A relationship expert's number one tip for dating in every decade
But let's be real: Today's dating scene isn't what it used to be. Between needing to learn to navigate swiping, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more, it's basically a whole new playbook.
So, how do you date and pursue a potentially sexual relationship confidently when the rules are always changing? Hims asked Debra Castaldo, PhD, LCSW, MS, a relationship expert, therapist, and author of 'The Return to Love Playbook,' who publicly goes by 'Dr. Deb,' to share her best advice for men in their twenties and beyond.
Keep reading to get her top tip for each decade — and learn how to navigate modern dating on your own terms, no matter your current chapter of life.
Although many equate the twenties with adventure, exploration, and impulsiveness, Dr. Castaldo encourages young men to slow down and define the values they want to live by.
While experimentation can help you figure out what you like and don't like as you step into adulthood, there may come a time when you want more than just an empty hookup. 'I have treated young men in my psychotherapy practice who have grown weary of the college hook-up scene and begin to find it unfulfilling to have different partners every week,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'If you are stuck in a pattern of one-night-stands, ask yourself if this behavior is serving you and what the consequences may be not only for you, but for your partners.'
She says this decade is also an important time to adopt healthy habits towards sex. Checking in with yourself and your partner to ensure you both feel emotionally and physically safe is crucial. You should also be willing to have 'courageous conversations' about consent, protection, and regular STI testing.
If you don't feel willing to have these conversations with your partner, you may not be a good match, warns Castaldo. 'Being completely transparent and willing to share intimate thoughts and feelings is the foundation of a healthy attachment, and is part of the foundation of a good relationship.'
There's a shift that often happens when you're dating in your thirties: You're not just chasing the adrenaline of attraction. Rather, you may be prioritizing compatibility and shared values.
But that doesn't mean you have to have it all figured out. 'There is often tremendous pressure to settle down with marriage and family,' says Dr. Castaldo of dating in this decade. 'I encourage you to take your time and ask yourself some big questions instead. What's your vision for life? How do you need to grow as a potential partner?'
You may also benefit from taking the time to figure out what qualities you want in a partner to help you get to know the person sitting across from you at that first dinner date. But also, be realistic and patient in your expectations. 'In my opinion, it takes at least a year to get to know the real person and what a full-time committed relationship would be like with them,' says Dr. Castaldo.
And regarding sex, Dr. Castaldo suggests introspecting about what kind of partner you want to be in your thirties. 'This decade is a great time to shift from the focus on desire and lust we often have in our twenties to a more mature approach of being a partner who gives pleasure.'
The smartest move you can make when dating in your forties is to be upfront about what you want. Whether you want to keep things casual for a while or secure a long-term partner, clarity helps you avoid mismatches and wasted time.
'These days, marriage and family are often delayed, with many folks choosing to remain single, or in a relationship but not living together,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'If this is your goal, be honest about it so you are not creating false hope with someone who wants commitment or marriage.' The same guidance of prioritizing honesty also applies if you are seeking a committed long-term relationship or marriage. Dr. Castaldo recommends making your intentions known early on, no matter where you land.
Your forties can also be a decade of embracing confidence. With a better understanding of who you are and what you want, you can avoid looking for someone to complete you. 'Most people want a partner who also has a mature sense of themselves and wants a relationship that will add to their life, not a 'half' to fill up their own 'empty half.''
Having a better understanding of who you are also means understanding what parts of you could use some attention and care. 'The forties are also a time when many find they repeat the same relationship mistakes over and over,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'Now is a good time to work on those patterns to break the destructive cycles of unhealthy relationships.'
She recommends folks dating in their forties to pursue individual psychotherapy or couples therapy with a mental health professional to explore their relationship history and become consciously aware of who they're attracting.
When dating in your fifties, it's not unusual to worry about how much time is left. But this kind of panic can lead you to act out destructively in an effort to hold on to your youth.
