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You'll find no better company on earth than 40 northerners on a coach holiday

You'll find no better company on earth than 40 northerners on a coach holiday

Telegraph4 days ago
This is how things unfolded that sweltering Saturday afternoon on the River Loire. Our coach group of around 40 had been divided between three flat-bottomed toues, the traditional wooden Loire working boats. We were drifting, our bronzed boatmen letting the current do the work as they explained this and that about France's longest, wildest river.
Beavers featured prominently. One boatman thought he'd spotted a few on the bank. He guided his boat in, leapt for land and started digging around with a short stick, seeking beavers. Intent, he didn't notice his boat escape, drifting away towards the middle of the river. Then he did. Panic attack. He plunged after it. There were a dozen or so rudderless senior Britons floating off, conceivably quite far.
The plunging, though, merely pushed the boat further away. The boatman was neck deep before he caught up, and couldn't haul himself aboard. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Tony, a retired local government worker from Ingleton, managed to haul a saturated Frenchman to safety. It was a stirring display. Manly handshakes were exchanged, the entente cordiale sealed once again.
Such drama is not the usual diet of coach trips but, believe me, these tours are absolutely not as perceived by those who have never taken one. I know. I've been there. Once a year, I stop being a reporter to organise, and guide, a French holiday for a Yorkshire Dales coach company owned by a friend of mine. I have a ball.
This year, 2025, in the hottest early summer since the Big Bang, we rolled into the Loire Valley, rolled into a hotel in Amboise and rolled out every day around what is the 'Frenchiest' region of France. Here the language is the purest, the light the softest, the landscape the most amply fertile and the history the most elegant. The world's greatest collection of Renaissance châteaux constitutes the stateliest statement of French aspirations. And the Loire itself provides the running commentary.
But – as I said over the coach PA, maybe a little too often – Chambord castle and the rest aren't just majestic monuments. They were the setting for heavyweight history: power plays, torture, intrigue, debauchery, murder, skulduggery, cross-dressing, adultery and epic horticulture – all more or less vital to keep France governed and French monarchs on top. That's the fascination.
Here we had, then, the best of France being visited by the best of Britain. Granted, our cast of northern English people were not in the first bloom of youth, more of an age when independent travel had become too much of a palaver. With a coach tour, you take your bags to the hold, ensure you're punctual and polite – which comes naturally to Britons of this ilk – and that's your responsibilities done.
And, once met, they proved a diverse bunch. Where else might one share conversation, drinks and meals with a surgeon, several farmers, businessmen and women, teachers, the boss of an electrical company, a champion crown green bowler, a graphic artist and civil servants, among many others – who, incidentally, had more to tell me than I ever had to tell them?
As built-in company goes, there's none better. I'd look round the bar at apéritif time, see couples travelling independently who surely didn't consider themselves 'coach group people'. They were as glum as hell. Meanwhile, batches of our bunch were discussing the day, Starmer, French food, Joan of Arc, rugby league, kids, grandkids, the NHS and former holidays in France over beer, wine, gin and tonic, and Baileys with ice. I don't ask for much more.
So we roamed the great château of Chambord where, with vast magnificence, Renaissance king François I established that French kings were second only to God, and a pretty close second, at that. The Black Eyed Peas had played a summer show in the grounds a few days earlier. The Loire châteaux are going all out to kick on into the 21st century. That said, the grandeur still expresses the absolute power of the 16th and 17th.
