Mom Fears She ‘Failed' as a Parent Because Her Grown Kids Won't Learn to Drive — and Still Rely on Her for Regular Rides
A woman said she worries she 'failed' as a parent because neither of her grown children — both in their 20s — can drive
She said that she has attempted to incentivize them to learn, but they mostly 'smirk "and "roll their eyes' at her when she brings it up
The woman, who said she still regularly drives them places, is thinking of withholding her 'free taxi' services, but worries it will 'damage' their relationshipA woman said she's worried she has 'failed' as a parent because neither of her grown children learned to drive — and she's now wondering if she should do something about it.
The woman detailed her story in a post on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where parents can go to seek advice and input from other parents. In her post, the woman explained that she has two children in their 'early/mid twenties' and that neither can drive.
'I am feeling very down about it as I feel like I have failed to prepare them adequately for adult life. There are other things I worry about, too, but this is the most obvious one,' she said.
The woman said that she has 'some sympathy' for how this happened, stating that the pandemic interrupted a pivotal period in their lives and that it was 'hard' getting everything back on track afterwards. She also said she has attempted to incentivize her kids to drive in multiple ways, including paying for driving lessons and offering to buy them a car.
'However, they just smirk at me and roll their eyes anytime I mention it,' the original poster (OP) said.
'After the latest conversation (okay, rant) with one of my children about this, it is clear that the only one feeling the consequences of this is me,' she continued, adding that she still drives her grown children around as needed and that she routinely wakes up at 6 a.m. to bring one of them to the train station so that they can get to work.
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Because of this, the OP said that she is thinking of putting her foot down and telling her children 'no more taxi service' until they learn to drive — despite worrying that this might ultimately 'damage' her relationship with them.
"I realize this sounds childish of me, but I think unless I do this they will never learn to drive as I am enabling them,' the OP continued, adding, 'They say they don't learn because it's a hassle and they don't need to — but if I no longer help them out they will hopefully realize this is not true.'
'Has anyone else had this issue with their kids?' the OP asked at the end of her post.
The vast majority of commenters advised the OP to set some boundaries and stop driving her adult children around.
'Stop all rides immediately. I'm pretty sure they'll change their minds about driving,' one person said.
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'They're grown-ups now and need to learn that people aren't at their beck and call for things they're quite capable of sorting out themselves,' said someone else.
Others said that while they don't think driving is necessarily a must-have skill in today's world, they also don't think the OP's grown kids should be relying on her for transportation.
'I'm in my 40s and don't drive. It's okay not to drive. What isn't okay is expecting you to put yourself out constantly to give [them] lifts,' one person said.
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