Latest news with #modernDating
CBC
23-06-2025
- Entertainment
- CBC
Materialists director Celine Song used to be a matchmaker — but she had to quit
After receiving critical acclaim for her debut film Past Lives, Canadian filmmaker Celine Song has returned with Materialists, a new movie that takes a candid look at the inhumanity of matchmaking and modern dating. As it turns out, Song used to be a matchmaker herself. She sits down with guest host Gill Deacon to talk about her experiences in the field, why she says her "drug of choice is people," and how our weight, height, salaries and hairlines all contribute to the blunt math of dating. WATCH | Official trailer for Materialists:
Yahoo
21-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
People Are Sharing What They Believe Is The "True Killer" Of Modern Dating, And And These Responses Hit Way Too Close To Home
If you've ever felt like modern dating is just broken, you're definitely not alone. Between endless swiping, three-word text conversations, and everyone seeming perpetually exhausted by the whole process, something has clearly shifted in how we connect with each other. When u/princeflare asked what people think is the true killer of modern dating, the responses were honestly pretty eye-opening. From the death of third spaces to everyone being too tired from work to actually date, here's what people really think is making dating so unnecessarily complicated right now: 1."A lot of people are saying 'dating apps,' but I think that misses the mark. The true culprit is the loss of community and, as someone else mentioned, the Third Place. We wouldn't need dating apps if people were still able to meet organically as much as we used to." —u/RedOliphant 2."We're tired, boss. Just plain worn out, burnt out, run-down tired. Work-life balance is dead, society is mentally draining, and literally everything worth doing costs money. When the hell are you supposed to meet that person when you get home from work and immediately go to bed so you can be up at 4:30 a.m. to do it again tomorrow?" —u/Nkechinyerembi 3."Work-life balance. People are too tired or too broke to go out and do things. Any spare time and you are just too tired to want to do anything. This is how dating apps took off and led to objectification and judging people in five seconds." —u/AShadowinthedark 4."Call me old-fashioned, but it's the complete lack of mystique, in my opinion. Part of the fun of dating pre-internet was learning about a person and getting to know them through conversation and shared experience. We are more connected than ever before, but there is a loneliness epidemic happening. It all seems so cheap and seedy nowadays." —u/Due-Explanation6717 5."The gamification of swiping left or right on hundreds of profiles based off of two-second first impressions, typing one-word messages, and then ghosting them or unmatching because you're bored. Not treating them like actual humans. There's always a new profile to move on to. I say this as someone who literally met their current spouse on Tinder, but online dating apps are (for the most part) very demoralizing. I couldn't wait to get off the app and meet up in person to have a real human connection." —u/hobbitybobbit 6."The true killer of modern dating is the paradox of choice, where endless options often lead to indecision and commitment issues." —u/Isabella_XS 7."It's so weird 'cause everyone assumed endless options would lead to a lot of promiscuity. In reality, it feels like it's harder to meet up with people than ever, even casually. I see my guy friends texting five to seven girls at once whom they've met on apps. They'll MAYBE go out with one of them within a couple of months or so. Sometimes none of them. There are so many options to pick, people end up picking none at all." —u/losethemap 8."If we consider that modern dating is largely just online dating at this point, then the clear-cut killer of modern dating to me is monetization. A decade ago, Tinder was AWESOME. It was very easy to match with people, land dates, and participate in hookup culture if you wanted to. OKCupid was fun and based on personality, lifestyle, and chemistry. Bumble was a decent alternative to Tinder. Then, they mostly, I think, got bought out by one company and started to care more about profit than purpose. On Bumble, you get maybe 10 likes a day max. Sometimes, it's five. It's inconsistent. On Tinder, you have a ton of bots, ads, and spam accounts. You have to pay to access the same features you got for free before. OKCupid went away with their great formula for a swipe feature instead, and now it sucks." "Hinge could be good, but it locks away the most essential, basic filters for finding suitable dates behind a paywall." —u/[deleted] 9."The death of the third place. There's nowhere to go in our society that doesn't cost money." —u/[deleted] 10."According to men's subreddits: pickiness. According to women's subreddits: men seriously hating women." —u/VoDoka 11."The fact that thanks to a steady diet of social media and brain-dead entertainment, everybody seems to think they deserve a partner that checks all the items in their cartoonishly unrealistic list of requisites. At the same time, they — at their best — would have basically fuck all to offer their fantastical ideal partner in return. And the odds are they're not at their best anyway, so they have even less than fuck all to offer. To top it off, everybody seems to think that this imaginary ideal partner should put in all the work and effort in the relationship, including pursuing them before the relationship even starts, while they sit back and do, well, fuck all." —u/Tough_Stretch 12."Everyone who