Marriage is a test of many things, but memory might be the biggest
Living with your own memory is hard enough – working out what's real, what's wishful, what's denial, and what's flagrantly Quixotic. But living entangled in two … do you double the difficulty of memory when you combine a couple of minds, or do you halve it? Do the glitches and deformities aggregate or diminish?
Consider the conjoined memory of an elderly married couple. That bushfire 30 years ago that they've talked about a thousand times since, each time bending the other's recollection of the event a little towards their own. He resettles her interpretation in his own mind just as she adopts his retentions in hers. They once had separate memories of the fire, but now have a shared story. Have two truths become one myth?
The first steps of their second child … five years later she remembers that toddler was waving a rusk and singing a nursery rhyme … he remembers Geelong was about to beat Carlton and the bloody kid walked in front of the screen while he had to pretend to be delighted.
Twenty years later, after countless retellings, some infected by beer, the kid is waving a Cats flag and singing the club theme song as he walks wobblily towards adulthood. Not only do couples mix their DNA to create new people, they also meld their memories to reinvent the past.
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But it doesn't always work that way. In other cases a wife and husband's memories diverge, like the Koreas, into totally different truths and histories. I was at a cafe recently with a married couple, Ambrose and Penny, on a sunny pier in Sydney, no hint of dissent or rancour in the air – there rarely is before one of Ambrose's mis-memories strikes like a drone. They were discussing postnatal depression and Ambrose said his mother-in-law suffered from it after the birth of every one of her five children and he attributed it to her having caesareans each time. Penny was aghast.
'Ambrose, what are you talking about? Mum gave birth naturally always.'
'No, she didn't,' he insisted. 'Like Rome, she had a succession of Caesars.'
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News.com.au
14 hours ago
- News.com.au
‘Goosebumps': Jesse Motlop's touching Diogo Jota move
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4 days ago
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Review of newly renovated Ritz-Carlton O'ahu, Turtle Bay, Hawaii
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In the lobby, which was once a darkened casino, the west and east walls were blown off to flood the space with natural light, accompanied by blonde timber flooring and sheer white curtains. The resort underwent a US$250M facelift during the pandemic Pulling up a seat at the west-facing lobby bar, you can sip cocktails overlooking the three different pools that cascade down the hill to the beach where wobbly surfers are taking lessons. Each pool is designed for different guests, from adult-only submerged lounges to kid friendly pools with disabled access. To the east, guests lay down a towel or lounge on spacious cabanas at family-friendly Turtle Beach. The property's 1,300 acres have appeared in Pirates of the Caribbean, Hunger Games, and Jumanji II The hotel is Y-shaped, so after the lobby area you reach a fork with boutique shops, a high-end restaurant, and private lounge to the left, and casual café and mini market to the right. For a hotel that can host nearly 1,000 guests at a time, there's a surprising number of places where you can find privacy, from sunken circular fire pits thrust into bar-side infinity pool, to smaller nooks and lounges tucked between the pools. The tranquility pool in an ocean bungalow The rooms All 462 rooms, counting 408 in the main building and 64 villas and bungalows a short buggy ride away, have waterfront views. I'm staying in a 43 sqm premium veranda room with king bed. The calming warm timbers and crisp white linen contrasts spectacularly with a wall-to-wall print of a crashing wave splashed above the bed, which propels me out onto my private balcony to watch the sunset. I have a coffee machine, (empty) mini-fridge, lounge and mounted flat-screen TV. Charging points are plentiful, including bedside USB and USB-C ports. The bathroom and walk-in shower provide plenty of space to hang all my clothes and store my suitcase, with complimentary amenities from eco-friendly beauty care brand OLAS. I'm staying in a 43 sqm premium veranda room with king bed Food and drinks When it comes to filling your plate, guests have five options ranging from burgers and salads at poolside Sunset Bar to light breakfasts at Ho'olana café, and poke bowls at Beach House on Turtle Beach. The resort's pride and joy is Alaia, a beautifully presented restaurant with a menu focused on locally sourced ingredients. It is the kind of place where a main-sized bowl of pasta will set you back AUD$65 (not including tips and taxes), or you can tuck into an AUD$300 tomahawk steak. If you want to eat for less, Holoholo Market sells Hawaiian souvenirs alongside supermarket goods like packaged sandwiches and sushi. 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The terraced pool at the Ritz-Carlton O'ahu The extras The resort offers an impressively stacked roster of experiences, which change every day of the week, ranging from lei making and hula lessons to stargazing, canoe tours, sound bathing, surf lessons and night snorkelling. Helicopter tours are expected to start this summer. Most activities need to be booked in advance, with some included in your room rate and others attracting an additional fee. Every Wednesday night, Ritz-Carlton hosts a Hawaiian Cowboy LÅ«Ê»au featuring cultural music, dancing and buffet. Snorkel at night to explore Kuilima Cove What's hot Ritz-Carlton has partnered with local environmental organisations to help restore Kahuku Point, a vital monk seal habitat and green turtle nesting site. What's not Like with many American resorts, check the fine print of what is and isn't included in your stay to avoid any surprises. 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