We took in Chenonceau – arching over the river, a couple of unicorns short of fairy-tale perfection – and Clos Lucé in Amboise, where Leonardo de Vinci spent his final years. The manor house and grounds now host evocations of the works – engineering, art, architecture – of a man better than everyone at everything. As Leonardo's host, François I, said: 'It is inconceivable that life might produce anyone similar.' He'd foreseen, among much else, the parachute, helicopter, machine gun, military tank and car-jack. 'I'd no idea,' said a cultivated lady from Lancashire. 'I thought he was just the Mona Lisa.'
And that was enough châteaux. Loire valley visitors need to know that 'châteaux fatigue' is a real threat. Divert to the gardens. Villandry is among the most extreme in France, the French correcting God's design for nature with fanatical geometrical precision. It's a dazzling exercise in horticultural control – but also a challenge to get round as the temperatures rose to around 35C.
Most seductive of all the gardens were those at Plessis-Sasnières in the Loir (no 'e') valley, slightly to the north of the grander Loire. Echoing English gardens – their creator was a fan – these caressed the senses with colour, calm and aromas. A waterhen and her chicks scooted across water lilies. And there was tranquillity, too, around beer, tea and assorted drinks on the shady tea-room terrace.
We'd travelled along the Loir from Thoré-la-Rochette on a 1950s train retained for tourists and run by volunteers of some exuberance. We'd lunched at Montoire, directly opposite the little station where, on October 24, 1940, Hitler and Pétain shook hands on their collaboration deal. The station is now a little museum but not open very often, which may be just as well. As one of the (above) volunteers said: 'It's the only reason anyone's ever heard of the place, but Montoire locals would prefer they hadn't'.
A surprising amount of life in both the Loire and Loir valleys takes place underground, in caves and troglo-dwellings either featuring in, or dug out of, the limestone rock. Near Montoire, we'd scheduled a visit to Trôo – a vertical village punched into a cliff face on several levels. We soon abandoned that. The perpendicular ascent, or descent, and rickety steps would have seen off half the group.
That said, we got a decent taste of troglodyte matters, first at Bourré where some of the miles of former underground workings were now devoted to growing exotic mushrooms. A fine guide made the subject roughly 37 times more interesting than anticipated. Meanwhile, round a few underground corners, a stone-mason and a sculptor had created a haut-relief model main street about a third life-size – and teeming with reminders, for future generations, of what mid-20th-century village life resembled.
Later, lunch in a nicely-lit troglo-restaurant went pretty well, too, not least due to a local starter of warm fouées. As you'll probably know, these are something very like pitta bread, cut almost in two and filled with potted meat (rillettes) and salad. A Touraine red proved just the ticket.
On other days, we toured Amboise by dinky tourist train – do not disdain them – and Blois by Percheron heavy horse and carriage. Getting aboard necessitated gymnastics from people who hadn't done much of this kind of thing in decades. A sense of triumph filled the air, and the gigantic horses clip-clopped off.
So to boat, heroics – and home to the hotel. As I've learnt, an important part of any tour organiser's job is to ensure that the group is back at the hotel to change (smart shirts, posh frocks) for the correct amount of drinks before dinner. Not many. Mainly just one, but a vital one. It is also to know when to shut up.
Join our writer in France next summer
Anthony Peregrine's 2026 summer tour will be to the Moselle in northeast France, based in Metz. Details remain to be finalised but will be found at bibbys.co.uk.
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I went to the Canadian-style safari resort in Europe with American bison and new restaurants

