Latest news with #socialconnection
Forbes
15-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
To Drive Innovation, Learn to Show Up and Contribute as a Great Guest
Cheers. At the beginning of the year, my partner Nadja and I read a piece in the Atlantic titled 'The Anti-Social Century' by Derek Thompson. In the piece, Thompson lays out a powerful argument for why we're living in an Age of Solitude. Not loneliness, mind you…solitude. The distinction is important. Loneliness is the emotion you feel when you're alone and you don't like it. It's a helpful nudge that gets people off the couch to meet other people. A little loneliness is a healthy and normal thing. Solitude, however, is far more pernicious. Solitude is simply being alone. Coming out of the pandemic, too many of us are alone without feeling lonely. And so we stay at home on a Saturday night. We put off meeting friends. And while we don't feel bad, rates of anxiety and depression continue to rise in America. Nadja and I were shaken by the article. And we decided to do something about it. We resolved to host a dinner every month, where we brought together two or three other couples who didn't know each other. We adopted the framework of a Jeffersonian Dinner. As lore would have it, our third president was a preternaturally curious person. He was also hard of hearing. To accommodate both those needs, he'd bring together groups of no more than eight people to dine and have a single conversation where they could explore an idea. We've done the same. Our topics have included 'Where is technology taking us?' 'What gives you hope?' and 'When have you last experienced a moment of wonder?' Our goal is to learn and connect more deeply with interesting people. In our own small way, we hope to combat the epidemic of solitude. We've had such great experiences that we've started holding Jeffersonian dinners at Jump for our clients and friends. Because solitude affects how we innovate as well. At its core, innovation requires connection and collaboration. It requires exposure to new and differing ideas. It requires us to learn. Every gathering is a chance to do that: to listen attentively, ask a thoughtful question, or share a relevant story. A simple conversation over the table can spark ideas and insights that carry back into our daily work and relationships. It can even help us play a part in reconnecting our society. Of course, you may not feel ready to host a party of your own. Start by being a good guest. In this Age of Solitude, many well-intentioned people are out of practice with how to socialize. And while wonderful books exist on hosting (check out Priya Parker's classic The Art of Gathering), fewer guides exist for guesting. Yet, guests make a party successful as much as the host. For that reason, here's an imperfect list of ten ways to help ensure that you're a great guest. 1. Respond to the invitation. Bad guests receive a text, email, or Evite and then don't respond. This makes them look self-important or like they're holding out for a better offer. It also makes it hard for the host to plan. Respond to the invitation within 24 hours of receiving it, even if your response is only to say, 'Can I tell you by Friday?' 2. Follow any instructions. Bad guests ignore the premise of the party. This puts a damper on the festivities. If it's a costume party, wear a costume. If it's a book club, read the book. If the invitation says 'no gifts,' then don't show up with a present, no matter how perfect you think it is. 3. Arrive on time. Bad guests text the host after the party has already started to say they're running an hour late. This can disrupt whatever festivities have been planned. Show up on time. In the United States, this typically means between 15 and 30 minutes after the officially scheduled time. 4. Bring something easy. Bad guests show up empty-handed. Unless the instructions specifically asked you to come empty-handed, bring a bottle of wine or a six-pack of your favorite non-alcoholic beverage. But avoid 'white elephants.' Don't bring a side dish unless asked. Don't bring a fondue station that demands accommodation from your host. 5. Participate well. Bad guests say, 'None for me, thanks...' This, too, can put a damper on the festivities. If it's a dinner party, come ready to eat something. If it's a wine tasting, expect to imbibe. If it's a dance party, expect to spend at least a few minutes shaking your booty. That said, don't overindulge, drink too much, or dominate a party game with your pathological need to win. 6. Add to the vibe. Bad guests enter the party in a bad mood from whatever happened earlier that day. Leave the past at the door. It is your job to actively contribute to the sense of general bonhomie. Smile. Uncross your arms. Introduce yourself to people you don't know. Show interest in others and what they have to say. 7. Speak in paragraphs, not pages. Bad guests say, 'I hate to dominate the conversation, but…' before continuing merrily on with their oration. This puts the onus on your host to try and shut you up. If you think you're talking too much, don't apologize. Just stop talking. Better yet, ask someone else a question. 