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Independent Singapore
2 days ago
- Business
- Independent Singapore
Employers of domestic helpers in Singapore fire back: ‘You guys complain like all employers are insane; how about helpers who don't appreciate the things we do for them?'
SINGAPORE: In the bustling online community of the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group, one Singaporean employer let loose a fiery rant that lit up the comment section like a bonfire soaked in kerosene. 'You guys complain like employers are all insane,' the employer began. 'How about helpers that does not appreciate the things employers do for them?' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper What followed was a heated monologue that touched on food, entitlement, shampoo preferences, and the universal frustration of feeling unappreciated as it opened the floodgates to a much larger, messier conversation: Are employers too kind… or are helpers just too entitled? A plateful of resentment According to the employer, the incident that tipped the scales involved a family outing to a 'known family restaurant,' where the helper was offered the same food as everyone else. The employer said she always prioritised her children's preferences when choosing the eatery. 'She [the helper] has been with us almost a year… She ended up buying something for S$18, totalling S$23 with her drink, (but) ate only two bites. (She) complained it's not nice and didn't touch anything else.' For context, S$23 is roughly equivalent to a day's wage for many foreign domestic workers in Singapore. And it clearly didn't go down well — neither the food, nor the gesture. 'Each time I do good towards her, she shows the side of not appreciating what I've done,' the employer complained, adding that the helper had also previously complained about the 'expensive shampoo' provided for her. 'I gave (her), but (she) never appreciated.' The post ends on a sour note, claiming that the helper also raised her voice during corrections, leading to arguments and mounting tension in the household. Fellow employers nod, and add their vent as well As expected, the post found an eager audience among other employers, many of whom chimed in with their own tales of domestic drama. 'That's what happened to me, too,' sighed one employer. 'Nowadays, most helpers don't appreciate but keep complaining. So disappointing.' Another recalled how she treated her helper 'more than family,' even paying for her kids' education. 'You know what she repaid me with? Love bites from her off days 🙄.' One user pulled no punches describing the state of her helper's private room: 'She vandalised the walls, pasted nose dirt, moulds on bed, balls of hair under the cupboard… and she still says employers are bad?' Then came the shampoo saga — a seemingly universal pain point. 'My helper gave me the face when I bought cheaper shampoo with a Myanmar word from the value shop,' one employer shared. 'But she was delighted when she got to buy the brand from FairPrice.' It's the little things, clearly, that can cause big problems. Privacy, pricey food, and pride What also emerged was a recurring theme: many employers feel caught in a no-win situation. When they offer kindness, it's not always returned with gratitude. When they correct poor behaviour, they're accused of being harsh. 'The nicer you treat them, the more they demand,' said one. 'Not all of them are like this, but MOST are. They don't know what is (being) grateful and appreciative.' Another added that 'We walk on eggshells in our own home. Black faces, banging things, silent treatment… We pay them, feed them, house them, what more do they want?' One employer offered a more pragmatic approach: 'No need to treat them so well so fast. Learn their character first.' 'Maybe the cuisine is not to her taste…' Despite the overwhelming chorus of employer frustrations, a few voices dared to be more reflective. 'Maybe the cuisine is not to her taste,' suggested one. 'She might have felt pressured to eat with the family. I prefer to give cash and let them decide where they want to eat on their own.' Another added, 'Nice employers, nice helper. You help me manage my home, and I pay you to build your house. Don't forget the hardship in your country. Be grateful that you got food here.' Helpers clap back… but with grace The post didn't go unanswered. Helpers in the group also weighed in, with responses ranging from the diplomatic to the cheekily honest. 'Some employers are not so good, some are good,' said one maid. 'Same with helpers. We don't generalise employers. We complain based on our experience.' Another commented, 'She is lucky to have that kind of employer, but she still complains. If I have an employer like that, I'd be so thankful.' One helper offered a more culinary critique: 'For me, I prefer simple home food. An expensive restaurant doesn't mean it's suitable for everyone's taste.' There were also heartfelt — and occasionally humorous — testimonials of healthy employer-helper relationships: 'My boss always loves what I choose, and everybody's happy,' one maid laughed. 