Dear Abby: My 2-year-old disrupted her grandmother's funeral service and my family is furious
Predictably, we lasted there for only about 30 minutes before my daughter started being disruptive. I took her out to the vestibule where she had a tantrum, so I then took her down into the basement playroom.
Immediately after the funeral, my in-laws came after me and berated me for 'ruining' the video they had professionally produced of the service. They said that not only can you see us exiting the sanctuary, but you can hear my daughter making noise outside, which messed up the recording for everyone.
There are many parts of this I don't understand, like why there is a recording, but I'm not sure what to do next. I have apologized for not insisting we sit in the back. Other than not attending at all, I think I did what I could to reduce our impact. If it matters, my older kids sat nicely through the whole 90-minute service. Advice? — DISRUPTER IN IDAHO
DEAR DISRUPTER: It is not unusual for there to be sound and video recording at funerals. Some are streamed on the internet for folks who can't be there in person.
The problem with 20/20 hindsight is that it isn't foresight. Yes, you should have spoken up and reminded your in-laws about how short a 2-year-old's attention span is, and yes, they should have taken that into consideration before berating you. Even so, when viewed from a different perspective, the sound of a young child at that sad time, although distracting, may have been a reminder that life renews itself even in the presence of death.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 42 and in the midst of a separation. My husband of 19 years decided he didn't want to be married anymore. We have three children, one of whom is disabled. My husband made us sell the house we lived in, and since then, I have purchased a new one.
I'm having a very hard time moving on. Since our separation, he constantly goes on trips, and I'm feeling extremely abandoned. I don't know how I'm supposed to move on. I'm so tired all the time. Please help. — FROZEN IN COLORADO
DEAR FROZEN: You have my sympathy. Your husband is flying around free as a bird, and you have been left with a huge responsibility. Your tiredness is likely a symptom of depression. Fortunately, there is help for it in the form of talk therapy as well as medication. Please discuss this with your doctor. Once you are feeling more like yourself, discuss this whole scenario with an attorney who specializes in family law and can guide you further. You are still a young woman, and your life is not over.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
24 minutes ago
- Yahoo
What's The Biggest Secret You Plan On Keeping From A Loved One Forever?
Every single person who walks this planet has kept a secret from a friend or family member. But some of those secrets are so big, people take them to their deathbed. So I want to know, what's a secret you plan on keeping from a loved one for the rest of your life? For example, maybe you're a mom of three girls, and your husband really wants to try again for a son, but you don't want any more kids, so you secretly got your tubes tied, and he still doesn't know to this day. Or maybe you and your partner broke up once for a few days, and during a lapse of judgement, you slept with their dad. A few days later, you and your partner got back together, and you and their dad have been keeping the secret since. Or perhaps you were dog-sitting for a friend who was on vacation, and one day you lost the dog outside. You weren't able to find him, so instead you replaced him with an exact lookalike. Your friend still doesn't know to this day. Free yourself of the burden and tell us all of the wildest secrets you're going to keep from a loved one forever. Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below: Also in Community: Also in Community: Also in Community: Solve the daily Crossword
Forbes
27 minutes ago
- Forbes
3 Steps To Repair Trust In Any Relationship, By A Psychologist
Many people believe that once trust is broken, it cannot be repaired, and that one shouldn't stay in relationships where the trust is gone. Despite polarizing beliefs on the matter, many partners still choose to stay and work together to rebuild trust. One of the major causes of broken trust between partners is infidelity, but breaches of trust can happen for many other reasons. These can include inconsistency between words and actions, one too many white lies or omissions of important information to appear favorable and even subtle manipulation (whether intentional or unintentional) to maintain control of the relationship's outcomes. Here are three stages all couples must go through to successfully repair broken trust in any relationship. 