8. Don't litter. Bad guests consider every horizontal surface to be an appropriate trash receptacle. This adds to the work for your host. If you're done with an hors d'oeuvre napkin, don't leave it on a bookshelf. If you spill a glass of wine, wipe it up. 9. Watch for leaving time. Bad guests say things like, 'Hey, anytime you want us to leave, just let me know.' This puts the onus on your host to evict you. Notice when others are starting to fade or lose interest and promptly say your goodbyes. 10. Send a thank you note. Bad guests wake up the next day with amnesia. It's important to thank your host for the invitation and tell them one reason why you had a good time. For most parties nowadays, a simple text will do. For a more formal gathering, write a handwritten note. And of course, the ultimate thank you is an invitation to a party you've decided to throw. Most of us have violated these rules on one or more occasions. And while this list may seem obvious, the reality is that we're just out of practice. Years of quarantine and remote work have left us with social muscles that have atrophied. Moreover, it may be part of a troubling shift in how we see the world: not as active citizens but as passive consumers of content. As guests, we need to see ourselves as co-creators of an experience, not just consumers. Of course, the idea of being a co-creator of experiences applies at work as well. Too many ideation sessions and team workshops get dragged down by late attendees who show up unclear on the goals of the meeting or without prior work completed. Some just wreck the vibe for everyone else. This, too, seems to be happening more post-pandemic. In life and at work, innovation is social, and we're all out of practice. We need to make the most of our time together. Let's get back to being good guests.
BBC News
02-07-2025
- General
- BBC News
Rainbow bench in Heanor painted black by 'sad' vandals
A rainbow bench installed at a town in Derbyshire to encourage interaction has been painted black by Happy to Chat bench in Heanor was put in place in May 2022 as part of a scheme "to promote social connection and reduce the negative impacts of isolation", Heanor and Loscoe Town Council town clerk Andrew Sharpe said in the past few days somebody had attacked the bench and painted its bright colours said the council will now be taking steps to repair the bench, which is on the corner of Mundy Street and Ilkeston Road. Mr Sharp said: "The plaque says, on the bench, happy to chat, sit here if you don't mind someone stopping to say hello."But obviously somebody has decided that they're not happy to chat on there."We will be repainting the bench as soon as we can. We won't let the actions of some people disturb what is a positive thing for the rest of Heanor and Loscoe."It's sad that some people just don't tolerate some things, and we will do our very best to get that back to its former glory."
CTV News
30-06-2025
- Health
- CTV News
The cost of loneliness can be death. Here's how to find good friends
After working from home all day, your takeout order arrives and you start binge-watching your favorite show alone. Sounds ideal, right? Except doing this routinely could shorten your life. And that's not because of the nutritional content of your dinner. It's because having strong, positive relationships is one of the best ways to extend your life, according to research. 'Human beings just are a fundamentally social species. We have a fundamental need to belong,' said Dr. Amit Kumar, associate professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin's McCombs School of Business. With everything else you have going on, why should you make a change? Because the cost of loneliness is huge. 'The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity,' wrote then US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy in his 2023 advisory on the 'healing effects' of social connection . The lack of strong social ties has been linked to a greater risk of problems with health or well-being, including more stress, high blood pressure, premature death and poor coping skills. But finding friends as an adult can be hard. Some people's mindsets hinder their ability to make connections, while a lack of affordable places to meet is a challenge for others, said Danielle Bayard Jackson, director of the Women's Relational Health Institute. But the effort is worth it. Here's how Jackson and other experts suggest you combat those limitations and find your community. Breaking down barriers to friendship If you want to make more connections in your life, consider how you might be counteracting that goal and prepare to change, said Jackson, author of 'Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships.' Many people have a fear of rejection, real or perceived, while others have social anxiety, Jackson said. But if you never take risks, Kumar noted, you never give your brain a chance to see that you actually can socialize. Practicing cognitive behavioral therapy or setting yourself up for 'micro' moments to put yourself out there can help you regulate social anxiety and rejection-sensitivity, experts said. Not everyone is going to like you, and you need to learn to regulate your emotional response to that. That could look like noting the sting and thinking, 'Well, that was awkward' — but not immediately labeling that person a jerk or deciding something about you is defective. 