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5 hours ago
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Straight Women Share The Exhausting Reason They Are Stepping Away From Dating Men
Ava, 27, seemed unbothered by her partner's inability to communicate his emotions. 'We have enough to think about,' she told me as she slid her laptop out of her tote bag, still dressed in her tweed blazer from work. It wasn't serious, anyway. She'd been dating Max for a few months when it struck her — mid-conversation with a friend — that she had no idea what he felt about her or their future. So she stopped asking. There was a time, she said, when she would've tried harder. Sara, 21, recalled sitting on her bed while her boyfriend begged her to hear him out. He wasn't remorseful for cheating, he just no longer wanted to sit with his shame. 'I was done,' she said. And yet, he expected her to comfort him. 'I had to help him find the words for his feelings, not his actions,' — long silences, teasing through shame and self-hatred. 'He didn't know what he wanted to say,' she said. 'And then I made him feel OK about it'. These stories reflect a shift among young women in which more and more of them are 'quiet-quitting' these relationships. Women are now 23% less likely to want to date than men, not because they don't care, but because they feel they've invested too much emotional labor without support in return. Mind The (Emotional Intelligence) Gap In intimate relationships, young women are taking on a disproportionate load of invisible emotional labor, often supporting men through intense feelings of failure and isolation from friends. Many men described feeling 'weird or like a waste of time' when opening up to male friends, instead reserving vulnerability for their relationships with women. While men consider this unburdening to women a 'natural part' of their relationships, those same women describe it as work— what researchers at Stanford University call 'mankeeping.' Over the past two years, I've interviewed dozens of young men and women about their relationships. What's emerged is a sense that women are absorbing the emotional fallout of a crisis they didn't create. The anxieties surrounding what it means to be a man in 2025 should matter to everyone. They're reshaping not just our politics, but the very fabric of how women and men interact — shaping how we love, how we vote, and whether we can build a future together at all. Telling the other side of the 'masculinity crisis' is key to solving it. The crisis is especially acute for younger men — with two-thirds reporting that 'no one really knows them.' Christopher Pepper, co-author of Talk To Your Boys, notes that Gen Z is the first generation to rely mostly on their phones to communicate. 'There's no responsibility for what's on the receiving end [of online communication],' he said, with online spaces often devolving into slurs and death threats 'that wouldn't be acceptable in other situations.' For the 60% of men who engage with masculinity influencers, friendship itself is evolving: ambition, wealth and popularity are prioritized over trust. In individualist countries like the U.K. and U.S., this shift is more pronounced — perhaps owed to the glamorization of lone-wolf masculinity, in which vulnerability is discouraged. When 'The Costs Of Caring' Are Too Much Meanwhile, young women are rejecting patriarchal expectations that previous generations internalized. Once expected to shoulder emotional labor as a normal part of relationships, they are now more aware of the 'costs of caring,' including suppressing their own needs. They're less inclined to date, with 56% saying 'it's hard to find someone who meets their expectations,' compared to 35% of men. From 'I'm Not Your Therapist' to 'I'm literally Joan Baez,' Gen Z women are resisting the notion of offering up too much to men. While some women told me that men without emotional fluency are unattractive, others hesitate to expect it, fearing they'll be labelled 'controlling'. Several women I spoke with expressed concern over how dating men affects their economic futures. The role of women as invisible drivers of men's success isn't new, but with young people struggling to find jobs at unprecedented rates, it's taken a new form. From job hunting to burnout, 'women tend to provide increased emotional support to men who do not have it elsewhere.' Mankeeping is typically tied to thinner social networks, but for Gen Z, it's more about men's inability to share their struggles with other men. All men I spoke with felt they couldn't be as honest about their jobs with their male friends. In contrast, most young women I interviewed described how stepping in during'unsettled times' negatively impacted their work and well-being. This labor has become an invisible workplace obstacle, as instant communication has erased the natural boundaries that once separated work and emotional caregiving. COVID-19 only exacerbated these dynamics, with many surprised by how quickly they 'played house' during lockdown — over-focusing on their partner's needs instead of their own. A default response learned in their teens and early 20s, it's been challenging to unlearn. Some have gone further: writing partner's college essays, preparing scholarship presentations, coaching them on job interviews. In some cases, their partners actively diminished their career success. 