Rachael Kirkconnell of ‘The Bachelor' sheds light on Matt James' infamous break-up post

Los Angeles Times

29-01-2025

Rachael Kirkconnell is opening up about her abrupt breakup from 'The Bachelor' star Matt James, saying she was blindsided by her ex-boyfriend when he announced their split on social media. She says she is still grieving the relationship.
The Bachelor Nation star revealed on Tuesday's episode of the 'Call Her Daddy' podcast that James released his now-infamous prayer about their breakup without her knowledge, on the same day they broke up and just before she was stuck on a 12-hour flight from Tokyo to Atlanta.
'It almost seemed like [him] saying it like a prayer was the easier way to say it than to say something real, something authentic to our actual relationship,' Kirkconnell told host Alex Cooper. 'It's very him. I guess it didn't surprise me that he said it like that, I guess I was just surprised that he said it at all. That he posted that.'
James, who starred in the 2021 season of the ABC dating competition, announced in mid-January on Instagram that he and Kirkconnell had split up after four years together, writing, 'Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts.' He also prayed for 'peace about this decision to end our relationship.'
At the time, Kirkconnell, 28, only hinted online that James had made the call without her. In her interview this week, the graphic designer — chronicling her experience with the controversial season of 'The Bachelor' and its aftermath — went into further detail about their emotional split, saying that she forgives him but feels 'that he disrespected me by doing that.'
'As hard as it is, I think the right decision is to stand up for myself and be on my own,' she said.
The dating-show contestant admitted to feeling 'really, really insecure' in her relationship with the former NCAA athlete and said she had a hard time trusting him. (However, she did deny reports that he had been unfaithful.)
Kirkconnell said their first two years of dating 'were really fun,' and by the third year she started to ask James about where their relationship was going. She said they seemed to be in lockstep in terms of an engagement, a wedding and having kids.
'It's confusing to look back on now because when we would talk about things, he always seemed like he was on the same page. Privately and publicly, whether we were doing interviews, whether he was replying to people in comments talking about getting married,' she said through tears. 'So ... the words were there, and us talking about taking the next steps, but the actions obviously weren't there.'
On their most recent trip, Kirkconnell said, they continued to talk about their joint future. Though they never moved in together, she said they practically lived together because of the amount of traveling they did with one another.
In Tokyo, the night before their breakup, Kirkconnell said she had been 'overwhelmed' because she was scrambling to find a place for dinner, since much of James' career depended on filming content of 'good food spots.' When she finally picked a place, it wasn't what she expected and she had a 'little meltdown' because she felt she had disappointed James.
'It was just one of those things where I'm tired, cranky, emotional, on my period, feeling terrible, overwhelmed with looking for a dinner spot for like an hour, and then we get there and it was a disappointment,' she said. 'So I started tearing up at dinner. Two tears. One, two. We're done. [I] didn't allow myself to get upset after that, just tried to calm down.'
But, she said, they stayed silent through dinner. When they got back to their hotel, James told her he was concerned about her getting so upset. She said she was confused by his reaction and was disappointed about a lack of comfort and support from him.
'He was trying to express to me like, 'If you get emotional about little things like this, what is going to happen in life when something really terrible happens?' [He said,] 'How are you going to be able to react to things that are actually really scary or disappointing or sad?' And ... it just hurt to hear. ... I felt like I was being punished for crying.'
Another little disagreement on their way to a Tokyo market the next day opened up 'a can of worms,' she said. That led to a bigger argument that gave way to 'a bigger conversation' about how James had been feeling for a while. She added that James said 'he felt the weight of marriage really heavily on him' and told her that they weren't compatible.
'It was definitely out of nowhere. He said that at the end of the day, there were just qualities about me that he worries about having in a wife,' she said, adding that he told her she had trouble taking accountability for her mistakes — despite her being the one to apologize first, even when she wasn't at fault.
She said he told her that he should want to marry her by now but still didn't feel ready to propose — and couldn't see himself proposing to her at all in the future.
'It was really a lot to hear at once because a few days before, I'm hearing the opposite. ... He does love me and wanted it to work, but I guess at the end of the day he still doesn't think I'm the person for him.'
She called the split 'very, very hurtful.' Shortly after their decision to end the relationship, she made her way to the airport to catch a flight back home on her own. When she was onboard the aircraft, a friend frantically messaged her about James' Instagram post, which she had not yet seen. Then the plane took off and she couldn't connect to the internet until it landed. She said she sat worried about what people were saying about his post and their breakup.
'I still don't know if he reacted out of anger or spite, or if he didn't mean it. And, to be totally honest with you, if he didn't post it so publicly, like right after he broke up with me, I don't even know where we'd be right now,' she said. 'Because I think that when someone tells you that to your face — 'I don't think you're my person, I don't ever picture us getting married' — it's your time to walk away.
'Like I can't stick around after that, even if I want to, even if it's hard for me to let go. I love him so much and I wanted him to be my partner but when someone says that to you, you have to give it up at that point.'
James, a real estate broker, entrepreneur and community-organization founder, has not yet commented on Kirkconnell's interview, and a representative for the reality star did not respond immediately Wednesday to The Times' request for comment. Kirkconnell said he has since acknowledged that he didn't make the right decision in posting the statement without giving her a heads up.
James was the first Black male lead on 'The Bachelor' and previously appeared on Hannah Brown's season of 'The Bachelorette' as a friend of contestant Tyler Cameron. Before James' run, attorney Rachel Lindsay was the first Black person of either sex to lead the franchise as 'The Bachelorette' in 2017.
The former football player and Kirkconnell made headlines during their 2021 finale after he made the decision to give her the final rose but wanted to continue dating her rather than get engaged.
Their 'After the Final Rose' — the reunion special that updates viewers on events since the season completed shooting — went sideways when James and Kirkconnell were presented with the racist backlash that had tainted much of their season and forced a racial reckoning on the show.
The controversy about an antebellum South-themed fraternity party from Kirkconnell's past also led to the ouster of longtime 'Bachelor' host Chris Harrison, who became embroiled in the fallout when, during an interview with Lindsay, he minimized the 2018 images featuring the contestant.