logo
Is your partner REALLY gaslighting you or is he just lying? Expert reveals how to tell if you're being manipulated

Is your partner REALLY gaslighting you or is he just lying? Expert reveals how to tell if you're being manipulated

Daily Mail​7 days ago
An expert has revealed the difference between lying and gaslighting - as well as defining both the activities.
Gaslighting has become somewhat of a buzzword both online and in real-life conversations, with people regularly accusing others of the nefarious behaviour.
But often, what people describe as gaslighting is actually just lying - so what's the difference?
Dr Sohom Das is a forensic psychiatrist, from London, who also runs an eponymous YouTube channel.
He shares content about crime, mental health conditions, and psychology, among other topics.
His previous video topics include how having ADHD can affect your love life, why women are more likely to binge watch true crime than men, and six reasons why female prison officers have sex with inmates.
In one of his videos, which is titled The difference between gaslighting and lying, he explained how people can differentiate between the two.
Speaking in the clip, he said: 'Do you know why gaslighting is more than simply lying? Don't worry, I'll explain it to you, and I'll also give you three specific scenarios to outline the differences.'
Dr Das added that both gaslighting and lying involve distortion of the truth, however, they differ in both intent and impact.
'Lying typically involves a conscious and deliberate attempt to deceive somebody about a specific fact or event,' said the psychiatrist.
'Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a more insidious form of manipulation that aims to erode the victim's sense of reality and self worth.'
First, he explained how the intent between the two behaviours diverges.
Dr Das said: 'With lying, the primary intent is to conceal information, to avoid consequences or to gain an advantage.
'With gaslighting, the primary intent is to control the victim, undermine their confidence and make them question their own sanity.
'It's utilized to distort the victim's entire perception of reality, including their memories, feelings and judgments.'
The expert then went on to describe three scenarios, explaining how each could be a sign of either lying or gaslighting.
GASLIGHTING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Gaslighting is a term that refers to trying to convince someone they're wrong about something even when they aren't.
Most commonly, it takes the form of frequently disagreeing with someone or refusing to listen to their point of view.
Many of us might be guilty of some mild form of gaslighting from time to time – refusing to hear what our partner has to say even if they're in the right or persistently disagreeing over some minor quibble, even when you aren't sure of your position.
It can be a real form of abuse. When it's done repeatedly, over a long period of time, it can have the effect of making someone doubt their own ideas about things – or even question their sanity.
Source: Relate
Dr Das said: 'Number one, a partner tells their spouse that they were working late when they were actually at a bar with friends.
'So they are lying to conceal their actions, to avoid an argument and to avoid the silent treatment for the next four days.'
However, he noted, 'if the same man does this, but also accuses their spouse of being overly sensitive or of imagining things, even when the spouse expresses valid concerns, [that is] gaslighting'.
The intent in this scenario, the psychiatrist explained, is 'to undermine the spouse's confidence and control their behaviour'.
Describing another hypothetical scenario, he said an unpleasant older brother may spread a lie about their younger sibling having an STD in order to cause embarrassment, and to stop someone from wanting to date them.
'That is a lie, plain and simple,' said Dr Das.
He continued: 'However, once he's been caught, [if] that same nasty older brother dismisses your concerns, telling you that you are overreacting or making things up that is gaslighting.'
The psychiatrist's third scenario related to a hypothetical situation in the workplace.
He explained: 'Your boss says that he didn't receive your quarterly finance report simply because he's too lazy to analyse it in time for the board meeting. That, again, is a basic lie.'
But, he said, if your boss constantly criticises your work - even when the quality is good - then 'the intent there is to manipulate you as an employee and to maintain that kind of power dynamic'.
Closing the video, Dr Das said: 'In conclusion, while both lying and gaslighting involve deception, gaslighting is a more harmful and insidious form of manipulation that can have devastating impact on the victim's mental and emotional well being.'
The term 'gaslighting' originates from a 1938 play that explored psychological torment - Gas Light, by British playwright Patrick Hamilton, which is set in Victorian London.
The story centres on a husband, Jack Manningham, who convinces his wife Bella she is going insane. While he searches their attic for hidden jewels belonging to a woman he murdered, he repeatedly dims the gas lights in the house.
When Bella notices and questions the change in lighting, her husband insists she's imagining it. This sinister act of manipulation, along with his other lies and dismissals, chip away at her grip on reality.
The play was later adapted into the 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, which solidified the concept in the cultural imagination.
But it wasn't until the 1960s and 70s that it began to appear in psychological literature. Mental health professionals used 'gaslighting' to describe a specific form of emotional abuse, often in intimate relationships, where one partner systematically undermines the other's confidence and perception of reality.
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

