Humanity According to Alasdair MacIntrye
Normally classified as a philosopher of ethics, MacIntyre was a fierce critic of modern ethical theory. His writings drew deeply from a wide array of fields, including theology, social science, psychology, history and literature, but he never pursued a doctorate. Born in Glasgow, he received master's degrees from Manchester and Oxford, later telling a student: 'I won't go so far as to say that you have a deformed mind if you have a Ph.D., but you will have to work extra hard to remain educated.'
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Yahoo
4 hours ago
- Yahoo
5 Common Reasons Grandparents and Parents Miscommunicate—and How to Ease the Tension
Generational differences in parenting styles can cause misunderstandings between parents and grandparents When the either or both parties become defensive, conflict usually arises Many of this communication issues can be resolved by approaching the relationships with more compassion and empathyRaising children is a journey that if you're lucky, you can share with your extended family. When grandparents are involved, they often bring added love, support, and wisdom to your child's life. There's just one big problem: Parents and grandparents often have different views on parenting – shaped by the eras in which they were raised – which can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Here, experts weigh in on the most common communications problems that plague relationships between parents and their kids' grandparents—and how to ease the tension. Rachel Carrell, CEO Koru Kids, a UK-based company that helps parents find reliable childcare, realises that navigating these conversations can be tricky so she recently took to LinkedIn to share her thoughts on some of the most common communication gaps between parents and grandparents while offering insight into how families can approach them with empathy and mutual respect. Carrell tells Parents she was inspired to write the post after noticing just how much parenting norms have shifted over the last few decades, and how these changes can cause real tension, especially between parents and grandparents. "In the 1980s, a 'good' child was often defined as quiet, obedient, and non-disruptive,' she observes. 'Emotions were frequently dismissed as dramatic or naughty, and tools like 'tough love' or physical punishment were still commonplace. In contrast, modern parenting puts a huge emphasis on emotional regulation, mental health, and connection. Many parents now work hard to be trauma-informed, to honor neurodiversity, and to interpret behavior as communication rather than defiance.' 'When we understand where these miscommunications come from, we can move away from defensiveness and towards collaboration,' she continues. 'This is much better for the relationship between the parent and the grandparent and also much better for the children involved.' This one comes up constantly, especially when a grandparent swoops in with advice that they consider well meaning and helpful but that feels more like judgment, says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD. 'For example: Grandma shows up with a big bag of candy after you've finally cut sugar to help with your child's ADHD symptoms,' she says. 'You say something like, 'We're trying something new,' and she responds, 'I'm just trying to help!'' In this instance, grandparents often carry deep pride in how they raised you and struggle to understand why your parenting looks different, explains Dr. Edwards-Hawver. 'So when Grandma offers 'help' it can feel like she's second-guessing the thousands of micro-decisions you've already agonized over,' she continues. 'It's not about the candy, it's about feeling unseen and unsupported.' For older generations, some kids may have been raised to hold back their emotions; expressing them might have been seen as weak or lead to abuse from parents who weren't interested in their mental health. 'This one stings because it hits right at the heart of modern parenting: We're trying to raise emotionally attuned, self-aware humans, not just obedient ones,' explains Dr. Edwards-Hawver. 'You calmly ask your toddler to take a break after a meltdown and grandpa mutters, 'In my day, a good smack would've fixed that.' You hear: 'You're coddling your kid and failing as a parent.'' She explains that grandparents who grew up in a time when emotional expression was discouraged, 'may not understand why validating emotions matters, or that what they call 'soft' is actually emotionally regulated parenting. This clash isn't just about technique, it's about two different nervous systems shaped by two very different eras.' One of the most common miscommunications that Nilou Esmaeilpour, Clinical Director & Registered Clinical Counsellor at Lotus Therapy, observes between parents and grandparents is related to discipline and rules. 'A grandparent may give a toddler biscuits, ice cream, or juice, thinking it's a treat, not knowing the parent is trying to discipline the child,' in relation to an earlier incident of misbehavior. Or the grandparents think the parent is overreacting to an incident that in fact is not aligned with the parents values, and that they are hoping to discourage through a consequence like limiting treats. "In another example, a parent might have a hard and fast 'no screen after dinner,' rule, but a grandparent, not even knowing that they are assisting or rewarding the child, plays Peppa Pig to keep everyone calm while doing dishes,' she illustrates. To the grandparent, the situation might seem innocuous; after all, its just one episode of television while the adults do chores. 