offers 'dating advice' is trying to sell you something." —u/d1psh1t_mcgee 13."Frankly, pick-up artistry killed modern dating. So many men have this attitude that dating is a 'game' and they need to 'win.' Advice like 'always talk to multiple women,' or 'hedge your bets,' may work if you're trying to hook up, but attitudes like that kill genuine relationships. If you call asking someone for their number 'going in for the kill,' you are not mature enough for a relationship. When women say 'there's no good men,' this is what they mean. So many men have grown up using manipulative tactics to get dates that they can't snap out of those toxic habits." —u/MatchAvailable634 14."People who don't show their true intentions from the start — that they just want to have sex. Too many men would tell me that they wanted to date, would date me so I would fuck them, and then kick me to the curb once I finally gave it up." —u/[deleted] 15."According to my five nieces — who are single in their mid-20s to early 30s — it's a problem of finding a man who A) won't dump you if you don't sleep with them by the third date, B) will commit and not cheat, and C) wants marriage and children in the future." —u/Appropriate_Bird_223 16."Diverging politics and ideals is an understated reason. Men are going further right and conservative, while women are going further left and progressive. Men and women are expecting very different things from a relationship, and those things are getting less and less compatible in general. This is having a huge effect in many countries — Japan, South Korea, Sweden, the US, the UK, etc. I think most of the people talking about unrealistic high standards are men who don't realize just how fucking low the standards are." —u/Barneyk 17."Women not being financially dependent on men and therefore not finding relationships as essential as they once did. Financial independence for women is good, by the way, but this is a natural consequence of that." —u/upsidedownpickle13 18."The fact that 'settling' has become a dirty word. Settling is a good thing. Settling is taking a look at the world around you and agreeing to achieve something you can realistically achieve. Many people refuse to do that and sit around waiting for somebody perfect to come along (they won't). Reality isn't a Build-A-Bear. The perfect person for you probably doesn't exist. Sure, settling for 'less' is bad, but settling itself is about as sensible as you can get (unless you want to be alone)." —u/upsidedownpickle13 19."A lot of women nowadays freak out if asked out even organically. A friend and I were at the bar a bit before the pandemic. We were having a good time and started talking with a mixed group near us. Eventually, the groups merged, and we were all having fun. I ended up having a lot of conversation with two of the girls in that group. One went to the bathroom, and the other, right after she left, was all like, 'You should totally ask out my friend.' Fast-forward through the night, and we're playing pool. That girl and I are kind of in the corner by ourselves, so I asked her for her number. She just freaks — like 'I've got to get out of here'-style freaks." "We hung out for two hours, laughed together multiple times, were in a public place near people she knew, had a small bit of physical contact initiated by her, and her friend thought I should ask her out. I didn't do it within earshot of everyone so as to not put her on the spot. I very much can't imagine a scenario where I could make someone more comfortable beforehand. I'm married now to a great woman. But when you try dating off dating apps and it's looking like the stars aligned and you get that response, it's like, 'What the hell is wrong with people?'" —u/ThatOtherOneReddit 20."From a 20-year-old girl's perspective: Thinking it's OK to tell a girl you've spoken to for three days how horny you are. Also, putting on a fake persona. I've spoken to 100 crypto-investing, 'funny' friends who wear cargos and love Kanye West. I promise you don't need to be embarrassed by the fact that you collect Star Wars comics and did gymnastics for 12 years — it makes you interesting and fun to talk to." —u/THEEdoofenshmirtz 21."Men who send women grotesque shit online, then wonder why they're single." —u/[deleted] 22."Most girls I know can cook, clean, go to the gym, work, and are getting an education. If your mom is still washing your clothes and sending you food every week for university, I don't know what to tell you. Please grow up. No one wants to be their boyfriend's mother." —u/THEEdoofenshmirtz 23."The whole 'girls are prettier on average, so therefore you're not special' thing. In the kindest way possible, girls put so much time and effort into their appearance only to be told, 'Well, guys just aren't as good looking, so don't expect someone similar to you.' I definitely think more men need to make an effort when it comes to appearance/hygiene, because no girl wants to settle for someone who just doesn't care. The whole 'I only take five minutes to get ready' thing isn't attractive." —u/THEEdoofenshmirtz 24."Filters. No one is real anymore. Everyone is expecting an 8+ and disappointed when they meet a 4 to 7, even if they're amazing people. Even those with lower 'ratings' still deserve a chance to be seen and heard." —u/Just4TheSpamAndEggs 25."A lack of communication and lack of ability to even form conversations. People don't spend time checking facts and resources. They want things in seconds. Cheating is also glorified, and side pieces are popular." —u/blackwillow-99 26."Life in general, but to get more specific, I'd say escapism — social media, gaming, drugs and alcohol. It's all a way to escape