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Spit, don't swallow: And what else a holiday in Bordeaux taught me
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The Independent

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  • The Independent

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The Thinking Traveller says: "The castle's history is reflected in its enduring stone walls and historic interiors, preserved with care to maintain its authentic character while providing every modern amenity." Castello di Caprarica villa sleeps 22, stays from $10,700 a week. Visit Reschio Hotel, Umbria, Italy It's history with a wow factor. This social-media-igniting castle, nestled amid the rolling green hills of Umbria, has a tower dating back to the year 900 AD. And within, the jewel in the crown of Reschio's room offering —a two-bedroom $4,820-a-night suite spread over five floors with its own terrace. The rest of the hotel, with its vintage furniture, original stonework and inviting pool, is also impressive. Porciano Castle, Tuscany, Italy Follow in the footsteps of Dante with a stay in this incredible 12th-century Tuscan castle, a spellbinding feature of the Casentino Valley that oozes history. 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And inside, says there are rooms "straight out of Cluedo", from a billiards room to a ballroom. Sleeps up to 36. Three-night breaks from $20,000. Visit Inverlochy Castle, Fort William, Scotland This Scottish castle hotel has it all — a magnificent setting (Ben Nevis is the backdrop and there's a loch out front), a notable restaurant run by Albert and Michel Roux Jr and more luxury than you can shake a jousting lance at. During a trip to Balmoral in 1873, Queen Victoria spent a week at Inverlochy sketching and painting, and she wrote in her diaries: "I never saw a lovelier or more romantic spot." Kilmartin Castle, Argyll, Scotland Kilmartin Castle was built in 1550 during the legendary reign of Mary Queen of Scots and in 2025 is one of Scotland's most sought-after castle stays. This is a truly authentic rental, with uneven stone floors and doors chunky enough to withstand a battering ram. But luxury abounds. There are rain showers, standalone copper tubs and sofas so comfy you'll struggle to get up from them (the author speaks from experience). Once you do and you head out, there are breathtaking surrounding landscapes to explore. This 12th-century coastal castle offers a luxurious stay for a prince or princess and their friends in six bedrooms. And there's plenty to explore outside of the cosy interior — 186 miles of National Park coast path, stunning beaches, the wildlife-rich islands of Ramsey, Skomer and Skokholm, and Britain's smallest city, St Davids, which is just seven miles away. Stays from $325. Visit Amberley Castle, West Sussex, England Amberley Castle is so authentic guests might be forgiven for thinking that they really have stepped back in time. The 900-year-old castle is completely enclosed by a 60-foot-high curtain wall, and on the inside are suits of armour, barrel-vaulted ceilings and roaring log fires. Famous guests? Just a few. Amberley Castle has been used exclusively by royalty, politicians and VIPs throughout its history — Henry VIII visited the site in 1526, whilst Queen Elizabeth II visited as a teenager in the 1940s. Bamburgh Castle, Northumberland, England Bamburgh Castle is one of England's best preserved historic sites, with a history dating back over 1,400 years. It was a Norman stronghold and home to a succession of kings from Henry VI to James I. Guests can immerse themselves in the history of the castle with a stay in Neville Tower or The Clock Tower, and enjoy privileged access to the castle grounds once visitors have left. Linking the castle's restored medieval curtain wall to a vast 13th-century tower and turret, The Clock Tower has been transformed into a unique apartment that sleeps five. Neville Tower, meanwhile, set into the cross wall between the East and West Wards, offers views through its mullioned windows of the castle grounds and the North Sea beyond. Peckforton Castle, Cheshire, England Built in 1851 by politician John Tollemache as a palatial fortified home, Peckforton Castle quickly caught the attention of English Heritage, which deemed it a building of exceptional interest and importance. The images show that the organization was spot on. This exquisite castle looks like it's been warped out of a Disney movie. To add to the fantasyland vibe, entrance is through a portcullis and guests can stay in four-poster bedrooms. Rooms from $170. Visit Falkensteiner Schlosshotel Velden, Austria Falkensteiner Schlosshotel Velden is a showstopper. The 16th-century castle hotel boasts beautiful gardens, 105 elegant rooms and suites and views of 10-mile-long Lake Wörth. Guests have access to a private beach club with a freshwater pool and private access to said lake. The hotel has its own marina and guided tours in a V8 motorboat with in-house captain Roberto are available. And after a hard day's, er, cruising, guests can relax in a 3,600-square-meter spa, which boasts a whirlpool, gemstone steam bath, Finnish sauna, panoramic garden sauna, infrared cabin and a dedicated spa cinema. Rooms from $444. Visit Schlosshotel Kronberg, near Frankfurt, Germany Imposing Schlosshotel Kronberg was built in 1893 and was home to Empress Victoria Friedrich. Today, says Small Luxury Hotels, which offers the property in its portfolio, "guests [are] surrounded by many of the empress's original antiques and paintings". Stroll the corridors and you'll discover paintings by Rubens, Titian and Gainsborough, along with gilded Venetian mirrors, antique bronzes and stained-glass windows. And you'll fall asleep beneath chandeliers and amid intricate wallpaper. This enchanting 13th-century chateau, once a home for the Knights of Otocec, is situated on an island in Slovenia's Krka River and blends Gothic Renaissance charm with elegant modern luxury. There are 16 rooms, including "Royal Suites" with river views, lush gardens and a restaurant featuring fresh ingredients from its organic garden. Burned down during the Second World War, it has risen from the ashes in style. From $100,000 a week for 32 people. Visit Kronovall Castle, Skane County, Sweden Kronovall Castle, an hour's drive from the city of Malmo, dates back to 1760, but was rebuilt in the French Baroque style in the 19th century. It's hard to disagree that the renovation was an eye-catching one. A stay here is luxurious, but authentic — much of the castle remains as it was in days gone by, so many of the rooms don't have adjacent bathrooms, although you can book other rooms elsewhere on the estate that do. Rooms from $195. Visit Xara Palace, Malta Step back in time and live the life of a 17th-century Mediterranean aristocrat with a stay at Xara Palace. Inside, you'll be in a world of vaulted ceilings, antique stonework and period furnishings. And outside, the fairytale life continues, as the property is the only hotel located in Mdina, Malta's ancient capital and one of Europe's best-preserved medieval cities. Rooms from $260. Visit Château d'Urspelt, Luxembourg This castle in the heart of the Eislek region, about an hour's drive north of Luxembourg city, dates back to the 18th century and was used as a command post and field hospital during the Second World War. It lay abandoned following the liberation of Luxembourg until 2005, when entrepreneur Freddy Lodomez set about restoring it to its former glory. Today, it's a distinguished 57-room hotel with a Nuxe Spa wellness area. Rooms from $200. Visit More about Disney chateau Castle Scotland Join our commenting forum Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies Comments

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