To Drive Innovation, Learn to Show Up and Contribute as a Great Guest

Forbes

11 hours ago

Cheers.
At the beginning of the year, my partner Nadja and I read a piece in the Atlantic titled 'The Anti-Social Century' by Derek Thompson. In the piece, Thompson lays out a powerful argument for why we're living in an Age of Solitude. Not loneliness, mind you…solitude. The distinction is important. Loneliness is the emotion you feel when you're alone and you don't like it. It's a helpful nudge that gets people off the couch to meet other people. A little loneliness is a healthy and normal thing. Solitude, however, is far more pernicious. Solitude is simply being alone. Coming out of the pandemic, too many of us are alone without feeling lonely. And so we stay at home on a Saturday night. We put off meeting friends. And while we don't feel bad, rates of anxiety and depression continue to rise in America.
Nadja and I were shaken by the article. And we decided to do something about it. We resolved to host a dinner every month, where we brought together two or three other couples who didn't know each other. We adopted the framework of a Jeffersonian Dinner. As lore would have it, our third president was a preternaturally curious person. He was also hard of hearing. To accommodate both those needs, he'd bring together groups of no more than eight people to dine and have a single conversation where they could explore an idea. We've done the same. Our topics have included 'Where is technology taking us?' 'What gives you hope?' and 'When have you last experienced a moment of wonder?' Our goal is to learn and connect more deeply with interesting people. In our own small way, we hope to combat the epidemic of solitude.
We've had such great experiences that we've started holding Jeffersonian dinners at Jump for our clients and friends. Because solitude affects how we innovate as well. At its core, innovation requires connection and collaboration. It requires exposure to new and differing ideas. It requires us to learn. Every gathering is a chance to do that: to listen attentively, ask a thoughtful question, or share a relevant story. A simple conversation over the table can spark ideas and insights that carry back into our daily work and relationships. It can even help us play a part in reconnecting our society.
Of course, you may not feel ready to host a party of your own. Start by being a good guest. In this Age of Solitude, many well-intentioned people are out of practice with how to socialize. And while wonderful books exist on hosting (check out Priya Parker's classic The Art of Gathering), fewer guides exist for guesting. Yet, guests make a party successful as much as the host. For that reason, here's an imperfect list of ten ways to help ensure that you're a great guest.
1. Respond to the invitation.
Bad guests receive a text, email, or Evite and then don't respond. This makes them look self-important or like they're holding out for a better offer. It also makes it hard for the host to plan. Respond to the invitation within 24 hours of receiving it, even if your response is only to say, 'Can I tell you by Friday?'
2. Follow any instructions.
Bad guests ignore the premise of the party. This puts a damper on the festivities. If it's a costume party, wear a costume. If it's a book club, read the book. If the invitation says 'no gifts,' then don't show up with a present, no matter how perfect you think it is.
3. Arrive on time.
Bad guests text the host after the party has already started to say they're running an hour late. This can disrupt whatever festivities have been planned. Show up on time. In the United States, this typically means between 15 and 30 minutes after the officially scheduled time.
4. Bring something easy.
Bad guests show up empty-handed. Unless the instructions specifically asked you to come empty-handed, bring a bottle of wine or a six-pack of your favorite non-alcoholic beverage. But avoid 'white elephants.' Don't bring a side dish unless asked. Don't bring a fondue station that demands accommodation from your host.
5. Participate well.
Bad guests say, 'None for me, thanks...' This, too, can put a damper on the festivities. If it's a dinner party, come ready to eat something. If it's a wine tasting, expect to imbibe. If it's a dance party, expect to spend at least a few minutes shaking your booty. That said, don't overindulge, drink too much, or dominate a party game with your pathological need to win.
6. Add to the vibe.
Bad guests enter the party in a bad mood from whatever happened earlier that day. Leave the past at the door. It is your job to actively contribute to the sense of general bonhomie. Smile. Uncross your arms. Introduce yourself to people you don't know. Show interest in others and what they have to say.
7. Speak in paragraphs, not pages.
Bad guests say, 'I hate to dominate the conversation, but…' before continuing merrily on with their oration. This puts the onus on your host to try and shut you up. If you think you're talking too much, don't apologize. Just stop talking. Better yet, ask someone else a question.
8. Don't litter.
Bad guests consider every horizontal surface to be an appropriate trash receptacle. This adds to the work for your host. If you're done with an hors d'oeuvre napkin, don't leave it on a bookshelf. If you spill a glass of wine, wipe it up.
9. Watch for leaving time.
Bad guests say things like, 'Hey, anytime you want us to leave, just let me know.' This puts the onus on your host to evict you. Notice when others are starting to fade or lose interest and promptly say your goodbyes.
10. Send a thank you note.
Bad guests wake up the next day with amnesia. It's important to thank your host for the invitation and tell them one reason why you had a good time. For most parties nowadays, a simple text will do. For a more formal gathering, write a handwritten note. And of course, the ultimate thank you is an invitation to a party you've decided to throw.
Most of us have violated these rules on one or more occasions. And while this list may seem obvious, the reality is that we're just out of practice. Years of quarantine and remote work have left us with social muscles that have atrophied. Moreover, it may be part of a troubling shift in how we see the world: not as active citizens but as passive consumers of content. As guests, we need to see ourselves as co-creators of an experience, not just consumers.
Of course, the idea of being a co-creator of experiences applies at work as well. Too many ideation sessions and team workshops get dragged down by late attendees who show up unclear on the goals of the meeting or without prior work completed. Some just wreck the vibe for everyone else. This, too, seems to be happening more post-pandemic. In life and at work, innovation is social, and we're all out of practice. We need to make the most of our time together. Let's get back to being good guests.