'When he heard where I worked, he looked at me predatorily,' one woman said. He later pressured her to refer him to her company, convincing her it would be best for their relationship. Some men seek proximity to success without realizing the toll it takes on their self-esteem. A Job Women Didn't Sign Up For Broader beliefs about gender equity are shaping how much support partners expect — and feel entitled to — from each other. Women feel as though men aren't doing enough to support gender equality, whereas 60% of men believe they're expected to do too much. The stereotype suggests that women require more support in relationships, but Gen Z's 'emotion work' — the labor required to bridge the gap between expectations and reality — is especially stark in a generation that expects so much of young men while providing them limited support. Across hundreds of hours of interviews, distinct forms of emotional labor have emerged — confirming what researchers have long observed: Women are more often expected to carry this emotional load in relationships. Like Ava, many women are stepping back from this distinct form of work, from dating, and from committed relationships. They report that dating is harder than 10 years ago, and are twice as likely as men to cite physical and emotional risk as reasons why dating has become more challenging — 62% of single women report they're not looking to date at all, compared to 37% of men. Even before entering relationships, a young woman is likely to have experienced emotional and physical abuse. Among teenage girls, 80% report that sexual assault is 'normal and common' in their friendship groups — before they even finish high school. About half of Gen Z women report feeling disrespected by men, compared to 18% of men; 42% of women report being pressured into sex on a date, and intimate partner abuse has now been cited as an indicator of attitudes that underpin extreme violence. Both these realities might partially explain why young men are dating less than previous generations. Gen Z men are more than twice as likely as Boomers to report that they didn't have a significant other as teenagers, and women are increasingly opting to date older men to avoid having to 'mother' their significant other. 'Unless you're really in love,' one Gen Z woman told me, 'then it's not your problem if they're not emotionally available.' Millennials have a different lens: 'It's a feminism thing,' Becca, 31, told me. 'But also a way of processing the outsized support we gave them' — a kind of paying it forward to another woman's future boyfriend. The more women are left to shoulder the burden of the masculinity crisis, the more likely they are to withdraw. But the more they do, the more boys feel rejected. Loneliness leaves boys vulnerable to voices that reframe their abandonment. One in six boys aged 6-15 have a positive impression of Andrew Tate, and across 30 countries, Gen Z men are 30% more conservative than other generation has a gender divergence — social and political — at this scale. If we want to interrupt this spiral, we must stop asking women to keep absorbing the damage. We need to offer boys a healthier model of masculinity that speaks to their needs — but doesn't come at girls' expense. That means listening to why women are pulling away and creating pathways for boys to grow without leaning on women. A recent survey exploring young men's health in a digital world, 55% of the young men who watch masculinity influencers believe that women don't care about men. My research shows that women do care. They just want relationships that don't lean on traditional gender roles. Meanwhile, boys deserve better than a culture that mocks their confusion without showing them a path through it. That path begins with both sides recognizing what the other is carrying — and letting go of narratives that cast boys as aggressors before they even reach adolescence. Instead, as Pepper puts it, it's 'fine to give boys and men some homework.' This homework begins with fostering self-awareness, emotional literacy and responsibility for your actions. What Men Can Do To Fix It Men often lack these emotional skills precisely because they've rarely been expected — or permitted — to develop them. Instead, young women have been tasked with practicing and perfecting emotional labor. Traditional masculine norms like pride often keep men from extending their expressions of vulnerability beyond the comfort of romantic relationships. Many fear that admitting they're overwhelmed will diminish their self-worth. Emotional fluency will take practice. And because expectations of manhood haven't evolved as quickly as those for women, that practice must be met with patience. Our understanding of masculinity must also shift to make space for emotional connection between men. Vulnerability