Lions series won't be won on penalties and collapsed scrums
Take your pick: If someone hasn't 'cancelled Christmas'; they've allowed a transgender student to participate in normal school activities; or maybe even said it is ludicrous to still start sessions of parliament with the Lord's Prayer when few Australians still believe a man in a white smock above the clouds is listening anyway.
You know the drill.
Manna from heaven! Cue: nasty cartoons, thunderous editorials, raging rants on what sadly passes for talkback these days and stern admonitions that Australia as we know it is coming to an end and everyone will soon learn the lesson, 'go woke, go broke.'
Look, the practitioners of this twaddle have to pay the bills like the rest of us, and the obvious truth of it – for I know some of the Sydney practitioners – is that not one of them in person would evince anything remotely like the rage they howl into their microphones. It is mere performative pap, to bring in enough raging old white men and their wives that they can corral what they're pleased to call an 'audience'.
This week's classic example is the news that there will be no cricket played on Australia Day.
Why not?
See all of the above. It's because, I TELL YOU, the raging Commo, leftie, mongrel dogs are brainwashing our children into thinking that, just maybe, we can come up with a better day to celebrate our nation than the one that signals the beginning of death and destruction to many First Nations people! How very dare they??
Etc, etc, etc.
And coming up after the break, we'll monster someone else, so do stay with us!
But actually, no. As so often, the truth is a little simpler. Cue, instead, the Cricket Australia spokesperson: 'We had the choice to play the [Big Bash] final on either the Monday night [26th January] or the Sunday night [25th January]. The decision was taken that the night before a public holiday would attract better crowd and ratings, so landed on 25 January. Nothing to do with Australia Day. If it rains, we have Australia day as our reserve day so we would play then if needed.'
A simple explanation. But you can't froth at that.
The celebration of Australia Day on 26 January will eventually come to an end, anyway, and so it should – irrespective of what Cricket Australia has to say about it. Tell em, Steve Smith, the way you did last year: 'I was speaking to Scott Boland about this just the other day and as Australians, you want all Australians to celebrate that day. All Australians don't [with] the way it is at the moment. Maybe that is the way forward, [changing it] to have all Australians celebrating on that day.'
Standing joke
Meantime? Meantime, let's hear from the recently retired architect, Peter Cole – one of the key designers of the Great Southern Stand at the MCG, which was finished in 1992, won a design award in 2020 and was renamed the Shane Warne Stand a couple of years ago. It is now reported to be facing a wrecker's ball, as they move to replace it with a slightly bigger one.
Cole was quoted this week: 'As it is relatively rare for the MCG to reach full capacity, such a marginal increase is hard to justify when you consider the huge cost and disruption that the demolition and rebuild of the southern stand would mean. It ... [would result in a] probable bill of about a billion dollars. It doesn't pass the pub test.'
Vast new stadiums never do. But they keep being built. Who thinks that is sane?
Farewell to the king of sports
A month ago – as discussed – this masthead lost to cancer Johnny Shakespeare, the long-time artist whose work adorned this page for so long. Yesterday – in much happier circumstances, as he is simply taking a break – we lost our sports editor, Ian Fuge, who has been running the show for more than two decades!
Normally, dear reader, I wouldn't bring you into it, but in the spirit of the bloke on the stage asking the conductor of the orchestra to take a bow, indulge me this one time, as Ian has been such a beloved figure at Herald sport for so long.
I keep in touch with nearly all my former sports editors, and they agree with me: on the Mount Rushmore of SMH Sport supremos, he's the one with the finely chiselled features, in prime position, right in the middle, with a twinkle in your eye and a 'Maaaaaate ... !' on his lips.
He's been a joy to work for, and with, with great sporting instincts and superb managerial skills. And the stuff you've read in this column, and across the Herald's sports pages for so long, have been immeasurably stronger for his fine professional, and personal input.
Maestro, take a bow. And thank you.
