Hollywood loves a grand gesture. But when is being a hopeless romantic bad for your love life?
John Cusack standing outside his love interest's window holding a boom box over his head. Henry Golding proposing to Constance Wu in the crowded economy section of an airplane. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meeting on top of the Empire State Building.
Dramatic reunions, grand gestures and sweeping declarations of love are key parts of the fabric of our favorite love stories. They're fun to watch, and fun to think about experiencing for yourself. But how far can you take being a hopeless romantic before it actually hinders your love life?
Here's what dating and relationship experts want you to know about being a hopeless romantic this February.
Fun!I searched the country for a Valentine's date. Here's who I picked.
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What is a hopeless romantic?
"A hopeless romantic is someone who deeply believes in the magic of love — think grand gestures, serendipitous meetings, and soulmate connections," dating expert and sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, tells USA TODAY. "They often idealize relationships, focusing on passion and destiny over practicality."
Being a hopeless romantic means you're "deeply loving, emotionally open and willing to invest in relationships," Herzog says. Those are all positive things. But it might also mean you "overlook red flags, stay in unfulfilling relationships too long or chase an unrealistic version of love." While it's fun to envision your perfect rom-com ending, Herzog warns that you can also set yourself up to be disappointed when reality doesn't measure up.
"I often say that expectations lead to disappointments, and hopeless romantics fit this message perfectly," she says.
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Is it unhealthy to be a hopeless romantic?
Experts say it's not inherently bad to be a hopeless romantic — being excited about the potential for love is a nice thing! But it doesn't do anyone well to daydream about a potential romance so much that you forget to actually live your life.
"It's about balance," Herzog says. "The key is embracing romance while staying grounded in reality."
How can you make sure to focus on both? Put the daydreaming on pause and stay present, Herzog says. Take time to figure out how you actually feel in the moment with someone. Herzog suggests taking stock through journaling, self-reflection and other mindfulness techniques to figure out if you're "truly happy, valued and aligned with this person."
If you're in a relationship this Valentine's Day, dating coach Damona Hoffman, host of The Dates & Mates Podcast and author of "F the Fairy Tale," suggests trying to "prioritize personalized, meaningful gestures over grand, expensive ones" to really show your partner you love them. Hoffman's favorite gift her husband ever gave her was a playlist of songs that reminded him of her, complete with "detailed liner notes about the personal meaning behind each song choice."
Some more ideas include:
Create a memory jar full of sentimental moments you've shared
Take a 'love staycation' and set up a romantic space at home
Write love notes and hide them in places they'll find throughout the day
For those who are single, Herzog suggests planning a date for yourself anyway, like reading in a cozy cafe, having an at-home spa night or writing a love letter to a future partner.
"Instead of mourning the lack of a cinematic love story, single hopeless romantics can flip the script by romanticizing their own life," she says. "Another great option is celebrating love in all forms — spend the day with friends, family or a pet that brings joy. Love isn't just about romance; it's about connection."
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