'Some psychologists call it exposure therapy,' Jackson said. 'I've seen them assign a client the task of going and asking for crazy things and intentionally trying to go and collect nos.' Engage with a waiter a bit longer than normal and ask for a menu accommodation you know they will decline, Jackson said. Check out at the grocery store with a cashier instead of self-checkout to practice your social skills. If time is an issue, think about canceling some commitments so you can prioritize your social life, experts said. But you should also change what you consider acceptable hangouts — setting time limits is OK, especially when the alternative is not seeing anyone at all. Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, suggests doing mundane activities with friends more often instead of always having bigger, less frequent events focused on catching up. If you want to see someone but also need to run errands, hit the gym or fold laundry, ask them to join you. Instead of drinks on a Friday, plan a short Tuesday game night and ask your guests to eat dinner beforehand so you only have to provide a snack. Defy environmental challenges to socializing Some people cite the 'collapse of third places' as a hindrance to making friends, Jackson said. That's true, she added, but those places are closing in part because of low attendance. Today's culture of convenience is also to blame, Jackson and Cook said — think grocery delivery orders, mobile order counters, digital reading devices or livestreamed religious services. These have many perks, especially for people with mobility issues, 'but I cannot help but to think about the cost,' Jackson said. 'We tend to romanticize those serendipitous moments of, like, you're in a coffee shop and you start chatting with the girl in front of you and you guys hit it off,' Jackson said. But that can't happen if we're acting like 'little night cooters,' Cook said — quickly hopping out, getting our food and then going back to our caves. When clients seek Jackson's help with finding friends, they list all their delivery subscriptions and other conveniences — such as frequent mobile orders — and then eliminate some, which lead to those serendipitous moments. Don't think in black or white, Jackson said. 'If you see it as zero friends or go out and make besties, that's a lot,' she added. But if you see all that's available to you — like the neighbor or moviegoer you always run into — you can see what happens. Finally, get off your phone. When you're always zoned in on your screen, you appear standoffish and won't notice people you might like. Go out to meet likeminded people To determine where to meet people, consider your values and your ideal friend, Jackson said. If you love helping people, look for volunteering opportunities. If your ideal friend reads books, where would she be on a Wednesday night? Probably at a book club meeting or a bookstore, so go to one. Frequent local libraries, farmers markets and parks. Look online for interest clubs or events, or try an app for finding friends nearby. Take a class on something you have always wanted to do, such as learning a specific dance style or cooking a special cuisine. Maybe even reach out to an old friend you have lost touch with, said psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco, an associate fellow at the University of Maryland honors program and author of 'Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.' We often underestimate how happy people will be to hear from us, she noted. When Cook became a new mom, she brought her baby along on her walks and made many friends by asking other women about their babies and talking about her own. Cook also suggested wearing something that could be a conversation starter, such as a T-shirt featuring your favorite artist. And don't forget you can be a leader, Cook said. 'A lot of people are hoping these opportunities will just fall in their lap. If you're not finding it, build it.' Cook recalled when her friends hosted dinners they called 'friends of friends.' They would invite a friend who also had to bring someone. 'That completely built out their whole social world because their friends were all getting to know each other,' Cook said. 