Gregg Wallace apologises but says he is ‘not a groper, a sex pest or a flasher'
Gregg Wallace apologises but says he is ‘not a groper, a sex pest or a flasher'

BreakingNews.ie

time15 minutes ago

  • BreakingNews.ie

Gregg Wallace apologises but says he is ‘not a groper, a sex pest or a flasher'

Former MasterChef host Gregg Wallace has again apologised to anyone hurt by his behaviour, but insisted he is 'not a groper, a sex pest or a flasher'. In an interview with The Sun, the British TV presenter also defended his sacked former co-host John Torode, telling the paper he is 'not a racist'. Advertisement Torode was the subject of an allegation about using racist language that was upheld as part of a review carried out by law firm Lewis Silkin into the alleged behaviour of co-presenter Wallace. Torode said he had 'no recollection of the incident' and was 'shocked and saddened' by the allegation. In November 2024 it was announced that Wallace would step away from his role on the BBC cooking show while historical allegations of misconduct were investigated. Wallace issued an apology saying he was 'deeply sorry for any distress caused' and that he 'never set out to harm or humiliate' in the wake of the Lewis Silkin review that saw 45 out of 83 allegations made against him upheld. Advertisement The review concluded that the 'majority of the substantiated allegations against Mr Wallace related to inappropriate sexual language and humour', adding that 'a smaller number of allegations of other inappropriate language and being in a state of undress were also substantiated', with 'one incident of unwelcome physical contact' also substantiated. Gregg cries about allegations made against him — The Sun (@TheSun) July 25, 2025 In fresh comments to The Sun, Wallace acknowledged that he had said things that 'offended people, that weren't socially acceptable and perhaps they felt too intimidated or nervous to say anything at the time. 'I understand that now – and to anyone I have hurt, I am so sorry.' Wallace added: 'I'm not a groper. People think I've been taking my trousers down and exposing myself – I am not a flasher. Advertisement 'People think I'm a sex pest. I am not.' Wallace also said his recent autism diagnosis means he struggles 'to read people'. 'I know people find me weird,' he said. 'Autism is a disability, a registered disability.' Advertisement Pointing to the allegation against Torode, Wallace told the paper: 'I've known John for 30 years and he is not a racist. John Torode began presenting MasterChef alongside Gregg Wallace in 2005 (BBC/Shine TV) 'And as evidence of that, I'll show you the incredible diversity of the people that he has championed, MasterChef winners, over the years. 'There is no way that man is a racist. No way. And my sympathies go out to John because I don't want anybody to go through what I've been through.' It was announced this week that a series of MasterChef filmed last year before allegations against Wallace and Torode were upheld will be broadcast on BBC One and BBC iPlayer from August 6th. Advertisement A decision on airing the celebrity series and Christmas special has not been decided, with plans to be confirmed later in the year, the BBC said. Both presenters will still feature in the upcoming series, but the edit will be looked at in light of the findings of an investigation, with focus being given to the contestants, the PA news agency understands. A BBC spokesperson said: 'After careful consideration and consultation with the contestants, we have decided to broadcast the amateur series of MasterChef on BBC One and BBC iPlayer from 6 August. 'MasterChef is an amazing competition which is life-changing for the amateur chefs taking part. The focus of it has always been their skill and their journey. 'This has not been an easy decision in the circumstances and we appreciate not everyone will agree with it. 'In showing the series, which was filmed last year, it in no way diminishes our view of the seriousness of the upheld findings against both presenters. 'We have been very clear on the standards of behaviour that we expect of those who work at the BBC or on shows made for the BBC. 'However, we believe that broadcasting this series is the right thing to do for these cooks who have given so much to the process. 'We want them to be properly recognised and give the audience the choice to watch the series. Entertainment John Torode says he was not informed of MasterChef... Read More 'At this stage we have not taken a decision on the celebrity series and Christmas special, which was filmed earlier this year, and we will confirm our plans later in the year. 'Most importantly MasterChef is a brilliant, much-loved programme which is bigger than any one individual. 'There are many talented, dedicated and hard-working people who make the show what it is. It will continue to flourish on the BBC and we look forward to it returning stronger than ever in the future.'