1. Understanding The Why A 2022 review of research suggests that rebuilding trust is a slow process but generally progresses in three stages: attributional, social equilibrium and structural mechanisms. Attribution focuses on why the trust was broken in the first place. When a partner feels betrayed, they often want to understand whether the betrayal was intentional or unintentional. Betrayal in one's control looks like emotional or physical cheating, hiding debts or lying about major issues concerning the relationship itself. Betrayal beyond one's control may involve situations like forgetting an important date due to stress or feeling overwhelmed, hurting others' feelings unintentionally by making careless comments or blunders made out of misunderstanding rather than malice. This stage also involves assessing whether one or both partners want to move forward from the incident. That means having an open and non-defensive conversation about whether the situation is salvageable for them. This is where the betrayed party asks themselves questions like: When you understand and attribute the betrayal to a forgivable cause, rather than a core character flaw, it becomes the critical first step toward potential repair. The difference lies in whether this is something your partner can change or if it's fundamental to who they are. 2. Restoring The Balance In a 2013 study published in PNAS found that when a breach of trust occurs early in a relationship, people are more likely to engage in conscious skeptical thinking and are less likely to give the other person 'second chances.' But when the same occurs in established relationships, people may consider it a one-off mistake and are more inclined to forgive and trust again. It appears that timing and context can shape our emotional responses in a relationship. When a partner feels betrayed, the relationship can feel unbalanced. One person feels deeply hurt, confused and angry while the other may get defensive, feel guilty or even ashamed. These strong feelings lead to reactivity, which gets in the way of open, clear communication. The goal of this stage is to reestablish a sense of equality and mutual respect as a cornerstone for rebuilding trust. It's also when the person who broke the trust must show up with full accountability, show genuine remorse and offer complete transparency about what happened. But it's equally important for the other partner to also fully express how they feel regarding the incident and the emotional fallout they're experiencing because of it. Restoring fairness involves apologies, but is supported through consistent effort and meaningful actions. It's necessary that both partners feel heard while making amends. This can look like: Repairing broken trust is a gradual process. Progress may appear slow, but it's important to be patient with yourself and focus on small wins along the way. 3. Committing To Transparent Change This stage is all about proving to your partner that you are committed to real change and reassuring them that you won't be repeating past mistakes. Rebuilding safety in the relationship starts with assuaging your partner's doubts and fears. A 2025 review published in the Journal of Family Therapy found that 'fidelity trust' is the most important kind of trust in any romantic relationship, and suggested five recurring elements for rebuilding it: Everyone has a different threshold for trust based on their past experiences, attachment patterns and childhood. For some individuals, trusting again comes more easily, while for others it is more difficult. Regardless of where you fall on this spectrum, rebuilding trust is possible with consistent effort and patience from both partners. Curious where your relationship really stands? Take the science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
22-Year-Old Strikes Up Unlikely Friendship with Quiet Neighbor Double Her Age (Exclusive)
When 22-year-old Erin moved into her first home, she never expected her closest friend would be the quiet, 47-year-old man raking leaves next doorNEED TO KNOW A runaway dog led to an unexpected first conversation between neighbors She was 22 and starting fresh — he was older, private and hard to read What followed was a friendship no one saw comingBrad was the quiet man next door. Erin was the 22-year-old with a runaway dog, a loud laugh and a gut feeling that the man raking leaves across the lawn was about to become one of the most important people in her life. 'I moved in when I turned 22 — I got the house and I got a dog at that time,' Erin tells PEOPLE. 'Brad kind of intimidated me a little bit, just because, you know how, like, some people, you can't really, like, pick up on their energy… and his yard was always well kept.' That initial discomfort didn't last long. When her dog bolted from the house and Brad jumped in to help corral the chaos, Erin realized she may have just met a real friend. 'It was really embarrassing, but he helped me get my dog, and then that's the first interaction that we had,' she says. 'And I was like, okay, he can be kind of cool.' Soon after, Erin and another neighbor invited Brad to join them for a drink out back — but he declined. 'Finally, that instance, I was like, okay, Brad, do you hate us? And do you think we're ugly? Is that why you won't hang out with us?' Erin recalls with a laugh. Brad remembers those early days just as vividly. 'Yeah, I was forced to go over quite a bit, which was fine. I mean, I had a good time,' he says. The moment their friendship locked in, though, involved a casual garage pop-in and a bowl of comfort food. 