I've been having great sex with a man who's just become a father & can't end things
I'm not completely cold-hearted. When he told me that his wife was pregnant I did try to call it off.
But we only lasted a week before we met again and had sex.
I'm 27 and have had a couple of long-term relationships in the past, but I have never felt the way I do about this man. He's 35.
We met through a mutual friend at their birthday party a year ago.
We started chatting and flirting a little but nothing else happened. I then heard that he'd got married.
I bumped into him in town a few weeks later and the attraction between us was obvious.
We went for a drink and got on brilliantly and he didn't mention his wife once.
He then began messaging me and we agreed to meet up.
This time we ended up having sex in his car. It was all so passionate and intense.
Recently, he got a new job which means more travelling, so we see each other less. But when we are reunited the sex is off-the-scale good.
He told me he will never leave his wife, but he becomes jealous and possessive when I tell him my plans. I'm not seeing anyone else but he hates me going out with my friends.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
Now that his wife has had their baby, I know deep down that I must let him focus on her and their child, but each time we meet we have sex.
It is so passionate that I cannot resist him.
DEIDRE SAYS: You must be the one to draw a line under this dead-end affair. It's not fair on you or his wife.
He will continue with the arrangement as long as it's on offer.
There is another lovely guy out there for you but you're not going to find him while you are having secret sex with this man who is never going to leave his wife. He has made that perfectly clear.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, will help you think this through.
Block all contact with him to help you move on.
Yes, it will take a while to get over this affair but the sooner you start, the sooner you will be through the worst of the heartache.
Then you'll be ready to broaden your social life, meet new people and find love with someone more suitable.
TOO TIMID TO ASK HER OUT
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I decide to ask this woman I work with out on a date, nerves get the better of me.
I end up bottling it at the last moment and then get really annoyed with myself.
I am 23 and she is 24. We have worked together at a busy pub at weekends for a few months now.
The time seems to pass quickly when we are together, and she always makes time to chat with me after work.
I can't decide whether she likes me or not. Sometimes I think she is interested in taking things further but then another part of me says she is just being friendly because she is like that with all the other staff too.
I really want to ask her out, but I don't want to risk our friendship if this is something she doesn't want. It would make it awkward to carry on working together.
DEIDRE SAYS: When you feel desperate it can affect the way you behave. See her as someone to get to know better as a friend, at least for now.
While chatting, mention that you'd like the chance to get to know her better and perhaps suggest seeing a film.
See it as friends going out rather than a date. That way you can relax and enjoy spending time with her.
If she declines, you won't have damaged your friendship.
My support pack, Shyness And Social Anxiety, will help you.
WIFE WON'T MIX THINGS UP IN BED
DEAR DEIDRE: I'M not asking my wife to act like a porn star, but a bit of variety now and again would stop our sex life being so boring and repetitive.
I am 37 and my wife is 35. We have been together for ten years and have two young daughters.
Everything is great in our relationship, except when it comes to sex. My wife is always complaining that she is too tired.
Even when she does agree to it, there is rarely any foreplay and it is always in the same position. I get the sense she can't wait for it to be over.
I bought her a sex toy for her birthday, but it lies in the box unopened. We both work and share childcare. Life is very busy, but I still think there should be time for sex to be a bit more exciting and for us to have fun in bed.
What can I do? I can't carry on like this much longer.
DEIDRE SAYS: Looking after young children can be a stressful time and puts many relationships under pressure.
Pick a quiet moment when you can explain how important intimacy is to you. Start by kissing and cuddling more to bring you physically closer.
Most people have one or two favourite positions for sex but sometimes need some fresh ideas.
Many positions come naturally through experimenting and discovering what feels good. My support pack, Best Positions For Sex, explains more.
HE'S GAY BUT IN TO WOMEN PORN
DEAR DEIDRE: MY gay boyfriend is into hardcore porn involving women.
While I accept watching porn is normal, it feels like he is betraying me when he watches such extreme stuff and with women. Our sex life is suffering as a result.
He is 22 and I am 24. We have been together for almost a year.
I love him but know that he has many faults. He lies constantly and his porn habit is now causing a lot of rows.
He regularly pleasures himself to female porn and has even admitted that he thinks about having sex with women.
I feel so confused and mixed up. I have always identified as gay and I always will. I have previously slept with women, but I have no wish to do so in the future.
Now I wonder whether my boyfriend is pretending that I am a woman when we have sex.
He tells me he loves me and doesn't want to be bisexual, but I am struggling to believe him. How can I when he behaves like this?
I have been researching ways to reduce someone's sex drive. I know it might seem selfish, but I want my boyfriend to only think about me sexually.
I don't know where to go from here.
Your boyfriend is clearly capable of being attracted to men and women. Many people believe sexuality is fluid – and that it's not someone's sex or gender we fall in love with, but the individual.
He can't change who he is but putting him under pressure to make commitments he can't keep will help neither of you.
He may be uncertain himself. His lies could reflect that, but whatever reason, he doesn't sound ready to commit to your relationship.
Tell him how you feel about your relationship and that you want to know him better. My Bisexual Questions support pack explains more.
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