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Independent Singapore
3 days ago
- Business
- Independent Singapore
Employers of domestic helpers in Singapore fire back: ‘You guys complain like all employers are insane; how about helpers who don't appreciate the things we do for them?'
SINGAPORE: In the bustling online community of the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group, one Singaporean employer let loose a fiery rant that lit up the comment section like a bonfire soaked in kerosene. 'You guys complain like employers are all insane,' the employer began. 'How about helpers that does not appreciate the things employers do for them?' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper What followed was a heated monologue that touched on food, entitlement, shampoo preferences, and the universal frustration of feeling unappreciated as it opened the floodgates to a much larger, messier conversation: Are employers too kind… or are helpers just too entitled? A plateful of resentment According to the employer, the incident that tipped the scales involved a family outing to a 'known family restaurant,' where the helper was offered the same food as everyone else. The employer said she always prioritised her children's preferences when choosing the eatery. 'She [the helper] has been with us almost a year… She ended up buying something for S$18, totalling S$23 with her drink, (but) ate only two bites. (She) complained it's not nice and didn't touch anything else.' For context, S$23 is roughly equivalent to a day's wage for many foreign domestic workers in Singapore. And it clearly didn't go down well — neither the food, nor the gesture. 'Each time I do good towards her, she shows the side of not appreciating what I've done,' the employer complained, adding that the helper had also previously complained about the 'expensive shampoo' provided for her. 'I gave (her), but (she) never appreciated.' The post ends on a sour note, claiming that the helper also raised her voice during corrections, leading to arguments and mounting tension in the household. Fellow employers nod, and add their vent as well As expected, the post found an eager audience among other employers, many of whom chimed in with their own tales of domestic drama. 'That's what happened to me, too,' sighed one employer. 'Nowadays, most helpers don't appreciate but keep complaining. So disappointing.' Another recalled how she treated her helper 'more than family,' even paying for her kids' education. 'You know what she repaid me with? Love bites from her off days 🙄.' One user pulled no punches describing the state of her helper's private room: 'She vandalised the walls, pasted nose dirt, moulds on bed, balls of hair under the cupboard… and she still says employers are bad?' Then came the shampoo saga — a seemingly universal pain point. 'My helper gave me the face when I bought cheaper shampoo with a Myanmar word from the value shop,' one employer shared. 'But she was delighted when she got to buy the brand from FairPrice.' It's the little things, clearly, that can cause big problems. Privacy, pricey food, and pride What also emerged was a recurring theme: many employers feel caught in a no-win situation. When they offer kindness, it's not always returned with gratitude. When they correct poor behaviour, they're accused of being harsh. 'The nicer you treat them, the more they demand,' said one. 'Not all of them are like this, but MOST are. They don't know what is (being) grateful and appreciative.' Another added that 'We walk on eggshells in our own home. Black faces, banging things, silent treatment… We pay them, feed them, house them, what more do they want?' One employer offered a more pragmatic approach: 'No need to treat them so well so fast. Learn their character first.' 'Maybe the cuisine is not to her taste…' Despite the overwhelming chorus of employer frustrations, a few voices dared to be more reflective. 'Maybe the cuisine is not to her taste,' suggested one. 'She might have felt pressured to eat with the family. I prefer to give cash and let them decide where they want to eat on their own.' Another added, 'Nice employers, nice helper. You help me manage my home, and I pay you to build your house. Don't forget the hardship in your country. Be grateful that you got food here.' Helpers clap back… but with grace The post didn't go unanswered. Helpers in the group also weighed in, with responses ranging from the diplomatic to the cheekily honest. 'Some employers are not so good, some are good,' said one maid. 'Same with helpers. We don't generalise employers. We complain based on our experience.' Another commented, 'She is lucky to have that kind of employer, but she still complains. If I have an employer like that, I'd be so thankful.' One helper offered a more culinary critique: 'For me, I prefer simple home food. An expensive restaurant doesn't mean it's suitable for everyone's taste.' There were also heartfelt — and occasionally humorous — testimonials of healthy employer-helper relationships: 'My boss always loves what I choose, and everybody's happy,' one maid laughed. 'If I order expensive food, I share it. We laugh and enjoy it together. Everybody wins.' Another wrote: 'At least she brings you to the restaurant. My ahma takes me to the hawker centre and scolds me if I order more expensive food than hers.' The viral verdict: Empathy needed on both sides While the post triggered a deluge of grievances from both camps, one thing stood out: mutual frustration often stems from mismatched expectations and a breakdown in communication. The employer who started the debate may have hoped for validation, and she certainly got plenty. But what she also unearthed was a more complex conversation: one about culture, class, personal dignity, and the invisible emotional labour exchanged in every employer-helper dynamic. It's easy to assume that a S$23 meal, a bottle of shampoo, or a private room are markers of kindness. But for many helpers, what they crave most isn't luxury — it's understanding. As one maid summed it up: 'She's lucky to have you as her employer… Different from mine. I only have eggs and rice at home. She (my employer) even bought me expired Korean noodles.' In a country where foreign domestic helpers are as common in households as rice in a rice cooker, perhaps the real ingredient that's missing — on both plates — is empathy. And a side of tactful communication wouldn't hurt either. In other news, a post in a Facebook group expressed a searing commentary that cracked open an often-muted reality: 'Singapore is known for its world-class standards, but beneath the surface of this clean, modern society lies a silent injustice — the daily mistreatment of foreign domestic workers (FDWs) who leave their families behind, only to be treated without basic dignity,' a member of the group Eryana Eryan wrote. It was a post that's now resonating with many who know the system needs fixing. You can read the full story here: Domestic helpers in Singapore: We left our own children behind to raise yours, but you treat us like second-class citizens, without even basic dignity
Independent Singapore
6 days ago
- Independent Singapore
Should I tell my parents my little sister is using our helper's phone for hours every day?
