post, he explained that they've been together for a few years now, but over time, the relationship has become increasingly unhealthy. Every time he tries to break things off, his girlfriend responds by threatening self-harm, saying she would 'die' if he leaves her.
He shared that he had even started seeing other girls, hoping it would push her to finally let go. But instead of backing off, she turned it around on him, accusing him of 'cheating' and making him feel guilty for trying to move on.
The situation has reportedly escalated at work as well, where they are colleagues. He recalled an incident where she had a full-blown meltdown in the office.
'[She was] screaming, shouting, and even threatening to jump,' he said. 'I feel completely stuck. I really want to leave this relationship, but every time I try, it escalates. Things have only gotten worse — she doesn't trust me anymore.'
According to him, she now constantly monitors his online activity, especially his Instagram and WhatsApp. It has reached a point where he feels like she always knows exactly when he's online, almost too coincidentally. He even wondered if she had planted a tracker on his phone.
The man admitted that there's another girl he likes. They're currently seeing each other, but unfortunately because of his obsessive girlfriend, he can't message her on WhatsApp.
'I've had to switch to other social media apps just to talk to her. I really like her, and I know she deserves a clear answer from me too. But because of this messy and draining situationship I'm stuck in, I can't give her one right now. Deep down, I know I want out of my current relationship — and sometimes, I just wish I could be single again and have peace.'
Recently, his girlfriend has also asked to meet the girl he's been seeing, suggesting that 'all three of them' should have a talk. But he believes it's just another attempt to control and manipulate the situation.
He also mentioned that while his girlfriend has repeatedly threatened suicide over the years, she has never attempted it. His friends believe she's faking her depression to keep him from leaving. In contrast, he says he's now the one who feels mentally and emotionally drained.
'My friends are aware of what I'm going through. Some have advised me to report her threats to the police, as emotional blackmail and suicide threats are serious but I just don't want things to turn out ugly or to even reach there,' he wrote.
'They've told me that if she ever goes berserk again, they'll help me report her. The reality is, I don't think she will ever let me go — and I'm afraid of what she might do if I leave. I feel drained and cornered.'
At the end of his post, he asked netizens, 'Has anyone been through something like this? How do you walk away from a toxic relationship when the other person uses threats and emotional manipulation to keep you there?' 'It may seem harsh but maybe you need to ghost her and cut off all contact.'
In the comments section, many netizens encouraged the man to take control of the situation and prioritise his well-being. One suggested, 'Just tell your gf you don't see a future with her because [list out all her toxic traits that you have no way of dealing with or accepting]. Then end the relationship formally by blocking her everywhere.
'Then start your new life afresh. There is nothing she can do except turn up at your doorstep but you can call the police for that. Even better, the legal consequences of her own actions will settle the problem for you. Best of luck.'
Another echoed the sentiment, writing, 'It may seem harsh but maybe you need to ghost her and cut off all contact. And plan it. Look for another job, make sure leading up no one besides HR knows that you are leaving. Block her from your socials, whatsapp and messaging service.'
A third pointed out, 'You need to set your own boundaries as well, and you're not doing that, plus she's manipulating you to keep you stuck in hers. Better to call it quits now before it lingers on, because the consequences later might be even more drastic.' Helping someone in distress
The Institute of Mental Health (IMH) advises anyone who believes someone is in immediate danger to call 999. If you think it's safe, you can also take the person to the nearest hospital emergency department for medical attention.
If you suspect that someone has attempted suicide, do not leave them alone. Stay with them and seek help from a trained professional as quickly as possible.
For round-the-clock support, you can contact: Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) Helpline: 1800 221 4444 (24 hours) or IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222 (24 hours).