'If I order expensive food, I share it. We laugh and enjoy it together. Everybody wins.' Another wrote: 'At least she brings you to the restaurant. My ahma takes me to the hawker centre and scolds me if I order more expensive food than hers.' The viral verdict: Empathy needed on both sides While the post triggered a deluge of grievances from both camps, one thing stood out: mutual frustration often stems from mismatched expectations and a breakdown in communication. The employer who started the debate may have hoped for validation, and she certainly got plenty. But what she also unearthed was a more complex conversation: one about culture, class, personal dignity, and the invisible emotional labour exchanged in every employer-helper dynamic. It's easy to assume that a S$23 meal, a bottle of shampoo, or a private room are markers of kindness. But for many helpers, what they crave most isn't luxury — it's understanding. As one maid summed it up: 'She's lucky to have you as her employer… Different from mine. I only have eggs and rice at home. She (my employer) even bought me expired Korean noodles.' In a country where foreign domestic helpers are as common in households as rice in a rice cooker, perhaps the real ingredient that's missing — on both plates — is empathy. And a side of tactful communication wouldn't hurt either. In other news, a post in a Facebook group expressed a searing commentary that cracked open an often-muted reality: 'Singapore is known for its world-class standards, but beneath the surface of this clean, modern society lies a silent injustice — the daily mistreatment of foreign domestic workers (FDWs) who leave their families behind, only to be treated without basic dignity,' a member of the group Eryana Eryan wrote. It was a post that's now resonating with many who know the system needs fixing. You can read the full story here: Domestic helpers in Singapore: We left our own children behind to raise yours, but you treat us like second-class citizens, without even basic dignity
Independent Singapore
3 days ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
'I am so stressed and tired of my employer nagging every day' — Maid working in Singapore for 7 years says about her new employer
SINGAPORE: After spending seven years caring for children in various Singaporean households, a foreign domestic helper thought she had seen it all — until she landed in a new home that seemed to have broken a record for high turnover. The woman in question said the workload itself was manageable — 'can tahan' — but it was the daily nagging from her employer that wore her down. And in a household where seven other helpers had also walked away, it doesn't take a psychology degree to guess where exactly the problem is. In a Facebook post shared to the popular group Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper , the woman wrote: 'I'm just going to be 4 months working with my new employer, but I am so stressed and tired of her nagging every day 😔 Work can tahan (I can stand the workload), (but) … I want to transfer…' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper Unfortunately, this isn't an isolated case. Stories of helpers enduring chronic micromanagement, emotional distress, and even verbal abuse are not uncommon in Singapore. In the high-stakes world of domestic employment in the little red dot, that's less of a little red flag and more of a screaming big red neon sign. A revolving door of helpers Being the eighth in a line of helpers is not a stat anyone wants on their résumé, but here we are. While some employers might chalk up turnover to 'poor attitude' or 'laziness' (as so often seen in one-sided comments), it takes a toll on the mental and emotional well-being of helpers, many of whom leave their families behind to provide caregiving support abroad. The woman, whose name wasn't disclosed in the public post, said she was now considering a transfer, despite being only a few months into her contract, and asked if any new employer would accept her and allow her to go home in December. 