'It became this popular thing where there was a wait list.' Another person couldn't find a quilting club for millennials, so they started a monthly class in a rented space, Cook said. That do-it-yourself spirit is what sparked some of the platforms that matchmake strangers for restaurant dinners or provide spaces for people to start something themselves. Those initiatives include The Lonely Girls Club in the United Kingdom; California's Groundfloor, an 'after-school club' for millennials; RealRoots in the United States; and the global-based Time Left. How to talk to strangers Small talk may seem annoying, but it's necessary, said Cook, who also wrote 'Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World.' Deep relationships take time to build. If you find yourself running out of topics, Cook recommends asking questions about their favorite things that are relevant to the situation — if you're at a jazz bar, for example, ask someone about their favorite jazz artists. If your platonic interest loves hiking, say you'll send them links to a couple of good spots if they give you their number or Instagram, Jackson suggested. Later that night, send them the links. After a week, ask if they went and keep talking. Cook also suggests using the 'listen and link' technique. As you're listening to someone, think about what you can link to the conversation, use that and build from there. If someone's talking about their trip to Costa Rica and you love monkeys, ask what kinds of monkeys they saw in Costa Rica. One of my favorite ways to keep a conversation going with someone new? Staying curious. When someone is totally new to you, there is a whole decades-long world of information to learn about them. When you're aware of that, how could you ever have nothing to talk about? Cook agrees. How to keep a friend Although many people know romantic partnerships require consistent effort and nurturing, many think friendship should be the opposite: easy, natural and organic, Jackson said. This idea may be because growing up, we made friends more easily because we had classes or sports practice with them every day. But in adulthood, that idea is a falsehood that leads to fizzled-out friendships and loneliness, Jackson said. Maintaining friendships takes a lot of intention, experts said. Set reminders to check in, be a good listener, don't be judgmental and remember what your new acquaintances like so you can suggest meaningful ways to spend time together — and maybe even live longer. By Kristen Rogers.
CTV News
30-06-2025
- Health
- CTV News
Having friends can help you live longer. Here's how to find them
After working from home all day, your takeout order arrives and you start binge-watching your favourite show alone. Sounds ideal, right? Except doing this routinely could shorten your life. And that's not because of the nutritional content of your dinner. It's because having strong, positive relationships is one of the best ways to extend your life, according to research. 'Human beings just are a fundamentally social species. We have a fundamental need to belong,' said Dr. Amit Kumar, associate professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin's McCombs School of Business. With everything else you have going on, why should you make a change? Because the cost of loneliness is huge. 'The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity,' wrote then US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy in his 2023 advisory on the 'healing effects' of social connection . The lack of strong social ties has been linked to a greater risk of problems with health or well-being, including more stress, high blood pressure, premature death and poor coping skills. But finding friends as an adult can be hard. Some people's mindsets hinder their ability to make connections, while a lack of affordable places to meet is a challenge for others, said Danielle Bayard Jackson, director of the Women's Relational Health Institute. But the effort is worth it. Here's how Jackson and other experts suggest you combat those limitations and find your community. Breaking down barriers to friendship If you want to make more connections in your life, consider how you might be counteracting that goal and prepare to change, said Jackson, author of 'Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships.' Many people have a fear of rejection, real or perceived, while others have social anxiety, Jackson said. But if you never take risks, Kumar noted, you never give your brain a chance to see that you actually can socialize. Practicing cognitive behavioural therapy or setting yourself up for 'micro' moments to put yourself out there can help you regulate social anxiety and rejection-sensitivity, experts said. Not everyone is going to like you, and you need to learn to regulate your emotional response to that. That could look like noting the sting and thinking, 'Well, that was awkward' — but not immediately labelling that person a jerk or deciding something about you is defective. 'Some psychologists call it exposure therapy,' Jackson said. 'I've seen them assign a client the task of going and asking for crazy things and intentionally trying to go and collect nos.' Engage with a waiter a bit longer than normal and ask for a menu accommodation you know they will decline, Jackson said. Check out at the grocery store with a cashier instead of self-checkout to practice your social skills. If time is an issue, think about canceling some commitments so you can prioritize your social life, experts said. But you should also change what you consider acceptable hangouts — setting time limits is OK, especially when the alternative is not seeing anyone at all. Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, suggests doing mundane activities with friends more often instead of always having bigger, less frequent events focused on catching up. If you want to see someone but also need to run errands, hit the gym or fold laundry, ask them to join you. Instead of drinks on a Friday, plan a short Tuesday game night and ask your guests to eat dinner beforehand so you only have to provide a snack. Defy environmental challenges to socializing Some people cite the 'collapse of third places' as a hindrance to making friends, Jackson said. That's true, she added, but those places are closing in part because of low attendance. Today's culture of convenience is also to blame, Jackson and Cook said — think grocery delivery orders, mobile order counters, digital reading devices or livestreamed religious services. These have many perks, especially for people with mobility issues, 'but I cannot help but to think about the cost,' Jackson said. 'We tend to romanticize those serendipitous moments of, like, you're in a coffee shop and you start chatting with the girl in front of you and you guys hit it off,' Jackson said. But that can't happen if we're acting like 'little night cooters,' Cook said — quickly hopping out, getting our food and then going back to our caves. When clients seek Jackson's help with finding friends, they list all their delivery subscriptions and other conveniences — such as frequent mobile orders — and then eliminate some, which lead to those serendipitous moments. Don't think in black or white, Jackson said. 'If you see it as zero friends or go out and make besties, that's a lot,' she added. But if you see all that's available to you — like the neighbor or moviegoer you always run into — you can see what happens. Finally, get off your phone. When you're always zoned in on your screen, you appear standoffish and won't notice people you might like. Go out to meet likeminded people To determine where to meet people, consider your values and your ideal friend, Jackson said. If you love helping people, look for volunteering opportunities. If your ideal friend reads books, where would she be on a Wednesday night? Probably at a book club meeting or a bookstore, so go to one. Frequent local libraries, farmers markets and parks. Look online for interest clubs or events, or try an app for finding friends nearby. Take a class on something you have always wanted to do, such as learning a specific dance style or cooking a special cuisine. Maybe even reach out to an old friend you have lost touch with, said psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco, an associate fellow at the University of Maryland honors program and author of 'Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.' We often underestimate how happy people will be to hear from us, she noted. When Cook became a new mom, she brought her baby along on her walks and made many friends by asking other women about their babies and talking about her own. Cook also suggested wearing something that could be a conversation starter, such as a T-shirt featuring your favorite artist. And don't forget you can be a leader, Cook said. 'A lot of people are hoping these opportunities will just fall in their lap. If you're not finding it, build it.' Cook recalled when her friends hosted dinners they called 'friends of friends.' They would invite a friend who also had to bring someone. 'That completely built out their whole social world because their friends were all getting to know each other,' Cook said. 'It became this popular thing where there was a wait list.' Another person couldn't find a quilting club for millennials, so they started a monthly class in a rented space, Cook said. That do-it-yourself spirit is what sparked some of the platforms that matchmake strangers for restaurant dinners or provide spaces for people to start something themselves. Those initiatives include The Lonely Girls Club in the United Kingdom; California's Groundfloor, an 'after-school club' for millennials; RealRoots in the United States; and the global-based Time Left. How to talk to strangers Small talk may seem annoying, but it's necessary, said Cook, who also wrote 'Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World.' Deep relationships take time to build. If you find yourself running out of topics, Cook recommends asking questions about their favorite things that are relevant to the situation — if you're at a jazz bar, for example, ask someone about their favorite jazz artists. If your platonic interest loves hiking, say you'll send them links to a couple of good spots if they give you their number or Instagram, Jackson suggested. Later that night, send them the links. After a week, ask if they went and keep talking. Cook also suggests using the 'listen and link' technique. As you're listening to someone, think about what you can link to the conversation, use that and build from there. If someone's talking about their trip to Costa Rica and you love monkeys, ask what kinds of monkeys they saw in Costa Rica. One of my favourite ways to keep a conversation going with