reality. While it feels good in the moment, it takes you away from the process of growing as a person and growing with another person. It causes resentment and contempt. It fucks with insecurities and has shifted the point of partnership from PARTNERSHIP to access. We're all traumatized and we're all running from something." —u/ProduceDue7659 27."The illusion of choice. There are not an unlimited number of people for you to date. There are about an equal number of straight men and women. There are many people you could date but many competitors for those people. As you get older, the pool just gets smaller and smaller as well. At the end of the day, we almost all end up with only one person." —u/upsidedownpickle13 What's been your experience with dating lately? Have you noticed any of these same issues, or do you think there's something else that's making modern dating feel so off? Drop your thoughts and experiences in the comments below or use the anonymous form below! Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
CBC
21-06-2025
- Entertainment
- CBC
Materialists director Celine Song was once a NYC matchmaker
For The National, CBC's Eli Glasner spoke to Materialists director Celine Song about what she learned during her time as a matchmaker in New York City and why she thinks the transactional nature of modern dating doesn't match what love really is.
Yahoo
18-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
A relationship expert's number one tip for dating in every decade
Aging has certain advantages when it comes to dating. You've got life experience and a pretty good idea of what you want and don't want in a partner — and you're a lot less likely to waste time on playing games. But let's be real: Today's dating scene isn't what it used to be. Between needing to learn to navigate swiping, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more, it's basically a whole new playbook. So, how do you date and pursue a potentially sexual relationship confidently when the rules are always changing? Hims asked Debra Castaldo, PhD, LCSW, MS, a relationship expert, therapist, and author of 'The Return to Love Playbook,' who publicly goes by 'Dr. Deb,' to share her best advice for men in their twenties and beyond. Keep reading to get her top tip for each decade — and learn how to navigate modern dating on your own terms, no matter your current chapter of life. Although many equate the twenties with adventure, exploration, and impulsiveness, Dr. Castaldo encourages young men to slow down and define the values they want to live by. While experimentation can help you figure out what you like and don't like as you step into adulthood, there may come a time when you want more than just an empty hookup. 'I have treated young men in my psychotherapy practice who have grown weary of the college hook-up scene and begin to find it unfulfilling to have different partners every week,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'If you are stuck in a pattern of one-night-stands, ask yourself if this behavior is serving you and what the consequences may be not only for you, but for your partners.' She says this decade is also an important time to adopt healthy habits towards sex. Checking in with yourself and your partner to ensure you both feel emotionally and physically safe is crucial. You should also be willing to have 'courageous conversations' about consent, protection, and regular STI testing. If you don't feel willing to have these conversations with your partner, you may not be a good match, warns Castaldo. 'Being completely transparent and willing to share intimate thoughts and feelings is the foundation of a healthy attachment, and is part of the foundation of a good relationship.' There's a shift that often happens when you're dating in your thirties: You're not just chasing the adrenaline of attraction. Rather, you may be prioritizing compatibility and shared values. But that doesn't mean you have to have it all figured out. 'There is often tremendous pressure to settle down with marriage and family,' says Dr. Castaldo of dating in this decade. 'I encourage you to take your time and ask yourself some big questions instead. What's your vision for life? How do you need to grow as a potential partner?' You may also benefit from taking the time to figure out what qualities you want in a partner to help you get to know the person sitting across from you at that first dinner date. But also, be realistic and patient in your expectations. 'In my opinion, it takes at least a year to get to know the real person and what a full-time committed relationship would be like with them,' says Dr. Castaldo. And regarding sex, Dr. Castaldo suggests introspecting about what kind of partner you want to be in your thirties. 'This decade is a great time to shift from the focus on desire and lust we often have in our twenties to a more mature approach of being a partner who gives pleasure.' The smartest move you can make when dating in your forties is to be upfront about what you want. Whether you want to keep things casual for a while or secure a long-term partner, clarity helps you avoid mismatches and wasted time. 'These days, marriage and family are often delayed, with many folks choosing to remain single, or in a relationship but not living together,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'If this is your goal, be honest about it so you are not creating false hope with someone who wants commitment or marriage.' The same guidance of prioritizing honesty also applies if you are seeking a committed long-term relationship or marriage. Dr. Castaldo recommends making your intentions known early on, no matter where you land. Your forties can also be a decade of embracing confidence. With a better understanding of who you are and what you want, you can avoid looking for someone to complete you. 