Dr. Castaldo offers an alternative possibility. 'Use this time as a period of life review rather than crisis. By this time, you may have had many loves and even multiple marriages. Let your experience define your vision for going forward.'
She also suggests rethinking what it means to be in a mature partnership with someone. 'Long-term relationships are most successful when there is good companionship and friendship, strong communication skills, the ability to tolerate and value differences, and consistent effort in keeping your sex life vibrant and growing.' Dr. Castaldo adds that dating should be a path to discerning who may or may not have the qualities that mean the most to you at this time in your life.
Dating in your sixties allows you to tap into your decades of wisdom and use your life experience to guide your choices.
'I find many folks give up in this decade, and either isolate themselves due to past hurts, or repeat the same mistakes,' says Dr. Castaldo, who instead suggests folks 'rely on your ability to 'know thyself' and be transparent about who you are. One of the greatest obstacles in relationships at this age is inauthenticity.'
While most dating books will caution you against oversharing on your first date, being upfront about who you are early can fast-track you to the right relationship. 'I am in favor of sharing who you are and what your relationship experiences have been as quickly as possible when dating at every age,' says Dr. Castaldo. But she says it's essential in your sixties when time is of the essence.
You also shouldn't buy into the myth that sex gets less important as you age. You can and should still lead a fulfilling sex life as you get older, but you may need support, whether that's through medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes. 'Yes, it may take more effort to wake up your sexuality, but focusing on giving pleasure to your partner, rather than expecting desire to magically appear, usually keeps the flames burning.'
In other words, intimacy takes work, but that's true for any decade.
No matter how old you are, the best dating advice is timeless: Be yourself, be honest about what you want, and stay open to growth. Each decade may present new challenges, but it can also bring new opportunities to connect with someone more meaningfully from a place of deeper self-awareness.
This story was produced by Hims and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
CBS News
4 minutes ago
- CBS News
An area of Lake Tahoe has elevated levels of E. coli, testing revealed
An area of Lake Tahoe tested for high levels of E. coli, prompting a warning to stay out of the water, the U.S. Forest Service said on Friday. The tested samples were from the South Shore of Lake Tahoe near Camp Richardson Resort. Due to the elevated levels of E. coli, the Forest Service said people should not swim in the area between Jameson Beach and the Valhalla Boathouse. Those two areas were tested and did not show elevated levels of E. coli as of Friday. After elevated levels of E. coli were found, the resort immediately inspected its sewer lines, the Forest Service said. A leak was found, and repairs are underway. The elevated levels were found because agencies in Lake Tahoe routinely test the water during the summer to make sure it's safe for recreation, the Forest Service said. Officials will test the area daily to let people know when it's safe to return. They could also implement more precautions depending on E. coli levels. E. coli can cause diarrhea, stomach cramps, vomiting and fever. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advises people not to swallow water when swimming or playing in recreational waters such as lakes, ponds, rivers, streams and swimming pools.