someone new? Staying curious. When someone is totally new to you, there is a whole decades-long world of information to learn about them. When you're aware of that, how could you ever have nothing to talk about? Cook agrees. How to keep a friend Although many people know romantic partnerships require consistent effort and nurturing, many think friendship should be the opposite: easy, natural and organic, Jackson said. This idea may be because growing up, we made friends more easily because we had classes or sports practice with them every day. But in adulthood, that idea is a falsehood that leads to fizzled-out friendships and loneliness, Jackson said. Maintaining friendships takes a lot of intention, experts said. Set reminders to check in, be a good listener, don't be judgmental and remember what your new acquaintances like so you can suggest meaningful ways to spend time together — and maybe even live longer. By Kristen Rogers, CNN
CNN
30-06-2025
- Health
- CNN
Having friends can help you live longer. Here's how to find them
FacebookTweetLink After working from home all day, your takeout order arrives and you start binge-watching your favorite show alone. Sounds ideal, right? Except doing this routinely could shorten your life. And that's not because of the nutritional content of your dinner. It's because having strong, positive relationships is one of the best ways to extend your life, according to research. 'Human beings just are a fundamentally social species. We have a fundamental need to belong,' said Dr. Amit Kumar, associate professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin's McCombs School of Business. With everything else you have going on, why should you make a change? Because the cost of loneliness is huge. 'The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity,' wrote then US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy in his 2023 advisory on the 'healing effects' of social connection . The lack of strong social ties has been linked to a greater risk of problems with health or well-being, including more stress, high blood pressure, premature death and poor coping skills. But finding friends as an adult can be hard. Some people's mindsets hinder their ability to make connections, while a lack of affordable places to meet is a challenge for others, said Danielle Bayard Jackson, director of the Women's Relational Health Institute. But the effort is worth it. Here's how Jackson and other experts suggest you combat those limitations and find your community. If you want to make more connections in your life, consider how you might be counteracting that goal and prepare to change, said Jackson, author of 'Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships.' Many people have a fear of rejection, real or perceived, while others have social anxiety, Jackson said. But if you never take risks, Kumar noted, you never give your brain a chance to see that you actually can socialize. Practicing cognitive behavioral therapy or setting yourself up for 'micro' moments to put yourself out there can help you regulate social anxiety and rejection-sensitivity, experts said. Not everyone is going to like you, and you need to learn to regulate your emotional response to that. That could look like noting the sting and thinking, 'Well, that was awkward' — but not immediately labeling that person a jerk or deciding something about you is defective. 'Some psychologists call it exposure therapy,' Jackson said. 'I've seen them assign a client the task of going and asking for crazy things and intentionally trying to go and collect nos.' Engage with a waiter a bit longer than normal and ask for a menu accommodation you know they will decline, Jackson said. Check out at the grocery store with a cashier instead of self-checkout to practice your social skills. If time is an issue, think about canceling some commitments so you can prioritize your social life, experts said. But you should also change what you consider acceptable hangouts — setting time limits is OK, especially when the alternative is not seeing anyone at all. Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, suggests doing mundane activities with friends more often instead of always having bigger, less frequent events focused on catching up. If you want to see someone but also need to run errands, hit the gym or fold laundry, ask them to join you. Instead of drinks on a Friday, plan a short Tuesday game night and ask your guests to eat dinner beforehand so you only have to provide a snack. Some people cite the 'collapse of third places' as a hindrance to making friends, Jackson said. That's true, she added, but those places are closing in part because of low attendance. Today's culture of convenience is also to blame, Jackson and Cook said — think grocery delivery orders, mobile order counters, digital reading devices or livestreamed religious services. These have many perks, especially for people with mobility issues, 'but I cannot help but to think about the cost,' Jackson said. 