SINGAPORE: A young Reddit user asked for advice about a dilemma at home. It seems that her eight-year-old sister has been using their helper's phone for several hours every day, although their parents have limited the little girl's screen time. In a post on r/askSingapore on Sunday (Jul 6), the post author, 17, asked if she should let their parents know about the situation. For the past three months, her little sister has asked the helper, who has been with their family for a few years now, to wake her up early so she can play games. She then goes back to bed, only to get up later to watch TV. In the evenings, she is allowed some time on the iPad. 'So her daily screen time is far too high; it'll be a few hours of secret playing in the morning, then watch TV until lunch, watch TV in the afternoon (maybe one hour), and then play iPad for two hours at night. It definitely cannot be good for her. I also saw the games; she's apparently made her own Roblox account and chats with people (harmless stuff, thank god), and her history is full of horror or brain-rot games, and today, she woke at 5 a.m. and played for FOUR HOURS before going off to watch TV,' the post author wrote. The helper told her about the situation because she wanted her to step in. To make matters worse, the girl is now insisting that the helper wake her up an hour earlier so she gets some more time to play before school. When the helper said no, the girl, who has quite a temper, was furious. The helper is also reluctant to tell their parents because the post author's father also has a temper and may cane the little sister. The post author is concerned that he may take it out on everyone else. 'My helper wants me to wake up early tomorrow and go 'catch' my sister red-handed, we have some CCTV cameras downstairs, so apparently, she's been hiding or sitting in the areas where it won't be suspicious but she won't get caught,' she added, also writing how shocked she is that her sister could be so deceitful at such a young age. 'Should I tell my parents? If this were your kid, would you want me to tell you? Please help; I don't know what to do.' Commenters on the post urged her to speak to her sister for the girl's sake but also to tell their parents, although one suggested she might want to wait until the helper leaves in a few months. They also suggested that an app restricting games be put on the helper's phone. 'Maybe broach with your mom alone first, explore possibilities, and get external help like counseling if possible, and revise plans of how to distract her alternatively. 'My kids' phones have Google Family Link. Usage is controlled, apps are blocked or controlled, and downtime is scheduled to lock. They earn time usage,' another wrote. 'Before telling your parents, let your helper know that you have exhausted the options but are left with no choice and have to get your parents involved. Don't leave her blindsided,' reminded a commenter. The post author later added that she would likely tell her parents about the situation. /TISG
Independent Singapore
02-07-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
First-time employer vents about maid's ‘general slowness' and forgetfulness, asks Singaporeans for advice
SINGAPORE: A first-time employer went online to ask for advice after getting increasingly frustrated with his helper's 'general slowness, forgetfulness, and refusal to follow instructions.' In his Reddit post, the man explained that he and his wife hired a helper (who's in her early 40s) from Indonesia about six months ago to manage cooking and household chores. While they take care of their children themselves, the helper occasionally assists with their toddler's basic needs when both parents are unavailable. He shared that her workload is manageable. She starts work at 8 a.m. and finishes by 9:30 p.m., with around two hours of rest time between lunch and dinner. She is also given four days off each month. Despite these arrangements, the couple said they are increasingly dissatisfied with her performance. The man described how the helper often ignores clear instructions, even after being reminded multiple times. He said she typically only listens after they 'raise their voices,' which they try to avoid. One example he shared involved cleaning baby bottles. He had instructed the helper several times to wash the baby bottles together with the breast pump parts and place them in the steriliser at the same time in order to save water and electricity. However, she repeatedly ignored this instruction and continued to wash the bottles separately or asked to wash them without the pump parts. He said this had already happened at 'least four times.' He also noted that she repeatedly placed objects like 'mops and baby bathtubs' near the automated blinds and railings, even though they were warned that this could damage the equipment. She only stopped after they threatened to 'deduct repair costs' from her pay. See also Employer asks how much maid's medical checkups usually cost Other complaints included the way she handled laundry baskets, failing to put them back properly, and her reluctance to use aluminium panels while frying in their open-concept kitchen. He said this caused oil to build up on nearby surfaces, and she only started cleaning the area after he pointed out the grease. Additionally, she often returned items to the wrong places after cleaning, despite being told to remember their original positions. He said this disrupted their routines and made the home feel disorganised. 'I've mentioned at least twice to note how something is supposed to look before dismantling/removing it. This has resulted in her not being able to fit things back into the box as before or messing our order of items up.' The couple also questioned her judgment when it came to meal planning. He explained, 'Examples: not cooking enough soup (her liquid didn't even cover the ingredients in the pot!) when we have guests over, and we have already informed her that three additional people were coming over to eat with us. It wasn't her first time cooking for additional people either.' 