East Bay journalist reflects on ‘finding a new rock bottom' in ‘Lying Drunk'
In his new book, ' Lying Drunk,' Hicks comes clean about his not-so-secret identity as a recovering alcoholic. Like his columns, the stories are told with sobering clarity and snarky self-deprecating humor from someone who once blew a field sobriety test of 0.56% — a number that eclipsed that of Led Zeppelin's late drummer John Bonham, who died from alcohol poisoning. 'I finally found something I could do better than John Bonham,' Hicks wrote.
It's a heartbreaking work of staggering intoxication that documents the homes and cars he's wrecked, the rehabs he's entered and escaped, and the trail of bottles, grief and broken promises left scattered behind.
Hicks spoke to the Chronicle from his Walnut Creek home about his rockiest of rock bottoms, letting his mom read the first manuscript, and his pick to voice the audiobook.
This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Q: You've been to rehab more than 10 times. What was the rockiest rock bottom?
A: The first time people go into rehab is when they've hit rock bottom. I kept finding a new rock bottom over and over again. One weekend, I spent the first night in the psych ward because my 70-something mother kicked me out of her house. I left the psych ward to walk to the liquor store and spent the second night in jail. The third night, I spent on a Martinez park bench wearing a T-shirt and shorts in January. That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
It's tough to turn that weekend into a positive. It's really hard not to just be overwhelmed by shame. I had kids. I had a career. After all that, it was hard to be an optimist and put that in the past, to be positive and move forward. This book is helping me do that.
Q: Has your mom read the book?
A: I wasn't going to let my mom read it before publication because I thought she would come back with dozens of changes, but I let her read it. She was a little upset because she relived a lot of the stuff that happened to her son. I almost died at least three or four times. But my mom loves the book. I think she bought 10 copies to give out to friends.
Q: Which chapter was the hardest to write or reread?
A: The last chapter. I hadn't processed losing most of my friends until I wrote that last chapter. Some of them go back to eighth grade, and that was really tough.
Q: Does the book serve as an additional measure of accountability for yourself?
A: That was probably the scariest thing for me in writing this book: Once it's out there, I'm accountable. The saying 'One day at a time' was something I struggled with early on during the recovery process: If I think, 'One day I'm never gonna drink again,' it feels like I'm never going to see my best friend again. Or that I'm never going to see that woman I love again. Alcohol was my best friend. I relied on it. It helped me before it turned evil and really bad. It motivated me and made me feel better. It made me feel smart and handsome. It was my best friend on the planet. Until it wasn't.
Q: At one low point, you ranked yourself a -6 in the 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous recovery program.
A: I've been to thousands of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. AA was really great for me when I was transitioning from rehab to regular life again, or when I had a bad episode and I needed help immediately.
But I'm not a big joiner, and the God stuff just doesn't click with me. Six of the 12 steps talk about a higher power and that you can have whatever you want as your higher power. That said, I still go to AA meetings every now and then just to connect with people. And I have other alcoholics who I'm connected to, one of whom I talk to every day.
