Someone Asked Grandparents Over 60 To Share How They Really Feel About Watching Their Grandkids, And It's Truly A Mixed Bag

Yahoo

2 days ago

Oftentimes, the role of a grandparent comes with a set of cultural expectations — endless availability, boundless energy, and a built-in desire to help whenever needed. But the reality of being asked to care for grandchildren in your 60s and beyond is more complex than the cheerful stereotype suggests. Between physical limitations, retirement plans, and the delicate balance of helping without enabling, today's grandparents are navigating a version of family life that looks very different from generations past.
So when u/wtwildthingsare asked grandparents over 60 how they really feel about being asked to care for their grandchildren, the responses revealed just how nuanced the answer can be. From those who retired early to provide full-time care to others who've had to set firm boundaries, here's what grandparents actually think about the expectations placed on them:
1."I drive one grandchild to dance class on Fridays. I am watching another tomorrow night. I am an alternate pickup for school. And I watched them all as much as I was able for the last some-teen years. I've been dealing with some shit over the last few years, so I couldn't do as much, but I tried. We are back to sleepovers again. I love doing this. I want to be in their lives, and I think if you want quality, quantity is the easiest way there — especially when you are as broken as I am. I did my time as a mom. And I didn't get any help. I could say nope. But I never knew my grandparents, and this affected me. I don't want my grandchildren to feel that way. I feel it's more important than my 'freedom.' It's not like I do much with that freedom anyway. Why not help out? And actually know my grandchildren. Be a blessing to my children. I'd like to be remembered with some fondness when I die. God knows I'm not popular out in the world."
—u/[deleted]
2."It's wonderful when they come. It's wonderful when they leave."
—u/Intagvalley
3."We have been watching our 3-year-old granddaughter since she was born — on average, one overnight stay per week, whenever her parents are out of town, and the occasional vacation, like when they went to Europe last year or this week when they're on a four-day trip to San Diego. We live about 10 minutes away, so we're the emergency pickups for her Montessori school and other sundry disaster scenarios. Kids are exhausting, but I think what we lack in energy, we make up for in patience, humor, and being able to put things in context. If my granddaughter broke something expensive, I honestly would not yell. I'd probably roll my eyes and go, 'Whatever.' It's what I do with my dog. The older we get, the less some things matter — but we know time really does matter."
"Last night, when I was putting my granddaughter to bed, we read through five books and had numerous trips to the bathroom. But when she was finally in bed, she held my hand and said, 'Nei Nei, you make me happy,' and my heart just exploded from that tiny joy.
I'm putting away $100,000 in a little trust just for her so she can jump off cliffs in Greece when she's in her 20s and do fun things. I may not be around to see her, but I know she'll be having fun in the future. Watching our granddaughter is a gift to my daughter. I'm so happy to do it."
—u/KemShafu
4."My daughter died two years ago. Both dads are deadbeats, so we have full custody of two kids in grade school, and we are over 60. The reality is it sucks. At our age, it's hard to be a 30-year-old parent to the kids. We were ready to retire and live the retirement life. We will never see that life. The kids will never have 'young' parents. Asking to care permanently is a killer in all regards for people over 60 — but the cards were dealt, so we play."
—u/DBmarriagenow
5."I'm only a youngster of 55, so technically not allowed to answer, but I do have an autoimmune condition that ages me. Anyway, I agree 100 percent. My three kids did not grow up near my mom. But even if she had been closer, going all-in would not have been her way. It is mine. I have five grandkids — now 18 months to 9 years old — and they are the reason I get out of bed. Sometimes, I can't help, but I do whenever I can. I usually see at least four of them every day. They are never a burden. They are amazing. And if I can have a positive effect on them, it is five times more important than anything else I could be doing, in my opinion. My kids appreciate me, and they don't take me for granted or take advantage. We're a very close family, and I wouldn't change a thing."
—u/MerryTexMish
6."I don't want to keep my grandchildren. I do love them and my son and daughter-in-law immensely. I'm just at a point in my life where I want to do other things. I've found I simply cannot tolerate Miss Rachel, screaming toddlers, having food thrown all over my kitchen, and endless rules about what is allowed while babysitting and what is not. I do really enjoy cruising in for a two-day visit, spoiling them, and then getting the hell out."
