Woman Refuses to Act Like a ‘Big Sister' to Estranged Dad's New Family

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2 days ago

A Reddit user wonders if she's overreacting after her father suddenly decided he wants to be part of her life after being absent for 15 years
He invited her to a family dinner with her half-siblings, who asked if she was their "cousin"
He then "got mad" when she refused to come to his weekly "family nights," citing his absence in her life growing upA woman on Reddit is wondering if she's in the wrong for not wanting to play "happy family" with her dad after he remarried and had two kids.
In a post shared to the forum r/AmIOverreacting, the poster details her sticky relationship with her father.
"I was raised mostly by my mom. My parents divorced when I was 8 because my dad cheated. Classic," she details at the opening of the post. "After the divorce, he moved out, remarried within a year, and had two more kids. He never really disappeared, but he definitely downgraded me from 'daughter' to 'occasional visitor.' "
Over the years, she notes that he would show up for events like her birthday, gift in hand, though he was rarely present at other key moments in her childhood. This, coupled with his lack of interest in her life, led her to "[stop] expecting anything" from him.
"Anyway, now that I'm older and 'easier' to deal with (his words), he suddenly wants to be close again," she explains. "He invited me over for dinner with his new wife and their two kids, like we're one big happy family."
She describes the first dinner as "awkward," and her half-siblings were similarly confused by her sudden appearance. "The kids asked if I was their cousin?? My dad just laughed it off and told them I'm 'like their big sister,' " she explains. "No one corrected them."
Though her dad explained it would "mean a lot" to him if she started attending their regular Sunday "family nights," she told him she wasn't interested in suddenly becoming a recurring face during these moments.
"I told him honestly: I'm not comfortable playing this fake family role," she says. "I said I'm open to rebuilding our relationship, but I'm not going to pretend like the last 15 years didn't happen just to make him feel better."
Unfortunately, her father wasn't particularly understanding of her feelings, and "got mad" and said she "was being cold and selfish."
"His wife texted me later saying I broke his heart and that I should be 'more forgiving,'" she continues. "So now I'm the villain for not being ready to play big sister in a family I was never part of."
Other Redditors in the comments agreed that she's right to feel slighted by his actions. One user pointed out that his own words even proved that he was not ready to be a father figure in her life.
"He doesn't even see you as his daughter. He told the other kids 'like' a sister. He never acknowledged you as his actual daughter," they wrote.
"Honestly, I would go no contact. He is refusing to take accountability for how he discarded you, and then gaslighting you to make you seem like the one who's in the wrong."
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