Latest news with #blendedfamilies
Yahoo
05-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
When my boyfriend and I blended our families and traditions, we realized we needed to form new traditions, too
When my boyfriend and I blended our families we made sure to honor past traditions. We soon realized that it was important for our new family to create our own traditions. New traditions like s'mores nights have helped bring our family together. The morning my boyfriend and I met for our first coffee date, we both knew there was something special between us. We spoke the language of grief, of solo parents, of young widows who'd lost their forever person to cancer. We understood the hurdles inherent in opening your heart after loss and the way heartache and hope coexist in a single breath. We understood the unspoken things, and when we made the choice, last year, to blend our families, we understood the challenge we were undertaking. With the goal of building a family of six out of our respective families of three — two adults and four children, ranging in age from 3 to 15 — we blended the things we can see including furniture, kitchenware, bedtime routines, schedules. We also blended the things we can't see such as rules, values, and most importantly, traditions. Some of the traditions were easy to blend. Our sushi Fridays merged with their pizza Fridays and became an alternating schedule of pizza and sushi. Our weeknights watching dramedies morphed into starting the night with a round of Netflix cartoons before bedtime for the littlest kids. Other traditions — the ones that involve extended family and grief and four children who had to learn resilience too early — were harder. There's no way to be two different places at once on Thanksgiving. There's no way to decorate a Christmas tree with ornaments that belonged to their person while lighting a menorah that belonged to ours without unsettling the grief we've learned to co-exist with. When it comes to those traditions, we've had to accept that there won't be a perfect blend, there won't be a seamless way to shape two traditions into one. We've had to realize that we won't get it right on the first try, or even the second, and we've had to compromise, communicate, and forge a way that works for all of us. It turns out, blending traditions isn't enough to build a family from the ground up. Because the heart and soul of any family lives, often, in their traditions. In the way they celebrate birthdays and special occasions. The way they spend their Saturday mornings and Sunday nights. The way they build a life in the little things that hold the most meaning. To truly build a family that was uniquely ours, we needed to build our own traditions. Ones that were new to all six of us. Our traditions were small to start: s'mores on Friday nights, Saturday afternoons on the basketball court, weeknights dropping onto the couch to watch Wheel of Fortune — and it's hard to tell if we're on the right track. Should we have developed more traditions by now or are we right to hope the traditions will come on their own with time? Are we hitting the right balance of old and new or are we tipping the scales too far in one direction? The truth is I don't know, and for our untraditional family, our crew of six which is so intimately acquainted with grief, the answers to those questions don't matter. For us, the only thing that matters is that whatever tradition we're honoring—old or new, blended or not, on track or way off the deep end—we do it with an open heart and an eye toward building a family. A family that's not mine or theirs, but ours. Read the original article on Business Insider
Forbes
17-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Forbes
Jeff Bezos & Lauren Sánchez: Three Lessons On Later-Life Blended Families
When Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez get married in Venice later this month, they will be joining a growing number of Americans in forming a blended family. Sánchez, age 55, has three children, and Bezos, age 61, has four. More than 40% of couples where one person is 50 or older have at least one stepchild. That's also true for Bill Gates and his girlfriend, Paula Hurd; each have children from earlier relationships. While there is lots of interest in divorce and remarriage with school-age children, graying stepfamilies have received much less attention. With the growth of gray divorce, the rising prominence of older celebrities repartnering, and the diversity of family structures, however, learning how to manage these later-in-life relationships is becoming increasingly important. Patricia Papernow, the Director of Institute for Stepfamily Education, points out that stepfamilies face particular sets of challenges, and that expectations of easy 'blending' can add layers of shame and blame to these challenges. In a new paper that we have co-authored, we set out three lessons for couples coming together in later life with children from previous relationships: First is that stepfamilies