'Or if there isn't enough of a single type of a particular vegetable, she will cook two small portions of different vegetables instead of using another vegetable which would have been enough for one usual portion.' There were also issues with her cleaning standards. He recalled having to ask her to redo the same task more than once because it was not done thoroughly. Within six months, she had also caused minor damage around the house, including scratches on the wall, chipped laminate, and a chipped kitchen counter. Moreover, the man suspects she may have passed a virus to him recently. 'She's been complaining of ailments frequently for her age, coughing at night, sniffles, headache, sore throat, diarrhoea after eating yoghurt, all different occasions. I suspect she passed a virus to me last week because I got sick right after she did.' Despite having multiple talks with her about expectations, the man said that her overall performance has not shown much improvement. 'We can't stand her general slowness and not listening to us,' he wrote. 'Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I suspect early onset dementia for the forgetfulness because sometime when she first joined us that she voiced worries about her father being suspected to have dementia. Otherwise, why would she not take note of things we have mentioned at least three times about?' He ended his post by asking whether their experience is normal for first-time employers and if their standards are too high. He also welcomed advice from others who have gone through similar situations. 'If she is new, then she needs to learn la.' In the comments, quite a few people weren't fully convinced by the man's complaints. After reading his post, some felt that he and his wife might be too fussy or particular about small things around the house. 'Ask yourself if you'd be willing to put up with working for someone like yourself for the amount you are paying, and you'd have your answer,' one individual commented. 'Wa Lao eh if you like to complain so much, why hire a helper in the first place? She is human, not your slave,' another wrote. 'Bro need to hire the robot AI maid from the Jack Neo movie. Change la,' a third chimed in. A number of commenters even said they felt sorry for the helper, who seemed to be trying her best despite the constant reminders and scolding. One said, 'You must remember she's doing a 12-hour day for maybe S$900+? And she probably has a lower education. There's a reason why household fire decrease with higher levels of education.' Another added, 'If she is new, then she needs to learn la. So repeating something twice or thrice isn't exactly a big deal as she learns your habits, likes, dislikes. Many of the things you say are also very small matters leh.' Sorting out issues with your domestic helper If you're having problems with your helper, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) recommends sitting down for an open and calm conversation. Try to understand her side, share your concerns clearly, and work together to find a solution. But if talking it out doesn't help, and you hired her through an agency, contact them for support. They can review your original agreement and help with the next steps. You can also approach organisations like the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) or the Centre for Domestic Employees if you need extra assistance. Read also: Man who worked overseas for 5 years says SG job left him sick and exhausted: 'I spend my weekends in bed' Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
Independent Singapore
16-05-2025
- Independent Singapore
Respect their dignity or risk of theft? Singaporeans divided on whether maid's belongings should be checked
SINGAPORE: A local Reddit user sought advice on whether they should go through their helper's luggage and belongings on the last day that she is employed with them, adding that they had been advised to do so to check for theft. This sparked a debate between commenters. In a post on r/askSingapore from last week, u/kouroubao wrote that they wanted to hear from 'more seasoned employers out there what the standard practice is and if anyone regretted not checking.' Many local Reddit users have weighed in, some saying they would prefer to treat them with dignity. 'It's really up to you. I know people who have done it and people who didn't. For me, I didn't because anything important or worth more, it's locked away. If she wants to take anything lying around, it's replaceable for me. I just want to treat my employees with a little dignity,' one wrote. Others, however, shared their particular negative experiences with helpers and encouraged the post author to do so, as it would be better to be safe than sorry. They told stories of how helpers were able to figure out safe combination codes and take away cash and other valuables, turn off nanny cams, and even place some jewelry into a cake, which, fortunately, the helper forgot in the fridge and wasn't able to bring with her. There is a fine line to tread, however, between ensuring that a helper does not steal and riding roughshod over her rights. Employers can be debarred by the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) for abusive behavior against domestic helpers. How long a debarment lasts depends on the severity of the offence. And in Singapore, where a helper is often a necessity and not a luxury, especially when both husband and wife are working and there are young children, elderly relatives, or both, in the house, not having a helper can be very difficult indeed. What do the experts say? According to the MOM website, one way to secure your home is to prevent theft from taking place. 'You would need to advise your MDW (Migrant Domestic Worker) of the serious consequences of theft. It is a criminal offence in Singapore and the police will be involved. Offenders will be blacklisted and not be able to work in Singapore,' K Jayaprema, the President of the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) says . Also, as one blog reminds us, 'Privacy is a fundamental human right recognised in the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, and anyone, including our helpers, deserves privacy just like we do… There is no need to check on their personal belongings unless you have reasonable doubt or proof that they are committing acts of theft and so on.' /TISG Read also: Maid says her employer did not give her Labour Day off, even though her contract includes PH entitlements
