Trapped by tradition: Why dowry still kills in India

Deccan Herald

2 days ago

Chennai: Rithanya's marriage to Kavin Kumar in Tamil Nadu's Tiruppur on April 11 was a grand celebration, with the bride's family spending lavishly to make it a memorable occasion.Her businessman father, R G Annadurai, 'gifted' 300 sovereigns of gold and an expensive Sports Utility Vehicle worth Rs 70 lakh, among other things, to his daughter and son-in-law, a real estate businessman, hoping she would lead a happy and comfortable life in her new home.In less than three months, on June 22, the 27-year-old yoga instructor and entrepreneur returned to her parents' home, reporting dowry harassment by her husband and in-laws. In her words, they were demanding more gold and had even insisted that a business be set up for the groom. She was also subjected to mental and physical abuse.Six days later, on June 28, Rithanya left home, ostensibly to visit a temple, only to return as a lifeless body. She died by suicide after sending a series of voice messages to her father, expressing her inability to continue living with her husband and in-laws.'Appa, I am sorry. I do not want anybody to save me this time. For the past three months, I believed my husband would change his attitude, but I have lost all hope. They are criminals, and I do not wish to live with him (Kavin). Neither can I choose another life,' Rithanya told her father in her last words. Rithanya's suicide and her audio messages sent shockwaves through India. Kavin Kumar, his father Eswaramurthy, and mother Chitradevi were arrested soon after. .Man, mother-in-law booked for dowry death in Bengaluru.'We told our daughter to wait for three months to assess the situation and take a call. If we had known she was in deep distress, we would have stood by her. I chose Kavin only because my enquiries said he was a disciplined boy, and I thought he would keep her happy. But I didn't know I would lose her,' Annadurai said. Hundreds of miles away, in Bavdhan, in Maharashtra's Pune district, 26-year-old Vaishnavi, a graduate, died by suicide in May this year. She left behind a 10-month-old child..Maharashtra Women and Child Rights and Welfare Committee, headed by BJP MLA Monica Rajale, concluded that the family had accepted vehicles, gold, silver articles, and cash as dowry.Soon after, her father-in-law, Rajendra Hagawane, was expelled from the Ajit Pawar-led Nationalist Congress Party (NCP), and four of his family members, including his son and wife, were arrested. Vaishnavi's parents alleged that her in-laws demanded an additional Rs 2 crore to purchase land, despite having already taken 595 grams of gold, silver, and an SUV.'She was repeatedly tortured for dowry,' Vaishnavi's father, Anil Kaspate, said. Rithanya and Vaishnavi, both educated and independent, came from different castes, states, and backgrounds. Yet, they were united by a common thread — the menace of dowry, a regressive tradition that continues to devastate the lives of women, even as India makes strides in areas such as education and women's empowerment.The stories of these women reflect a much wider and persistent problem. Official data shows a marginal decline in reported dowry death cases — with an average of 7,000 cases reported each year between 2017 and 2022, compared to around 8,000 annually between 2012 and 2016.However, activists believe these numbers barely scratch the surface, as many families choose not to report cases due to fear, shame, or pressure from the in-laws.A deeper look into the data reveals further gaps. Police file chargesheets in only about 60% of these cases annually, while the rest remain stalled due to reasons ranging from lack of evidence and fabricated complaints to informal settlements between families. Even when cases do reach the courts, only a small percentage end in convictions. Many families, already grappling with grief and social stigma, opt for settlements during prolonged legal battles, unable to cope with the delays, expenses, and emotional strain.As much as 80% of dowry deaths between 2017 and 2022 were recorded in states like Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, Jharkhand, Rajasthan, Haryana, West Bengal, and Odisha. The remaining came from Maharashtra, Kerala, Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh, and Tamil Nadu, considered relatively more developed socio-economically than their northern counterparts.Rithanya and Vaishnavi's parents did not see their children's weddings as mere events but as grand celebrations, caving to the demands of the grooms and their families in the fervent hope that their girls would lead comfortable lives. The modern marriage market has become highly commercial, with dowries and material exchanges being central to arranging alliances, particularly post-liberalisation in 1991. Activists say it is no longer just about traditional dowry but broader economic bargaining and the pursuit of family status, with women from every section of society falling victim to this menace. In a research paper on dowry deaths, published by the Cureus Journal of Medical Science in 2024, a study conducted between April 2021 and March 2022 at the Rajendra Institute of Medical Sciences, Ranchi, concluded that a considerable proportion of women among suspected dowry-related fatalities were in the age range of 16 to 26 years.'A significant portion of these incidents occurred either at the residence of the in-laws or the husband's domicile, with the in-laws and the husbands themselves being identified as the primary perpetrators in most scenarios, where they either directly caused the death or coerced the victim into taking her own life,' the study noted. Education not a barrierEducation and professional qualifications are not factors that, without fail, would serve as barriers against dowry harassment. The situation varies from state to state. In states like Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala, it is often educated women who are driven to take the extreme step of ending their lives. Activists say that men with revered jobs and good educational qualifications and job status may place greater dowry demands on the women's families. 'The shift towards women earning and managing wealth also places them at the centre of family economic advancement. This increases the pressure to conform to material expectations within a marriage. Family relationships are increasingly defined by these kinds of economic exchanges, rather than affection or mutual support,' said S Anandhi, former professor of gender, caste, and identity politics at the Madras Institute of Development Studies, Chennai. Karnataka-based women's rights activist Geetha Menon confirms that high-earning women often suffer dowry harassment silently, even if they look 'financially independent' at the outset. 