'Most people want a partner who also has a mature sense of themselves and wants a relationship that will add to their life, not a 'half' to fill up their own 'empty half.'' Having a better understanding of who you are also means understanding what parts of you could use some attention and care. 'The forties are also a time when many find they repeat the same relationship mistakes over and over,' says Dr. Castaldo. 'Now is a good time to work on those patterns to break the destructive cycles of unhealthy relationships.' She recommends folks dating in their forties to pursue individual psychotherapy or couples therapy with a mental health professional to explore their relationship history and become consciously aware of who they're attracting. When dating in your fifties, it's not unusual to worry about how much time is left. But this kind of panic can lead you to act out destructively in an effort to hold on to your youth. Dr. Castaldo offers an alternative possibility. 'Use this time as a period of life review rather than crisis. By this time, you may have had many loves and even multiple marriages. Let your experience define your vision for going forward.' She also suggests rethinking what it means to be in a mature partnership with someone. 'Long-term relationships are most successful when there is good companionship and friendship, strong communication skills, the ability to tolerate and value differences, and consistent effort in keeping your sex life vibrant and growing.' Dr. Castaldo adds that dating should be a path to discerning who may or may not have the qualities that mean the most to you at this time in your life. Dating in your sixties allows you to tap into your decades of wisdom and use your life experience to guide your choices. 'I find many folks give up in this decade, and either isolate themselves due to past hurts, or repeat the same mistakes,' says Dr. Castaldo, who instead suggests folks 'rely on your ability to 'know thyself' and be transparent about who you are. One of the greatest obstacles in relationships at this age is inauthenticity.' While most dating books will caution you against oversharing on your first date, being upfront about who you are early can fast-track you to the right relationship. 'I am in favor of sharing who you are and what your relationship experiences have been as quickly as possible when dating at every age,' says Dr. Castaldo. But she says it's essential in your sixties when time is of the essence. You also shouldn't buy into the myth that sex gets less important as you age. You can and should still lead a fulfilling sex life as you get older, but you may need support, whether that's through medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes. 'Yes, it may take more effort to wake up your sexuality, but focusing on giving pleasure to your partner, rather than expecting desire to magically appear, usually keeps the flames burning.' In other words, intimacy takes work, but that's true for any decade. No matter how old you are, the best dating advice is timeless: Be yourself, be honest about what you want, and stay open to growth. Each decade may present new challenges, but it can also bring new opportunities to connect with someone more meaningfully from a place of deeper self-awareness. This story was produced by Hims and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Dating is broken. Matchmaking is having a moment.
In Materialists, Dakota Johnson stars as Lucy, a matchmaker forever trying to crack how modern dating requires participants to define and quantify their desires. Hopeful singles tell her what they want from a mate: How tall they should be, how thin, how rich, how bald, how spontaneous and so on. In turn, she balances what's available with what's possible and compatible, attempting to make a long-lasting match. While professionally pairing clients, Lucy reckons with her desire to be financially secure, which forces her to choose between two very different love interests: The wealthy and kind Harry (Pedro Pascal) and her fiery but constantly underemployed ex-boyfriend John (Chris Evans). In theaters on June 13, the movie is a sociological exploration of ambition, money, desire and, most obviously, the broken state of dating. Love bombing, situationships and apps, which, according to Pew Research data from 2023, three out of every 10 U.S. adults have used, are fueling what's being called a romantic recession. Services like Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, Match and many more streamline the dating process by asking forthright questions and encouraging people to fill out profiles showcasing their best features and nonnegotiables. But while ease and convenience were promised when these sites were first introduced — in 1995; Grindr, the first major mobile dating app, in 2009; and Tinder, the first mainstream swipe-based app, in 2012 — according to Brie Temple, chief matchmaker at the dating service Tawkify, dating apps are starting to 'feel like a full-time job with no reward.' It's perhaps this crisis that's fueling the current cultural fascination with matchmaking, as evidenced by not just Materialists but multiple new books and TV shows. Dolly Chua, the chief matchmaker at GaiGai, is featured on TLC's Match Me Abroad, which premieres on June 22. She gets the intrigue — it's 'usually a private and personal experience.' 'When it's brought out into the open for everyone to watch, that's where the excitement lies!' she excitedly tells me. 