R Madhavan gets real about the confusion of being a gentleman in new age: ‘Chivalry has been redefined now'

Time of India

09-07-2025

In a candid interview with India Today, R Madhavan discusses the changing definitions of respect and chivalry, admitting that modern manners often leave men uncertain. Alongside co-star Fatima Sana Shaikh, who calls for more accountability in cinema's portrayal of masculinity, the actor acknowledges that good intentions aren't always enough in a world demanding deeper awareness.
R Madhavan reflected on the confusion men of his generation face as traditional chivalrous gestures are increasingly perceived as outdated or even offensive.
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At a time when new-age masculinity is under intense scrutiny, R Madhavan , one of Indian cinema 's most beloved heartthrobs from the early 2000s, has opened up about the growing confusion men of his generation face in navigating changing social expectations. Speaking to India Today about his role in the upcoming film Aap Jaisa Koi , Madhavan offered a candid take on how even simple gestures of chivalry can now be interpreted as offensive — leaving many men in emotional limbo.The actor, known for winning hearts with films like Minnale, Alaipayuthey, and Rehnaa Hai Terre Dil Mein, reflected on how he — like many others raised in more conservative environments — is struggling to realign his well-meaning habits with contemporary gender norms.'There are people who say, 'Please don't open the door for me' or 'Please don't call me ma'am',' Madhavan said, adding that what was once considered respectful now comes off as outdated, even condescending. 'People like me have to learn the new-age way of showing respect. I am used to opening car doors for women, letting them pass before me, or standing up when a woman enters the room. That has now become offensive.'The actor noted that many men find themselves 'tiptoeing' through social situations, unsure of whether their actions would be seen as respectful or patronizing. 'What I'm trying to say is, the person you think is toxic might not actually be trying to be toxic. It might not have been his intention.'Madhavan also spoke about the illusion of growth that men often comfort themselves with. 'Men often believe their smallest efforts at change are magnanimous,' he said. 'But that's not enough. They still end up offending someone, somehow.' It's a hard truth, he admits, but a necessary one in the evolving landscape of gender relationships His co-star in Aap Jaisa Koi, actor Fatima Sana Shaikh, added her perspective, noting how society — and cinema — still struggles with depictions of toxic masculinity . 'There are still films that glorify toxic characters because some audiences feel a strange connection with them,' she said. 'But if you're showing a toxic character, you must also show that it's wrong.'Fatima emphasized that societal attitudes are shifting, but the pace remains slow due to deep-rooted conditioning. 'If men are made to understand gently why their actions are wrong, many would learn,' she added. 'But change will take time.'Madhavan's introspective remarks come at a moment when traditional ideas of masculinity are being re-evaluated. Acts of politeness that once defined a gentleman are being reconsidered through the lens of equality and autonomy. The challenge, it seems, lies in striking a balance between evolving with the times and retaining one's authentic intent.As audiences await Aap Jaisa Koi, a film that promises to explore these grey zones with nuance, Madhavan's honest reflections offer a rare glimpse into the emotional complexity many men silently grapple with. In a world quick to call out, his voice reminds us of the need to also understand — especially when change begins with confusion.