'But to the parent, it can seem like an attempt to undermine their authority or flout their well-planned routine,' says Esmaeilpour. Esmaeilpour says there's often a conflict over the kids' sleeping habits or routines, as many modern parents choose to follow strict bedtime rituals, while grandparents may recall simply putting them to bed when they seemed sleepy. Parents' nighttime routines might seem too rigid, though the parents themselves may have created these routines to help their children get more rest, and allow themselves some freedom at the end of the night. 'Grandparents were raising children in an era with fewer facts but more experience or practical methods, and they can look at contemporary methods of parenting as excessive or too programmed,' Esmaeilpour explains. 'On the other hand, contemporary parents are saturated with masses of research on children's development, online communities, and pediatric guidelines that shape their behavior and they feel compelled to get it right more often in a culture of criticism.' The grandparents might want the kids to stay up late so they can all spend more time together, not realizing that again, their parents feel undermined or judged when the grandparents question their parenting style. People from older generations who were not necessarily taught how to express their emotions in a healthy way might make passive aggressive remarks to signify their disagreement with a parent's choice—the parent might respond in kind when they feel attacked. Erica R. Turner, LMFT and owner of Rosewater Therapy, says that her rule of thumb for responding to a passive aggressive statement is to take it at face value. 'Don't defensively respond to the subtext. Either directly name the subtext or respond to the actual words the person said. For example, if the grandparent says, 'He doesn't act like that with me,' I would respond with, "Can you explain what you mean by that?' or 'It feels like you're saying I'm doing something wrong. That hurts because I'm doing the best I can, and I need your support.'' Whatever you do, Turner advises not to go into any kind of defense of yourself as a parent – that path is a trap, and a conversation that no one will win. 'The important thing is to find out how the grandparent actually meant the statement, to be clear that it was hurtful, and to not get into a back and forth about whose way of parenting is better,' she says. 'The more you engage with comments about your parenting, the more you send a signal to the grandparent that how you parent is up for debate,' she continues. 'That said, if your parent can offer constructive feedback in a helpful way, then of course you can [choose to] hear them out.' Unless your relationship with your parents is particularly strained or toxic, which might be the case, there's a good chance each party is approaching parenting with love—even when their attempts might be clumsy or awkward. 'I always encourage parents to approach these types of conversations with curiosity, not criticism,' advises Esmaeilpour. 'So if a grandparent is providing extra treats, a parent can say, 'I know you want to treat the kids to a good time, and they love spending time with you,'' instead of scolding the grandparents or making them feel ashamed. To make your parenting choices clear, however, Esmaeilpour says parents might try explaining your reasoning. A script she suggests might look like, 'Recently we've noticed that consuming too much sugar in the evening makes it so much more difficult to get to bed. Would you assist us in saving the treats for earlier in the day?' This rewording takes a situation that is potentially volatile and turns it into a request for to wrok together. Esmaeilpour says that if you're aware that the children are spending a weekend with Grandma, for example, talk about expectations beforehand. 'That might mean sharing a written routine, specifying what foods [aren't allowed], or describing any current behavior strategies used. Don't assume they just know parenting has changed a good deal the last 20–30 years,' she says. Remember that timeouts, emotional well-being, screen guidelines, and even allergy protocols have evolved from even a generation ago, and that its your responsibility to respectfully but firmly outline your parenting style to grandparents who might occasionally step in as caregivers for your kids. It might be a tall order, but giving the adults in these situations the benefit of the doubt even when you are frustrated with what you perceive as their interference, will de-escalate any tension. 'Grandparents grew up with different knowledge,' says Carrell. 'They didn't have Instagram therapists. And [they] didn't grow up in a culture where emotions were taken seriously. Each generation's reference points are different.' That being said, consider the other party's perspective: Grandparents are typically just trying to help in the best way they know how. Meanwhile parents aren't necessarily dismissing or shaming the grandparents parenting style, just making different choices. When you can try to see these interactions as two different generations of parents sharing knowledge, you might be able to communicate more positively in the future. Carrell wants to remind parents that their job of raising children can be challenging and exhausting, whether you're a working or stay-at-home parent or a grandparent who provides occasional childcare. So being hard on yourself or someone else who is trying their best to raise decent humans won't get you anywhere good. 