and 'first-time families' are fundamentally different. In first-time families, the adults typically have had time together without children to build their relationship. Children in first-time families usually develop attachment to both of their parents, and vice versa. If the couple splits, children become part of two single-parent families. When either parent finds a new partner, the new adult couple may be madly in love – just look at the pictures of Sánchez and Bezos. But, while the adults in a stepfamily bond, the adult-child relationships are different. There, the strong bond is between one parent and their children. In a stepfamily, these parent-child relationships also come in with a shared history and understandings about routines and values. Stepparents enter as outsiders to all of this. Although these challenges can be impacted by cultural differences, they are typically faced by all stepfamilies, whatever their form, Papernow has found. The second lesson for older recouplers is that, while those challenges do not necessarily surface during the glamorous phase of falling in love, they often become particularly acute when it comes to issue surrounding elder care and end-of-life decision making, managing money, and inheritance. Most painfully, these issues often open painful divisions between adult children and their parent's new partner. The third lesson, for later-in-life 'blended families,' is that research has found that conflict can often be avoided by thoughtfully working through these issues, considering the needs of both the couple and of children from previous relationships, and then codifying decisions. Accordingly, for later-in-life stepfamilies, Papernow and I have developed a list of suggested questions, to support the decision making process. Featured below are some of the decisions about one of these three issues -- money management, a particularly significant area of concern for those in leadership. 1. Open and Honest Conversations 2. Documents That Reflect Our Decisions 3. Sharing decisions and documents with each other, our children, and stepchildren. Conversations and Decisions - Make decisions together regarding how we want to manage our individual and joint assets. - Have conversations with each other about financial support for our adult children. These conversations are focused on learning about the values that we each bring into this relationship. This is not the time for judgment. NOTE: Stepcouples often agree on different approaches, with each managing support decisions for their own child(ren). Others agree to check in with each other on decisions over a certain financial amount. It is often helpful to use the guideline that stepparent has input and parent has final say about their own children. Documents we may want to have in place Communicating with others While there are no guarantees of living happily ever after, planning and communication can help. Disclaimer: nothing in this article is to be considered legal advice.
Forbes
30-05-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Financial Planning For Blended Families
A multi-ethnic blended family at the park on a sunny day, sitting together on the ground on a ... More blanket, laughing. The mother is African-American and father is Caucasian. Their two little boys are twins, almost 3 years old. The three girls, 11 to 15 years old, are from prior relationships. In my experience, many families I meet don't fit the traditional nuclear family dynamic. According to Pew Research, approximately 42% of all adults have a stepparent, step or half sibling, or a stepchild. However, much of the financial literature out there is not tailored to these blended families. Blended families include an adult person or couple and all the children from current and all prior relationships. I am not only part of this 42% of adults in blended families, but I also have a close look inside of many types of family dynamics as a financial planner. This is how blended families can financially plan for their family's goals. Working through financial dynamics in a blended family is naturally more complicated than working through differences in financial priorities in a traditional nuclear family. For starters, many blended families emerge because of divorce or death. This can create strain between branches of the family because of not only differences in opinions, but also potential dislike or open hostility. When attempting to understand a blended family's financial dynamics, it's important to understand: Let's go through a recent example of some of these dynamics at play. I was recently speaking with a widow who had two children from her first marriage and two from her second marriage. She had worked very hard her whole life but did not have nearly as many assets as her second husband, who was extremely well-off before she met him. Since the woman's first two children were already adults when she got married the second time, they did not have a significant relationship with her second