Backstreet Boys' AJ McLean on what helped him overcome being a ‘chronic relapser' after narrowly avoiding jail
In an exclusive interview with Fox News Digital, the proud father of two — who stars as the host of Netflix's singing competition series, "Building The Band" — got candid about the challenges he's faced within his sobriety journey, detailed the lessons he's learned along the way and explained why he doesn't have "another relapse" in him.
"I'm sober today. I can't tell you what's going to happen tomorrow. And I was sober yesterday. I stay in the now. I stay in the moment. I take everything in," McLean, who is gearing up to celebrate four years of sobriety this fall, said. "It is the age-old saying of stopping and smelling the roses. I actually physically stop and smell flowers. I have a different confidence — not arrogance, not ego — that I've never had. And it's a confidence that is empowering."
"That is because of the work I've put in and continue to and will have to do the rest of my days in existence," he continued. "It doesn't stop when you stop doing the work, when you stop spreading your experience, strength and hope, reaching out to other addicts and other people in the world that may be suffering from whatever, if you stop doing that, is when s--- goes south. That's when the ego becomes the villain, and it takes over."
In 2021, McLean referred to himself as a "chronic relapser" after recalling a moment in which he drank alcohol shortly after completing rehab.
"I can do short bursts and I'm OK. Because even when I would relapse, I wouldn't go on a bender," he told host Alexis Haines during an episode of the "Recovering from Reality" podcast. "I am a chronic relapser, but I've never gone for like a month straight of just drinking and partying. It's been like one night, and then I'm sober for a week or two. And then it's one night. It was always back and forth."
The pop star, who has been in and out of sobriety for years, said he's "dodged more bullets" in his life than people think.
"The drugs and alcohol, for me, that was a Band-Aid. I suffered from something my best friend calls 'Piece of s---ism.' I had no self-esteem."
WATCH: BACKSTREET BOYS' AJ MCLEAN 'DODGED MORE BULLETS' THAN HE'D LIKE TO ADMIT IN HIS JOURNEY TO SOBRIETY
"I don't have another relapse in me," he admitted to Fox News Digital. "It will not end the lucky way it has ended in the past when I've dodged bullets and never went to jail, never got a DUI. I'm pretty sure the last time I did drugs, there was fentanyl in there. I'm still here talking to you. I've dodged more bullets than I'd like to."
While McLean — who shares two daughters, Elliot, 12, and Lyric, 8, with his estranged wife, Rochelle — knows that most of his past is public knowledge, he hopes to control the narrative by having honest and raw conversations with his children.
"My girls are very smart, and I've been able to be brutally honest, to a certain degree, about my past," he said. "I don't want to scare them… I want them to know enough about their dad that when they're allowed social media, when they're allowed these things, they don't read it and get a different perception. I want them to hear it from the horse's mouth."
As a member of one of the most popular boy bands in history, fame inevitably took a toll on McLean —who lost sight of who he was somewhere along the way.
"That's really the root of the biggest problem," he said. "The drugs and alcohol, for me, that was a Band-Aid. I suffered from something my best friend calls 'Piece of s---ism.' I had no self-esteem. So you won't do esteemable things without self-esteem and the growth that has happened from that departure to now. You ask my bandmates, you ask my family, I am a different person. I am the person that's always been there. It just got kind of stifled."
"I don't want to stifle that person anymore," he continued. "I know that AJ McLean is a member of a band, but it doesn't define me. I'm Alexander James. That is who I am. AJ is a character in a band that I play that I'm very grateful, has had a 32-year career and hopefully more. And I'm beyond grateful for that. But it doesn't make me who I am. It doesn't define me."
Kickstarting his career as a pop star at just 16 years old, McLean said he and "Building the Band" co-star Liam Payne shared many similarities — both personally and professionally.
"We did share a lot of parallels, even though there's a huge age gap," he said of the late One Direction member, who tragically died at the age of 31 from falling off a hotel balcony in October.
Though Payne, who served as a celebrity judge on the Netflix show, faced his own addiction battles throughout the years leading up to his death, McLean said he was fortunate enough to see the late singer at his "truest" self while on set.
"There were still a lot of similarities of the highs and lows, but I got to see him in his truest form, and he lit up any room he walked into," McLean said. "He was a gentleman. He was funny. He was super-talented, so well-spoken to of these bands, giving his feedback, could get his point across without ever sounding condescending or discouraging."
"He always finished with a positive anecdote or a positive comment to keep these bands inspired and to not lose hope or get frustrated. And it takes a real stand-up person to do that. And that's what he was. He was an absolute stand-up individual, talented beyond talented."
The show, which also stars Destiny's Child's Kelly Rowland and Pussycat Dolls' Nicole Scherzinger, will see gifted singers vie for a chance to form the next great music group sight unseen, leaving looks out of the equation.
"What I love so much about it, unlike other music competition shows, it's twofold," McLean said. "One, it's a cash prize. There's no getting stuck in a box with a major record deal and potentially getting shelved or being told what to wear and what kind of music to do and who's the frontman or frontwoman. These bands get to control their own destiny, and it gives the power back to the artist. So that's a huge plus for me.
While McLean — who is also gearing up for another Las Vegas residency with the Backstreet Boys this summer — is grateful for his past, he's very much looking forward to the future.
"I can tell you, honestly, it has been an incredible journey," he said.
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