'Can let me go home in December, as I have already booked my own ticket for vacation… hoping for your understanding. Thank you,' she wrote, hinting at a need for some relief time and perhaps a fresh start. The sisterhood responds: 'I feel u, sis…' Her plea struck a chord. Comments from fellow domestic helpers poured in, revealing a silent but united sisterhood who knew all too well the reality behind the kitchen doors: 'I feel u, sis. Hope u can get a new employer before u go back home, (so it will be) easier for u to come back here.' Another maid stated that 'Of course, got (there are) employer(s) will accept u. But the problem is, will your employer give you release papers?' and added her advice that 'Still got time to find. Try to find an employer without your current employer knowing. Ask the new employer to apply from overseas.' Between the lines, there's a silent strategy in play: find a new employer quietly, get paperwork in order, and hope the current employer doesn't throw a wrench in the plan. A system stacked against the helper? Despite the policies in place, many helpers fear repercussions if they express a desire to leave. The risk of being abruptly repatriated, blacklisted, or unfairly accused is a real concern. See also MOM will not mandate domestic helpers to stay home on rest days One comment summed up the dilemma succinctly: 'Find another agency that you have an employer with before going back home, sister…' This workaround — finding a new employer while still under contract — often skirts the margins of what's officially allowed, but for many helpers, it's the only way to survive and return to Singapore for future work. Burnout behind closed doors Let's be honest: no one books a one-way ticket to Singapore to be verbally picked apart daily. For helpers working long hours, often with little privacy, mental fatigue can set in fast, especially when paired with employers who micromanage every move or act as though hiring help also comes with a license to berate. When one helper after another walks out the door, perhaps the question isn't 'What's wrong with the helper?' but 'Why can't anyone stay in this house?' Moving forward with dignity and decency At the end of the day, the story is more than a cry for help — it's a reminder that retention isn't built on rules, but respect. This helper, after seven years of service, wasn't asking for luxury. She wasn't even complaining about long hours or heavy chores. She was simply seeking peace of mind and a workplace free from constant emotional stress. If anything, her story adds weight to the growing call for better protections, stricter enforcement, and perhaps a mindset shift among employers — from 'my maid' to 'a fellow human being earning a living away from home.' And to our unsung heroine, we hope you find a new home with an employer who values your experience, honours your vacation, and lets you breathe without the soundtrack of daily nagging. Because after seven years of service, you've more than earned it. If you or someone you know is a foreign domestic worker in distress, contact the official support channels below if resolving the matter calmly with the employer has not produced a peaceful outcome. Call the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) FDW Helpline at 1800 339 5505 Contact the Centre for Domestic Employees (CDE) at 1800 2255 233 for counselling, temporary shelter, and legal aid Report serious abuse (physical or verbal) directly to the police or MOM In other news, in a Facebook post that quickly stirred emotions in Singapore's online domestic helper community, one foreign domestic worker shared a jaw-dropping tale of life inside a household that has five helpers — and still, according to her, nothing is ever right. 'My lady employer has five helpers. For many months, everything we do, she sees as wrong. Always demanding — do this, do that,' the helper wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group. 'She is only thinking of the salary she's giving us and not our service to her family. Should I leave?' she asked for advice from other helpers and employers alike. You can read her full story here: Maid says her employer has '5 helpers, but still complains that all the work done is wrong and that she's feeding us too much'
Independent Singapore
4 days ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
Domestic helpers in Singapore: We left our own children behind to raise yours, but you treat us like second-class citizens, without even basic dignity
SINGAPORE: 'Singapore is known for its world-class standards, but beneath the surface of this clean, modern society lies a silent injustice — the daily mistreatment of foreign domestic workers (FDWs) who leave their families behind, only to be treated without basic dignity,' wrote Eryana Eryan. Her post in the Facebook group Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper recently expressed a searing commentary that cracked open this often-muted reality — a post that's now resonating with many who know the system needs fixing. Her voice, equal parts heartfelt and heartbreaking, sheds light on the day-to-day indignities suffered by helpers at the hands of employers who blur the line between firm supervision and outright cruelty. Fed stale rice, not respect 'Some helpers are barely fed. Leftovers become their daily meals — sometimes stale rice, expired instant noodles, or nothing at all. When they request proper food, they're told, 'This is not a hotel'.' If this sounds like something out of a dystopian novel, it's not. It's a quiet reality faced by a shocking number of helpers, who cook and clean and are expected to be grateful for a cold clump of reheated rice and a glare in return. And no, Singaporean homes aren't hotels — but that also means we shouldn't be treating people like room service staff on zero pay and zero dignity. Rest is a luxury, not a right In many households, FDWs are up before the sun, scrubbing tiles and frying eggs while the rest of the home is still snoring. They go on to wash, fold, dust, chase toddlers, walk dogs, scrub toilets, and reheat meals — only to finally collapse into bed past midnight. 