After husband gets sober, wife gets stuck in a funk
HUSBAND ON EGGSHELLS
A.
There's a saying that some people in recovery communities use: Time takes time. Just as it took the time it's taken for you to find sobriety, and the changes sobriety has brought about in your life, it will take time for your wife to adjust to this new world.
Get Love Letters: The Newsletter
A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more.
Enter Email
Sign Up
Your suggestions of Al-Anon and therapy are good ones, but they have to be her choice. Even though you're changing for the better, there's probably a lot of old trauma that's coming up for your wife right now and maybe that's making it hard for her to find a path to happiness.
Advertisement
The best thing you can do right now is continue to work on your sobriety and continue to have open, non-prodding conversations with her about what's going on with you, with her, and what happened in the past. Let her feel her feelings and acknowledge them. If she wants to talk, listen without making suggestions. Also, remember that right now you may not be the person with whom she can discuss this journey.
Advertisement
Transformation didn't happen overnight for you, and it won't happen overnight for her. In short, give her time.
Q.
My partner and I have been invited to a couple of get-togethers with some folks, and they've asked us to host the next one. That's fine with us, except we live in an area where wildfires are a regular concern, and one of them is married to a smoker.
I don't want to be a bad host, but I don't want the smoking. Blame it on my probably irrational fear that they could start a major blaze, and honestly, the fact that I just don't want them smoking in my yard, around my child, by me.
What can I do to make sure they aren't smoking here? Is this even an acceptable request? Do I place blame on some crazy insurance company requirement? What can I do?
BURNING QUESTIONS, NOT HILLSIDES
A.
Unless your friends are Don and Betty Draper of 'Mad Men,' they shouldn't mind a no smoking request.
It's absolutely within your right to let folks know in advance that you have a smoke-free house and that includes the yard. You can cite the very real risk of wildfires and also the danger of secondhand smoke around your child, even outside. But also, it's your home and your yard.
People who smoke understand that even outside there are places where smoking doesn't fly. Enjoy your get-together!
Q.
I'm an avid gardener in a suburban neighborhood, and, in turn, I meet lots of neighbors. There's one lady who keeps stopping by with questions for her yard, which I'm happy to share. She asked if I would go with her to the local nursery to help her select ones for her garden bed, to which I agreed. She canceled at the last minute both times via text. No apologies were given.
Advertisement
Since then, she's knocked on my door and continues to text me with questions, without a please or thank you. Her last text said she was able to pick up the plants on a specific day but wasn't feeling well enough to plant them (hint hint).
All this after I've told her no that doesn't work for me.
My husband suggested quoting her my rate for services; however, I have no desire to communicate on any level with her. Is it rude to block her and ignore her?
GARDEN PLOT
A.
Yeah, it's a little rude. Sometimes blocking is the only recourse, though.
Before you do that, have you tried telling her directly that you can't be her garden go-to anymore because of the cancellations and the lack of appreciation? That may be opening up a can of worms, and not the kind that are good for soil aeration. But if you block her without a conversation, it's not like she doesn't know where you live.
Probably best to say, 'Enough is enough' and let nature run its course.