A: I've found getting up first thing in the morning and getting my ass into the gym, even if it's just for a half hour, makes all the difference in the world to my state of mind. I need to stay busy. Boredom is a big enemy of alcoholics everywhere.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
San Francisco Chronicle
a day ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
‘Breakout moment': S.F. Symphony marks a first in 88th visit to Stern Grove Festival
Of all the antiquated and exotic stringed instruments that have been performed in the San Francisco Symphony, it had never had a ukulele on its stage backed by a full orchestra until Sunday afternoon at Stern Grove. The performance was by Taimane, a Hawaiian virtuoso who was discovered busking on the streets of Waikiki by none other than Don Ho, who brought her onto his show at age 13. Back then she called him 'Uncle Don.' Now she is 36 and tours the world with her own stringed quartet, but never before this weekend had she played with a major orchestra on the mainland, and she put it through the test by using elements of Led Zeppelin and Jefferson Airplane along with Bach. Her mission was to 'provide perspective for people who only know the ukulele as a toy or a souvenir,' Taimane said before the show as she huddled in her dressing room with her band, drinking hot tea and trying to stay warm in the summer fog. 'The ukulele is kind of an underdog, but it can be as serious as a violin.' Audiences love underdogs, and 50,000 people signed up in advance for Sunday's annual performance by the San Francisco Symphony, which has performed at the grove for 88 years. Performers wear their summer white coats to blend in with the fog and the program can be counted on to push the boundaries, though never as far as an electric ukulele. 'It's all about introducing people to classical music,' said Carissa Casaldo, who programs the summer show and recruited Taimane after hearing her perform on an NPR program called 'Tiny Desk.' She then flew to Hawaii in April to see her perform with the Hawaiian Orchestra. 'I wanted someone upbeat and relevant and trend-forward,' said Casaldo, who came to San Francisco a year ago from the Seattle Symphony. 'It's all about introducing people to classical music. The Stern Grove audience is not the same as the audience at Davies Hall.' For one thing tickets are free with a reservation, and with a lottery system inaugurated this year, there were 10,000 winners from 50,000 applicants. The free show is supported by donors who get a table in front of the hillside. On Sunday, for the first time since the COVID-19 shutdown, table donors were also invited into the historic Trocadero Clubhouse for a pre-show interview with a KALW radio host and Symphony conductor, Edwin Outwater, who is also director of the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. A standing-room-only crowd piled in to see the old wooden barn with a bullet hole in the front door for the first time since a tree fell on the roof and put it out of commission in 2022. It has now been rebuilt. 'It's a grand reopening of a unique part of Stern Grove that we haven't been able to use for years, since a tree smashed it to smithereens,' said Bob Fiedler, executive director of the Stern Grove Festival. It was Taimane's second show with the San Francisco Symphony, having opened the weekend with a July Fourth fireworks show at Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View. 'They were great to watch, to listen to, and to escape to a tranquil state of mind,' associate principal bass player Daniel Smith said before Sunday's show. 'In other words, they were sick.' Taimane had never before played San Francisco and personalized it by having the band wear traditional lei po'o wreaths that the band's dancer had scrounged from Stern Grove vegetation. It was a big moment for the ukulele, and the band played in the dressing room for half an hour before taking the stage so the players' fingers would be warm in the fog. They also stretched and had a glass of wine. 'It's a breakout moment for the ukulele and for the Symphony, too,' she said beforehand, 'to trust us to make something new.'
San Francisco Chronicle
2 days ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
East Bay journalist reflects on ‘finding a new rock bottom' in ‘Lying Drunk'
Tony Hicks, 58, has been a lot of things: an award-winning columnist with Bay Area News Group and Bay City News, a father, a husband, and a heavy metal drummer. In his new book, ' Lying Drunk,' Hicks comes clean about his not-so-secret identity as a recovering alcoholic. Like his columns, the stories are told with sobering clarity and snarky self-deprecating humor from someone who once blew a field sobriety test of 0.56% — a number that eclipsed that of Led Zeppelin's late drummer John Bonham, who died from alcohol poisoning. 'I finally found something I could do better than John Bonham,' Hicks wrote. It's a heartbreaking work of staggering intoxication that documents the homes and cars he's wrecked, the rehabs he's entered and escaped, and the trail of bottles, grief and broken promises left scattered behind. Hicks spoke to the Chronicle from his Walnut Creek home about his rockiest of rock bottoms, letting his mom read the first manuscript, and his pick to voice the audiobook. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity. Q: You've been to rehab more than 10 times. What was the rockiest rock bottom? A: The first time people go into rehab is when they've hit rock bottom. I kept finding a new rock bottom over and over again. One weekend, I spent the first night in the psych ward because my 70-something mother kicked me out of her house. I left the psych ward to walk to the liquor store and spent the second night in jail. The third night, I spent on a Martinez park bench wearing a T-shirt and shorts in January. That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom. It's tough to turn that weekend into a positive. It's really hard not to just be overwhelmed by shame. I had kids. I had a career. After all that, it was hard to be an optimist and put that in the past, to be positive and move forward. This book is helping me do that. Q: Has your mom read the book? A: I wasn't going to let my mom read it before publication because I thought she would come back with dozens of changes, but I let her read it. She was a little upset because she relived a lot of the stuff that happened to her son. I almost died at least three or four times. But my mom loves the book. I think she bought 10 copies to give out to friends. Q: Which chapter was the hardest to write or reread? A: The last chapter. I hadn't processed losing most of my friends until I wrote that last chapter. Some of them go back to eighth grade, and that was really tough. Q: Does the book serve as an additional measure of accountability for yourself? A: That was probably the scariest thing for me in writing this book: Once it's out there, I'm accountable. The saying 'One day at a time' was something I struggled with early on during the recovery process: If I think, 'One day I'm never gonna drink again,' it feels like I'm never going to see my best friend again. Or that I'm never going to see that woman I love again. Alcohol was my best friend. I relied on it. It helped me before it turned evil and really bad. It motivated me and made me feel better. It made me feel smart and handsome. It was my best friend on the planet. Until it wasn't. Q: At one low point, you ranked yourself a -6 in the 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous recovery program. A: I've been to thousands of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. AA was really great for me when I was transitioning from rehab to regular life again, or when I had a bad episode and I needed help immediately. But I'm not a big joiner, and the God stuff just doesn't click with me. Six of the 12 steps talk about a higher power and that you can have whatever you want as your higher power. That said, I still go to AA meetings every now and then just to connect with people. And I have other alcoholics who I'm connected to, one of whom I talk to every day. A: I've found getting up first thing in the morning and getting my ass into the gym, even if it's just for a half hour, makes all the difference in the world to my state of mind. I need to stay busy. Boredom is a big enemy of alcoholics everywhere.
Los Angeles Times
4 days ago
- Los Angeles Times
Oasis launches new tour. How long till the breakup? 6 famous but brief band reunions
NEW YORK — 'Don't Look Back in Anger' is good advice for the Britpop band Oasis, who launch their surprising reunion tour today in Cardiff, Wales. Led by brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher, the reunion marks the end of the siblings' long-held feud, one that led to Oasis disbanding in 2009. For many fans, this news is almost too good to be true. They're anxiously awaiting whether the Gallaghers will indeed make it through the entire run of international dates and even perhaps extend the reunion. Whether they're in it for the long haul or will call it quits at some point sooner (hopefully not before they reach the Rose Bowl Sept. 6 and 7), here's a look at a few other very famous — but very brief — band reunions. DISBANDED: Technically, they never broke up. Read on. HOW LONG THE REUNION LASTED: A few months in 2012. WHAT HAPPENED: There is no linear history when it comes to the Beach Boys, but here's the abridged: Band members came and went, and the band's visionary, the late Brian Wilson, retired from touring in 1964 following a breakdown caused by stress and exhaustion. His place was soon filled by Bruce Johnston, who remained with the group for decades. Wilson also infamously feuded with his cousin and bandmate Mike Love over songwriting credits for years. The question here is: Can a band that never broke up reunite? In this case, yes: The band — with both Wilson and Love — got together for a new album, 'That's Why God Made the Radio,' and world tour in 2012, celebrating the band's 50th anniversary. It wasn't the whole original lineup, however: Drummer Dennis Wilson died in 1983, and guitarist Carl Wilson died in 1998. CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: The force behind the band, Brian Wilson, died last month at age 82, but Love continues to tour under the Beach Boys name. DISBANDED: 1980 HOW LONG THE REUNION LASTED: Good question. The band played a few one-off events in the mid-1980s throughout the '00s, never embarking on a reunion tour. So, a few days? A few hours? WHAT HAPPENED: Led Zeppelin disbanded immediately following the death of drummer John Bonham in 1980, reuniting only for a select few events in the decades that followed. Most notably, their first show back was a complicated set at Live Aid in 1985 in Philadelphia. Lead singer Robert Plant, guitarist Jimmy Page