'Proper rest is a luxury… no breaks, no naps, just task after task. The moment they sit down, someone's watching or shouting.' According to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM), employers are responsible for ensuring the well-being of their helpers, which includes providing them with adequate rest. Sufficient sleep daily At least one rest day a week Breaks during the day So if your helper's eyes are barely open, and she's nodding off while ironing your clothes, the problem may not be her attitude, but your expectations. When 'discipline' becomes abuse Some employers justify their control with a worn-out script: 'They must learn respect!', but shouting, name-calling, and threats aren't discipline — they're verbal abuse dressed up in a tidy uniform. 'Helpers are screamed at over small mistakes. Called 'stupid', 'useless', or worse — with threats like 'I'll cancel your work permit!' or 'I'll blacklist you!'' Singapore's MOM explicitly states that employers must not verbally abuse or threaten FDWs. Disputes should be resolved calmly or through mediation, not intimidation. If you wouldn't speak to your colleague like that without getting HR involved, why is it okay to scream at someone who lives under your roof? Prisoners in plain sight FDWs aren't just cut off emotionally. Many are physically restricted — their phones taken away, their contact with families strictly controlled, and some, you may have heard or read in the news yourself, unbelievably, are still made to sleep in storerooms, on floors, or next to washing machines — all while being monitored by CCTV 24/7, even in bathrooms. '(Their) phones are locked away. Some aren't allowed to call home for weeks. They're made to feel like prisoners in a home they help maintain,' Eryana added as well. That's just unethical and breaches MOM's advisory, which recommends giving helpers access to communication and a private space to rest. Denying contact with loved ones isn't supervision — it's psychological and emotional suffocation. Anxiety, fear, and the things we don't see 'Many cry themselves to sleep, suffer in silence, and live with anxiety. Some even endure physical harassment — and are too afraid to speak up.' This is the part that often goes unspoken. When mental health breaks down, the effects are silent and long-lasting. What appears to be 'attitude' may be a sign of trauma. What seems like 'laziness' may be depression, and the worst part is that some endure emotional and inappropriate physical abuse, with nowhere to turn. If you suspect someone's being abused, speak up. If you're an employer, ensure your home is a safe space, not a silent prison. A mirror we all need to look into… Eryana ends her post with a powerful plea for better laws and a humane society. 'No salary can justify abuse. Helpers come here to earn for their families — not to be controlled, threatened, or broken.' 'Would you accept this treatment for your mother or daughter overseas?' Let's get real: Having a helper is a privilege, not a birthright. It's not an excuse to offload our lives onto another human being and then treat them like an unpaid robot with a mop. And to those who still scoff at this post, remember: Character is how you treat someone who can't do anything for you in return. What you can do if you or someone you know is mistreated If you're a helper facing abuse, or you know someone who is, there are ways to get help safely: 📞 Call the MOM FDW helpline at 1800 339 5505 🧭 Reach out to the Centre for Domestic Employees (CDE), which provides free advice, mediation, and legal support 📩 Or message trusted community support groups who can guide you to safety According to MOM guidelines, helpers who are mistreated should try a calm discussion first. If that fails, report the case through the proper channels — no one deserves to live in fear. And of course, the rest of us can also do better… This post by Eryana isn't just a rant — it's a wake-up call. A reminder that modern servitude still exists, even in modern homes, and a challenge to us all: If we expect kindness and respect from others, we must first extend it to those who quietly carry our households on their shoulders. 