Read also: 'Too young to lead? Too expensive to hire': 26-year-old jobseeker says her age, past job titles, and salary expectations are putting off potential employers
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
AsiaOne
8 hours ago
- AsiaOne
Biden joins thousands paying final respects to slain Minnesota lawmaker and husband, World News
ST. PAUL, Minnesota - Thousands of mourners, including former US President Joe Biden, filed through Minnesota's state Capitol Rotunda on Friday (June 27) to pay final respects to slain lawmaker Melissa Hortman and her husband, Mark, who were gunned down by an assassin earlier this month. The couple lay in state in St. Paul on the eve of a private funeral set for Saturday morning, two weeks after a man impersonating a police officer shot them to death at their home in what authorities are treating as a politically motivated murder. For several hours, members of the public lined up in a column of mourners stretching across the front plaza of the state Capitol building and along an adjacent boulevard. After entering the building, people walked single-file past the Hortmans' flower-bedecked caskets. A portrait of each stood next to their respective coffins. Perched between them was an urn bearing the remains of their golden retriever, Gilbert, along with a photograph of the pet. The dog, too, was shot in the attack and later euthanized. Biden arrived at the statehouse late in the afternoon. After the public was cleared from the rotunda for security purposes, the Democratic former president was ushered in alone. He paused for a moment in front of the caskets, then exited the building. Following his departure, the rotunda was reopened to the public, and the procession of mourners resumed. Still more people joined the line outside, hoping for a chance to pay their respects. The viewing was scheduled to end at 5 pm (6am Singapore time) local time. Representative Hortman, the top-ranking Democrat in the Minnesota House, became the first woman to lie in state in the St. Paul Capitol Rotunda, according to the Minnesota Star Tribune. Her husband was believed to be the first person other than a military figure or public official to be so honoured. The suspect in their June 14 killings, Vance Boelter, 57, is also accused of shooting and wounding a second Democratic legislator, state Senator John Hoffman, and his wife, Yvette, in their home a few miles away.' The accused gunman was arrested on the night of June 16 following a massive two-day manhunt that was the largest in state history. Boelter faces state and federal murder charges. According to prosecutors, investigators recovered notebooks from his car and residence that included the names of dozens of Democratic legislators, along with abortion-rights advocates. [[nid:719153]] The shootings unfolded against a backdrop of increasing political violence in the US in an era of extreme social and partisan polarisation.
CNA
a day ago
- CNA
How suspects laundered over S$50,000 through Sheng Siong teller machines
Scroll up for the next video X How suspects laundered over S$50,000 through Sheng Siong teller machines
CNA
a day ago
- CNA
Jail for driver who showed no remorse after causing teen's death during 'blocking and braking game' on ECP
SINGAPORE: "She deserved it as she come and push my limit," said a driver, after he caused the death of a female pillion rider in a racing game on the East Coast Parkway (ECP) that went awry. While driving along the expressway in February 2024, Jarrett Tee Lee Kiat engaged in "blocking and braking games" with a motorcyclist, clocking speeds of up to 160kmh. The 30-year-old deliberately swerved into the path of the motorcycle, forcing the rider to slow down. Tee, then a student at the National University of Singapore (NUS), also asked the passengers in his car, "Do you want to see motorcycle fly?" The resulting collision between Tee's car and the motorcycle caused its rider, 27-year-old Kovan Tan and pillion rider, 18-year-old Leann Lim Jia Le, to be flung off. Ms Lim, a student, subsequently died from her injuries. Tee was jailed for five years and eight months on Friday (Jun 27), after pleading guilty to one count of dangerous driving which caused the death of Ms Lim. He was also given a driving ban of 10 years. Another two counts of dangerous driving, one of which took into account the hurt caused to Mr Tan, were taken into consideration for his sentencing. The court heard that Tee was a full-time NUS student at the time, and also a part-time chef and social media influencer. He rented a Mercedes Benz car, which he drove at the time of the offences. ACCUSED RACED AGAINST OTHER VEHICLES On the night of Feb 23, 2024, Tee contacted a man known as Vincent Loh to drive around aimlessly. Mr Loh agreed and picked up two 16-year-old girls in his car later that night. The three met Tee in Sembawang and had supper there. The group then cruised separately in Tee's and Mr Loh's car before agreeing to meet in East Coast Park as the final rendezvous point. Sometime during the night, Mr Loh picked up a 16-year-old male, who was also the boyfriend of Ms Lim. Ms Lim subsequently joined the group. While he was driving to different locations, Tee began to play "blocking and braking games" where he would swerve into the lane occupied by Mr Loh's car and apply his brakes intermittently, forcing the other car to slow down. At one point, Tee ended up with a 16-year-old