Jeff Bezos & Lauren Sánchez: Three Lessons On Later-Life Blended Families

Forbes

17-06-2025

When Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez get married in Venice later this month, they will be joining a growing number of Americans in forming a blended family. Sánchez, age 55, has three children, and Bezos, age 61, has four.
More than 40% of couples where one person is 50 or older have at least one stepchild. That's also true for Bill Gates and his girlfriend, Paula Hurd; each have children from earlier relationships.
While there is lots of interest in divorce and remarriage with school-age children, graying stepfamilies have received much less attention. With the growth of gray divorce, the rising prominence of older celebrities repartnering, and the diversity of family structures, however, learning how to manage these later-in-life relationships is becoming increasingly important.
Patricia Papernow, the Director of Institute for Stepfamily Education, points out that stepfamilies face particular sets of challenges, and that expectations of easy 'blending' can add layers of shame and blame to these challenges.
In a new paper that we have co-authored, we set out three lessons for couples coming together in later life with children from previous relationships:
First is that stepfamilies and 'first-time families' are fundamentally different. In first-time families, the adults typically have had time together without children to build their relationship. Children in first-time families usually develop attachment to both of their parents, and vice versa. If the couple splits, children become part of two single-parent families. When either parent finds a new partner, the new adult couple may be madly in love – just look at the pictures of Sánchez and Bezos.
But, while the adults in a stepfamily bond, the adult-child relationships are different. There, the strong bond is between one parent and their children. In a stepfamily, these parent-child relationships also come in with a shared history and understandings about routines and values. Stepparents enter as outsiders to all of this. Although these challenges can be impacted by cultural differences, they are typically faced by all stepfamilies, whatever their form, Papernow has found.
The second lesson for older recouplers is that, while those challenges do not necessarily surface during the glamorous phase of falling in love, they often become particularly acute when it comes to issue surrounding elder care and end-of-life decision making, managing money, and inheritance. Most painfully, these issues often open painful divisions between adult children and their parent's new partner.
The third lesson, for later-in-life 'blended families,' is that research has found that conflict can often be avoided by thoughtfully working through these issues, considering the needs of both the couple and of children from previous relationships, and then codifying decisions.
Accordingly, for later-in-life stepfamilies, Papernow and I have developed a list of suggested questions, to support the decision making process. Featured below are some of the decisions about one of these three issues -- money management, a particularly significant area of concern for those in leadership.
1. Open and Honest Conversations
2. Documents That Reflect Our Decisions
3. Sharing decisions and documents with each other, our children, and stepchildren.
Conversations and Decisions
- Make decisions together regarding how we want to manage our individual and joint assets.
- Have conversations with each other about financial support for our adult children. These conversations are focused on learning about the values that we each bring into this relationship. This is not the time for judgment.
NOTE: Stepcouples often agree on different approaches, with each managing support decisions for their own child(ren). Others agree to check in with each other on decisions over a certain financial amount.
It is often helpful to use the guideline that stepparent has input and parent has final say about their own children.
Documents we may want to have in place
Communicating with others
While there are no guarantees of living happily ever after, planning and communication can help.
Disclaimer: nothing in this article is to be considered legal advice.