and bassist John Paul Jones' last performance together was in 2007 at the Ahmet Ertegun Tribute Concert held in London's O2 Arena. There, Bonham's son Jason Bonham played the drums. Page and Plant had a separate band together that released a couple of albums in the '90s. CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Highly unlikely. The band has successfully evaded reunion requests in the past, including one from President Bill Clinton. In 2013, Clinton asked the British rock greats to get back together for the 2012 Superstorm Sandy benefit concert in New York City. He asked; they said no. DISBANDED: 1994 HOW LONG THE REUNION LASTED: A series of one-off performances in the 2010s and 2020s. WHAT HAPPENED: Nirvana disbanded following the death of frontman and principal songwriter Kurt Cobain. Its members pursued other projects — most notably, drummer Dave Grohl founded the Foo Fighters. But two decades after Cobain's death, in 2014, Nirvana was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, so bassist Krist Novoselic, touring guitarist Pat Smear (of the Germs) and Grohl got together for a short set — joined by Lorde, St. Vincent, Joan Jett and Kim Gordon on vocals for a reunion dubbed 'Hervana.' CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Maybe there could be a few more gigs here and there? Novoselic and Grohl reunited for a few one-off performances in the years that followed, most recently coming together for the Fire Aid benefit concert in Los Angeles and the 50th anniversary celebrations for 'Saturday Night Live,' both this year. At the latter, Post Malone took over vocal duties. DISBANDED: 2009 HOW LONG THE REUNION IS SUPPOSED TO LAST: If the band makes it through their full run of reunion shows, July through November. So, five months. WHAT HAPPENED: Good question. The band — and in particular, the Gallagher brothers — have not released a public statement giving specific reasons for the reunion. But the initial tour announcement did seem to allude to past tensions. 'The guns have fallen silent,' Oasis said. 'The stars have aligned. The great wait is over. Come see. It will not be televised.' In 2019, Liam Gallagher told the Associated Press he was ready to reconcile. 'The most important thing is about me and him being brothers,' he said of Noel. 'He thinks I'm desperate to get the band back together for money. But I didn't join the band to make money. I joined the band to have fun and to see the world.' Fans had long theorized a reunion might be on the horizon, too: In the wake of the 2017 bombing that killed 22 at an Ariana Grande concert in Oasis' hometown of Manchester, Liam Gallagher performed at a benefit concert. He criticized his brother's absence, but a spokesperson said Noel Gallagher couldn't attend because of a long-standing family trip. Benefit organizers said Noel Gallagher approved the use of Oasis' music and donated royalties from 'Don't Look Back in Anger' to the British Red Cross' One Love Manchester fund. CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: It's happening. A better question is: What are the chances of a new album? That's impossible to know. DISBANDED: They never officially disbanded, so call it a hiatus. They never released another album after 2006's 'Idlewild,' and 2007 is frequently cited as the year they officially took a break. HOW LONG THE REUNION LASTED: A few months in 2014? They announced reunion dates in January 2014, played their first in April, and ended that October. WHAT HAPPENED: At the top of 2014, Outkast — the innovative Atlanta-based hip-hop duo consisting of Big Boi and André 3000 — announced they would tour festivals around the world to mark 20 years of their band, following a near-decade-long hiatus. The dates began at Coachella, where the duo headlined both Friday night shows. Then they made their way to their home state of Georgia for the CounterPoint Music & Arts Festival, which the AP described as 'an energetic show that kept the crowd jamming in the late hours.' Once the reunion shows were done, so was Outkast. Big Boi continued to release solo records, and André 3000 would follow suit … almost 10 years later, when he released his debut solo full-length album, the flute-forward 'New Blue Sun,' in 2023. 'New Blue Sun' has 'no bars,' he joked to AP shortly after it was released. It's a divergence from rap because 'there was nothing I was liking enough to rap about, or I didn't feel it sounded fresh.' CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: When asked about new Outkast music, André 3000 told AP, 'I never say never. … But I can say that the older I get, I feel like that time has happened.' DISBANDED: 1973, more or less. HOW LONG THE REUNION LASTED: A few months in 1993. WHAT HAPPENED: Here's another opaque one for you, as band reunions so often tend to be: John Cale was ousted in 1968, Lou Reed left in 1970 and the Velvet Underground slowly dissolved from there, releasing their final album, 'Squeeze,' in 1973. In 1990, Cale and Reed joined forces to release an album in homage to Andy Warhol, 'Songs for Drella,' opening the door for a future reunion. There were a few one-off performances, and then the band toured Europe in 1993, including a performance at Glastonbury. CHANCES OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER: It is pretty much impossible. Reed died in 2013. Guitarist Sterling Morrison died in 1995. And Nico died in 1988. Sherman writes for the Associated Press.