husband. As a result, the second husband set up trusts to make sure the widow would be financially taken care of for her life but upon her passing, everything would go to the two children they shared. The widow loved all her children dearly and valued fairness so she wanted her children from her first marriage to be taken care of and she made them the sole beneficiaries of her own estate, knowing that her other children would be receiving a large sum from their father's assets when she died. If she'd done no planning, her assets would have likely been divided into four equal parts after a lengthy probate process. Particularly while there are young children at home, budgeting as a blended family can be difficult. If child support and alimony are at play, the most important first step is to figure out what all the costs associated with household dependents are. Child support is generally intended to provide food, shelter, clothing, and healthcare. In other words, their basic needs. But a child may have additional costs, associated with things like sports, the arts, hobbies, tutoring, and private schooling. Once those associated costs are figured out, then all involved parents can start to assess each item, figure out if cuts are necessary, and negotiate who will be paying for what. Then, the primary caretakers should start to figure in their own fixed and variable expenses. I've seen blended families where one person feels like they are at fault for a divorce, so they end up covering all costs associated with mutual children, in addition to paying child support and alimony. Years later, this became a significant point of contention when that person's income was greatly reduced due to pursuing a new career path. This is a big reason why open communication around priorities and available budget is critical to continue throughout the life of shared children. Once you understand the portion of the budget you'll be responsible for, it's critical to ensure you have sufficient emergency reserves. Your emergency reserves should cover three to six months of expenses you are responsible for and should be made up of cash or cash alternatives. These alternatives can include money market funds or high yield savings accounts. If your expenses are $4,000 per month, you should have $12,000 to $24,000 in reserve. If you are in a two-income household, you have job security, and your cash flows are stable, you should consider having a three-month reserve. If you are in a one-income household, have unpredictable cash flows, or are feeling job insecurity, consider holding a six-month reserve. Some large milestones in a child's life that might require financial planning include goals like education funding, gifting funds to support in buying a home or business and paying for a wedding. I frequently meet parents in blended families who have different priorities around these types of goals. Some may have neither the discipline nor the motivation to save for any of these goals whereas it may be a high priority for others. One easy way to make this type of planning about the child and not the dynamics of the adults in their lives could be to set up accounts in the child's name, like a 529 College Savings Plan or a Uniform Transfers to Minors Account. This way, parents, stepparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and older siblings can all contribute directly to whoever may need the planning. When there are young children dependent on an adult for income or savings toward financial goals, insurance and other protection plans are critical to include in the financial picture. I've seen some divorces where life insurance was mandated as a stipulation of the divorce agreement, but in the case of death, divorces without this mandate, and parents who were never married, many do not maintain sufficient insurance coverage. Insurance protection can be used to ensure continued child support, education funding, lifestyle expenses, and replacement of debt. Having an estate plan in place is especially crucial for blended families. Estate planning involves designating your wishes in the event you die or become incapacitated, including who becomes a dependent child's caretaker and conservator. When die or become incapacitated without a properly constructed estate plan, including a trust, then a lengthy, costly, and public court proceeding takes place. Additionally, like in the earlier example, it's critical to consider the impact of changing wealth over time. For many families, parents can become wealthier as they get older, potentially causing children from later marriages to end up with more unless it gets planned for in the estate planning process. The reverse could also be true with financial setbacks, illnesses, and injuries. Financial planning for blended families requires a thoughtful approach that considers unique dynamics, priorities, and relationships. Open communication and proactive planning are vital to navigating financial challenges while fostering harmony in blended families.