What They Said
Daniil Medvedev, a semi-finalist in the past two Wimbledon tournaments, frustrated during his first-round match loss to French journeyman, Benjamin Bonzi, who was playing the game of his life: ' Pourquoi ne pas jouer comme ça tous les jours, gagner des millions, être riche? Why not play like this every day, win millions, be rich? No, he decides to do it once a year.' Not fair!
Pat Cummins on Cameron Green at No.3: 'If you haven't done it before, you don't have that confidence, but Greeny doesn't have to look too far at this level to see where he's done well at this level.'
Carlton legend Stephen Kernahan on the club's woes: 'I back our club and coach, and our players will have to work their arse off and fight their way out of it.' Carlton have not been in a grand final this century.
St Kilda coach Ross Lyon: 'As Luke Ball said to me, 'You look backwards, you get depressed; you look forward, you get anxious – so stay in the moment'.'
Western Force and Wallabies hard man Tom Robertson on how much he'd love to play against the Lions: 'It would mean the world. I haven't played a Test since 2022, and it's a whole lot of your career rugby-wise. I'd give my left testicle to do it again, but we'll see how we go.'
Teammate Dylan Pietsch not willing to go the same lengths: 'I don't have kids yet.'
Sally Bolton, the chief executive of the All England Club on the new lines-robots: 'It's not a money‑saving exercise. The technology investment we've had to make to deliver electronic line calling is not insignificant. It's about evolving the tournament and making sure that we're providing the most effective possible line calling.'
Retiring West Coast Eagle Dom Sheed on his shot for goal that won a grand final: 'I just thought, 'Keep it nice and straight, hopefully it floats through'. It's just one of those moments you either get right or you don't, and I was lucky that I got it right.'
Nathan Lyon on passing on the singing of the Australian team song to Alex Carey: 'I feel like Alex is the perfect candidate and I kind of feel I've run my race with it. It's time for someone else to put their touch on it. He was pretty taken aback by it ... it was cool.'
Aussie tennis player Alexei Popyrin on his first-round exit from Wimbledon to a player ranked No.461: 'After today's match, I just felt numb – I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel happy, I just felt numb. And that's not a feeling that I've ever had before. I think that just shows the fact that I understand why this result happened, because I was under-prepared and demotivated going into Wimbledon.' What is the difference between demotivated and unmotivated? Discuss. (It's interesting.)
NSW State of Origin player Liam Martin on if he had to play against himself: 'I'd hate me. I'd think I was the biggest bloody grub and Derek there is.' Derek? I'm told it is a modern version of being a 'Nimrod' – which I'm told is a latter version of a 'doofus'. As you were.
Naomi Osaka on Nick Kyrgios being in her players' box at Wimbledon: 'Oh, he was there? I did not hear anything, OK. Oh, my God. I jokingly told someone, 'Hey, I know Nick's around, maybe he wants to come to my match'. I kind of zone out most of the time. That's a little embarrassing that he was there. I guess it is cool that he was there.'
Al-Hilal coach Simone Inzaghi after eliminating Manchester City from the Club World Cup: 'We had to do something extraordinary because we all know Manchester City, that team. We had to climb Mount Everest without oxygen, and we made it.'
Loading
Social media comment on Australia's pace attack: '37, 35, 34, 32, is the age of Lyon, Starc, Hazlewood and Cummins. Too old to be continuing much longer? However, they do have 553, 389, 283 and 302 test wickets equalling 1527 in total. Insane.'
Team of the Week
Maya Joint. The young Australian tennis player won the Eastbourne title.
Molly Picklum. Aussie surfer on top of the women's World Surfing League standings after winning in Saquarema, Brazil.
NSW and Queensland. Play Origin III this Wednesday. NSW will win 20-6, and so take the series. You heard it here first.
British & Irish Lions. Take on the Waratahs tonight, in what should be a cracker.
Oscar Piastri. Took the silver medal at the Austrian Grand Prix. Still leads the standings. Next stop, Britain.