is often taught by women and associated with intimacy — leaving little room to express it in male friendships. But men need friendships grounded in trust, mutual honesty and shared vulnerability. Nearly every man I spoke to said his male friendships left him feeling worse about himself. This not only deprives men of the full range of support they need in tough times, but limits nuance in emotionally complex situations. As several male interviewees pointed out, their friends were often quick to 'hate' or 'blame' women after breakups. Instead of emotional language that deepens the gender divide, it can instead be used to bridge it, helping men move through hurt with reflection and toward growth. Finally, we need to redefine what it means for men to be a 'provider.' Caring for others should be central to what masculinity can mean. We must also rethink what it means to 'protect,' as many men I spoke to believed withholding their emotions was a form of care. Dating teaches us many things: how to take emotional risks, how to fail, how to communicate. Above all, relationships teach us how to be vulnerable. But with 29% more men than women in Gen Z currently single, a gender skills gap will only continue to widen. As more women step back from relationships, many men may never get the chance to learn. Those who took on this homework — who shared their burdens with friends, practiced self-awareness and showed up with emotional fluency — weren't just more attractive to the women they dated. They also became better partners. If we are to love each other, masculinity has to evolve to hold that vulnerability, for everyone's sake. Related... Men Are Trimming Their Eyelashes To Be Shorter, And The Reason Is Baffling Opinion: Jerry Seinfeld And Conservatives Want To Make America Masculine Again — And It's Destroying Men My Family Needs Me For Everything — And I Never Saw The Emotional Fatigue From That Coming Why Men Are Bad At Friendship (And What To Do About It)
Yahoo
6 hours ago
- Yahoo
Someone Asked Grandparents Over 60 To Share How They Really Feel About Watching Their Grandkids, And It's Truly A Mixed Bag
Oftentimes, the role of a grandparent comes with a set of cultural expectations — endless availability, boundless energy, and a built-in desire to help whenever needed. But the reality of being asked to care for grandchildren in your 60s and beyond is more complex than the cheerful stereotype suggests. Between physical limitations, retirement plans, and the delicate balance of helping without enabling, today's grandparents are navigating a version of family life that looks very different from generations past. So when u/wtwildthingsare asked grandparents over 60 how they really feel about being asked to care for their grandchildren, the responses revealed just how nuanced the answer can be. From those who retired early to provide full-time care to others who've had to set firm boundaries, here's what grandparents actually think about the expectations placed on them: 1."I drive one grandchild to dance class on Fridays. I am watching another tomorrow night. I am an alternate pickup for school. And I watched them all as much as I was able for the last some-teen years. I've been dealing with some shit over the last few years, so I couldn't do as much, but I tried. We are back to sleepovers again. I love doing this. I want to be in their lives, and I think if you want quality, quantity is the easiest way there — especially when you are as broken as I am. I did my time as a mom. And I didn't get any help. I could say nope. But I never knew my grandparents, and this affected me. I don't want my grandchildren to feel that way. I feel it's more important than my 'freedom.' It's not like I do much with that freedom anyway. Why not help out? And actually know my grandchildren. Be a blessing to my children. I'd like to be remembered with some fondness when I die. God knows I'm not popular out in the world." —u/[deleted] 2."It's wonderful when they come. It's wonderful when they leave." —u/Intagvalley 3."We have been watching our 3-year-old granddaughter since she was born — on average, one overnight stay per week, whenever her parents are out of town, and the occasional vacation, like when they went to Europe last year or this week when they're on a four-day trip to San Diego. We live about 10 minutes away, so we're the emergency pickups for her Montessori school and other sundry disaster scenarios. Kids are exhausting, but I think what we lack in energy, we make up for in patience, humor, and being able to put things in context. If my granddaughter broke something expensive, I honestly would not yell. I'd probably roll my eyes and go, 'Whatever.' It's what I do with my dog. The older we get, the less some things matter — but we know time really does matter." "Last night, when I was putting my granddaughter to bed, we read through five books and had numerous trips to the bathroom. But when she was finally in bed, she held my hand and said, 'Nei Nei, you make me happy,' and my heart just exploded from that tiny joy. I'm putting away $100,000 in a little trust just for her