Take The First Step Towards Rapprochement
Just a few days ago, i finally decided to send a hand-written card to a friend of mine with whom i fell apart years ago on a trivial issue. I was thinking of
reconciliation
with him for quite some time, but it was too late. As fate would have it, i got his sister's mail that my friend passed away a couple of years ago. Alas, i took so long to forgive him and couldn't do it when he was alive.
Our 'noble' gestures lose their significance when they occur long after an unpleasant incident has taken place. "Though man is vindictive, he's forgiving too. He wants to forgive but waits for an opportune moment. And here he makes a mistake. That moment may come, but the person he wants to forgive may not be there anymore, leaving no option but to repent." William Wordsworth's didactic letter to his sister Dorothy serves as a reminder to people like me who want to forgive or say something to someone but wait for the appropriate moment.
Human life is too short to harbour any grudge against anyone. The moment we feel that we've made a mistake or hurt someone, we must ask for
forgiveness
, because no one has seen tomorrow. This life, which seems so fair, is like a bubble blown up in the air. Like all transient things, even an ill feeling is evanescent. If
friendship
, or for that matter, any relationship, doesn't last forever, so does enmity. Why do we hesitate to ask for someone's forgiveness? This is an act that must be executed the moment it strikes one, and wholeheartedly at that.
Jesus forgave those who crucified him. One of the persons torturing the Arab mystic Mansoor al-Hallaj whispered into his ear and said that he never wanted to be a part of such a ghastly act but was helpless. He asked, "Will you and Allah forgive me?" "My friend, you've already been forgiven," said the mystic and died. Man is always in a dilemma. The essential and inherent goodness in him gets snowed under by a host of conflicting emotions. Mirza Ghalib said, "Hai aadmi bajai khud ek mahshar-e-khyal/Hum anjuman samajhte hain, khilwat hi kyon na ho," - this creature we know as man is one big chaos of desires and thoughts. Even when lonely, he is never alone. For, in his breast, lies hidden a tumultuous crowd.
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Clinical psychologists have found an uncanny behavioural attachment between two individuals. They've concluded that the moment one wants to forgive someone, the other person also thinks alike. This is CG Jung's Universal Synchronicity or Pervasive Telepathy. So, go ahead and do it without further delay, shelving your ego and vanity. A rose given during life is better than orchids on the grave. Never forget that the bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. Isn't forgiving in time the most sublime act? Rather than spend life's fleeting moments in recurrent and recrudescent rancour and recrimination against someone, we all must strive to take the first step towards rapprochement. We must stoop to conquer and bury the hatchet.
Urdu poet-lyricist Qateel Shifai aptly said, "Humne hi apni ana' mein unki parwah na ki/Woh toh baahein phailaye khade the humare intazaar mein" - my ego didn't let me reach out to him/He was more than willing to embrace me. Do it before it's too late.
Authored by: Sumit Paul
International Day of Friendship
is on July 30
Why Arjun Was Chosen: The Untold Secret of Bhagavad Gita Chapter 4, Verse 3
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