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Uncle Paul Kabai and Uncle Pabai Pabai are afraid for the future of their ancestral homelands. Their Country on the outer islands of Zenadth Kes (Torres Strait), less than 10 kilometres off Papua New Guinea, is under siege from the impacts of climate change. The two men fear the loss of their islands, their culture and their way of life, forcing their families and communities to become Australia's first climate refugees. The Uncles have taken the federal government to court in the Australian Climate Case, seeking orders which would require the Commonwealth to undertake steps to prevent further harm to their communities. This would include cutting greenhouse gas emissions in line with the best available science. The Commonwealth has argued it is not legally required to consider the best available science or the impacts of climate change when setting emissions reduction targets. On Tuesday, the Federal Court is due to make a decision in the case and the men hold hope that their fight might safeguard the future of their people. Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai launched the action against the federal government in 2021. They are arguing that the Commonwealth owes a duty of care to Torres Strait Islanders to take reasonable steps to protect them from harm. During on-country hearings in 2023, witnesses described how devastating their loss of culture due to climate change had been. "We don't want to be climate refugees," Pabai Pabai, who has spent his life on the low-lying island of Boigu, tells AAP. Paul Kabai remembers a time when his family would hunt, fish and eat produce from gardens grown by the community. But that has all changed, he says. The beaches on his island - Saibai - have receded, turning to mud and mangroves. Its river system is inundated with saltwater and, alarmingly, even the island's cemetery has been impacted by flooding. "Even our cultural sites are being destroyed by rising seas," he laments. "We're both very worried about what we are losing, our hunting grounds are being destroyed by strong currents. "Where can we show our culture to the younger generation?" he asks. "In this way we are losing our culture, everything that belongs to our ancestors." Drawing closer to a decision in the case is a significant milestone for Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai. It has been an emotional journey for them, their communities and supporters but as the Uncles approach the end of this battle, they hold close the reasons they began such a long fight. Pointing to the example of fellow Torres Strait Islander Eddie Mabo whose lifetime of campaigning resulted in a landmark High Court ruling, recognising the rights of First Nations people to their lands, countering the idea of 'terra nullius' asserted by the British at colonisation, Mr Pabai says the battle has been waged for his ancestors. "I'm standing firm on his shoulders," he says. "If we come to winning this case, this is a victory for my family and communities on Boigu and all the community around the country and around the world." As much as this is about the people who came before and protecting what they've left, Mr Pabai says his two-year-old son and the generations to come, in the Torres Strait and further afield, are front of mind. "My main focus is on the new generation," he says. "This is why I'm doing it - for the love of my son, for all the people in my community in the Torres Strait, for bushfire and flood survivors, for the farmers and the children and grandchildren." No matter the legal outcome, Mr Kabai says he believes the action he and Mr Pabai have taken will make a difference. "We will be very proud, even if we win or if we lose," he says. "The government is listening now, they know what is happening and they must do something about climate change." Uncle Paul Kabai and Uncle Pabai Pabai are afraid for the future of their ancestral homelands. Their Country on the outer islands of Zenadth Kes (Torres Strait), less than 10 kilometres off Papua New Guinea, is under siege from the impacts of climate change. The two men fear the loss of their islands, their culture and their way of life, forcing their families and communities to become Australia's first climate refugees. The Uncles have taken the federal government to court in the Australian Climate Case, seeking orders which would require the Commonwealth to undertake steps to prevent further harm to their communities. This would include cutting greenhouse gas emissions in line with the best available science. The Commonwealth has argued it is not legally required to consider the best available science or the impacts of climate change when setting emissions reduction targets. On Tuesday, the Federal Court is due to make a decision in the case and the men hold hope that their fight might safeguard the future of their people. Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai launched the action against the federal government in 2021. They are arguing that the Commonwealth owes a duty of care to Torres Strait Islanders to take reasonable steps to protect them from harm. During on-country hearings in 2023, witnesses described how devastating their loss of culture due to climate change had been. "We don't want to be climate refugees," Pabai Pabai, who has spent his life on the low-lying island of Boigu, tells AAP. Paul Kabai remembers a time when his family would hunt, fish and eat produce from gardens grown by the community. But that has all changed, he says. The beaches on his island - Saibai - have receded, turning to mud and mangroves. Its river system is inundated with saltwater and, alarmingly, even the island's cemetery has been impacted by flooding. "Even our cultural sites are being destroyed by rising seas," he laments. "We're both very worried about what we are losing, our hunting grounds are being destroyed by strong currents. "Where can we show our culture to the younger generation?" he asks. "In this way we are losing our culture, everything that belongs to our ancestors." Drawing closer to a decision in the case is a significant milestone for Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai. It has been an emotional journey for them, their communities and supporters but as the Uncles approach the end of this battle, they hold close the reasons they began such a long fight. Pointing to the example of fellow Torres Strait Islander Eddie Mabo whose lifetime of campaigning resulted in a landmark High Court ruling, recognising the rights of First Nations people to their lands, countering the idea of 'terra nullius' asserted by the British at colonisation, Mr Pabai says the battle has been waged for his ancestors. "I'm standing firm on his shoulders," he says. "If we come to winning this case, this is a victory for my family and communities on Boigu and all the community around the country and around the world." As much as this is about the people who came before and protecting what they've left, Mr Pabai says his two-year-old son and the generations to come, in the Torres Strait and further afield, are front of mind. "My main focus is on the new generation," he says. "This is why I'm doing it - for the love of my son, for all the people in my community in the Torres Strait, for bushfire and flood survivors, for the farmers and the children and grandchildren." No matter the legal outcome, Mr Kabai says he believes the action he and Mr Pabai have taken will make a difference. "We will be very proud, even if we win or if we lose," he says. "The government is listening now, they know what is happening and they must do something about climate change." Uncle Paul Kabai and Uncle Pabai Pabai are afraid for the future of their ancestral homelands. Their Country on the outer islands of Zenadth Kes (Torres Strait), less than 10 kilometres off Papua New Guinea, is under siege from the impacts of climate change. The two men fear the loss of their islands, their culture and their way of life, forcing their families and communities to become Australia's first climate refugees. The Uncles have taken the federal government to court in the Australian Climate Case, seeking orders which would require the Commonwealth to undertake steps to prevent further harm to their communities. This would include cutting greenhouse gas emissions in line with the best available science. The Commonwealth has argued it is not legally required to consider the best available science or the impacts of climate change when setting emissions reduction targets. On Tuesday, the Federal Court is due to make a decision in the case and the men hold hope that their fight might safeguard the future of their people. Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai launched the action against the federal government in 2021. They are arguing that the Commonwealth owes a duty of care to Torres Strait Islanders to take reasonable steps to protect them from harm. During on-country hearings in 2023, witnesses described how devastating their loss of culture due to climate change had been. "We don't want to be climate refugees," Pabai Pabai, who has spent his life on the low-lying island of Boigu, tells AAP. Paul Kabai remembers a time when his family would hunt, fish and eat produce from gardens grown by the community. But that has all changed, he says. The beaches on his island - Saibai - have receded, turning to mud and mangroves. Its river system is inundated with saltwater and, alarmingly, even the island's cemetery has been impacted by flooding. "Even our cultural sites are being destroyed by rising seas," he laments. "We're both very worried about what we are losing, our hunting grounds are being destroyed by strong currents. "Where can we show our culture to the younger generation?" he asks. "In this way we are losing our culture, everything that belongs to our ancestors." Drawing closer to a decision in the case is a significant milestone for Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai. It has been an emotional journey for them, their communities and supporters but as the Uncles approach the end of this battle, they hold close the reasons they