so she can jump off cliffs in Greece when she's in her 20s and do fun things. I may not be around to see her, but I know she'll be having fun in the future. Watching our granddaughter is a gift to my daughter. I'm so happy to do it." —u/KemShafu 4."My daughter died two years ago. Both dads are deadbeats, so we have full custody of two kids in grade school, and we are over 60. The reality is it sucks. At our age, it's hard to be a 30-year-old parent to the kids. We were ready to retire and live the retirement life. We will never see that life. The kids will never have 'young' parents. Asking to care permanently is a killer in all regards for people over 60 — but the cards were dealt, so we play." —u/DBmarriagenow 5."I'm only a youngster of 55, so technically not allowed to answer, but I do have an autoimmune condition that ages me. Anyway, I agree 100 percent. My three kids did not grow up near my mom. But even if she had been closer, going all-in would not have been her way. It is mine. I have five grandkids — now 18 months to 9 years old — and they are the reason I get out of bed. Sometimes, I can't help, but I do whenever I can. I usually see at least four of them every day. They are never a burden. They are amazing. And if I can have a positive effect on them, it is five times more important than anything else I could be doing, in my opinion. My kids appreciate me, and they don't take me for granted or take advantage. We're a very close family, and I wouldn't change a thing." —u/MerryTexMish 6."I don't want to keep my grandchildren. I do love them and my son and daughter-in-law immensely. I'm just at a point in my life where I want to do other things. I've found I simply cannot tolerate Miss Rachel, screaming toddlers, having food thrown all over my kitchen, and endless rules about what is allowed while babysitting and what is not. I do really enjoy cruising in for a two-day visit, spoiling them, and then getting the hell out." —u/Ruby-Skylar 7."I'm currently charging up the car to pick up our 5-year-old, while my wife watches the 3-year-old. We're in our mid-60s — I'm only slightly working, and she's retired — and we couldn't be happier being asked to watch them a couple of days per week. We drive an hour and a half each way for the overnighter weekly, which delights both our single-mom daughter and everyone else in the family. Our son is 3,000 miles away, and if it weren't for the distance, we'd be jumping in to help him just as much. We didn't get any help from either of our parents because they weren't interested — or, in my parents' case, weren't emotionally fit. We have very full lives outside of our adult children and grandchildren, and yet will do anything to be involved at the drop of a hat." —u/gemstun 8."There comes a point when you physically can't pick up a screaming 3-year-old. Reaching down to grab a toddler can mean spending the next few days in bed. Just try walking up those stairs carrying a munchkin. We watched our 7-year-old and 4-year-old for 10 days this spring. As much as we love them, it was completely exhausting. Love them, but can't do it anymore." —u/Vtfla 9."I love it. I'm leaving soon to watch four 10-year-old grandkids (two sets of twin cousins) for a week. We'll have a blast. We cook together, play poker, do crafts, and play pickleball (because I'm 75, not 55). I read to them at night after bath time. We've covered many classics already. I'm lucky they enjoy me. I enjoy them more. Their moms and dads will be back next week." —u/AnitaIvanaMartini 10."We are 60 and 67 and have our 6-year-old granddaughter living with us. It's looking long-term. We have lost a lot of freedom and worry about how things will be if it becomes permanent. We love her, and she brings us a lot of joy — but it's not always easy. I'd say if you're only asked to help out, grab the opportunities, because being a grandparent is wonderful. Help your children and enjoy the grandchildren." —u/AnxiousAppointment70 11."My husband and I kept our home crawling with grandchildren. We didn't have to be asked — we asked for them! We had six kids born in six years while we were in our 20s, so it seemed like they had kids all at once. We were in our 40s and 50s, and all of us thrived. We thoroughly enjoyed it. My husband died almost 10 years ago, the grandchildren are almost all grown, and I'm sorry those days are over. They were glorious!" —u/Last-Radish-9684 12."I would hate it if it were assumed that I would be the babysitter at age 60 just because I was retired. No way I'm staying home every day to babysit — I've got my own life. But I absolutely love going over to help out, taking him to playgrounds and activities. I love babysitting on the weekends so my kids can go out on a 'date.' The occasional help is fine, and I'm glad I'm around to help out — but I don't want to be tied down to the house every day of the week. Some of my friends are being asked to be babysitters because their kids can't afford daycare. This isn't really a true statement. The kids are choosing to keep up their lifestyle and don't want to have to pay for daycare. They could cut back