How to cope with grief? Evoking awe and beauty was the answer for this bereavement expert
'I was 15, and my 17-year-old brother passed away. It crushed the family,' he recalls. 'It was hard to see my mother, especially, suffer so deeply. And she was never the same after that. She lived about 30 years more, but she was inconsolable.'
At the time, Tsilimparis had no tools to help himself or his family navigate the sorrow.
'Nobody was in therapy,' he says. 'It didn't occur to anyone to find help. So we all kind of went into our own corners.'
John Tsilimparis is a psychotherapist and bereavement expert. Photo: John Tsilimparis
Everyone endures loss or tragedy of some kind in their lifetime, and
grief is almost unavoidable when it happens. Most who have experienced it want to escape it as quickly as possible.
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South China Morning Post
2 days ago
- South China Morning Post
How to cope with grief? Evoking awe and beauty was the answer for this bereavement expert
As a teen, John Tsilimparis experienced a wrenching loss that would later shape his attitudes towards grief. 'I was 15, and my 17-year-old brother passed away. It crushed the family,' he recalls. 'It was hard to see my mother, especially, suffer so deeply. And she was never the same after that. She lived about 30 years more, but she was inconsolable.' At the time, Tsilimparis had no tools to help himself or his family navigate the sorrow. 'Nobody was in therapy,' he says. 'It didn't occur to anyone to find help. So we all kind of went into our own corners.' John Tsilimparis is a psychotherapist and bereavement expert. Photo: John Tsilimparis Everyone endures loss or tragedy of some kind in their lifetime, and grief is almost unavoidable when it happens. Most who have experienced it want to escape it as quickly as possible.
South China Morning Post
4 days ago
- South China Morning Post
US skydiving plane's crash after take-off leaves 8 hospitalised
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South China Morning Post
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Hong Kong students' mental well-being starts at home
Feel strongly about these letters, or any other aspects of the news? Share your views by emailing us your Letter to the Editor at letters@ or filling in this Google form . Submissions should not exceed 400 words, and must include your full name and address, plus a phone number for verification I'm writing in response to the letter , 'Is Hong Kong's culture of comparison weighing down on students?' (June 15). As a psychotherapist – and someone who grew up in Hong Kong and struggled with mental health in adolescence – I'd like to offer a different perspective. First, mental health challenges rarely stem from a single cause. They typically arise from a combination of life events, internalised beliefs and negative thought patterns. Even when an initial trigger is identified and resolved, distress can persist due to ingrained, unconscious thinking habits. Focusing too narrowly on a cause may hinder progress, retraumatise clients or rush therapy before trust is established. Many people already have some sense of what they need to do to improve but aren't ready to act – because what they truly need first is to feel heard and understood. In my experience, lasting change begins not with advice or problem-solving techniques, but with empathy, presence and nonjudgement. This need for emotional attunement points to a broader cultural context. Although Hong Kong's culture of comparison is important to discuss, beyond social pressures lies a deeper issue: emotional needs often go unmet in families. Many households show care through practical means – food, education, financial support – while emotional connection and open expression are less prioritised. These dynamics have lasting effects. Many clients trace their struggles to early experiences of dismissal, criticism or discouragement from expressing feelings. Although these moments may seem small, over time they can damage a child's sense of worth and become traumatic. Children may learn that their needs don't matter, that they're unlovable, or that love is conditional. When combined with external pressures rooted in comparison, these messages intensify feelings of inadequacy and contribute significantly to mental health challenges. Yet families can also be a powerful source of resilience. As the first point of contact for children, families are where children first learn about themselves, the world and how to relate to others. Even one emotionally attuned parent can help a child develop a secure sense of self, providing strong protection for mental health.