—u/Ruby-Skylar
7."I'm currently charging up the car to pick up our 5-year-old, while my wife watches the 3-year-old. We're in our mid-60s — I'm only slightly working, and she's retired — and we couldn't be happier being asked to watch them a couple of days per week. We drive an hour and a half each way for the overnighter weekly, which delights both our single-mom daughter and everyone else in the family. Our son is 3,000 miles away, and if it weren't for the distance, we'd be jumping in to help him just as much. We didn't get any help from either of our parents because they weren't interested — or, in my parents' case, weren't emotionally fit. We have very full lives outside of our adult children and grandchildren, and yet will do anything to be involved at the drop of a hat."
—u/gemstun
8."There comes a point when you physically can't pick up a screaming 3-year-old. Reaching down to grab a toddler can mean spending the next few days in bed. Just try walking up those stairs carrying a munchkin. We watched our 7-year-old and 4-year-old for 10 days this spring. As much as we love them, it was completely exhausting. Love them, but can't do it anymore."
—u/Vtfla
9."I love it. I'm leaving soon to watch four 10-year-old grandkids (two sets of twin cousins) for a week. We'll have a blast. We cook together, play poker, do crafts, and play pickleball (because I'm 75, not 55). I read to them at night after bath time. We've covered many classics already. I'm lucky they enjoy me. I enjoy them more. Their moms and dads will be back next week."
—u/AnitaIvanaMartini
10."We are 60 and 67 and have our 6-year-old granddaughter living with us. It's looking long-term. We have lost a lot of freedom and worry about how things will be if it becomes permanent. We love her, and she brings us a lot of joy — but it's not always easy. I'd say if you're only asked to help out, grab the opportunities, because being a grandparent is wonderful. Help your children and enjoy the grandchildren."
—u/AnxiousAppointment70
11."My husband and I kept our home crawling with grandchildren. We didn't have to be asked — we asked for them! We had six kids born in six years while we were in our 20s, so it seemed like they had kids all at once. We were in our 40s and 50s, and all of us thrived. We thoroughly enjoyed it. My husband died almost 10 years ago, the grandchildren are almost all grown, and I'm sorry those days are over. They were glorious!"
—u/Last-Radish-9684
12."I would hate it if it were assumed that I would be the babysitter at age 60 just because I was retired. No way I'm staying home every day to babysit — I've got my own life. But I absolutely love going over to help out, taking him to playgrounds and activities. I love babysitting on the weekends so my kids can go out on a 'date.' The occasional help is fine, and I'm glad I'm around to help out — but I don't want to be tied down to the house every day of the week. Some of my friends are being asked to be babysitters because their kids can't afford daycare. This isn't really a true statement. The kids are choosing to keep up their lifestyle and don't want to have to pay for daycare. They could cut back their high-flying lifestyle for a while while one of the parents stays home and takes care of the kids. There are exceptions, of course, but come on...it's a choice."
—u/Better-Pineapple-780
13."Mine are in their 20s, so I'm not really providing care to them anymore. In fact, the roles have reversed a bit. Every couple of weeks, a few descend on us and do the heavy work around the house, as well as cook for the freezer. We're under 70 and very fit and healthy. We both work in our professions. It sure is nice to come home to those smiling faces and whatever interesting meal they've prepared!"
—u/ChelaPedo
14."I enjoy having my grandchild from time to time, which usually averages out to once or twice a month for a sleepover, and maybe once or twice picking up at daycare and getting them fed, bathed, and in bed before the parents get home. It's a really good amount for me. I'm not super old, but I have intermittent health problems and would not want to provide full-time daycare. It would not be the best option for either of us."
—u/WineOnThePatio
15."I had no help with respite or time alone — even from my husband. We have four kiddos, all grown now. I got divorced. Due to being an almost full-time caregiver of a child with high support needs, I had ample opportunity to help take care of my two grandest children. My daughter, their mother, says she is a successful businesswoman because she had my help with her children. It was my joy to be there for them — from birth to one being grown (and still spending time with me), to my grandest son, who will graduate from high school next year. He and I are so close, it's amazing! I now live with him and his parents because I developed health issues, and my daughter had life-changing brain surgery for seizures and is now in a long-term relationship!"
"Sorry for the long story. It's a love story for all involved."