their high-flying lifestyle for a while while one of the parents stays home and takes care of the kids. There are exceptions, of course, but come a choice." —u/Better-Pineapple-780 13."Mine are in their 20s, so I'm not really providing care to them anymore. In fact, the roles have reversed a bit. Every couple of weeks, a few descend on us and do the heavy work around the house, as well as cook for the freezer. We're under 70 and very fit and healthy. We both work in our professions. It sure is nice to come home to those smiling faces and whatever interesting meal they've prepared!" —u/ChelaPedo 14."I enjoy having my grandchild from time to time, which usually averages out to once or twice a month for a sleepover, and maybe once or twice picking up at daycare and getting them fed, bathed, and in bed before the parents get home. It's a really good amount for me. I'm not super old, but I have intermittent health problems and would not want to provide full-time daycare. It would not be the best option for either of us." —u/WineOnThePatio 15."I had no help with respite or time alone — even from my husband. We have four kiddos, all grown now. I got divorced. Due to being an almost full-time caregiver of a child with high support needs, I had ample opportunity to help take care of my two grandest children. My daughter, their mother, says she is a successful businesswoman because she had my help with her children. It was my joy to be there for them — from birth to one being grown (and still spending time with me), to my grandest son, who will graduate from high school next year. He and I are so close, it's amazing! I now live with him and his parents because I developed health issues, and my daughter had life-changing brain surgery for seizures and is now in a long-term relationship!" "Sorry for the long story. It's a love story for all involved." —u/Brenintn 16."We live an hour away, so not able to help in the day-to-day logistics, but we help out financially as much as possible. We take the grandkids on weekends whenever Mom and Dad need some time to themselves and pay for school fees and hockey and soccer — stuff is expensive as hell out there. Also, putting money away for university for the grandkids. Did I mention stuff is expensive out there? We want the grandkids to have opportunities we could not afford for our kids." —u/Sorryallthetime 17."I love spending time with them. I help out whenever I can because I didn't have anyone to help with my kids, and it would have meant a lot to have some support. I always offer, so they rarely have to ask." —u/GrandmaGEret 18."'Asked to care for your grandchildren' is pretty ambiguous. Have them over for an afternoon or a day, or even overnight — like arrive one day and leave the next? That's great. A lot of fun and really a joy. A special time. 'Vacation with Grandpa' is a fun adventure for everyone involved. Be the long-term, primary provider or daycare provider? Have them all day, every day for months or years, raising your grandchildren? While that's a task I would take on with love and care, it would also be a crushing disappointment in my children, and their failure to parent their own children." —u/Hanginon 19."I babysit my two grandchildren five days a week. It is my choice. I can give them more love and attention than the best daycare or nanny. There is no place I would rather be." —u/DeeSusie200 20."I love my grandchildren and have always been available if needed for short-term or emergency care, but to be totally honest, I would not want to do full-time care unless there was a compelling reason to do so. This won't happen, because they are all adults (or nearly so) now, but my answer would have been the same when they were younger." —u/Frequent_Pause_7442 21."My wife and I watched our granddaughter every weekday for two and a half years, starting when she was just over 1 year old. In fact, we moved to the town where she lived with her family specifically to do this. Best. Time. Ever. The only problem was that her parents worked long hours, so we were watching her for 10 hours a day. Over time, that was just exhausting; it was hard for us 60-somethings to keep up with a 3-year-old for a week of 10-hour days. We ended up essentially working shifts, taking turns so we each got breaks during the day. We spent some time all together — during meals and cleanup — other times it was just me with her, or just my wife. My wife and I did different activities with her and talked to our granddaughter about how people are different and enjoy different things. She's a smart, inquisitive, adorable girl, and we had a fabulous time with her. I wish we could turn back the clock and do it all again!" —u/dnhs47 22."I don't mind helping with the kids. What makes me mad is when they assume that since I'm retired, I'm sitting at home with phone in hand, waiting for a call for help. I understand you have four kids and have signed them up for multiple activities. Don't get mad at me when you call for help at the last minute and I'm two states away at an activity of my own." —u/sgfklm 23."I volunteered to babysit my two grandchildren