'Start treating helpers like the humans they are — with compassion, dignity, and respect.' We don't need another law to know that no one deserves to be broken in the name of obedience. What we need is conscience. What we need is the courage to say no to fear and intimidation. In other news, a heartfelt Facebook post that quickly caught the attention of fellow helpers and employers alike, a foreign domestic worker sounded the alarm on her harsh working conditions, shedding light yet again on the difficult balance between duty, dignity, and domestic life in Singapore. 'I've only been here in Singapore for three months now,' she wrote in a public group for direct hire transfers. 'But my boss treats me badly. He always yells at me, always gets angry with me. Even though I've done everything (all the work), everyone (my employers) still says I'm lazy. I don't get enough rest working from 6:30 in the morning until 12:30 at night.' You can read her full story here: Maid says, 'My employer calls me lazy and always yells at me even though I've done all the work without rest from 6:30 morning to 12:30 night'
Independent Singapore
4 days ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
Maid says, ‘My employer calls me lazy and always yells at me even though I've done all the work without rest from 6:30 morning to 12:30 night'
SINGAPORE: In a heartfelt Facebook post that quickly caught the attention of fellow helpers and employers alike, a foreign domestic worker sounded the alarm on her harsh working conditions, shedding light yet again on the difficult balance between duty, dignity, and domestic life in Singapore. 'I've only been here in Singapore for three months now,' she wrote in a public group for direct hire transfers. 'But my boss treats me badly. He always yells at me, always gets angry with me. Even though I've done everything (all the work), everyone (my employers) still says I'm lazy. I don't get enough rest working from 6:30 in the morning until 12:30 at night.' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper That's 18 hours a day! With no rest! And if all her account is true, it's not just exhausting — it's exploitative! Despite this, the helper ended her post with grace and grit: 'I hope I can find a good boss. I'm a fast learner and know how to get along with others. Know how to take care of the elderly, children, and dogs. I can do cleaning, ironing, washing, and cooking.' In short: She's not giving up. 'Same with my employer. You're not alone.' — a chorus of quiet suffering Her post resonated with many other helpers in the group based on previous feedback on other posts. One chimed in with their own story in this one, commenting simply but poignantly: 'Same with my employer. You're not alone.😥 I miss my last employer. She's very calm and very understanding — one of the best employers.' The pain, nostalgia, and longing for respect wrapped into that one sentence were enough to speak volumes. For many domestic workers, good employers are always remembered for their kindness and basic human decency. 'Don't believe their drama' — some employers bite back However, not everyone was sympathetic. In the comments section, a few employers fired back — clearly fed up with what they viewed as a tired trope: the 'lazy maid' playing victim. 'Yeah, as usual,' one employer wrote. 'Create some story about your current employer. If you can't take the workload, next time during the interview, be honest. Don't say yes, ma'am, yes, sir, and end up wanting to change employers. Employer already paid so much to bring you in, and now you want to change. Don't be lazy.' Another added bluntly: 'Even if you ask for a transfer, it depends on your employer if they want to release you. Worst scenario, you'll be sent home.' To many onlookers, the tone may feel more like courtroom prosecution than constructive criticism, but it raises a fair question: Who's telling the truth? Unfortunately, in most cases, it's a one-sided story until the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) steps in — or something serious happens. Behind closed doors: What the MOM says… Singapore's MOM outlines clear expectations on its official website regarding the well-being of Foreign/Migrant Domestic Workers (FDWs/MDWs). According to MOM: 'As an employer, you are responsible for the health and well-being of your MDW.' And common sense tells us that this includes allowing them to have adequate rest with: Sufficient sleep (uninterrupted sleep at night) At least one rest day per week Breaks during the day, especially during long working hours In this case, if the helper's account of a daily 6:30 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. grind is true, it clearly violates basic guidelines. Sleep-deprived, verbally abused, and dismissed as lazy — that's not a job. That's survival — almost slavery, even. Moreover, fatigue due to insufficient rest can also affect your helper's performance and safety. It is detrimental to her well-being. No amount of cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, or diaper-changing should ever come at the cost of someone's physical and mental health. So whose