—u/Brenintn
16."We live an hour away, so not able to help in the day-to-day logistics, but we help out financially as much as possible. We take the grandkids on weekends whenever Mom and Dad need some time to themselves and pay for school fees and hockey and soccer — stuff is expensive as hell out there. Also, putting money away for university for the grandkids. Did I mention stuff is expensive out there? We want the grandkids to have opportunities we could not afford for our kids."
—u/Sorryallthetime
17."I love spending time with them. I help out whenever I can because I didn't have anyone to help with my kids, and it would have meant a lot to have some support. I always offer, so they rarely have to ask."
—u/GrandmaGEret
18."'Asked to care for your grandchildren' is pretty ambiguous. Have them over for an afternoon or a day, or even overnight — like arrive one day and leave the next? That's great. A lot of fun and really a joy. A special time. 'Vacation with Grandpa' is a fun adventure for everyone involved. Be the long-term, primary provider or daycare provider? Have them all day, every day for months or years, raising your grandchildren? While that's a task I would take on with love and care, it would also be a crushing disappointment in my children, and their failure to parent their own children."
—u/Hanginon
19."I babysit my two grandchildren five days a week. It is my choice. I can give them more love and attention than the best daycare or nanny. There is no place I would rather be."
—u/DeeSusie200
20."I love my grandchildren and have always been available if needed for short-term or emergency care, but to be totally honest, I would not want to do full-time care unless there was a compelling reason to do so. This won't happen, because they are all adults (or nearly so) now, but my answer would have been the same when they were younger."
—u/Frequent_Pause_7442
21."My wife and I watched our granddaughter every weekday for two and a half years, starting when she was just over 1 year old. In fact, we moved to the town where she lived with her family specifically to do this. Best. Time. Ever. The only problem was that her parents worked long hours, so we were watching her for 10 hours a day. Over time, that was just exhausting; it was hard for us 60-somethings to keep up with a 3-year-old for a week of 10-hour days. We ended up essentially working shifts, taking turns so we each got breaks during the day. We spent some time all together — during meals and cleanup — other times it was just me with her, or just my wife. My wife and I did different activities with her and talked to our granddaughter about how people are different and enjoy different things. She's a smart, inquisitive, adorable girl, and we had a fabulous time with her. I wish we could turn back the clock and do it all again!"
—u/dnhs47
22."I don't mind helping with the kids. What makes me mad is when they assume that since I'm retired, I'm sitting at home with phone in hand, waiting for a call for help. I understand you have four kids and have signed them up for multiple activities. Don't get mad at me when you call for help at the last minute and I'm two states away at an activity of my own."
—u/sgfklm
23."I volunteered to babysit my two grandchildren when they were infants and toddlers until they started school. I did it for free and enjoyed every minute of it. They provided formula, diapers, wipes, and brought extra clean clothes. Picked up and dropped off. It was a great experience I still treasure."
—u/rositamaria1886
24."I don't mind being asked. I keep my almost 3-year-old grandson one day per week and do occasional day or overnight sitting for others. I'm 63 and still work a bit part-time, and I do need to be mindful that my energy isn't what it used to be. I enjoy all of them (nine total) and say yes when I can and no when I can't."
—u/Competitive-Ice2956
25."I retired at age 50 to keep my first grandchild. He's 4 and in preschool, and his sister is 2. I've kept her since she was 2 weeks old. They have wonderful parents, but I didn't want the grands in day care. Toys have taken over the den. I have no idea what's on the news because we watch kids' shows, and I again have a collection of sippy cups and kids' dishes in the cabinets. They are only little once, and I want to give them a good foundation for life. I can always go back to work, but they need me more right now."
—u/HumawormDoc
26."I love it. I got to spend 10 days with them once. They were 3 (twins), 5, and 7. It gave me new appreciation for how much energy it takes, as I only had one child. Now they're older, so we can play board games — it's not quite as much activity. I don't know if I'd watch them for 10 days again, but I happily watch them if their parents want to go out or have to work."
—u/SnoopyFan6
27."I raised my children. They have to raise theirs. My children already know that. Unless it's an emergency, fine. Once the emergency is over, they take them back."
—u/Hungry_Professor7424
Are you a grandparent navigating these expectations, or an adult child trying to figure out the right balance of asking for help? What boundaries or arrangements have worked best for your family? Share your experiences in the comments below!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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