R. Eric Thomas can be reached at
.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
21 hours ago
- Yahoo
Israeli military to pause fighting in 3 Gaza areas amid warnings of famine
The Israeli military said it would begin a 'tactical pause' in combat operations for 10 hours a day in Gaza City, Deir al-Balah and Muwasi, three areas of Gaza with large populations, to 'increase the scale of humanitarian aid' entering the territory. The Israeli military said Sunday it would pause fighting in three populated areas of Gaza for 10 hours a day and open secure routes for aid delivery to desperate Palestinians, launching a series of steps meant to address a surge in hunger in the territory as Israel faces a wave of international criticism over its conduct in the 21-month war. The military said it would begin a 'tactical pause' in Gaza City, Deir al-Balah and Muwasi, three areas of the territory with large populations, to 'increase the scale of humanitarian aid' entering the territory. The pause would begin every day at 10:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. local time until further notice, beginning Sunday. The military also said Sunday that it carried out aid airdrops into Gaza, which included packages of aid with flour, sugar and canned food. Read moreIsraeli military says airdrops will resume in Gaza as hunger grows Food experts have warned for months of the risk of famine in Gaza, where Israel has restricted aid because it says Hamas siphons off goods to help bolster its rule. Images emerging from Gaza in recent days of emaciated children have fanned global criticism of Israel, including by close allies, who have called for an end to the war and the humanitarian catastrophe it has spawned. Israel said the new measures were taking place while it continues its offensive against Hamas in other areas. The local pause in fighting came days after ceasefire efforts between Israel and Hamas appeared to be in doubt. On Friday, Israel and the U.S. recalled their negotiating teams, blaming Hamas, and Israel said it was considering 'alternative options' to ceasefire talks with the militant group. After ending the latest ceasefire in March, Israel cut off the entry of food, medicine, fuel and other supplies completely to Gaza for 2 ½ months, saying it aimed to pressure Hamas to release hostages. Under international pressure, Israel slightly eased the blockade in May. Since then, it has allowed in around 4,500 trucks for the U.N. and other aid groups to distribute. The average of 69 trucks a day, however, is far below the 500 to 600 trucks a day the U.N. says are needed for Gaza. The U.N. says it has been unable to distribute much of the aid because hungry crowds and gangs take most of it from its arriving trucks. As a way to divert aid delivery away from the U.N., Israel has backed the U.S.-registered Gaza Humanitarian Foundation, which in May opened four centers distributing boxes of food supplies. More than 1,000 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli forces since May while trying to get food, mostly near those new aid sites, the U.N. human rights office says. Israel has railed against the U.N. throughout the war, saying that its system allowed Hamas to steal aid, without providing evidence. The U.N. denies that claim and says its delivery mechanism was the best way to bring aid to Palestinians. The military said the new steps were made in coordination with the U.N. and other humanitarian groups. Read moreUN warns spectre of famine turning Gaza into 'horror show' Much of Gaza's population, squeezed by fighting into ever tinier patches of land, now relies on aid. The war began with Hamas' Oct. 7, 2023, attack on southern Israel, when militants killed 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and took 251 hostages. Hamas still holds 50 hostages, more than half of them believed to be dead. Israel's retaliatory offensive has killed more than 59,700 Palestinians, according to Gaza's Health Ministry. Its count doesn't distinguish between militants and civilians, but the ministry says that more than half of the dead are women and children. The ministry operates under the Hamas government. The U.N. and other international organizations see it as the most reliable source of data on casualties. (FRANCE 24 with AP)
Yahoo
21 hours ago
- Yahoo
Israel to pause fighting in three Gaza areas as concerns over hunger surge
The Israeli military said it would pause fighting in three populated areas of Gaza for 10 hours a day and open secure routes for aid delivery to desperate Palestinians. The steps are meant to address a surge in hunger in the territory as Israel faces a wave of international criticism over its conduct in the 21-month war. The military said it would begin a 'tactical pause' in Gaza City, Deir al-Balah and Muwasi, three areas of the territory with large populations, to 'increase the scale of humanitarian aid' entering the territory. The pause would begin every day at 10am to 8pm local time until further notice, beginning from Sunday. The military also said that it carried out aid airdrops into Gaza, which included packages of aid with flour, sugar and canned food. Food experts have warned for months of the risk of famine in Gaza, where Israel has restricted aid because it says Hamas siphons off goods to help bolster its rule. Images emerging from Gaza in recent days of emaciated children have fanned global criticism of Israel, including by close allies, who have called for an end to the war and the humanitarian catastrophe it has spawned. Israel said the new measures were taking place while it continues its offensive against Hamas in other areas. The local pause in fighting came days after ceasefire efforts between Israel and Hamas appeared to be in doubt. On Friday, Israel and the US recalled their negotiating teams, blaming Hamas, and Israel said it was considering 'alternative options' to ceasefire talks with the militant group. After ending the latest ceasefire in March, Israel cut off the entry of food, medicine, fuel and other supplies completely to Gaza for two and a half months, saying it aimed to pressure Hamas to release hostages. Under international pressure, Israel slightly eased the blockade in May. Since then, it has allowed around 4,500 trucks for the UN and other aid groups in to distribute. The average of 69 trucks a day, however, is far below the 500 to 600 trucks a day the UN says are needed for Gaza. The UN says it has been unable to distribute much of the aid because hungry crowds and gangs take most of it from its arriving trucks. As a way to divert aid delivery away from the UN, Israel has backed the US-registered Gaza Humanitarian Foundation, which in May opened four centres distributing boxes of food supplies. More than 1,000 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli forces since May while trying to get food, mostly near those new aid sites, the UN human rights office says. Israel has railed against the UN throughout the war, saying that its system allowed Hamas to steal aid, without providing evidence. The UN denies that claim and says its delivery mechanism was the best way to bring aid to Palestinians. The military said the new steps were made in co-ordination with the UN and other humanitarian groups. Much of Gaza's population, squeezed by fighting into ever tinier patches of land, now relies on aid. The war began with Hamas's attack on southern Israel on October 7 2023, when militants killed 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and took 251 hostages. Hamas still holds 50 hostages, more than half of them believed to be dead. Israel's retaliatory offensive has killed more than 59,700 Palestinians, according to Gaza's Hamas-run health ministry. Its count doesn't distinguish between militants and civilians, but the ministry says that more than half of the dead are women and children. The ministry operates under the Hamas government. The UN and other international organisations see it as the most reliable source of data on casualties.