girl and Ms Lim's boyfriend in his Mercedes Benz, while Mr Tan rode his motorcycle with Ms Lim as pillion. The two vehicles travelled along the ECP in the direction of Changi Airport to reach East Coast Park. While en route to the destination, Mr Tan and Tee started to race one another, with Tee speeding up to 160kmh as part of the "blocking and braking game". Mr Tan rode to a slip road at an exit towards Marine Parade but decided to cut across the chevron marking to re-enter the ECP. He filtered out of the slip road, entering the third lane of the ECP with the intention of overtaking Tee's car, which was also in the third lane. Meanwhile, Tee made a remark to his two passengers if they wanted to "see motorcycle fly", to which Ms Lim's boyfriend pleaded with him not to. When Tee saw the motorcycle overtaking him, however, he immediately swerved his car to block it. His car swiped the motorcycle, causing both Mr Tan and Ms Lim to be thrown about five to eight metres away. Ms Lim was observed to be unresponsive as she lay on the floor. A driver who was behind both vehicles captured the incident on her car's dashboard camera. Her recordings showed that Tee applied his brake with the motorcycle in close proximity four times within seconds. VICTIM FOUGHT FOR HER LIFE Ms Lim was taken to the hospital at about 4.40am on Feb 24, 2024, with paramedics administering cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), but she remained pulseless. Resuscitative efforts were futile, with doctors assessing that there was significant brain injury with a poor prognosis that likely could not be reversed. He condition deteriorated and she died at 2.47pm on Feb 24, 2024. Mr Tan sustained abrasions and a laceration on his right hand. He was then warded for three days and given six days of hospitalisation leave. ACCUSED WAS "IN NO WAY REMORSEFUL" Before the police or an ambulance arrived, Tee called Mr Loh to tell him that the "motorcycle had collided into him". Later, in response to Mr Loh's queries on how the collision happened, Tee claimed that the "motorcycle keep (taunting) him", and kept revving its engine at him. He added that Ms Lim had pointed her middle finger at him, so he "played with the motorcycle". He admitted to Mr Loh that he made the lane change and engaged the neutral gear so that the rider would not be able to see his brake lights. According to court documents, Mr Loh told Tee he was "crazy" as he "played with (someone's) life" and the latter responded "she deserved it as she come and push my limit". As he was having his statement recorded after the incident, Tee lied that the motorcycle had been tailgating and "high-beaming" him. He alleged that he changed lanes to give way, but that the motorcycle changed to the same lane and increased its speed, resulting in a collision. After Tee was released on bail on Feb 24, 2024, he again met Mr Loh, who asked him if he was "afraid" given what had happened. "The accused replied 'why scared', 'Who ask her to pissed (sic) me off' and 'The accident caused her death is what she deserved'," the prosecution said. That evening, Tee met Mr Loh and other friends for drinks at a hotel in Geylang. During this session, he told his friends that Ms Lim's death was what 'she deserved" for taunting him, and repeated that she had made a rude gesture at him. Asking for a jail term of 51 months to 68 months, the prosecution referred to victim impact statements from Ms Lim's father and stepmother. Deputy Public Prosecutor Paul Chia also highlighted Tee's lack of remorse for causing Ms Lim's death. "The accused's behaviour in the immediate aftermath of the incident stands in stark contrast to the efforts made by (a witness), the SCDF (Singapore Civil Defence Force) officers and staff at CGH (Changi General Hospital) to save Leann's life and the intense loss experienced by Leann's family," Mr Chia said. "To put it mildly, the accused was in no way remorseful for his actions." Tee's lawyer, Pang Khin Wee of IRB Law, painted his client as a "sorely misguided young man" who did not know to distinguish good influence from the bad. Noting that Tee's parents divorced when he was a baby, Mr Pang said Tee was often alone as his father worked a lot. "Growing up in this manner made Jarrett hard-mouthed when speaking with his friends, but such harsh words seldom represent his true feelings," said Mr Pang. During the incident, Tee was in a competitive mood and wanted to "appear macho" to his passengers, Mr Pang said. "To be clear, Jarrett never really intended for the motorcycle to collide into his car. He merely wanted to increase the perception of danger so he could appear to scare Kovan," Mr Pang said. Tee immediately alighted after the incident to call an ambulance, but being the "hard-mouthed" and "boorish" man that he was, he continued to "talk macho", the lawyer said. "However, Jarrett truly never intended to hurt Kovan and Leann. In truth, Jarrett was just a scared and remorseful man trying to avoid admitting to his friends that he had made a huge mistake. "Jarrett's macho words were simply his way of masking and avoiding seeming 'weak' to his friends, even though he knew he was in trouble," Mr Pang said. Mr Pang asked for a jail term of between 42 and 50 months, after factoring in a sentencing discount for his plea of guilt. His client admits that he should not have played a racing game and regrets the accident, the lawyer added.
