Woman Refuses to Host Fourth of July Dinner for Parents Who Blew Off Previous Holiday Celebrations
Tensions began when she and her husband picked up their daughter early from her parents' house to avoid contact with her brother
After months of cold behavior and guilt-tripping, things are coming to a headA woman is turning to the Reddit community for support after her decision not to host an elaborate Fourth of July cookout for her parents stirred up lingering family tensions.
'My relationship with my parents has been tense since the day before Thanksgiving,' she begins her post, recounting how a disagreement over her daughter's safety led to an explosive fallout. She and her husband had previously made it clear that their young daughter should not be around the woman's brother unless one of them was also present. (In a comment, the woman said her brother can be "unpredictable" and seems like he "might have a drinking issue.")
On the second day of a sleepover at her parents' house, the woman received a call from her mom saying her brother 'may' come over. Because she had a work meeting, her husband offered to pick up their daughter. But it was an offer that clearly didn't sit well with her parents.
When her husband arrived, the interaction was anything but civil. 'The door flung open (apparently my dad threw it open),' she writes, adding that no one offered her husband any pleasantries as he collected their child.
As they were leaving, her father shouted at her husband to have her call him. Her husband replied that he's "not his message boy and that if he has something to say to me, that he should call me himself," she writes.
That's when things escalated further. 'My dad apparently ran out the back door in his pajamas and started screaming at the top of his lungs that my husband is a hateful SOB (but used the full phrase) in front of our kid," she shares. Her husband, having kept his composure, simply replied, 'I have nothing to say to that,' and drove off.
Moments later, her dad called and unleashed his anger directly at her. 'I answered and immediately got screamed at,' she writes. 'Something to the effect of 'Do I really hate my brother this much?' And how I 'need to grow the F up.' '
She adds that she hung up, unable to tolerate being yelled at for a parenting decision she had clearly communicated in advance. 'We talked about this exact scenario… and followed through with what we told them," she adds.
Despite the drama, she and her husband had still planned to host Thanksgiving the next day. They even smoked a 25-lb. turkey overnight in preparation for the gathering, expecting up to eight people, including her brother and his girlfriend.
But plans quickly unraveled. 'I got a call from my mom around 9AM that she and my dad were no longer coming because they 'didn't want to start anything.' '
She says their absence turned the holiday into a confusing, awkward day for their daughter. 'We were left answering questions from our daughter about why grandpa was so mad at daddy and why her grandparents weren't spending Thanksgiving with us.'
Since then, the woman says they haven't shared a dinner with her parents. While they've had them over for brunch on Christmas and Easter, it's clear the dynamic hasn't returned to normal.
Her mom even made a comment that stung. 'She asked me if we would ever 'eat a real meal' with them again,' she says, despite the fact that she had cooked made-to-order omelets, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and hash browns for everyone.
She also reveals that the rift feels especially personal for her husband, whose own parents are gone. 'My parents forgot his birthday last year (before all this drama happened),' she writes, adding that it feels like her parents 'treat us like dirt and we'll just take it happily.'
Now, with the Fourth of July approaching, her mom is asking if they can host a cookout at their home. But the woman is hesitant, in part because their only option for cooking is a smoker, and it would be her husband stuck out in the heat all day.
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'My mom at least offered to make some macaroni salad,' she says, but the overall expectation seems one-sided. 'They want (or expect) us (which really means my husband) to smoke a bunch of meats again—in the heat.'
She told her mom that they're fine with having everyone over, but don't want to cook this time. Now, she is left wondering whether keeping the peace is worth sacrificing her husband's comfort, or if it's time to take the first step toward healing.
"I wouldn't host them, ever again. Your parents suck. Sorry to say that. Why would you put up with that?" writes one commenter. "Tell your parents when they sincerely apologize you will consider resuming a relationship again. I wouldn't allow my daughter around them. Saying such hateful things to her dad is unacceptable."
Adds another, "At some point you actually have to address the elephant in the room and TALK to your parents about the day before T'Day and find out exactly what it meant to all parties involved and why. If you cannot do that, maybe you should signup for a few therapy sessions to learn how to effectively communicate with your family, especially your parents."
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