'We tend to romanticize those serendipitous moments of, like, you're in a coffee shop and you start chatting with the girl in front of you and you guys hit it off,' Jackson said. But that can't happen if we're acting like 'little night cooters,' Cook said — quickly hopping out, getting our food and then going back to our caves. When clients seek Jackson's help with finding friends, they list all their delivery subscriptions and other conveniences — such as frequent mobile orders — and then eliminate some, which lead to those serendipitous moments. Don't think in black or white, Jackson said. 'If you see it as zero friends or go out and make besties, that's a lot,' she added. But if you see all that's available to you — like the neighbor or moviegoer you always run into — you can see what happens. Finally, get off your phone. When you're always zoned in on your screen, you appear standoffish and won't notice people you might like. To determine where to meet people, consider your values and your ideal friend, Jackson said. If you love helping people, look for volunteering opportunities. If your ideal friend reads books, where would she be on a Wednesday night? Probably at a book club meeting or a bookstore, so go to one. Frequent local libraries, farmers markets and parks. Look online for interest clubs or events, or try an app for finding friends nearby. Take a class on something you have always wanted to do, such as learning a specific dance style or cooking a special cuisine. Maybe even reach out to an old friend you have lost touch with, said psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco, an associate fellow at the University of Maryland honors program and author of 'Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.' We often underestimate how happy people will be to hear from us, she noted. When Cook became a new mom, she brought her baby along on her walks and made many friends by asking other women about their babies and talking about her own. Cook also suggested wearing something that could be a conversation starter, such as a T-shirt featuring your favorite artist. And don't forget you can be a leader, Cook said. 'A lot of people are hoping these opportunities will just fall in their lap. If you're not finding it, build it.' Cook recalled when her friends hosted dinners they called 'friends of friends.' They would invite a friend who also had to bring someone. 'That completely built out their whole social world because their friends were all getting to know each other,' Cook said. 'It became this popular thing where there was a wait list.' Another person couldn't find a quilting club for millennials, so they started a monthly class in a rented space, Cook said. That do-it-yourself spirit is what sparked some of the platforms that matchmake strangers for restaurant dinners or provide spaces for people to start something themselves. Those initiatives include The Lonely Girls Club in the United Kingdom; California's Groundfloor, an 'after-school club' for millennials; RealRoots in the United States; and the global-based Time Left. Small talk may seem annoying, but it's necessary, said Cook, who also wrote 'Generation Anxiety: A Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying Afloat in an Uncertain World.' Deep relationships take time to build. If you find yourself running out of topics, Cook recommends asking questions about their favorite things that are relevant to the situation — if you're at a jazz bar, for example, ask someone about their favorite jazz artists. If your platonic interest loves hiking, say you'll send them links to a couple of good spots if they give you their number or Instagram, Jackson suggested. Later that night, send them the links. After a week, ask if they went and keep talking. Cook also suggests using the 'listen and link' technique. As you're listening to someone, think about what you can link to the conversation, use that and build from there. If someone's talking about their trip to Costa Rica and you love monkeys, ask what kinds of monkeys they saw in Costa Rica. One of my favorite ways to keep a conversation going with someone new? Staying curious. When someone is totally new to you, there is a whole decades-long world of information to learn about them. When you're aware of that, how could you ever have nothing to talk about? Cook agrees. Although many people know romantic partnerships require consistent effort and nurturing, many think friendship should be the opposite: easy, natural and organic, Jackson said. This idea may be because growing up, we made friends more easily because we had classes or sports practice with them every day. But in adulthood, that idea is a falsehood that leads to fizzled-out friendships and loneliness, Jackson said. Maintaining friendships takes a lot of intention, experts said. Set reminders to check in, be a good listener, don't be judgmental and remember what your new acquaintances like so you can suggest meaningful ways to spend time together — and maybe even live longer. Sign up for CNN's Adulthood, But Better newsletter series. Our seven-part guide has tips to help you make more informed decisions around personal finance, career, wellness and personal connections.