'His garage is open, and he hangs out in his garage sometimes, and I was hanging out with my girlfriend… I just ran into his garage,' Erin says. '10 minutes later, I come back outside with, like, a bowl of Hamburger Helper he gave me, and I was just so happy with my Hamburger Helper.' Despite a 21-year age difference — Erin is now 26, and Brad is 47 — their bond formed quickly and deeply. 'Every time I talk about it, it's just weird, like, I talk to people — what'd you do this weekend? Oh, I hung out with my neighbors… and if I tell them they're 26, 'Oh Brad,' ' Brad says. 'I was like, I'm old enough to be your dad.' Erin never saw it as strange. 'Nothing about it was odd,' she says. 'I think just because there's so much age between all three of us [neighbor friends], it was natural.' Brad agrees and says it's about who Erin is. 'I don't think she's your typical 26-year-old… I feel like she's got an old soul, yeah, and it's very mature,' he says. 'And got a good head on her.' They've become sounding boards for each other through jobs, dating and personal struggles. 'We're both each other's therapists kind of thing,' Erin says. 'One time he called… and I was like, Brad, have you considered talking to someone about this specific person? And he was like, 'Well, I'm talking to you, aren't I?' ' Brad says their relationship grew more meaningful when Erin began reaching out regularly. 'I'd get a phone call, 'What are you doing?' ' he says. 'One time I was in the bathroom, and she was like, 'Are you in the bathroom?' I was like, 'Yeah, I'm cleaning.' ' Their day-to-day connection includes the deeply mundane and the hilariously impulsive. 'That was another random call one night,' Brad says about the time Erin asked him to help dye her hair. 'She's like, 'Will you help me dye my hair?' I'm like, 'Oh my God.' ' Erin says that came during a tough time. 'I went through a breakup that was really, really hard… and I really leaned into Brad to just talk me through,' she says. 'Brad, will you dye my hair? I can't reach back there.' Erin knew what people might think, so she talked to her dad about it. 'He said he's met him, we've all hung out… and he said, 'No, actually, the opposite — that he couldn't be more grateful that I have someone like him that's like next to me, because it's like having a dad,' ' she recalls. That trust has extended to every area of her life. 'There's so many things I've never experienced that I don't even know to look at,' she says. 'And so he'd be like, hey, you've got to clean that out, or hey, it's probably time to mow.' When Erin created the now-viral TikTok video showing Brad doing everything from cleaning her door to helping her through a cry session, she added a playful caption: 'POV: the new neighbor is a 22 y/o girl who bullied you into being her friend.' But, as she explains, 'I didn't actually bully him — I was joking about that.' Brad wasn't exactly clued in at first. 'First of all, I didn't know about the TikTok,' he says. 'She's like, 'I did a TikTok — I gotta show you,' and I'm like, 'What the f---, Erin?' ' As the views racked up, so did the comments — both kind and skeptical. 'Those ones really stood out for me,' Erin says of the criticisms. 'But this one didn't [hurt my feelings] because I'm so confident in my friendship with him.' She says that instead of feeling defensive, she felt something else. 'It more so made me have more of a soft heart to those people,' Erin explains. 'That just means that they've never been able to experience a friendship like that.' There have been moments when others misunderstood the relationship. 'I do think I have to defend our friendship fairly often if there's someone new involved,' Erin says. 'My ex-boyfriend at that time, whenever he knew I was starting to really have a friendship with him, he questioned it.' But Erin remains grounded in what she knows to be true. 'I know where my heart is,' she says. 'I know where his heart is.' Brad echoes that clarity. 'She's a very pretty girl… but I just don't think going that route would be smart at all,' he says. 'She's closer in age to my older son than she is to me.' Despite the attention, Brad prefers to stay out of the spotlight. 'I don't know, I don't like being in the spotlight,' he admits. 'I'd rather just be low-key.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Still, he's touched — quietly — by the response. 'I think that he really appreciates, you know, that people are valuing his character, but he won't admit it,' Erin says. 'Sometimes I'll get a message, and he's like, 'How many views are we at?' ' Looking back, both say the friendship has enriched their lives in ways they didn't expect. 'I don't know, I feel like she's kind of a friend slash daughter to me,' Brad says. 'I don't know — kind of thing.' And their advice to others hoping to find a Brad or an Erin? 'Be bold, be outgoing, and I think, be yourself — your people will find you,' Erin says. 'Those that aren't meant to be won't be around.' Brad keeps it simple. 'Just be yourself,' he says. 'It was fun just going out and hanging out." Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