'The primary reason for such harassment to continue is that these women do not have the privilege of returning to their parents due to societal pressures. This, coupled with the financial burden on them and their parents, forces many to endure abuse,' Menon said. Parents are often reluctant to welcome their daughters back home after separation, largely due to societal pressures. The stigma is even greater if there are unmarried sons or daughters in the family. Patriarchal beliefs, such as Oruvanukku Oruthi, a Tamil phrase that translates to 'One man, one woman', which are deeply tied to notions of female chastity and virginity, further compel women to suffer in silence. Even in Rithanya's case, her father, in profound grief, said he was proud that his daughter upheld the principle of Oruvanukku Oruthi. Legal interventionsProfessor Anandhi said dowry practices are not merely isolated criminal acts but symptoms of a larger systemic problem in which women are commodified, and marriage relationships are governed primarily by economic considerations.Although the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961, has enabled women to approach courts, the retired professor said that legal interventions have not sufficiently eradicated the practice or its associated harms.'The concept of dowry no longer sufficiently captures the scale and complexity of these transactions, which have expanded into a pervasive commercialisation of social and gender relations,' Anandhi said.The Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 has been amended only twice, in 1984 and in 1986, to introduce stricter penalties. However, activists argue that the law is now outdated and must be revised to reflect contemporary realities. With the rise of online matrimonial platforms and the growing commercialisation of marriage, dowry demands have taken new and complex forms, often disguised as gifts or expectations tied to a groom's education, profession, or income.Beyond policy Women's rights activist and senior advocate Sudha Ramalingam explained that the law is only one way of addressing dowry harassment. 'Laws are often respected only when they are enforced. In practice, the enforcement is weak. The law criminalises both giving and receiving dowry, but in reality, prosecution rarely targets those who give dowry, which diminishes the law's impact. This selective enforcement ends up victimising women, rather than protecting them,' she said.The conviction rate for dowry harassment is at an abysmal 4%, said Lad Kumari Jain, former chairperson of the Rajasthan State Women's Commission.'The victim had to go back to the in-laws and face the same treatment and often failed to get custody of their children until the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005, came into effect,' she said. Only 1% of the survivors are able to claim compensation. The endless legal system, the role of public prosecutors, and the current method of fighting cases at the institutional level make victims feel abandoned, she added.Geeta Menon said what started as gifts for the comfort of girls as they move into their new families has now transformed into an opportunity to display wealth, with parents of both the bride and the groom taking pride in giving and receiving dowry.These exchanges may also enhance pressure on women to stay, explained Hassan-based activist Roopa Hassan. 'Girls' parents, most often, force the girls to adjust to their husbands and in-laws, despite facing mental, physical, and financial harassment, because the parents have spent beyond their capacity to get them married,' Roopa said.Societal norms Sherin Bosko, who headed the 181 Women Helpline in Tamil Nadu, has seen firsthand how deeply entrenched ideas of family honour silence women facing dowry-related abuse.'From a young age, girls are conditioned to believe that they must tolerate everything to protect the family's reputation. This pressure is especially strong in middle and upper-middle-class households, where even the woman's family may believe funding the man's business is their duty,' she said.Anandhi notes that upper and middle classes view material transfers as status enhancements, while women in poorer families, unable to afford a substantial dowry, experience other forms of gendered abuse, often linked to control over women's income.'In poorer families, women face patriarchal control over women's wages and opportunities -- a form of economic domination,' she added.Support networksBosko described her experience of receiving a call from a young woman while heading the women's helpline to illustrate how family support can empower women to leave abusive relationships.'After crying her eyes out, the caller said she wanted her husband and in-laws to be jailed for dowry harassment. She said her family gave a huge dowry, and they felt it was her duty to adjust and not return home,' Bosko said.Realising the woman's affliction, Bosko, while keeping the victim on the line, contacted her father and confronted him: Did he want his daughter alive or dead? Bosko told the father that he could rescue his daughter with government support, or he could approach the government to prosecute the offenders after losing her. 'The father broke down and, ultimately, saved her. If parents or relatives stand up for the girl, she gains confidence. Silence from the bride's family also amounts to abetment of suicide. Society should normalise women living alone or embracing a new life so that they don't think of extreme steps,' Bosko added.Roopa Hassan said that as long as girls are not allowed to establish their own identities, the menace of dowry will not be eradicated.'Our education system should teach boys and girls that marriage is not a trade, where you buy women for your needs. Girls should be taught to take a stand that they will not marry a man who demands dowry,' says Roopa.Anandhi calls for amendments to the Dowry Harassment Act to regulate the marriage market and curb material transactions, besides a sustained campaign against dowry by the media and civil society.'Real change requires more than legal enforcement — it demands a shift in societal attitudes, family cultures, and collective awareness,' Anandhi added. Advocate Ramalingam echoed this sentiment, pointing out that the glamourisation of extravagant weddings in popular media has normalised dowry and excessive spending. 'Society's acceptance of dowry sustains these crimes,' she said. 'Real progress will only come when there is a collective shift in mindset.'She went further to argue that passive observers also bear responsibility. 'All those present at such weddings should be considered as abetting the crime. Look at the abolition of Sati. It was not the law alone that ended it, but sustained social and cultural pressure. Likewise, laws against dowry need to be backed by a strong cultural transformation where these practices are seen as dishonourable and unacceptable,' the lawyer added.Some such shifts are beginning to emerge. In Maharashtra, after a series of dowry-related deaths, the Maratha community, which makes up about 33% of the state's nearly 13-14 crore population, publicly denounced the practice. In a rare collective stand, community leaders called for an end to both dowry harassment and lavish wedding spending.They issued a set of voluntary guidelines that included not giving expensive gifts, cutting down on wedding expenses, conducting ceremonies on time, and avoiding speeches during the event, a quiet but significant attempt to break away from harmful traditions.(With inputs from Pavan Kumar H in Hubballi, Mrityunjay Bose in Mumbai, and Rakhee Roytalukdar in Jaipur)