Women Are Sharing The Downsides Of 'Pretty Privilege,' And We Really Can't Win Either Way, Can We?
1."Stalkers and people who won't take no for an answer."
— plaid-blazer
2."Unwanted attention and discomfort from it."
— ahawt1
"And how young the unwanted attention starts..."
— funkyaerialjunky
Related:
3."People misinterpret your friendliness as attraction, and other women may dislike you for being how you are."
— Chococow280
4."It can be nice. It opens a lot of doors, but closes a lot of minds."
— tutusweet
5."People rarely take you seriously, no matter the gender. If you're attractive, you're automatically considered dumb in the majority of situations. It's difficult to make friends — female friends because they can be jealous or worried about being perceived as not as pretty, and male friends because they become interested in you romantically or sexually. Professionally, you get both point one and point two. It's especially annoying when people are condescending or accuse you of sleeping your way into a position (because of course, a pretty woman can't be competent). From a relationship standpoint, most men treat you like a pretty doll and get annoyed if you have opinions or principles."
"It's easy to get dates and hookups, but very difficult to get someone to look beyond the exterior. You also deal with a lot of jealousy because other men will hit on you when you are out with your partner.
You will get insulted a lot, so you need to develop thick skin and a healthy self-esteem that isn't based on your looks, because once you get older, you will lose that advantage."
— Hellion_38
6."I've been in a lot of relationships, but it becomes pretty obvious that they are just with me for my physical appearance. I feel like a doll. Once I start showing any type of emotion that isn't in line with what they want to see or deal with, I'm essentially put away on a shelf. They don't want to deal with my annoyance or my sadness. Only when I'm smiling."
— Aggressive-Bidet
7."You keep meeting people who act like they're serious about you because they like the way you look, but when they realize you're a real person with problems and flaws, they always leave or end up treating you poorly, and then you realize you've spent your whole life being lusted over and never loved properly."
— Ill_Increase4836
Related:
8."I'm hit on so much, constantly, and it's scary. More times than I can count. I'm 41 and very pregnant right now, and I was telling my husband how much safer it feels being in what most people find the most vulnerable state. It's a sad double-edged sword."
— DogsDucks
9."I would add that in no way can you have male friends who aren't family. I'm in my late 30s, and I have never successfully had a male friendship that didn't turn into them wanting more. Married or not, it didn't matter. The husband's brother, friend, or cousin. It's very depressing. I read a thread once about someone losing their pretty privilege with old age and how wonderfully freeing it was to disappear into the background, and honestly, I can't wait for that day."
— [DELETED]
10."I feel like so many men want to take you down a notch, too. Like, she must never get any criticism or negative treatment because she's attractive. Hah, that explains my low self-esteem."
"I was never taken seriously at work. I got told I was promoted at 24 for wearing skirt suits that every woman also wore. I work remotely now and started off wearing my glasses to try and look more intelligent and serious. Other women are snide, like, 'Oh, she'll never know what this is like.' I tend to get bullied and ousted in friend groups. It has gotten better as I've gotten older, but some women are still mean AF."
— Amrick
11."I'd like to add that in certain professional settings, people attempt to take advantage of you. Also, the misogyny is aggravated if you're very conventionally attractive. Also, the number of people who will nearly abuse you in insisting they want to sleep with you is wild."
— Eastern_Yam_5975
Related:
12."One of the reasons I got off the dating apps is that if men found me attractive, they would usually start by projecting their fantasies of the perfect woman onto me. It's wild to start a date with someone so excited to see you, and then slowly watch them become more and more disappointed and frustrated because they're realizing in real time that you're an actual person with your own ideas and thoughts, and not the fantasy they made up in their head."
— quandomenvooooo
13."You become an object. Some people hold idealized versions of you in their head"
— 666wife
14."I think this is why you usually see older beautiful women in long-term relationships with dudes who are just absolute goblins. Like, you know that guy is funny and respectful."
— DancesWithWeirdos
15."Now that I'm in my 40s, it's getting more and more relaxed and normal. Somehow, I'm relieved that my physical attractiveness is vanishing because some things are disappearing: constantly being hit on, annoying 'compliments,' being reduced to a pretty surface, jealousy, envy, getting insulted, downgraded, and negative attention. I'm glad that the last stressful 25 years are over now."
— Kelly_the_tailor
16."You end up with so many haters. Unfortunately, you often don't even realize who they are. They seem like friends until they find a way to one-up you, then they suck the life out of you. They're conflicted and have befriended you for jealous reasons. Make sure you learn to recognize when people are using you or coveting you, or treating you strangely."
— SurpriseDragon
17."The downside — or upside, depending on your temperament — is that as you age, you will become invisible. Extroverts (in general) will mourn the loss. Introverts (in general) will relish the freedom."
— candlestick_maker76
Related:
18."I'm decently attractive, but the bigger issue is that I have some 'natural' features that make me stand out. People stare — all the time. No shame. If you stand out because of your looks, the basic rules of polite society don't apply."
— FoSheepish
19."If you're friendly, you're flirting. If you're reserved, you're rude and stuck up. You will seriously trigger other people's insecurities, and they will not like you for it."
— Lost_Music_6960
20."The constant need to perform. I'm aware that I get a lot of stares, so I always have to be conscious of how I'm being perceived. People project their fantasies onto me. I feel like I owe it to them not to let their fantasies down. Or else they get really snappy and angry."
— Glittering-Sun4193
21."I have two close friends who are absolutely stunning and extremely magnetic. One, whom I grew up with, was born beautiful, and the other grew into it. You attract A LOT of creeps. Our middle school teachers were really creepy towards her. In dating, a lot of the lovely, nice guys won't approach them because they're intimidated, but the guys with a lot of bravado will come in hot."
"Pretty privilege is legit but also has significant costs. Being super gorgeous also means you are compared to others all the time because that's what's top of their minds when they think of you."
— tiredtoes
22."It's worse when you're younger, like in your early 20s, because predatory men can smell the lower self-confidence in professional settings. The other shit thing is you kind of rely on attention for validation about how you feel about yourself. Like, you get used to people looking at you in the street and hitting on you when you're out, and don't take much notice. But when, for some reason, it stops (for me, I started IVF, gained 20lbs, got pregnant, and moved to a tiny old town), you really, really notice the decrease in attention. And it's weirdly very HARD."
"I never thought I gave a shit or even really noticed until people stopped looking as much, and I'm like, 'Oh, am I ugly now?' I don't know how I feel about myself because I can't see myself without their appreciation of me. Does that make sense? Sounds so shallow, but it's quite confronting and very surprising!"
— AioliLopsided3726
23.And finally, "Beauty is a resource that people, especially men, want to use for one reason or another — sex, validation, status, pretty aesthetics, and sometimes money. So you have to decide who you are and what you want before getting sucked into some other person's agenda and life. Figuring yourself out is hard enough without other people trying to pull you into their orbit for their own nonsense."
— anntheegg
What do you think of pretty privilege and its downsides? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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