'For those seeking a serious relationship but unsure how or where to begin their dating journey, the process can often feel overwhelming when done alone. That's where a matchmaker can offer a solution.' Curiosity may draw eyeballs, but matchmaking 'truly works,' according to Adam Cohen-Aslatei, the CEO of matchmaking company Three Day Rule — and has for hundreds and hundreds of years. 'Every culture except for Americans has matchmaking as a foundational component,' he tells Yahoo Entertainment. 'When the community is involved in your love life, it actually works. Divorce rates are way lower. People are happier because your family and your friends have your best interests at heart.' It takes a human touch to truly crack attraction, and Cohen-Aslatei insists matchmaking has a much higher success rate compared to dating apps. 'There's not any amount of inputs that you're going to put into an app for someone to really understand who you are as a human being and be able to find someone else for you, which is why I don't think anything will be able to really replace matchmaking,' he says. Maria Avgitidis, also known as Matchmaker Maria, published her bestselling book Ask a Matchmaker in May. Between her personal matchmaking work and the dating advice she provides online, she believes she's influenced between 3,000 and 4,000 people to get married. 'I don't count anymore,' she laughs. The matchmaking industry took a hit when dating apps really took off in the 2010s, she tells Yahoo Entertainment, but since then, she's also gotten phone calls every single day from people complaining about how they're fed up with swiping. Another big part of her job is helping people 'face reality' — her clients will be able to find a dream guy, but he might be older than them, shorter than they think they like or a single dad when they didn't think they'd be open to that. According to Avgitidis, compatibility isn't even the most important thing. Mutual respect, an understanding of healthy communication patterns and conflict resolution skills are also crucial. After all, marriage isn't just about love. 'My grandmother was a matchmaker during wartime … and yet she managed to connect families with each other because that was what marriage was, right?' Avgitidis says. 'I know we like to think of it as a love thing, but it wasn't a love thing for almost all of human history. It was a contract between two families to create an alliance and possibly create an economy. It was an instinct for survival.' Shows like Match Me Abroad and The Millionaire Matchmaker are reality television, whereas Materialists is a fictional romance inspired by writer-director Celine Song's experience briefly working as a matchmaker in the 2010s. She told Entertainment Weekly that she 'learned more about people and what's in their hearts than I have in any other period of my life.' It's in the drama department where real matchmakers take issue. Avgitidis and Cohen-Aslatei, who have both seen Materialists, appreciated the representation of their profession on its surface but had qualms about Lucy's skills as a matchmaker. It's not always like this. 'There were parts of the movie that were insanely accurate, but there were other parts where I was just like, 'That's not been my experience,'' Avgitidis says. When Lucy goes to great lengths to understand her clients' desires, make good matches and call both parties after their first dates — that's accurate. The depiction of the burnout that Lucy experiences is also extremely real, Avgitidis explains. 'In our industry in general, the rule is you're not a real matchmaker until you hit 18 months, because 99% of matchmakers fall off the face of the planet … it's burnout,' she says. 'Emotional bandwidth is a real thing.' Without revealing any spoilers, one of Lucy's matches goes so horribly awry, the fallout made Avgitidis feel 'embarrassed to be a matchmaker.' Lucy failed her client by not spending enough time taking notes and truly getting to know her potential date. 'Every professional matchmaker I know writes essays on their potential matches and puts them on the computer so other matchmakers know what you're doing,' Avgitidis says, drawing a contrast with Lucy's few lines about a client scribbled on a notepad. Cohen-Aslatei agrees that part of the movie was 'cringey' and 'highly rare' for the industry. He enjoyed the parts of the movie that reflected how invested matchmakers are in the success of their clients' relationships. Every Monday at Three Day Rule, all 60 employees hop on the phone and share their success stories. Some of the challenges felt accurate to him too. 'Clients [sometimes] come to you with an expectation, like, 'I know exactly what I want, here's 17 pages, give me all this stuff! I'm giving you all this money so you can just build me a spouse,'' Cohen-Aslatei explains. 'We talk them through their preferences … what kind of relationship they're looking for and what they want to be in five years, then we backtrack to see what requirements they have to get to that healthy, successful relationship.' Regardless of how matchmaking is represented on our screens, it isn't going anywhere. 'There is a constant cycle of matching, small talk and worthless conversations that go nowhere. Many of those coming through our door share their burnout from the emotional merry-go-round, especially when they feel matches are promising but do nothing more than amount to nothing serious,' Tawkify's Temple says. 'Industry-wide, our feedback is the same: While apps have opened up more people, they have diluted the richness of relationships.' Matchmakers want to give people that 'richness' back. Could pop culture give the industry the boost it needs?
