Let us heed the call of the new Pope for ever greater unity
Pope Leo, the first ever American Pope, began his ministry by laying before the world a vision of peace and explaining how humanity needs the good things and the peace that God gives us in Jesus Christ: and also calling for unity; unity within and between the churches, in our world and with all people of goodwill.
Announced at the same time as we were celebrating the 80th Anniversary of VE Day, this call for peace and unity is as timely as it urgent. It is a vision that all of us can unite around and I hope and pray not just for God's blessing upon Pope Leo's ministry as Bishop of Rome, but that he may by kindness, witness to the gospel of Jesus Christ and generous prophetic gesture continue the journey towards that unity that Jesus desires for his church in the way of his most recent predecessors. What a gift that would be!
A gift, well chosen and well timed, can bring any of us to tears. Such gifts can be rare, but we value them all the more for it. Today, as we mark the election of Pope Leo XIV, I have also been thinking about one particular gift, given by Pope Paul VI to Michael Ramsey, Archbishop of Canterbury, back in 1966.
Ramsey was in Rome for the first official meeting between a Pope and Archbishop of Canterbury in more than 400 years. They led an ecumenical service together, they signed a Common Declaration, expressing desire for Christian unity and dialogue – but what brought Ramsey to tears was something he had never expected. The Pope took his hand, and placed on it his own episcopal ring, in effect recognising him as a fellow member of the episcopate. Ramsey wept, and they embraced, brothers in Christ.
Never caught on camera, this was one of the most quietly consequential moments in ecumenical history. And it came not in the form of words, but gesture.
Gestures, symbols, can often say more than words could ever hope to – the late Pope showed us, through his 'pequeños gestos', that small gestures can carry great meaning – and this particular gift began a long process of rapprochement that has lasted, and flourished, to this day. Gesture has remained at the heart of its success.
In 2016, the 50th anniversary of this meeting was commemorated in Rome. Pope Francis gave Justin Welby a crozier, modelled on the crozier of St Gregory the Great, the Pope who sent Augustine to be the Apostle to the English, and first Archbishop of Canterbury. Evoking our common origin and shared history, it was a gift that helped weave the threads of our stories back together.
The archbishop gave Pope Francis a Coventry Cross of Nails, a symbol of reconciliation between the Anglican Communion and the Roman Catholic Church, after centuries of division and conflict. He did so wearing Pope Paul's ring, as Archbishops of Canterbury now do whenever they meet the Pope.
And together, on the spot where Pope Gregory sent Augustine out to the English, they sent out pairs of Anglican and Catholic bishops to minister alongside each other across the world – a demonstration of how the Church can act as one in God's service.
It is in gestures like these that the path to unity lies. Though we have undoubted divisions and disagreements, these gestures demonstrate that they are not insurmountable. They allow us to show our intentions to one another, bare our heart to one another, and to recognise that, despite our differences, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.
For ecumenism is not something we simply talk about – it is something we show, something we do. As the late Pope said to me when we met, it is about working together, walking together, and praying together.
And so we welcome Pope Leo XIV as our brother in Christ. We hope that this relationship may continue to flourish over his pontificate, and that we may continue to work, walk, and pray together, and find our way along the path to unity. As the Pope reminded us yesterday, we must build bridges, show the light of Jesus Christ, live in his peace and share the good news of his love with all people.
We hold out our hand to Pope Leo in a gesture of friendship, and echo the words of his predecessor: 'Let us never grow tired of asking the Lord, together and insistently, for the gift of unity'.