Wall Street Journal
18 minutes ago
- Wall Street Journal
Best Pet Insurance Companies of 2025
Factors in pet insurance costs Factors that influence how much you'll pay for pet insurance usually include: Age and breed of the pet Where you live Annual coverage limit Reimbursement level Amount of your deductible Any additional coverage you want, such as add-ons or a wellness plan You can generally lower the price of a pet insurance policy by choosing a lower annual coverage limit, a higher deductible or a lower reimbursement percentage. When you get a pet insurance quote, you can usually toggle the options to see how the monthly price changes. Is pet insurance worth it? While paying a monthly premium for pet insurance can feel like a drain on the budget, the risk of higher costs for procedures and chronic conditions might be more than you can afford without insurance. The ASPCA estimates that the first-year total for owning a dog is more than $3,000 and almost $2,000 for a cat. Once you get past the first year, though, there are ongoing costs, including routine medical costs and treatments for fleas and ticks, as well as heartworm. You have routine wellness visits and exams as well. Like other insurance policies, the biggest value comes in the event of large, unexpected emergencies. EmergencyVetsUSA offers these average cost examples: Emergency exam/consultation: $100 to $150 $100 to $150 3- to 5-day hospitalization: $1,500 to $3,500 $1,500 to $3,500 Emergency surgery: $1,500 to $5,000 $1,500 to $5,000 Wound treatment and repair: $800 to $2,500 Additionally, if your pet needs special prescription pet food or supplements, the cost can add up over time. Getting a pet insurance policy that covers these ongoing costs, plus emergency situations, can help you save money in the long run, especially if you don't want to deplete your rainy day fund. What's not covered by pet insurance? What's covered depends on the policy, so review available benefits before deciding on a pet insurance company. Policies typically do not cover pre-existing conditions or non-veterinary expenses related to boarding your pet or grooming. You also won't receive reimbursement for accessories like toys, leashes and treats. Basic wellness, such as vaccinations and routine check-ups, won't be covered. Instead, you'll need to purchase an add-on wellness plan to receive these benefits. Many first-year costs, such as spaying and neutering, also aren't usually covered by base pet insurance policies but may be covered by a wellness plan. Costs related to breeding are generally not covered, and injuries related to activities like racing aren't covered. Methodology We evaluated 15 pet insurance policies, focusing on key coverage areas, such as cost, access to vet telehealth, microchipping, direct vet payments and therapies that pet owners might prefer to be included in coverage. Advertisers and partners don't influence our ratings, as our research and editorial team maintains independence in using data-driven methodologies. Learn more about how Buy Side rates pet insurance companies.
CBS News
34 minutes ago
- CBS News
Menopause retreat helps new generation of women find relief and cope with stigmas: "We're suffering silently and that's not OK"
Monica Conn, 53, describes menopause as "hot flashes, anxiety, night sweats, irritability." Instead of continuing to suffer silently through the brutal hormonal transition that 47 million women experience annually around the world, Conn has decided to do—and say—something about it. "I want to take away an attitude that I'm looking forward to my next chapter and not that something has just ended," Conn said. She signed up for the Canyon Ranch Health Spa's M/Power program, a four-day holistic menopause retreat in the Massachusetts Berkshires that promises relief, education and counseling. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines menopause as "when menstrual periods stop permanently for at least 12 months," and common symptoms echo Conn's description: hot flashes, trouble sleeping, mood swings and memory problems, to name a few. M/Power's menopause and perimenopause retreats offer respite and resolve from symptoms through activities like yoga, weight training, cold plunges and more. For a long time, women have been suffering in silence about the impact symptoms have on their daily lives. "I'm learning here at Canyon Ranch that I don't know how much training our doctors even get," Conn said, adding, "the mental health component of it, how to address that, how healthy, basic foods can help you get through the day and how they affect your metabolism and your anxiety." Another aspect of the M/Power retreat is medical diagnosis, which includes blood work, hormone panels, and a DEXA body scan, which can assess things like fat composition and bone density. Dr. Jennifer Baker-Porazinski explained that a lack of estrogen, which plummets in women during menopause, causes bone density to drop—putting them at higher risk for broken bones. She says that women lose around 2% of their bone density each year for around 10 to 12 years after starting menopause. Another option for women hoping to curb symptoms is hormone therapy (HRT) but some fear it because of preliminary findings that connected HRT to increased risk of breast cancer, though critics later found flaws in the research. "Hormone therapy is the most effective treatment for the symptoms of menopause," said Dr. Sharon Malone, chief medical advisor for the women's telehealth platform "Alloy" and author of "Grown Woman Talk." Most doctors recommend taking hormones before turning 60, or within 10 years of starting menopause. For former TV journalist Tamsen Fadal, managing menopause is about community. She said she began experiencing her symptoms live on-air, and felt isolated, so she wrote the book "How to Menopause." It is essentially a "how-to" guide for women beginning the process of perimenopause or menopause. "I think this Gen X really kinda kicked the door down and said, 'hey, we're suffering silently and that's not OK.' There has to be some type of solution," Fadal said.
