First-time employer vents about maid's ‘general slowness' and forgetfulness, asks Singaporeans for advice

Independent Singapore

02-07-2025

SINGAPORE: A first-time employer went online to ask for advice after getting increasingly frustrated with his helper's 'general slowness, forgetfulness, and refusal to follow instructions.'
In his Reddit post, the man explained that he and his wife hired a helper (who's in her early 40s) from Indonesia about six months ago to manage cooking and household chores. While they take care of their children themselves, the helper occasionally assists with their toddler's basic needs when both parents are unavailable.
He shared that her workload is manageable. She starts work at 8 a.m. and finishes by 9:30 p.m., with around two hours of rest time between lunch and dinner. She is also given four days off each month. Despite these arrangements, the couple said they are increasingly dissatisfied with her performance.
The man described how the helper often ignores clear instructions, even after being reminded multiple times. He said she typically only listens after they 'raise their voices,' which they try to avoid.
One example he shared involved cleaning baby bottles. He had instructed the helper several times to wash the baby bottles together with the breast pump parts and place them in the steriliser at the same time in order to save water and electricity.
However, she repeatedly ignored this instruction and continued to wash the bottles separately or asked to wash them without the pump parts. He said this had already happened at 'least four times.'
He also noted that she repeatedly placed objects like 'mops and baby bathtubs' near the automated blinds and railings, even though they were warned that this could damage the equipment. She only stopped after they threatened to 'deduct repair costs' from her pay. See also Employer asks how much maid's medical checkups usually cost
Other complaints included the way she handled laundry baskets, failing to put them back properly, and her reluctance to use aluminium panels while frying in their open-concept kitchen. He said this caused oil to build up on nearby surfaces, and she only started cleaning the area after he pointed out the grease.
Additionally, she often returned items to the wrong places after cleaning, despite being told to remember their original positions. He said this disrupted their routines and made the home feel disorganised.
'I've mentioned at least twice to note how something is supposed to look before dismantling/removing it. This has resulted in her not being able to fit things back into the box as before or messing our order of items up.'
The couple also questioned her judgment when it came to meal planning. He explained, 'Examples: not cooking enough soup (her liquid didn't even cover the ingredients in the pot!) when we have guests over, and we have already informed her that three additional people were coming over to eat with us. It wasn't her first time cooking for additional people either.'
'Or if there isn't enough of a single type of a particular vegetable, she will cook two small portions of different vegetables instead of using another vegetable which would have been enough for one usual portion.'
There were also issues with her cleaning standards. He recalled having to ask her to redo the same task more than once because it was not done thoroughly. Within six months, she had also caused minor damage around the house, including scratches on the wall, chipped laminate, and a chipped kitchen counter.
Moreover, the man suspects she may have passed a virus to him recently. 'She's been complaining of ailments frequently for her age, coughing at night, sniffles, headache, sore throat, diarrhoea after eating yoghurt, all different occasions. I suspect she passed a virus to me last week because I got sick right after she did.'
Despite having multiple talks with her about expectations, the man said that her overall performance has not shown much improvement.
'We can't stand her general slowness and not listening to us,' he wrote. 'Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I suspect early onset dementia for the forgetfulness because sometime when she first joined us that she voiced worries about her father being suspected to have dementia. Otherwise, why would she not take note of things we have mentioned at least three times about?'
He ended his post by asking whether their experience is normal for first-time employers and if their standards are too high. He also welcomed advice from others who have gone through similar situations. 'If she is new, then she needs to learn la.'
In the comments, quite a few people weren't fully convinced by the man's complaints. After reading his post, some felt that he and his wife might be too fussy or particular about small things around the house.
'Ask yourself if you'd be willing to put up with working for someone like yourself for the amount you are paying, and you'd have your answer,' one individual commented.
'Wa Lao eh if you like to complain so much, why hire a helper in the first place? She is human, not your slave,' another wrote.
'Bro need to hire the robot AI maid from the Jack Neo movie. Change la,' a third chimed in.
A number of commenters even said they felt sorry for the helper, who seemed to be trying her best despite the constant reminders and scolding. One said, 'You must remember she's doing a 12-hour day for maybe S$900+? And she probably has a lower education. There's a reason why household fire decrease with higher levels of education.'
Another added, 'If she is new, then she needs to learn la. So repeating something twice or thrice isn't exactly a big deal as she learns your habits, likes, dislikes. Many of the things you say are also very small matters leh.' Sorting out issues with your domestic helper
If you're having problems with your helper, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) recommends sitting down for an open and calm conversation. Try to understand her side, share your concerns clearly, and work together to find a solution.
But if talking it out doesn't help, and you hired her through an agency, contact them for support. They can review your original agreement and help with the next steps.
You can also approach organisations like the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) or the Centre for Domestic Employees if you need extra assistance.
Read also: Man who worked overseas for 5 years says SG job left him sick and exhausted: 'I spend my weekends in bed'
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)