began such a long fight. Pointing to the example of fellow Torres Strait Islander Eddie Mabo whose lifetime of campaigning resulted in a landmark High Court ruling, recognising the rights of First Nations people to their lands, countering the idea of 'terra nullius' asserted by the British at colonisation, Mr Pabai says the battle has been waged for his ancestors. "I'm standing firm on his shoulders," he says. "If we come to winning this case, this is a victory for my family and communities on Boigu and all the community around the country and around the world." As much as this is about the people who came before and protecting what they've left, Mr Pabai says his two-year-old son and the generations to come, in the Torres Strait and further afield, are front of mind. "My main focus is on the new generation," he says. "This is why I'm doing it - for the love of my son, for all the people in my community in the Torres Strait, for bushfire and flood survivors, for the farmers and the children and grandchildren." No matter the legal outcome, Mr Kabai says he believes the action he and Mr Pabai have taken will make a difference. "We will be very proud, even if we win or if we lose," he says. "The government is listening now, they know what is happening and they must do something about climate change." Uncle Paul Kabai and Uncle Pabai Pabai are afraid for the future of their ancestral homelands. Their Country on the outer islands of Zenadth Kes (Torres Strait), less than 10 kilometres off Papua New Guinea, is under siege from the impacts of climate change. The two men fear the loss of their islands, their culture and their way of life, forcing their families and communities to become Australia's first climate refugees. The Uncles have taken the federal government to court in the Australian Climate Case, seeking orders which would require the Commonwealth to undertake steps to prevent further harm to their communities. This would include cutting greenhouse gas emissions in line with the best available science. The Commonwealth has argued it is not legally required to consider the best available science or the impacts of climate change when setting emissions reduction targets. On Tuesday, the Federal Court is due to make a decision in the case and the men hold hope that their fight might safeguard the future of their people. Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai launched the action against the federal government in 2021. They are arguing that the Commonwealth owes a duty of care to Torres Strait Islanders to take reasonable steps to protect them from harm. During on-country hearings in 2023, witnesses described how devastating their loss of culture due to climate change had been. "We don't want to be climate refugees," Pabai Pabai, who has spent his life on the low-lying island of Boigu, tells AAP. Paul Kabai remembers a time when his family would hunt, fish and eat produce from gardens grown by the community. But that has all changed, he says. The beaches on his island - Saibai - have receded, turning to mud and mangroves. Its river system is inundated with saltwater and, alarmingly, even the island's cemetery has been impacted by flooding. "Even our cultural sites are being destroyed by rising seas," he laments. "We're both very worried about what we are losing, our hunting grounds are being destroyed by strong currents. "Where can we show our culture to the younger generation?" he asks. "In this way we are losing our culture, everything that belongs to our ancestors." Drawing closer to a decision in the case is a significant milestone for Mr Pabai and Mr Kabai. It has been an emotional journey for them, their communities and supporters but as the Uncles approach the end of this battle, they hold close the reasons they began such a long fight. Pointing to the example of fellow Torres Strait Islander Eddie Mabo whose lifetime of campaigning resulted in a landmark High Court ruling, recognising the rights of First Nations people to their lands, countering the idea of 'terra nullius' asserted by the British at colonisation, Mr Pabai says the battle has been waged for his ancestors. "I'm standing firm on his shoulders," he says. "If we come to winning this case, this is a victory for my family and communities on Boigu and all the community around the country and around the world." As much as this is about the people who came before and protecting what they've left, Mr Pabai says his two-year-old son and the generations to come, in the Torres Strait and further afield, are front of mind. "My main focus is on the new generation," he says. "This is why I'm doing it - for the love of my son, for all the people in my community in the Torres Strait, for bushfire and flood survivors, for the farmers and the children and grandchildren." No matter the legal outcome, Mr Kabai says he believes the action he and Mr Pabai have taken will make a difference. "We will be very proud, even if we win or if we lose," he says. "The government is listening now, they know what is happening and they must do something about climate change."
