'If the planet is going to have billionaires, we need them to sign this pre-nup'
Not that any such lowly creature would have made it within the gilded walls of one of the most expensive and repulsive nuptials of the modern age.
The billionaire groom and Amazon owner probably had every fly swatting service and insect repellent contractor in town on the payroll.
Nothing that could be bought was left to chance when he wed bride Lauren Sanchez in the City of Love last week.
Every desire and whim had its price.
The hotel rooms went for €4,000 a night. The entire Venetian water taxi fleet, a mere €1.5 million for three days. There was two mill for private jet travel.
Throw in the same again for the fees to stage a party on the half-billion euro yacht. Then raise it the same again for wedding rings to match what was already shelled out on an engagement ring.
The tsunami of vulgarity even managed to put a figure on one of humanity's priceless heritage treasures - Venice itself - which was bought like a trinket as a selfie filter for the weekend.
Still, it would have been worth that fly making its way to a wall draped in Renaissance masters just to let us all know, did they get it at all? The irony?
Here was the fourth richest guy in the world, dropping around €40 billion for a party.
And everyone was dressed as if they were in the pages of F. Scott Fitzgerald's great novel on the dark heart of the American dream. A cautionary tale of the pursuit of materialism and wealth at the cost of all else – including your morality and your soul.
We know the guest list was well heeled, sprinkled with Kardashians and Trumps. But we don't know if they were that well-read.
We do know at least one guest had seen the movie version of Gatsby. Leonardo di Caprio was in it.
That was before he made those woke, tree-hugging flicks about saving the planet.
That must have raised a giggle as the squadron of 90 private planes swarmed in, belching their fumes into the scorching skies over Europe's holiday destinations.
But maybe Leo and the gang did get the irony.
Maybe this court of the billionaire aristocrats is happy to party on, in the full knowledge their lust and craving for privilege at any cost to the rest of us is corrupting the soul of that same American dream that haunts Gatsby.
The mathematics of even becoming a billionaire – there are now close to 4,000 in the world – can only work by excluding as many other little people as you can from that dream of a decent life.
Almost four billion people in the world need to live on the same amount that this gilded 4,000 have hoarded.
In 2024, the combined wealth of the billionaire class was $15 trillion.
The wealth of the world's 10 richest men including Bezos, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg grew on average by almost $100 million a day that year.
Meanwhile, the number of people living in poverty has barely changed since 1990, according to World Bank data.
Of course Jeff Bezos, being a smart guy, isn't banking on the course of true love running straight. He ensured he signed a pre-nuptial agreement with his new bride that ensures she can't waltz away with his treasures if the spark dies.
So maybe that's precisely what the little people – and the planet – should require of anyone who we tie the knot with and allow amass billion-dollar fortunes and the privilege of emitting more climate heating carbon in 90 minutes than the rest of us do in a lifetime
A people's pre-nup might lay down some rules for when things turn sour. Like if our billionaire overlords ever decide they can't stand the sight of us any more, they will still agree to paying more than their fair share of tax for the help we gave them along the way.
They could keep their jewels, but - fair being fair - the rest of humanity would still keep access to treasures like art and beauty and the world's great heritage cities.
We owned human empathy and democracy before we met you, so we are not letting you have those in any split – Elon we're looking at you.
Sovereignty and the rule of international law are not to be divided up like the good delph either.
Come to that, we want custody too of rights to public treasures like education, health, welfare and a liveable climate.
And, sorry if we are getting greedy here, but if it's not too much can we add ending global poverty.
Don't worry we are not vindictive. We don't want you to end it 22 times which is what you could afford with your cash pile. Once will do.
But if your side is feeling generous with what's left we would happily take equality, clean water, sanitation, clean energy, decent work, infrastructure, sustainable cities, responsible consumption, peace and justice – oh and cancel a few debts. Basically all the sustainability and development goals thanks.
In exchange maybe you could keep in the region of €50 million each and a few yachts to make sure you don't end up in the workhouse.
And unlike the last crowd of peasants that decided they had enough of the ruling aristocracy, we will also let you keep your heads.
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The tsunami of vulgarity even managed to put a figure on one of humanity's priceless heritage treasures - Venice itself - which was bought like a trinket as a selfie filter for the weekend. Still, it would have been worth that fly making its way to a wall draped in Renaissance masters just to let us all know, did they get it at all? The irony? Here was the fourth richest guy in the world, dropping around €40 billion for a party. And everyone was dressed as if they were in the pages of F. Scott Fitzgerald's great novel on the dark heart of the American dream. A cautionary tale of the pursuit of materialism and wealth at the cost of all else – including your morality and your soul. We know the guest list was well heeled, sprinkled with Kardashians and Trumps. But we don't know if they were that well-read. We do know at least one guest had seen the movie version of Gatsby. Leonardo di Caprio was in it. That was before he made those woke, tree-hugging flicks about saving the planet. That must have raised a giggle as the squadron of 90 private planes swarmed in, belching their fumes into the scorching skies over Europe's holiday destinations. But maybe Leo and the gang did get the irony. Maybe this court of the billionaire aristocrats is happy to party on, in the full knowledge their lust and craving for privilege at any cost to the rest of us is corrupting the soul of that same American dream that haunts Gatsby. The mathematics of even becoming a billionaire – there are now close to 4,000 in the world – can only work by excluding as many other little people as you can from that dream of a decent life. Almost four billion people in the world need to live on the same amount that this gilded 4,000 have hoarded. In 2024, the combined wealth of the billionaire class was $15 trillion. The wealth of the world's 10 richest men including Bezos, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg grew on average by almost $100 million a day that year. Meanwhile, the number of people living in poverty has barely changed since 1990, according to World Bank data. Of course Jeff Bezos, being a smart guy, isn't banking on the course of true love running straight. He ensured he signed a pre-nuptial agreement with his new bride that ensures she can't waltz away with his treasures if the spark dies. So maybe that's precisely what the little people – and the planet – should require of anyone who we tie the knot with and allow amass billion-dollar fortunes and the privilege of emitting more climate heating carbon in 90 minutes than the rest of us do in a lifetime A people's pre-nup might lay down some rules for when things turn sour. Like if our billionaire overlords ever decide they can't stand the sight of us any more, they will still agree to paying more than their fair share of tax for the help we gave them along the way. They could keep their jewels, but - fair being fair - the rest of humanity would still keep access to treasures like art and beauty and the world's great heritage cities. We owned human empathy and democracy before we met you, so we are not letting you have those in any split – Elon we're looking at you. Sovereignty and the rule of international law are not to be divided up like the good delph either. Come to that, we want custody too of rights to public treasures like education, health, welfare and a liveable climate. And, sorry if we are getting greedy here, but if it's not too much can we add ending global poverty. Don't worry we are not vindictive. We don't want you to end it 22 times which is what you could afford with your cash pile. Once will do. But if your side is feeling generous with what's left we would happily take equality, clean water, sanitation, clean energy, decent work, infrastructure, sustainable cities, responsible consumption, peace and justice – oh and cancel a few debts. Basically all the sustainability and development goals thanks. In exchange maybe you could keep in the region of €50 million each and a few yachts to make sure you don't end up in the workhouse. And unlike the last crowd of peasants that decided they had enough of the ruling aristocracy, we will also let you keep your heads.