Yahoo
21 hours ago
- Yahoo
Israeli military to pause fighting in 3 Gaza areas as concerns over hunger surge
DEIR AL-BALAH, Gaza Strip (AP) — The Israeli military said Sunday it would pause fighting in three populated areas of Gaza for 10 hours a day and open secure routes for aid delivery to desperate Palestinians, launching a series of steps meant to address a surge in hunger in the territory as Israel faces a wave of international criticism over its conduct in the 21-month war. The military said it would begin a 'tactical pause' in Gaza City, Deir al-Balah and Muwasi, three areas of the territory with large populations, to 'increase the scale of humanitarian aid' entering the territory. The pause would begin every day at 10:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. local time until further notice, beginning Sunday. The military also said Sunday that it carried out aid airdrops into Gaza, which included packages of aid with flour, sugar and canned food. Food experts have warned for months of the risk of famine in Gaza, where Israel has restricted aid because it says Hamas siphons off goods to help bolster its rule. Images emerging from Gaza in recent days of emaciated children have fanned global criticism of Israel, including by close allies, who have called for an end to the war and the humanitarian catastrophe it has spawned. Israel said the new measures were taking place while it continues its offensive against Hamas in other areas. The local pause in fighting came days after ceasefire efforts between Israel and Hamas appeared to be in doubt. On Friday, Israel and the U.S. recalled their negotiating teams, blaming Hamas, and Israel said it was considering 'alternative options' to ceasefire talks with the militant group. After ending the latest ceasefire in March, Israel cut off the entry of food, medicine, fuel and other supplies completely to Gaza for 2 ½ months, saying it aimed to pressure Hamas to release hostages. Under international pressure, Israel slightly eased the blockade in May. Since then, it has allowed in around 4,500 trucks for the U.N. and other aid groups to distribute. The average of 69 trucks a day, however, is far below the 500 to 600 trucks a day the U.N. says are needed for Gaza. The U.N. says it has been unable to distribute much of the aid because hungry crowds and gangs take most of it from its arriving trucks. As a way to divert aid delivery away from the U.N., Israel has backed the U.S.-registered Gaza Humanitarian Foundation, which in May opened four centers distributing boxes of food supplies. More than 1,000 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli forces since May while trying to get food, mostly near those new aid sites, the U.N. human rights office says. Israel has railed against the U.N. throughout the war, saying that its system allowed Hamas to steal aid, without providing evidence. The U.N. denies that claim and says its delivery mechanism was the best way to bring aid to Palestinians. The military said the new steps were made in coordination with the U.N. and other humanitarian groups. Much of Gaza's population, squeezed by fighting into ever tinier patches of land, now relies on aid. The war began with Hamas' Oct. 7, 2023, attack on southern Israel, when militants killed 1,200 people, mostly civilians, and took 251 hostages. Hamas still holds 50 hostages, more than half of them believed to be dead. Israel's retaliatory offensive has killed more than 59,700 Palestinians, according to Gaza's Health Ministry. Its count doesn't distinguish between militants and civilians, but the ministry says that more than half of the dead are women and children. The ministry operates under the Hamas government. The U.N. and other international organizations see it as the most reliable source of data on casualties. ___ Goldenberg reported from Tel Aviv, Israel, and Magdy from Cairo. ___ Follow AP's war coverage at Solve the daily Crossword