drama is it anyway? The accusations from employers — that some helpers 'make up stories' or 'just want to find an easy household' — reflect a broader mistrust that often shadows the domestic helper scene in Singapore. Yes, it's true: Not every maid is a saint. Some might over-promise during interviews. Others might genuinely struggle with homesickness, communication, or unrealistic expectations, but in a power-imbalanced relationship where the employer holds the purse strings, the bed, the food, and the legal visa — how often do helpers have a fair chance to speak up? The high cost of a bad hire Many employers cite the hefty cost of hiring a helper — often between S$3,000 and S$5,000, including agency fees, insurance, and travel — as the reason they feel 'cheated' when a helper requests a transfer just weeks or months after being hired. Understandably, this causes frustration. However, it also reveals a deeper truth: We treat people better when we see them as individuals, not investments. Perhaps that's the crux of the issue. Employers see helpers as sunk costs. Helpers just want to be treated as humans. The 'lazy' label: a convenient catch-all? When everything else fails, name-calling begins. The word 'lazy' gets thrown around far too often in domestic work, but let's be real — can someone really be lazy after working 18 hours a day? Can someone be 'lazy' and still cook, clean, iron, wash, take care of the kids, the elderly, and the dog? What are we missing here? And what's next for the helper? The maid who posted the original complaint is now seeking a transfer to another employer, but according to the rules, she will need her current employer's written consent for that. If her employer refuses, her only other option may be to return to her home country. It's a difficult spot to be in — stuck between abuse and bureaucracy. Still, her resilience shines through. She didn't insult. She didn't threaten. She simply told her story and said: I hope I can find a good boss. And perhaps there's one out there reading this who's thinking: 'I'll give her that chance.' What to do if you're a helper facing abuse in Singapore Helpers who feel mistreated should first attempt to resolve the matter calmly with their employer. If this fails, we encourage you to: In a nation built on discipline, order, and hard work, it's easy to overlook the silent engines keeping our households running. But behind the mop and the rice cooker is a person, not a thing. One who wakes up before us. Sleeps after us. And — sometimes — cries in silence. So maybe it's about time we listened. In other news, a Facebook post that quickly stirred emotions in Singapore's online domestic helper community, one foreign domestic worker shared a jaw-dropping tale of life inside a household that has five helpers, and still, according to her, nothing is ever right. 'My lady employer has five helpers. For many months, everything we do, she sees as wrong. Always demanding — do this, do that,' the helper wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group. 'She is only thinking of the salary she's giving us and not our service to her family. Should I leave?' she asked for advice from other helpers and employers alike. You can read her full story here: Maid says her employer has '5 helpers, but still complains that all the work done is wrong and that she's feeding us too much'
Independent Singapore
6 days ago
- General
- Independent Singapore
Helper's employer says, ‘Maids should not complain if they are required to take care of a family's newborn at night, even after doing their chores during the day'
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean employer lit up a domestic helper Facebook group with a bold declaration to basically say: 'Maids should not complain if they are required to take care of a family's newborn at night, even after doing their chores during the day.' The post, made in the popular group Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper , was intended to call out what the employer saw as hypocrisy among helpers. Her grievance? Helpers who apply for baby care jobs often protest when asked to work night duty and can even go on to say that mothers who hire helpers to care for their newborns 'shouldn't have kids.' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper The employer wrote: 'If you don't like the job, don't have a heart for babies, don't take it and don't talk so much,' she wrote. 'You think any mother wants to leave her child to strangers? And these people wonder why their employers say they are rude.' A few other employers jumped in, nodding in weary agreement. A second one shared her own experience: 'Yes, same problem with my helper now. Interviewed her and told her that we will have a newborn plus a toddler. She said, 'Yes, yes, able to manage.' (And then), just yesterday, she requested to be sent back home.' The employer continued, expressing frustration that her helper refused feedback and couldn't understand the financial strain employers faced. 