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Got something to say sorry for? Here are words that have no place in your apologies, according to those who have spent years analysing them: 'It was not my intent'. 'What I meant was'. 'Sorry you misunderstood'. And any use of the word 'obviously'. Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy call it 'bad apology bingo'. They have heard a lot of them as co-authors of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies and the blog Sorrywatch, where they critique public apologies. 'We've looked at so many studies, from so many different fields, on what makes an effective apology,' Ingall says. After 10-plus years of Sorrywatch, they have also seen apologies so bad they warrant apologies of their own. ''Sorry if', 'sorry but', 'sorry I forgot that you don't really have a sense of humour about that' … The line between explanation and excuse is very porous, and very thin.' At their best, apologies can not only repair relationships but make them more resilient. The trouble is, they are hard to do – or at least to do well. One ill-considered or misplaced word can not only fail to secure forgiveness but make the situation worse. How can you say sorry, and convey that you really mean it – and why do we find it so difficult? 'In general, we want to feel good about ourselves, and for people to think positively of us,' says Karina Schumann, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, who has extensively studied the science of apology. By taking responsibility for hurting someone's feelings, or messing up at work, we threaten our image of ourselves as moral or competent. 'We really have a hard time associating ourselves with those wrongful actions,' Schumann says. Further complicating matters is the fact that blame is rarely clearcut, even when we accept we're at least somewhat at fault. 'It can be really difficult to say, 'Yes, I'm responsible' when I also see you – or the situation – as responsible.' You can reference those extenuating circumstances in your apology, Schumann says – it just has 'to be done really carefully'. Often people who have been wronged struggle to understand why: 'Why did this person do this to me? Is it because they don't value our relationship? Were they trying to hurt me intentionally?' That ambiguity can compound hurt feelings and create bigger rifts. Giving context in an apology – about your reasoning, for example, or emotional state – can help prevent further misunderstanding, according to Schumann. 'But you still need to accept the responsibility for the harm, and the consequences.' Various studies have identified a certain number of steps to an effective apology, from five steps to seven. Schumann's own framework has eight, though she thinks of them more as elements you can drawn on, depending on the situation and particular misdemeanour, than steps you must follow. 'I would never advise going through it like a checklist,' she says. Sometimes, acknowledging the harm you've caused will be the most pressing part of your apology; other times the emphasis will be on repairing the relationship. 'It's going to be really important that this person feels that you are committed to never behaving this way again, that this was a one-time mistake,' Schumann says. One essential yet often overlooked step is actually saying the words 'I am sorry' or 'I apologise'. 'They need to hear that very clear, strong signal,' Schumann says. 'If that's missing, then you can say all the rest, and some people might not register it as an apology.' Equally, she goes on: 'There are certain words that immediately undermine the value of an apology.' One is 'but'. 'People hear defensiveness, as opposed to accountability.' Even if you have points to get off your chest, it may be best to hold off until you are on firmer footing. 'We have a tendency to want apologies to be this immediate fix,' Schumann says. 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Offering reparations can help communicate your selflessness, Ingall adds – and those can take many forms, such as flowers. After she and her husband fight, he gets to work on jobs around the house or takes on more of the cooking. 'He is not great with the words – but he does the acts of service,' Ingall says. Research suggests your apology may indeed be more persuasive if you're seen to be making an effort – but that can go beyond gifts and household chores. A study found that people perceive apologies using longer words (but still common and easy-to-understand) as being more genuine. Shiri Lev-Ari, the paper's author, says it is received as akin to investing time or money in making amends. 'If the person inconveniences themselves in order to apologise, you can say: 'Okay, they mean it.'' 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For one study, she asked (straight, married or cohabiting) couples to each keep a daily diary of apology-worthy offences they either committed or were committed against them. The accounts only aligned 35% of the time. 'It really speaks to the need for people to communicate,' Schumann says. 'The majority of the time we are hurting each other, it's not out of malicious intent.' One way to make your apology more effective is to demonstrate a genuine effort to understand the other person's perspective. Instead of assuming you know how they feel, Schumann says, ask questions. 'Open the space for learning about each other.' All the experts agree apologising can be agonising even for the most apologetic, empathetic person. It doesn't help that we don't often get to see it modelled well. Most public apologies tend to be about PR rather than real remorse. Leaders are actually taught to deflect responsibility. And, though parents might fight in front of their children, they often make up in private. When Ingall and McCarthy started writing Sorrywatch, in 2012, their focus was on making fun of celebrities' non-apologies. The project became more civic-minded post-Trump. 'We wanted to show that an apology is really an act of strength.' A good apology, after all, demands vulnerability: it is an admission that we failed to live up to our own and shared standards, Ingall says. But it's also a tool by which we can repair bonds, strengthen them and show how much they mean to us. 'Should you ever apologise if you're not sorry? Sometimes – if you value the relationship more than being right.'
