Amanda Kloots' heavy grief' five years after death of husband
Nick was just 41 when he died on July 5, 2020, following a battle with COVID and his wife Amanda, 43, admitted her grief is still 'heavy' years later.
She wrote on Instagram: 'I would have never thought that my grief would still be this heavy five years after losing Nick, but now I know: it will never be lighter - and I've come to terms with that.
'If I can offer anyone advice about grief, it's this: Know that grief becomes the shadow that follows you wherever you go. So—become its friend …
'It's the friend you never wanted—but one of the closest relationships you'll ever have with yourself.'
She also shared her sadness that Nick only got 10 months with their son Elvis, who she calls Nick's 'twin'.
She said: 'Babes. Damn, I miss you.
'I miss seeing you. I miss your voice. I miss walking beside you and holding your hand. I miss your laugh, your music, your phrases… I even miss that annoying sound you made when you'd push air through your teeth.
'I miss seeing you as a dad. I miss cheering you on. There are still so many days when I can't believe you're not here - that you're gone. It doesn't feel real.
'Thank you for the years you gave me and for our amazing son. He's your twin, and you would've loved every single second of him. I feel guilty that I get to raise him when you only had 10 months. It's not fair. He's beautiful. He's the best. He's you.'
However, Amanda tries follow the mantra of Nick's song Live Your Life.
She explained: 'Nick left me with one of the greatest gifts - the title of his song: LIVE YOUR LIFE. On hard grief days, I say to myself, 'What would Nick want me to do?'
LIVE YOUR LIFE, AMANDA.
'I didn't realize what an impact his song would have on me after he was gone, but his words of wisdom have stayed with me, guided me, and helped me through grief.'
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