'They think all Singaporeans are rich and can afford the agency? Some employers are barely earning enough, but they really need to hire a helper… FYI, before all those helpers comment, we are the ones taking care of the kids at night. We make sure she has enough rest, but the helper doesn't see all that.' Another employer admitted she had to extend her confinement nanny's contract just to train her helper properly: 'My helper didn't dare to bathe my newborn… she's also a mother, but her own family took care of her baby during her confinement. She said yes during the interview, but in reality, she was not confident.' 'Helpers are not robots' — The maids speak up While some employers rallied behind the original post, it didn't take long for helpers to clap back. One maid shot back with raw honesty: 'You expect your helper to take care of your kids day and night, which you yourself can't even do? Helpers are not robots. Be in helpers' shoes and be fair, please.' Another maid made a sharp comparison: 'My past expat employers never let me do night duties. They also work full-time but take over childcare after work. Why can't some local employers do that?' The debate spilled over with tales of exhaustion and impossible expectations. 'Imagine getting up at 4:30 a.m. to feed toddlers after sleeping at 2:30 a.m., because you've been minding the kids till midnight,' one helper lamented. 'Then wash dishes, handwash laundry, and clean all the shoes. Every day. Can I sleep during the day? Will you be okay with that?' One helper even shared a rare story of a balanced arrangement: 'My previous employer was a divorcee with two kids. I worked night shifts, but she allowed me to rest during the day and plan my own schedule. That's fair.' Ministry of Manpower: What does the law say? So, can you actually ask your helper to be on call 24/7 without a break? According to Singapore's Ministry of Manpower (MOM), foreign domestic workers (FDWs) are entitled to adequate rest, and as an employer, you are responsible for the health and well-being of your FDW. It is recommended to discuss duties clearly before hiring and to be specific about expectations, particularly regarding infant care, household chores, and working hours. Crucially, night duties must be compensated with daytime rest, and helpers cannot be expected to function without sleep. So where's the middle ground? The online spat may seem like just another Facebook flame war, but it reveals deeper fault lines between expectations and reality — and between exhaustion and empathy. There are, undeniably, helpers who overpromise during interviews, often out of desperation for a job due to a lack of clarity or cultural pressure, but many also find themselves in environments where they are overworked, under-rested, and afraid to speak up. On the flip side, many employers are genuinely overwhelmed. With both parents working full-time and no extended family to lean on, they turn to helpers as lifelines — and expect a kind of superhuman endurance that even they can't match. However, as one helper wisely said: 'Everything should be give and take… It's okay to take care of the kids at night, but are you okay if the house is a little messy and not really clean? And if your helper naps during the day? If yes, then good. If not, maybe rethink your expectations.' Tired mums and tired maids are one shared struggle The truth is that both employers and helpers are tired. Both want what's best for the baby. Both are navigating motherhood — one as a parent, the other as support staff, and sometimes as fellow mum. However, helpers are not substitutes for parental bonding, and employers are not heartless overlords — most just want the house to stay upright while they hustle to provide for their family. The solution? Communication, transparency, and — as radical as it sounds — compassion. Maybe it's time to stop thinking in terms of 'boss vs. maid' and start thinking in terms of teammates. After all, the baby isn't going to sleep any faster if both of you are fighting over who's more tired. In other news, also quite recently, a concerned mother detailed her mounting frustration: 'My helper keeps asking me for a loan every few days… sometimes S$20–S$30, sometimes more than S$100. If I refuse, she gets angry and says that I am supposed to help her, not the other way around.' If that wasn't stressful enough, the employer revealed she had already lent the helper a hefty S$2,000, which had only just been repaid. Now, less than a week after receiving her July salary, the helper is once again asking for more. 'I don't want to keep giving money as it's a bad habit,' the employer wrote. 'But I don't want her to hurt my child either.' Read the rest of the story here: 'My helper keeps asking me for S$20-S$30, sometimes over S$100 loan every few days, and she even gets angry if I refuse'
