‘Mankeeping' is ruining dating for women who are tired of relationship burnout: ‘I'm not your therapist'
A recent study from Stanford has officially named the emotional labor sucking the life out of straight women: 'mankeeping' — and it's driving them straight out of the dating pool.
The term refers to the exhausting, unpaid gig of managing men's moods, stress and social lives — all while trying to keep their own mental health afloat.
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From decoding their partner's emotional constipation to playing middleman with his buddies, women are being cast as live-in therapists, social secretaries and emotional scaffolding.
And they're over it.
'In the U.S., about one in five men claim they have no close friends,' said Stanford postdoctoral fellow and developmental psychologist Angelica Puzio Ferrara during a talk at the Clayman Institute Faculty Research Fellows.
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3 A Stanford study has put a name to the emotional drain plaguing straight women: mankeeping — and it's pushing them to ghost dating altogether.
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'In comparison to women's social networks, men's social networks in the U.S. and UK tend to be thinner in depth, less frequent in emotional disclosure, and more rarely relied on for support.'
Basically, he has no one else to talk to — so he trauma-dumps on you.
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Ferrara argues this male loneliness epidemic isn't just a 'him' problem — it's a her burden. And it's pushing women to hit pause on relationships altogether.
According to Pew Research, just 38% of single women are actively seeking love — compared to 61% of men.
That math adds up to one thing: women are opting out of being 'therapists with benefits.'
'This is the labor that women take on to shore up losses in men's social networks and reduce the burden of this isolation on families, on the heterosexual bond itself, and on men,' Ferrara explained.
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3 Mankeeping is the thankless, unpaid gig where women juggle men's moods, stress and social lives — while barely staying sane themselves.
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'The barriers that men are facing in their relationships have the potential to expand women's labor on men's behalf.'
In other words, it's not just one needy boyfriend — it's a system.
Ferrara dubs this draining duty 'mankeeping,' likening it to 'kinkeeping' — the thankless job of maintaining family bonds, which also mysteriously ends up in women's laps.
And the root of it all? Stunted male friendships and toxic masculinity.
Ferrara says that naming this invisible labor is a first step toward equity.
Recognizing and naming this form of gendered labor may be important for making women's emotional work more visible — and hopefully, more equal, she stressed.
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Until then? More and more women are swiping left on mankeeping.
Another possible solution? Men could be calling their buddies more often.
As The Post previously reported, some say it's just a wholesome fad — others are calling it a remedy for the male loneliness epidemic.
3 Slapping a label on this emotional heavy lifting could finally shine a light on the invisible work women do — and maybe even help even the score, Ferrara said.
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In a surprisingly sweet new trend, bros — mostly Gen Z, but not exclusively — are picking up the phone and dialing their dudes just to say: 'Good night.'
And the waterworks are flowing.
One viral TikTok, with over 3 million views, shows a user filming her husband ringing up a pal.
'Hi — what's up, man? … I'm about to go to bed, and I'm just calling you to tell you good night,' he says, without a hint of irony.
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Cue the collective swoon.
His friend, caught off guard, replies, 'Why? Are you thinking of me for real?'
After the man sweetly says he loves him, the surprised pal answers: 'God damn I love you too […] I don't know what to say; you caught me off guard.'
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Viewers were all in.
One commented: 'In all seriousness, this is how you fight the male loneliness epidemic, just be friends with each other.'
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