'I am able to grieve now': Woman lost father one month into polytechnic studies

New Paper

07-07-2025

After just a year in polytechnic, Ms Amillie Chan was on the verge of dropping out.
A month into her time at Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP), she received a call one night in May 2022 informing her that her father, a Grab delivery rider, had been involved in a car accident. By the time she rushed down to the hospital, he had already died.
Ms Chan barely had time to grieve before being thrust into a new reality.
On top of funeral and legal costs, she also had to shoulder household bills, and provide an allowance to her mother, who has an intellectual disability and lives in Thailand due to immigration issues.
She lives with her older brother, who is on the autism spectrum, and an uncle who is deaf and mute. While both could support their own daily expenses, they were unable to contribute to shared household expenses.
With her newfound responsibilities, the food and beverage business student struggled to balance studies and work.
"I was so lost and overwhelmed, but I also felt like I had to be stable. I felt like I was the only one (in my family) who could carry the household burden," she said.
While she had worked at multiple food and beverage outlets since she was 14 to cover her own living expenses, she had planned to stop, to focus on polytechnic life.
Instead, she worked five or six times a week at Mexican fast food chain Guzman y Gomez, where she tried to clock over 140 hours a month to earn a $400 monthly incentive, taking home approximately $1,600 a month.
"To me, money was being lost when I went to school, because I could be using that time to clock in more shifts," recalled Miss Chan, now 21.
On most days, the only time she had to complete her homework was on lunch breaks or commutes.
"I wasn't giving my best effort in school, my grades were slipping, and I couldn't open up to my classmates. I wanted to quit and perhaps come back to it when my financial situation was more stable."
Thankfully, her lecturer Paul Singh Gill changed her mind.
She said: "He really helped me in my time of need. Not only did he talk me out of dropping out, but he also helped me apply for school financial grants, and recommended me channels, like help for (my father's) funeral and lawyer fees, to ease my burdens during that time."
Mr Singh, her lecturer in professional business communication in Year 1, described their first interaction was "unforgettable".
Amillie Chan (right) with her polytechnic lecturer and mentor at Nanyang Polytechnic, Mr Paul Singh Gill, on July 3. ST PHOTO: AZMI ATHNI
"She approached me after missing the first day of Year 1 orientation, and when asked, did not want to share why she was unable to join in.
"I thought she might have had some personal issues, and that she might also have reservations about sharing details of her personal struggles with new people in a new environment, so I didn't probe further. But I checked in with her, and the class, regularly."
He taught several of her classes and became a mentor figure to her over what would be three demanding years.
With her days starting as early as 7am for classes and ending well past midnight after she returned home from work, getting six hours of sleep counted as a good day.
On occasion, Ms Chan would work through the night to finish assignments or projects.
"Every day after class, I would have to rush off to work. I wouldn't be able to join my coursemates to eat after class or meet on the weekends," Miss Chan said.
"I was always very tired during the day, and I would have to drink an energy drink before every shift. It definitely wasn't a healthy lifestyle."
She added: "Sometimes, I would have to skip classes just to be able to rest from work. I think my attendance rate in some classes was literally just enough to pass."
Having to juggle work also strained her relationships at school. "Because I couldn't fully commit to group projects, some of my coursemates had the perception that I was lazy or that I cared only about money."
Only in her final year did Miss Chan eventually share her situation with her coursemates. "There was never a good time or place that would allow me to share something so deeply personal with any of my peers."
What drove her to push through the exhaustion and struggles was a personal conviction - "I couldn't give up. I just wanted (the) household to be healthy and happy" - and Mr Singh's encouragement.
"Throughout my three years, he really showed me the support and care that I needed," said Miss Chan, who graduated in May.
"Regularly checking in on me after classes to see how I was doing or trying his best to help me with things like financial aid - that really meant a lot to me."
Mr Singh said that he was immensely proud of Miss Chan for finishing her polytechnic journey.
"In all my years of teaching, she is the first student I've seen who, despite facing many personal challenges, navigated her academic journey with such quiet resilience and grace," he said.
"I never once had to speak to her about attendance or academic issues. The conversations we had were more of a check-in to ensure she was coping with everything at home and in school, to affirm her as well, and to guide her where she needed the extra support."
Down the line, Ms Amillie Chan, 21, hopes to pursue a degree in hospitality and eventually start her own bistro. ST PHOTO: AZMI ATHNI
Miss Chan is now a full-time bartender at Native, which is ranked 31 on Asia's 50 Best Bars and where she did her polytechnic internship.
"I'm glad I didn't drop out. I wouldn't be working (at Native) if not for my time in poly," she mused.
Down the line, she hopes to pursue a degree in hospitality and eventually start her own bistro.
She said she has no regrets staying on in polytechnic, and her experience has shaped her into a stronger person. "I've become more resilient and perseverant. I feel like I've rebuilt myself and found out who I wanted to be."
She added: "I am able to grieve for my father now, but back when it had just happened, everything was coming in all at once and I could not afford the time or mental space to grieve as needed."