when they were infants and toddlers until they started school. I did it for free and enjoyed every minute of it. They provided formula, diapers, wipes, and brought extra clean clothes. Picked up and dropped off. It was a great experience I still treasure." —u/rositamaria1886 24."I don't mind being asked. I keep my almost 3-year-old grandson one day per week and do occasional day or overnight sitting for others. I'm 63 and still work a bit part-time, and I do need to be mindful that my energy isn't what it used to be. I enjoy all of them (nine total) and say yes when I can and no when I can't." —u/Competitive-Ice2956 25."I retired at age 50 to keep my first grandchild. He's 4 and in preschool, and his sister is 2. I've kept her since she was 2 weeks old. They have wonderful parents, but I didn't want the grands in day care. Toys have taken over the den. I have no idea what's on the news because we watch kids' shows, and I again have a collection of sippy cups and kids' dishes in the cabinets. They are only little once, and I want to give them a good foundation for life. I can always go back to work, but they need me more right now." —u/HumawormDoc 26."I love it. I got to spend 10 days with them once. They were 3 (twins), 5, and 7. It gave me new appreciation for how much energy it takes, as I only had one child. Now they're older, so we can play board games — it's not quite as much activity. I don't know if I'd watch them for 10 days again, but I happily watch them if their parents want to go out or have to work." —u/SnoopyFan6 27."I raised my children. They have to raise theirs. My children already know that. Unless it's an emergency, fine. Once the emergency is over, they take them back." —u/Hungry_Professor7424 Are you a grandparent navigating these expectations, or an adult child trying to figure out the right balance of asking for help? What boundaries or arrangements have worked best for your family? Share your experiences in the comments below! Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
8 hours ago
- Yahoo
5 Genius Back-to-School Organizers Parents Need (You'll Want #4!)
Say goodbye to school chaos. These 5 fun and functional finds keep your kid's school work organized all year long. The school year always starts off with good intentions… until the paper piles grow, routines crumble, and you can't remember which folder had the spelling test. But this year? You're going in with a plan. These five clever school products keep supplies and schedules organized. They're also fun, personalized, and kid-friendly. From planners to file boxes, these smart picks make school life smoother for both kids and parents. 1. The Academic Planner That Actually Gets Used This isn't just another planner your kid will toss in the bottom of their backpack. The Lamare planner is made for real students with weekly layouts, goal tracking, and space for to-dos, it empowers kids to stay organized and reflect on their progress. The colorful design and student-friendly prompts make planning less of a chore and more of a habit. Why parents love it: Teaches time management and reduces last-minute homework stress. 2. The Personalized Pencil Case That Keeps Supplies In One Place This handmade pencil pouch is not only adorable—it has your child's name knit right into it. That means no more mix-ups, swaps, or lost cases. Spacious enough for markers, pencils, and even a glue stick or two, this soft-yarn case stands out while staying functional. Why parents love it: Built-in name = one less thing to label, and kids love showing it off. 3. The Folder That Actually Gets Used (Because It's Theirs) This isn't your standard plastic folder—it's personalized with your child's name and favorite design. Sturdy, bright, and practical, the pockets keep homework and handouts neat, and the prongs are perfect for school reports or class packets. Why parents love it: Everything stays in one place—and your kid is way less likely to lose it. 4. The Keepsake File Box That Organizes Every Grade Say hello to the ultimate memory keeper and schoolwork organizer. This fully assembled file box comes with pre-labeled tabs from preschool through 12th grade. Just drop in their best work, awards, or report cards as the year goes—and boom, you're building a meaningful keepsake without the mess. Why parents love it: It organizes schoolwork year-by-year and doubles as a graduation gift in the making. 5. The Sliding Routine Chart That Gets Kids Organzied Without Nagging This hands-on chart turns daily routines into a game. Your child slides each task—like packing their bag, finishing homework, or laying out clothes—into the 'done' section. The colorful rainbow design and tactile sliding feature make it feel like a reward, not a reminder. Why parents love it: Builds independence and cuts down on morning chaos. Final Thoughts Back-to-school doesn't have to mean back to clutter. With a few creative tools (and cute personalization), you can help your child stay organized, confident, and on top of their school game. Come October, you'll be glad their backpack isn't a mess of crumpled papers and lost supplies!