RMT calls for action to tackle ‘escalating violence' on busy rail routes
RMT calls for action to tackle ‘escalating violence' on busy rail routes

The Independent

time44 minutes ago

  • The Independent

RMT calls for action to tackle ‘escalating violence' on busy rail routes

The biggest railway workers union is calling for action to tackle claims of escalating violence on busy train routes. The Rail, Maritime and Transport union (RMT) said there had been a 'serious escalation' in violent and anti social behaviour across Southern and Gatwick Express services, operated by Govia Thameslink Railway (GTR). Staff are facing daily incidents of assault, threats, spitting, verbal abuse, and intimidation, the union claimed. The RMT is calling for measures including additional staff and security personnel at key locations and a visible enforcement presence to deter violent behaviour. GTR said it takes the personal safety and security of everyone on its network seriously and physical or verbal abuse of any kind against staff is 'absolutely unacceptable'. RMT general secretary Eddie Dempsey said: 'The level of violence on GTR's Southern and Gatwick Express services and stations, has reached a crisis point and is totally unacceptable. 'Our members are being assaulted, threatened and abused at work and the company is not doing enough to stop it. 'GTR must take urgent action now to protect staff and passengers or we will have to consider all our options, including industrial action. 'We will not tolerate a situation where workers are left exposed and unsupported while this behaviour goes unchecked.' The RMT is running a campaign calling for stronger protections for transport workers and a zero-tolerance approach to violence and abuse across the rail network. Govia Thameslink Railway's safety, health and security director Sam Facey said: 'We take the personal safety and security of everyone on our network incredibly seriously and physical or verbal abuse of any kind against our colleagues is absolutely unacceptable. 'Last year we launched a £2.5 million Antisocial Behaviour Improvement Plan, created following feedback from stakeholders including the police, and some of our staff and trade unions representatives. 'We remain fully committed to tackling this issue by working closely with the unions and building on what we've done so far – this includes making more than 1,500 body worn cameras available, which studies show reduce assaults by 47% and also gather vital evidence to prosecute. 'We have also doubled the number of high visibility Travel Safe Officers who are deployed using data-led insight to work with British Transport Police (BTP) and our teams of Rail Enforcement Officers to support our colleagues at stations and onboard trains. We have also invested heavily in education projects for schools and colleges. 'But this is bigger than the railway – it is a wider, regional problem of youth violence affecting communities, particularly those on the south coast, which is why the close collaboration of the police, councils and other agencies continues to be so important in tackling this kind of behaviour.'

TfL's bus shelter CCTV trial to be expanded across London
TfL's bus shelter CCTV trial to be expanded across London

BBC News

timean hour ago

  • BBC News

TfL's bus shelter CCTV trial to be expanded across London

A trial of CCTV at bus stops across the capital has made women feel safe and will be expanded, Transport for London (TfL) has trialled at five bus shelters in March 2024, 15 more cameras were installed at bus stops in Brent, Croydon, Hackney, Hammersmith & Fulham, Hillingdon, Lambeth, Newham, Redbridge, Tower Hamlets, Waltham Forest and said 80% of 1,000 women surveyed said CCTV made them feel safe and 73% stated they would be more likely to travel by at a City Hall meeting with TfL's board on Monday, transport commissioner Andy Lord said: "This is a really important initiative for us, particularly in reducing violence against women and girls." The cameras, which are integrated into the shelters themselves, retain recordings for 31 days to support police investigations. Claire Mann, chief operating officer for TfL, said four of the 20 bus shelters already analysed showed the trial had had "a very, very positive impact".She said: "We're going to analyse the remaining 16 shelters and it's quite clear that rolling out CCTV at bus shelters is definitely the way forward."We need to obviously ensure we have the funding to do so but it sounds like we're going to be rolling that out further now."

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store