Forbes
09-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
Blended Families, Inheritance And Preventable Conflicts
With the U.S. divorce rate at about half of all marriages, blended families are a part of society's landscape. Many divorced parents do remarry and have to contend with working out the complexities of relationships among their children. Some siblings come from a prior marriage of one parent, others from the other parent's past. Some are the product of the second or third marriage. It gets complicated. What we see at where we consult with families, is that any underlying conflicts seem to surface when one or both parents age and need care. And these conflicts can be explosive after a parent or step-parent passes. Jealousy can rear its ugly head. And sad injustice can come out of it. Here's one real life example: Unfairness To The Caregiving Sibling Faithful Step-Daughter (FS) loved her step-dad who had always treated her with kindness and love. He was widowed and lived alone. As his health deteriorated, he needed care, part time at first and then full time as he grew more frail. FS quit her job, moved in to be the caregiver and dad was happy with this. Theirs was a good relationship to the end. He had dementia and needed a lot of help. FS had two step-sisters, from dad's first marriage. All got along well. FS lived closer to her dad and she assumed the role of primary caregiver. The sisters accepted this and did not question her, seemingly appreciative of her considerable work caring for their father. They participated very little in caregiving, leaving the responsibility to FS. There were no written agreements about caregiving. FS received support from dad in exchange for her work, as she did live with him, but no formal salary. The Conflict Woman getting bad news that she is evicted After dad passed, the truth of how the step-sisters veiwed FS surfaced. He had left most of his estate to his daughters by his first marriage. FS did not receive anything close to a proportionate share. Step-sisters decided to sell dad's home soon after he passed. They gave FS thirty days to move out, once the home was listed for sale. She had nowhere to go and did not have money to buy a place for herself. Unfair? Certainly! Were the step-sisters motivated by greed? That is unclear but something motivated them to ignore the work FS had done in making their dad's last two years safe and peaceful in his own home. FS thought they were jealous of her close relationship with their dad and this was their way of saying so. They would have had a choice to make things right for FS but did nothing. FS was crushed and terrified. Eventually she got a job as a paid caregiver, but she never had any financial security after that. Could This Unfair Result Have Been Prevented? We believe it could have been prevented by careful planning and legal documents. One thing FS needed to do at the outset, before quitting her job, was to ask dad to accommodate her with a gift in his estate plan, at least, or a written contract for her services, spelling out a fair payment plan. FS did not think about her future. Dad did not think about her future either. To be sure, the ask would have been uncomfortable but nothing like the uncomfortable realization that FS would potentially be left with so little after her caregiving role ended. As her step dad's dementia progressed, it was too late to ask him to make any consideration for her in his will and trust. Facing What We Don't Want To Face It is not just in blended families that we see conflicts about the sacrifices caregivers make for aging parents. But conflicts can be worsened when underlying emotions, never verbalized, emerge after the caregiving ends. For anyone who takes on the role of caregiver, particularly if you must quit a paid job to do this, be sure you are not blinded by your own loving sense of duty. The cost of paid caregiving is substantial and rising. According to the most recent Genworth Cost of Care Survey, the national annual median cost in 2024 for a full-time in-home caregiver was $77, 792. Doing the job for free is fine if you can afford it and you have a secure future afterwards. If not, it is best to communicate the value of what you propose doing to all concerned. Make a fair arrangement for yourself. Family Meetings What FS could have done before assuming the substantial role she planned to undertake was to speak to her step-dad privately about a plan for her as well as for him. Once that was agreed upon, dad could have called a family meeting to let everyone know what he wanted to do. That would likely have prevented the shock FS experienced after he died in being evicted, left with insufficient income and feeling the unfairness she felt. Her dad probably would not have wanted that but apparently, he never thought it through and neither did FS. Communication to all in the family about who is doing work is critical to avoiding bad outcomes and the injustice of caregiving without any recognition of its dollar value. The Takeaways 1. Talk it through If you or any sibling in your family, blended or not, is likely to take on a caregiving role, bring up the subject for discussion with aging parents. Their resources would be used to pay for care if no adult child could assist when the time came. Unspoken expectations about 'duty' need to be aired openly. 2. Compensating caregivers If you or your aging loved ones do not have the resources to meet the high cost of care in a supervised environment like assisted living or a nursing home, open the discussion in the family about a plan to fill that potential caregiving need. Family is typically the source of unpaid caregiving when the elder in need does not go to another living environment. How can the family make that fair to the one who would do the work? 3. Change the estate plan If the aging parents do not have high income, but their wealth in their paid for home, seek their consent to amend their estate plan to compensate a caregiving family member for the labor of caregiving after the elder passes. Then seek the advice of the parents' estate planning attorney or your own to ensure that consideration is provided, when possible, for the work the caregiver has done. The aging parents must be competent to change or add to a will and trust. Don't wait until they have cognitive impairment and could be found incapacitated to make such important decisions. Act at the first sign of physical/cognitive need for help.
