Dad Praised for Eye-Opening Message About Supporting Kids Like Your Partner

Newsweek

a day ago

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A New York dad has been praised online for his case that parents should support their kids in the same way you would a partner.
Rory Tobias (@adadnamedrory) posted a reel on Instagram and recounted a moment many adults can relate to: arriving home after a long day of work, emotionally tapped out and needing space. His wife, eager for connection after a tough day herself, was met not with comfort but with a closed emotional door.
From left: Rory Tobias, 33, speaks into the camera in Brooklyn, New York, filming an Instagram reel.
From left: Rory Tobias, 33, speaks into the camera in Brooklyn, New York, filming an Instagram reel.
@adadnamedrory
"I just said, 'Go lay down, go do your thing, you'll be OK,'" he said in his clip. Later that night, he told her to sleep in another room. "If anybody is not enraged by that, if you think that's not OK—why are we doing it to our kids?"
Tobias told Newsweek that his revelation didn't start when he became a parent, but much earlier in childhood.
"We all felt it, that something was off," the 33-year-old said. "As kids, we just didn't have the words to name it."
Tobias said how adults were allowed to have strong emotions, to speak their minds—while children were often silenced or shamed for doing the same.
Now, as a father himself, Tobias realized that children deserve a voice.
"Nearly every day, we ask ourselves: Would that be OK if you said it to your wife? Would what you're doing or saying still feel right if it were your wife instead of your child? Most of the time, the answer is no," Tobias said. "And I think that's something we really need to sit with and examine."
Noticing these so-called "infinite double standards" has made Tobias more intentional—but also more vulnerable.
He has had to unlearn old parenting styles that he, too, unconsciously mimicked the parenting patterns of the past.
"The real work? It's messy. It's humbling. And it's not always pretty," Tobias told Newsweek. "For me, recognizing the double standards has made parenting more demanding—but also more honest. It reveals my flaws daily. And maybe that's the point."
Tobias' reel has gone viral on the platform, amassing over 364,000 views. Hundreds of parents commented, praising Tobias for his message.
"Didn't expect that turn, today was particularly hard for me and my little guy. Much respect for this video brother," one user wrote.
"This is literally the point I'm always trying to make. Adults don't like to sleep alone or be brushed off, why do we think it's normal to do it to our kids?" another commented.
A third commenter wrote: "This was so good, my kids sleep with me and probably will for the next few years but I'm going to remember this, they need me more than I need to do anything else."
Tobias said he is "truly humbled" by the response online. "Every loving message means the world to me," he added. "I just wish I could sit down with each person and remind them they're not alone—that real parenting, the deep, messy, healing kind, is hard. And it's rarely Instagram-pretty."