'Take the 3 seconds to say "You're doing a brilliant job" and never underestimate how powerful that kind of encouragement can be,' says Carrell. Both grandparents and parents can share kind words with each other, as a way to diffuse conflict but also as a potent reminder that parenting is hard enough as it is, without butting heads with family members who only want the best for the kids. 'Even a simple 'I'm proud of you' or 'I so appreciate your help' message—not about school pickups or meal plans—goes a long way. Warmth sustains relationships,' advises Carrell. As the parent of the child or children in question, you can't expect the grandparents to simply understand your parenting style, no questions asked. That doesn't mean that parents need to justify their choices to the grandparents, but it does mean being forthright about how you expect your child to be treated while in someone else's care. Maybe that looks like letting the grandparents know that the kids don't respond well to sugar, that their emotional needs are just as important as any physical injuries, and that you won't tolerate your kid being yelled at or berated. If the grandparents can't agree to what seems to you like reasonable expectations, it might be time to reconsider what a relationship with them looks like. 'My biggest piece of advice would be to discuss expectations for how you will spend time together and how you each define the role of the grandparents in the family,' says Turner. 'Don't assume that you're on the same page, and be honest with each other about what you're looking and hoping for. You may not agree at first, but you can start the conversation on the right foot by being transparent.' Read the original article on Parents
Elle
7 hours ago
- Elle
I Found the Perfect Jean Shorts—Stylish, Comfortable, and Just Right for Adults
Every item on this page was chosen by an ELLE editor. We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. Finding a pair of jean shorts as a 35-year-old woman isn't exactly easy. Gone are the days when I ran around in denim cutoffs, legs on display without a second thought. And while I risk sounding a little ageist, I can't help but feel a wave of self-consciousness—like a Catholic schoolgirl breaking dress code—every time I try on a pair that reveals more thigh than I'm comfortable with. Then, at long last, I discovered Pistola's Kaylee High Rise Pinched Loose Short. They hit at a longer length, with a relaxed, easy fit, and are made from the brand's ridiculously comfortable stretch denim. They feel age-appropriate in the best way—put-together enough for a casual lunch, but relaxed enough to spend all weekend on the couch without a second thought. I'm especially into the washed black denim with its vintage fading, and the frayed hem adds a laid-back touch. I'll throw them on with a tank top and flip-flops, or dress them up with slingback block heels and a blazer when I want to pretend I have somewhere important to be. As the temperatures rise, so does my need for shorts—and I'd rather not eliminate myself from an entire product category. Luckily, Pistola has come through with what I'd call the Goldilocks of shorts: just right. And if you're still rocking your cutoffs? Go off, queen. Don't let me stop you.
Yahoo
7 hours ago
- Yahoo
Dormice freed from secret cages after vet check-up
Hazel dormice have been released into Leicestershire parkland after vets gave the miniature mammals a clean bill of health. Since June, more than 20 dormice have been living in open cages in a secret location at Bradgate Park, near Newtown Linford. On Wednesday, vets from London Zoo and Twycross Zoo assessed the health of the dormice before they were released into the wider park. The release is part of a project to boost the species' declining numbers, said Bradgate Park Trust. A spokesperson for the trust said: "With stethoscopes in hand, vets carefully assessed each dormouse for heart rate, muscle tone, and coat condition. "All were found to be in great health, with the majority receiving a top score of three, excellent condition!" The trust said following their release the dormice would continue to be fed while they adapt to their new environment. Hazel dormice are a native rodent to the UK, the only one with a distinctive furry tail, and while they can live in many habitats, they favour woodlands and hedgerows. But the dormouse population has dropped by 70% nationally since 2000, and the species is now extinct in 20 English counties, according to a 2023 report. Ian White, dormouse and training officer at the People's Trust for Endangered Species, said dormice "hadn't been seen here for a very long time", and the next step would be litters in the woodlands of Bradgate Park and Swithland Woods in the autumn. Mr White added that the reintroduction formed "part of a long-term effort" to boost numbers across Leicestershire. He said: "It took 100 years for numbers to fall - restoring them will take just as long." Follow BBC Leicester on Facebook, on X, or on Instagram. Send your story ideas to eastmidsnews@ or via WhatsApp on 0808 100 2210. Dormice reintroduced at park to boost population Mink 'control' policy in bid to save water voles People's Trust For Endangered Species Bradgate Park Trust
