Helper's employer says, ‘Maids should not complain if they are required to take care of a family's newborn at night, even after doing their chores during the day'
The post, made in the popular group Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper , was intended to call out what the employer saw as hypocrisy among helpers. Her grievance? Helpers who apply for baby care jobs often protest when asked to work night duty and can even go on to say that mothers who hire helpers to care for their newborns 'shouldn't have kids.' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper
The employer wrote: 'If you don't like the job, don't have a heart for babies, don't take it and don't talk so much,' she wrote. 'You think any mother wants to leave her child to strangers? And these people wonder why their employers say they are rude.'
A few other employers jumped in, nodding in weary agreement. A second one shared her own experience:
'Yes, same problem with my helper now. Interviewed her and told her that we will have a newborn plus a toddler. She said, 'Yes, yes, able to manage.' (And then), just yesterday, she requested to be sent back home.'
The employer continued, expressing frustration that her helper refused feedback and couldn't understand the financial strain employers faced.
'They think all Singaporeans are rich and can afford the agency? Some employers are barely earning enough, but they really need to hire a helper… FYI, before all those helpers comment, we are the ones taking care of the kids at night. We make sure she has enough rest, but the helper doesn't see all that.'
Another employer admitted she had to extend her confinement nanny's contract just to train her helper properly:
'My helper didn't dare to bathe my newborn… she's also a mother, but her own family took care of her baby during her confinement. She said yes during the interview, but in reality, she was not confident.' 'Helpers are not robots' — The maids speak up
While some employers rallied behind the original post, it didn't take long for helpers to clap back. One maid shot back with raw honesty:
'You expect your helper to take care of your kids day and night, which you yourself can't even do? Helpers are not robots. Be in helpers' shoes and be fair, please.'
Another maid made a sharp comparison:
'My past expat employers never let me do night duties. They also work full-time but take over childcare after work. Why can't some local employers do that?'
The debate spilled over with tales of exhaustion and impossible expectations.
'Imagine getting up at 4:30 a.m. to feed toddlers after sleeping at 2:30 a.m., because you've been minding the kids till midnight,' one helper lamented. 'Then wash dishes, handwash laundry, and clean all the shoes. Every day. Can I sleep during the day? Will you be okay with that?'
One helper even shared a rare story of a balanced arrangement:
'My previous employer was a divorcee with two kids. I worked night shifts, but she allowed me to rest during the day and plan my own schedule. That's fair.' Ministry of Manpower: What does the law say?
So, can you actually ask your helper to be on call 24/7 without a break?
According to Singapore's Ministry of Manpower (MOM), foreign domestic workers (FDWs) are entitled to adequate rest, and as an employer, you are responsible for the health and well-being of your FDW.
It is recommended to discuss duties clearly before hiring and to be specific about expectations, particularly regarding infant care, household chores, and working hours. Crucially, night duties must be compensated with daytime rest, and helpers cannot be expected to function without sleep. So where's the middle ground?
The online spat may seem like just another Facebook flame war, but it reveals deeper fault lines between expectations and reality — and between exhaustion and empathy.
There are, undeniably, helpers who overpromise during interviews, often out of desperation for a job due to a lack of clarity or cultural pressure, but many also find themselves in environments where they are overworked, under-rested, and afraid to speak up.
On the flip side, many employers are genuinely overwhelmed. With both parents working full-time and no extended family to lean on, they turn to helpers as lifelines — and expect a kind of superhuman endurance that even they can't match.
However, as one helper wisely said:
'Everything should be give and take… It's okay to take care of the kids at night, but are you okay if the house is a little messy and not really clean? And if your helper naps during the day? If yes, then good. If not, maybe rethink your expectations.' Tired mums and tired maids are one shared struggle
The truth is that both employers and helpers are tired. Both want what's best for the baby. Both are navigating motherhood — one as a parent, the other as support staff, and sometimes as fellow mum.
However, helpers are not substitutes for parental bonding, and employers are not heartless overlords — most just want the house to stay upright while they hustle to provide for their family.
The solution? Communication, transparency, and — as radical as it sounds — compassion.
Maybe it's time to stop thinking in terms of 'boss vs. maid' and start thinking in terms of teammates. After all, the baby isn't going to sleep any faster if both of you are fighting over who's more tired.
In other news, also quite recently, a concerned mother detailed her mounting frustration: 'My helper keeps asking me for a loan every few days… sometimes S$20–S$30, sometimes more than S$100. If I refuse, she gets angry and says that I am supposed to help her, not the other way around.'
If that wasn't stressful enough, the employer revealed she had already lent the helper a hefty S$2,000, which had only just been repaid. Now, less than a week after receiving her July salary, the helper is once again asking for more. 'I don't want to keep giving money as it's a bad habit,' the employer wrote. 'But I don't want her to hurt my child either.'
Read the rest of the story here: 'My helper keeps asking me for S$20-S$30, sometimes over S$100 loan every few days, and she even gets angry if I refuse'
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